


Drifting

by eams81



Category: Chicago Fire
Genre: Affairs, Anal Sex, Bisexuality, Dorks in Love, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, M/M, Protective Kelly Severide, Season/Series 05
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-11
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:13:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 140,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22669858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eams81/pseuds/eams81
Summary: AU starting from Season 5 Episode 6 - That Day : On the trip to New York with Boden, some new secrets get revealed, and the crazy feelings that explode from one kiss."But Gabby." Matt whispered as Severide wrapped his hand around the back of his neck, holding him in place as they stared into each other’s eyes."Matt, look me in the eye and tell me that the kiss didn't feel like it was the right thing.""It did-""Then let me kiss you again." Severide requested, his voice sultry as he leaned in closer once more.
Relationships: Matthew Casey/Kelly Severide
Comments: 395
Kudos: 400





	1. Chapter 1

Severide and Casey were in Boden's office as soon as they saw the picture of the World Trade Centre site being passed around the kitchen, the picture being passed from firefighter to firefighter. They both knew that no matter what they saw during a shift, or what they got called out too, nothing could ever compare to what Boden must had felt on the day the photo had been taken. They had still been kids in high school, but they had seen the towers come down on the TV, and they had seen the photos on the news and in the papers of what remained of the world trade centre. Neither of them knew that Boden had been part of one of the crews who drove the 800 miles across country on the day that the rest of the world froze. Matt couldn't imagine what it must have felt like for their chief to work on that site, to stand amongst the rubble and try to cling to hope that they could find people alive. 

  
Severide closed the door behind them as they stepped into the office, before they both dropped down onto the two seats that sat on the other side of the desk. Boden sat in his chair, his shoulders drooping under the weight of his memories. "I wake up sometimes still feeling like my mouth is full of thick dust from that place. It was like nothing I had ever experienced before." Boden stated, gesturing with his hands as his face remained stoic. "I worked down there for six months before I went back to Chicago, and even then, we were still pulling out bodies and body parts from the rubble. After a week, the dust joined with the smell of the bodies that we hadn't yet found."

  
Boden blew out a heavy breath, his hands dropping to his hips as he stared down at the floor as he gathered his thoughts, and visibly blinked away the worst of the memories that he had seen at what remained of the World Trade Centre. "It was hell, but it was after the ten-year anniversary that I first realised how much what I had seen that day haunted me. I felt like I had failed every single one of the two thousand, nine hundred and ninety-six people who lost their lives that day. I haven't set foot in New York since."

"We can go with you," Severide offered as he realised what Collety had meant when he had told them to get Boden to New York because he needed it. He had been hiding from the horrors that he had seen there, pushing them away and out of his thoughts; neither of the lieutenants could begin to comprehend the emotional pain that Boden had to go through every year on the anniversary of that day. 

"Yh, we'll put in a few days furlough and we'll go to New York with you Chief. Hermann can be acting Lieutenant in my absence." Matt agreed. He could see the relief wash over Boden's face at the suggestion and the firefighters smiled at the small nod of acceptance that he gave them.

"I'll tell Connie to adjust the plans." Matt and Severide rose from the seats, barely making it a step towards the door before Boden called after them, "Thank you."

"Don't sweat it chief." Severide smiled, before the two men left the office. They walked shoulder to shoulder through the halls of the firehouse, waiting until they were out of the sight of the office and out of earshot of Connie before they stopped. Matt watched as Severide ran a hand through his short hair, "I wonder what it must have been like down there."

"I don't know," Matt shook his head as he thought about all the times, he had seen videos from that day. He couldn't begin to imagine what it would have been like down there in the utter destruction that followed. "It will be interesting to see where he worked and hear what the guys down there had to go through."

Severide nodded in agreement, his face shone with the empathy that he felt for Boden, and the sight made Matt smile softly at his friend. "I've never been to New York. If we have time, I'd like to go to the top of the One World Trade Centre or something." Matt contemplated as he slowly started walking through the hallways once more. He could hear Severide's footsteps following behind him as he headed into the bunk room and towards his office. The bunkroom was empty; everyone was still in the kitchen and were either still looking over the old photographs or returning to doing what they had been doing. 

"You've never been to New York?" Severide asked him, his face shifting to reveal the impish smile that had gotten him in and out of trouble for so many years. Matt resisted the urge to roll his eyes at his best friend, settling instead for simply shrugging his shoulders as he stepped into his office, holding the door open for the other man. Matt dropped into his chair, whilst Severide got himself comfortable by dropping down onto the truck lieutenants perfectly neat bed. He didn't bother glancing over, he knew that Severide would be childish and purposefully begin to try and crumple up his sheets. 

"I think the furthest I have ever been is Milwaukee." Matt shrugged, busying himself by fiddling with one of the pens that he had left strewn over his paperwork. The conversation was beginning to tickle at the edges of his past, and that was a topic that Matt doubted he would ever be comfortable with. His family has been dysfunctional long before his mother murdered his father and effectively left him an orphan. They didn't do vacations, or family day outs, they had days where Matt and his sister would hide in their closet and pretend, they didn't have to listen to the ugly words that their parents snarled at each other. 

  
Ever since Louie had come into his life, the thought of his own childhood had started to feel even more painful than it had done previously. He was watching this little boy being provided for in the best possible way that he and Gabby could manage, but it was showcasing just how poorly his parents had been with him even before things had reached its climatic conclusion. When Louie had a nightmare, they would cuddle him in between them as they lulled him back to sleep before tucking him in with his favourite soft blanket and the monkey that Herman have given them; when Matt was a child, his nightmares had been about the arguments and the punches that both his parents threw at each other. He didn't get soothed; he didn't have a soft cuddly blanket and he didn't have any soft toy to clink to in the scariest moments. 

  
"We need to get you out more! There is so much more to see than just Chicago." Severide shook his head in partial astonishment. Matt glanced up, catching the way his friend’s eyes had hardened slightly at his words. Severide knew enough about his past to have an idea on why Matt had never been to more places. During their academy years, Severide and Andy had slowly poked and prodded their way underneath the hardest parts of the barriers that Matt projected to the rest of the world. Although they didn't know everything regarding what he had experienced, they had known enough not to question some of his quirks. 

  
"You can see the whole of New York City from the top of the tower," Matt smiled dreamily, as he imagined the romanticised city. He had only ever seen it through a tv or film screen, and with the prospect of visiting the city just days away he was eager to find out if it lived up to the expectations. 

  
"I'm going to give you the Kelly Severide crash course tour when we're there." Severide grinned, as he laid down on the bed with his arms folded under his head. matt always envied how easily Severide seemed to be able to throw himself into a situation and make it look like he naturally belonged. Matt would never have dreamed of making himself so openly comfortable in the other man’s quarters.

  
"Oh really? How many times have you been?" Matt snorted as he watched the squad lieutenant shrug his shoulders and flash his most charming smile over at him.

  
"Once." Severide laughed, his chuckles dragging a small laugh from Matt as he shook his head affectionately at his friend. 

* * *

Matt rolled his shoulders as he sat down in the small airplane seat. Due to not booking all three tickets at the same time, Matt and Severide were in the rear of the plane with several rows separating them from Boden. They were an hour into the short flight, but already Matt was feeling tetchy at being cramped into the small seat. Every time he tried to move, he felt his shoulders brush against Severide’s, and he could tell from the sharp inhales of breath that it was beginning to get on the man’s nerves. "Sorry," Matt whispered as he felt the muscles of Severide's arms stiffen as he brushed against them once more. 

  
"Nothing to be sorry about, there's never any room in these seats. It's like being crowded in the back of the truck again." Severide breathed a small laugh as he leaned into Matts space. The plane was surprisingly full for a Tuesday morning, and there were two families a few rows in front of them which had hyperactive children whose voices were carrying around the small cabin. 

  
"Best thing about being Lieutenant." Matt nodded knowingly, before shooting Severide with a smile as they repeated in unison, "Front Seat."

  
They laughed together as they both recalled the times before their promotions when they were the ones who were sat shoulder to shoulder in the back of the trucks. Before Matt and Severide were promoted, it was them in the back of the truck with Andy being the practical joker in between their usual seriousness. It was very similar to how they were sat now with shoulders constantly brushing together, and their legs bumping together with every small jolt of turbulence. "That takes me back. Though it’s got to be said, there is much more room in these seats than the truck, especially when we had Andy. He always seemed to take up half the space." Severide's face twisted into the small mourning smile and the tiniest hint of a frown as he remembered their lost friend. Even after five years, Andy was still a topic that left them feeling the large hole that their friend had left in their lives after his untimely death. 

  
Matt winced slightly at the mention of Andy, ignoring the small bite of shame as he remembered how long it had taken him and Severide to reach the point of acceptance over their friends’ death. "It was so much simpler back then." Matt sighed as dropped his head back against his seat. They were at the very back of the plane, with nothing behind them but a separator wall. 

  
"Everything okay Casey?" Severide asked, his voice softened, and his words seemed to melt in Matt's ears. Even with the sound of the engines and the sounds of the rowdy families a few rows in front, it was still impossible to miss the concern that was dripping from the squad lieutenant. 

  
Matt shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly, as he admitted in a small voice, "Not really. I just need some time to think, and hopefully this trip will help with that." 

  
"Are you having issues with Dawson? You know I'm here if you need to talk about it or talk about anything." Severide offered, as he casually reached over to squeeze Matt's knee in a comforting move that had Matt wanting to reach out and catch the other man’s hand. He was always shy when it came to physical touch, and the small squeeze had Matt yearning for another touch. He knew without any psychiatrist telling him, that his relationship with his family growing up was still bleeding over into his adult life. 

  
Matt shrugged again, not giving words by denying or agreeing to the statement that was posed to him. If he said anything it would be him agreeing with Severide's question; he couldn't blame Gabby, but over the past few months he had felt like there was a difference between them. They had separated a few months ago because they were wanting different things in their lives. Matt had found himself sinking under all the duties of Alderman, after everyone else had pushed him into running for the role. He had no interest in the games of politics, and the longer he was forced to play the game the more he found himself hating it. Then Gabby wanted to adopt Louie and despite always wanting a family, Matt found that he wasn't ready. He adored Louie, but he knew that he shouldn't have based his decision to continue his relationship with Gabby just so he could give the little boy a chance of a family that he never had. The hard work that went into a family had made him appreciate just how amazing a father Herman was to his little army and how great a man Boden was. What Matt hadn't expected was the cracks that started to show in a relationship once a child got put into the mix, and in his darkest moments he had wondered if his parents had felt those cracks in their relationship when they first had Christie and himself. 

  
"I'll figure it out. What about you, what's going on with you Sev?" Matt asked, hoping belatedly that his tone hadn't come across abruptly. Glancing up he caught the corner of Severide's mouth twist up into the smallest little smirk.

  
"I've been going through some things, sorting out where my head is at and figuring out what I actually want." Severide mimicked Matt with his shrug, earning himself a deliberate elbow to the ribs for his friendly mime-act. 

  
"Have you sorted stuff with Stella?" Matt asked curiously. He hadn't heard his friend’s novel length descriptions of his sex life and his hook-ups for a long time, and it left him wondering if everything was as okay with his friend as he said. 

  
"Nah, believe me when I say there is actually nothing going on there, and nothings will be." Severide's eyes flashed with an emotion that Matt couldn't place. He had always prided himself on being able to read his friends emotions and could often tell when Severide was angry or upset from the simplest look; but Matt couldn't figure out the emotions behind his friend’s eyes. 

  
"Really? Is this to do with her and her ex?" Matt found himself asking, as he pushed to find out more about what was making Severide take a step from his normal womanising ways. 

  
"Vaguely. Really the entire thing just helped me realise what I really wanted," Severide smiled just as the intercom in the cabin beeped and the voice of the captain washed over them. The seatbelt light flashed back on and Matt eagerly glanced out the window as he tried to glimpse for any sight of the cities below. He hadn't needed to tell Severide when they first boarded the plane that it was his first flight, and his friend had simply pushed him into the window seat and resisted the urge to laugh when Matt scoured through the safety instructions. "You won't see the city yet. Won't be able to see anything for probably ten more minutes." Severide commented as he let the conversation slide away as they both began to watch out the window. 

* * *

Matt clapped Boden on the shoulder reassuringly as the cab drove through the busy streets of the city. He was caught between the desire to stare wide eyed out the window at the new city and comfort his chief in his moment of stress. Chicago was always busy, especially around the magnificent mile but nothing he had ever seen compared to what he was seeing of New York. Matt reluctantly pulled his eyes from the window as he saw the spectacular building that they were approaching. Beside him, Boden's breath caught in his chest as he watched out the front window. The One World Trade Centre was like a shining beacon, but for their chief it sparked a multitude of emotions that were rolling off him and filling the cab with nerves as the taxi slowed down outside of the fire house. 

  
Matt shared a look with Severide in the back seat of the cab as the driver slower to a halt outside the fire station. The heavy burden of emotions hung in the air of the cab as they paid the driver before exiting onto the busy New York Street. The tower was behind them, but they turned together to look up at the beautiful structure as they stepped onto the sidewalk. Matt hated himself for noticing how beautiful a day it was, with not a cloud in the sky; just like it had been on that fateful day. The huge glass windows that made up the tower, left it looking like it was made to sit amongst the blue sky. It was so different to so many of the other buildings in the city that contrasted in dark greys against the perfect blue. Matt was in love, and the builder inside of him envied the perfectness of the building. It was unique and he sighed as he absorbed its appearance. 

  
"Wallace is that you?" A call form behind them had them snapping their eyes away from the Trade Centre and turning to face the man who had said their chiefs name. Matt watched as the expression on Boden's face slowly shifted from fearful dread to the smile that came from seeing an old friend for the first time in years. Matt shot a quick smile of his own at Severide as they watched the metaphorical weight on Boden's shoulders lift as he stepped forward and tugged the New York Firefighter in a manly hug. 

  
Matt and Severide followed Boden as they were led through the firehouse, to the small gathering of old friends in the back. The double glance and the sigh of relief that Collety gave when he saw Boden walk into the back had Matt understanding just how worried the man had been about Boden. The tight hug they shared had Matt glancing to his side, catching Severide eye once more. He was comparing the friendship that Boden and Collety had as they held each other in that moment to the friendship he had with Severide. He felt like he was looking in a mirror to how Severide was with him when he needed it most in his darkest moments, and how he acted with Severide when one of them was grasping at the edge trying not to fall into the dark put of despair that came as a side-effect to their lifestyles. They watched the two men break apart, and Matt nodded his head at the silent thank you that Boden sent them in a glance. Behind him, Matt could feel Severide shifting awkwardly as they continued to watch the older firefighters battle through the demons and ghosts that haunted their memories. 

* * *

They remained in the firehouse for only a short while, Matt and Severide eagerly listening as the older men regaled them with stories and reminisced about the events that they saw during the time they worked at the site after 9/11. Matt had found himself blinking away tears during several parts of the stories, the men retelling them with such vivid detail that he felt like he was the one stood amongst the rubble. They walked together to the memorial pools across the street, and Matt found himself running his fingers along the engraved letters that lined the pool as he stared into the water below. The pools were footprints, the ghosts of the towers that had previously been sat in the same place. The early autumn had the leaves still full on the trees, offering subtle shades of oranges that were slowly creeping through the green. It was a droplet of serenity in the bustling city, but the overall emotion in the small park was that of gentle mourning; except for the sounds of children happily running and playing amongst the trees, those that were too young to have seen the tragedy first hand. They would learn about the day in history books, but they would never have to watch as nearly three thousand people died live on every television in the world. 

  
Matt listened as Boden explained the feelings that he had from that day as they stared into the infinity pools. He could see Severide exhaling and taking a shaky breath out of the corner of his eye as the man gently stroked underneath a name that had a pure white rose sticking out of it. A sign they hey had walked past on the way to the pools edge had informed those that gathered that the roses were placed in the names on what would have been their birthdays. The information was clearly playing through Severide's mind as he traced what he could of the name. 

  
"All this time, and the answers were right here." Boden whispered as he watched the children playing before breaking into a smile and laughing as whatever ghosts had haunted him started to slowly ebb away. Matt joined in smiling as he watched the chief relax and finally breathe easy for the first time since they left Chicago. "I'm going to go back and catch up with the others. I'll let you know if we plan on heading out anywhere for food or a beer." Boden smiled shaking his head at the acceptance that he had finally allowed himself to have for the horrors he had seen. 

  
"No worries Chief. Let us know," Severide nodded at the older man, the pair of them watching as Boden began walking away from the pool and back towards the small firehouse. They remained staring at the pool before Severide nudged Matt with his elbow. "Want to head to the top?"

  
Matt nodded eagerly, letting Severide lead the way as they weaved around the people who had gathered around the pools and walked around the people who were walking through the memorial park. The museum stood to one side, and Matt knew that the plan for part of the next day would be to visit there with Boden, Colletey and the others. Matt had initially worried that the idea was not the best one considering Boden had only just began to accept the events of the day and not push away the memories of the months that had followed as he worked on the site. But the ease that had washed over the chief as they stood by the pool had eased any worries Matt had for the older man.   
Severide led him towards the One World Trade Centre, as if he knew where he was meant to go all along, leading Matt through the doors and buying two tickets before heading down the escalators. The building's design seemed to have incorporated that there was always going to be a viewing platform that was open the public as the separate entrance on the ground floor meant that those who worked in the building didn't have to work their way through any of the groups of tourists. Matt raised his eyebrow and fought not to start a public argument when Severide immediately paid for both tickets without letting Matt offer any money to pay for his. He was rewarded with a knowing smile when Severide caught sight of his small frown as they joined the small queue to go through security checks before they could reach the express elevators. Matt subtly withdrew a twenty from his wallet and tried to discreetly sneak it into Severide's jacket pocket as they waited for their turn to go through the scanner. His attempts were doomed as Severide shot out and snatched at his wrist before Matt could even slide the note in. 

  
"I said don't worry about it," Severide laughed as he plucked the note out of Matts hand and tried to push it back into his own pocket ignoring Matts attempts to slap his hands away.   
"Just take it though," Matt grinned, as they fought like children. They were both pushing the note back and forth between them, before Matt finally managed to get past Severide's defences and pushed the note into his pocket with a loud exclamation. They were both breathless with laughter as they grinned at each other. Matt felt warm from the tussles as he tugged his jacket off, looping it over his arm as they moved to the front of the queue. The security guards raised an eyebrow at them, having witnessed their childish playfight before his eyes trailed to the Chicago Fire Department logo that was visible on Severide's jacket and the embroidered Lieutenant lettering that was just visible on the back of Matt's. Matt watched as his previously unimpressed demeanour changed in a heartbeat, as he signalled them through before holding back the rest of the line for the next slot. 

  
Severide nodded his gratitude at the security guard, before shrugging his shoulders in response to the questioning look Matt sent to him as they walked through the security screening and metal detectors. They made it to the elevator bay just as the last of the group of tourists before them disappeared behind the elevators closing doors. "Well looks like you two get this one to yourself," the guide smiled at them as he directed them with open arms to the doors that binged in front of them. 

  
The elevator was large, but Matt still ended up standing close to Severide as they were thrust upwards to the observation deck. The doors opened, and Matt found himself eagerly watching as they walked through the next set of doors and into the observation room. The room had floor to ceiling glass windows and gave Matt the feeling like he was flying above the entire city. The room wasn't as crowded as Matt had expected as he quickly stepped forward and stared in amazement out at the world in front of him. From this direction he could see the Statue of Liberty; the lady looking tiny from the height of the tower. He could see for miles, seeing the nearby cities in New Jersey, and as he walked around the room, he could see the rest of New York. "Wow this is amazing," Matt breathed, as he stared in wonder out the window. 

  
"Yeh it is," Severide agreed from beside him. Matt dragged his stare away from the window, blinking in surprise to see that Severide wasn't staring out the window either, but in fact looking at Matt. Matt didn't think anything more to it, smiling wide as he dragged Severide closer to his side as he eagerly pointed out aspects of the skyline that he had only ever seen before in pictures. 

  
They continued to look around, trying to see as much as possible in every direction. Matt tugged his jacket back on after a few minutes, so that he would not be incumbered by holding the jacket whilst he took pictures. His phone was quickly filling with countless photos of the sprawling skyline, and his face was filled with the boyish grin as Severide snatched his phone from his grip. "Let me take a picture of you with the city in the background," Severide explained as he stepped backwards from the glass leaving Matt stood there, with his heart-warming smile. Matt stood awkwardly as Severide snapped photos on his phone; he never really knew what to do when posing for photos on his own, he typically felt more comfortable when he was having a photo taken with someone else. 

  
"Sev take a photo with me?" Matt asked as he felt himself growing embarrassed under his friend’s scrutiny as he took yet another photo. Severide looked up from behind the phone screen, smiling as he walked back to where he had left Matt standing alone by the glass. Matt grabbed his phone back and felt his stomach flip with joy when Severide stepped into his personal space and leaned closer still as Matt angled the phone in front of them. They were incredibly close, Severide was all but plastered against Matt's back and shoulder as he leaned into the frame; his breath tickling at Matt's neck as he took the photo. They remained pressed close for a few moments even after Matt turned the camera function off to look at the photo that had been taken. When Matt tucked his phone away back in the pocket of his jacket, he frowned when he felt the feel of paper brush against his fingers. Slowly he pulled out the paper, frowning when he saw a neatly folded twenty-dollar bill; instantly he knew it was the one that he had shoved into Severide's pocket earlier on. Matt shot a playful glare at the man, his smile betraying him as Severide merely grinned as he walked backwards away from him. 

* * *

The good mood between them followed them for the rest of the day, as they left the One World Trade Centre, and began walking and exploring the city. They walked with no destination in mind, finding themselves wandering past the many touristy venues of the city. Matt dragged Severide into a little deli, grabbing 'proper New York' bagels for a late lunch which they ate as they slowly started to worm their way towards Central Park. They had already dropped their bags off at the hotel reception that morning before they had caught the cab downtown, so they had no rush to get back to the hotel to check in leaving them free to explore for the entirety of the day. 

  
Matt felt freer than he felt in a long time, as he walked the busy streets shoulder to shoulder with Severide. Any thoughts that had been weighing on his mind seemed to float away the longer they explored the unfamiliar city. He found himself too distracted by everything to even think about the issues in his relationship with Gabby. There were no thoughts about what political power play he was going to be a chess piece in, during the next alderman meeting. There were no worries about whether he would turn out to be just as bad a parent as his own were. There was just New York and Severide. 

  
They explored for hours, checking in with Boden regarding what the chief had planned for his evening. When they learned his plans included a dinner and catch up between the men who had worked down at ground zero, Matt and Severide decided not to intrude on the older men. They chose to grab dinner by themselves in a restaurant off times square, finding themselves having to push their way through the crowd of tourists at the end of the evening. Severide grabbed Matt by the wrist, gently tugging him through the sea of people, and leading him away from the busy area with the sense of someone who knew where he was going. 

  
Severide's hand did not leave Matts wrist as they walked up 6th avenue. The streets were still busy despite the late hour, and matt found himself loving the sight of the city at night even more than he liked it during the day. It was crazy and chaotic, but it left him feeling serene inside even as he dodged the people who rushed around in a hurry. Severide stopped walking as they reached the Rockefeller center, turning to shoot his mischievous smile down at Matt as they stood overlooking the ice rink. The ice rink was practically empty, with only a few people teetering about on skates; most of them looked to be tourists like them, except for a lone figure skater who was skating rings around everyone else. Matt stared up at Severide in horror as he realised the plan that his friend had formed in his head. "Oh, come on, you love hockey. Surely you should know how to skate," Severide laughed as he dragged Matt over to the skate hire booth. 

  
"Yh I love hockey, but that doesn't mean I can shoot a puck like Kaner." Matt complained, even as Severide was rattling off their shoe sizes to the lady behind the counter. Matt didn't want to explain that he had always wanted to learn how to play as a kid; he had always been jealous of his schoolmates whose parents had put them through lessons as soon as they could walk. Matt accepted the pair of skates that were thrust into his hand, simply watching as Severide ran his fingers along the blade experimentally before sighing in displeasure. 

  
"Well they're not the sharpest things in the world, but they'll do. Come on it will be fun." Severide encouraged as he waltzed over to some nearby benches, leaving matt to temporarily stare after his friend before he slowly joined him. The skates felt unnatural on his feet. as he laced them as best he could. The best he could, turned out to be not good enough as Severide took one look at his skates and crouched down on the floor beside him, quickly redoing Matts efforts. Even with the boots now tight against his ankles, Matt still felt unsteady as Severide hauled him off the bench, "Don't worry I won't let you fall." 

  
Matt bit back the retort that was forming on his tongue, but he still flipped off his friend as he waddled unsteadily back over to the lady behind the counter to reluctantly hand over his own shoes. He could feel Severide's hand hovering near his back, as if his friend was already anticipating him falling over before they even stepped out onto the ice rink. The woman smirked at them, the little smile betraying the laughter that she was trying to hold back as she wished them a happy skate. The people who had been on ice when they had first arrived, were now stepping off the ice by the time Matt and Severide reached the small metal door that separated them from the rink. Matt drew in a shaky breath as Severide stepped onto the ice with the confidence and the fluidity of someone who knew what they were doing. Matt could tell that Severide would have been one of the kids who he would have been jealous of when he was younger. Severide skated like he was aware of every part of the ice, as he pivoted from skating forwards to skating backwards so that he could look back on where Matt was still hovering on the other side of the gate.

  
"I said I won't let you fall. Come on you got to trust me." Severide grinned as he stopped skating backwards and pushed himself so that he was gliding forwards once more, heading back towards the gate where Matt was still deliberating. 

  
"Do you promise?" Matt asked, as he gripped onto the edge as he slowly put one skate down onto the ice. His knuckles were blinding white from the strength of the grip as he wobbled the moment, he put his other foot down onto the smooth surface. 

  
"I promise, now take my hand." 

  
Matt knew he shouldn't have trusted the devilish grin that filled his friends face, but he did and that's how he found himself clinging onto Severide's arms as the man dragged him away from the boards. Severide was the only thing that was keeping him upright, and matt knew that the moment either one of them let go, he would be on his arse. "You asshole." Matt snarked, but there was no malice in his voice as he looked up at his best friend. Severide was staring up above them, looking into the dark sky that glowed from the ambient light of the city below. Around them the flags of the world that lined the plaza around the ice rink fluttered in the light wind that whirled above them, and the golden statue shone brightly under a spotlight behind Severide's head casting him in his own golden glow. 

  
"Sev-" Matt breathed, his words becoming lost in a gasp of surprise as Severide ducked his head and pressed their lips together. Automatically Matt's eyes fluttered closed, and his hands which had been gripping onto Severide's arms so tightly, loosened as they slid up to his shoulders. He was lost in the gentle kiss, that he didn't notice when Severide's hands dropped to his waist, holding him close as they finally broke apart. 

  
"What was that?" Matt gasped; his words were quiet, and the only reason Severide could hear them was due to how close they were still standing.

  
Matt blinked slowly up at the man, feeling his shoulders shrug underneath his hands as Severide stated simply, "I said I've been working things out in my head, and one of those things was that I worked out how much I wanted to do that." 

  
Matt shook his head, as if the simple action would help him to understand the hundred thoughts that were suddenly bouncing from side to side in his head. He couldn't deny the feeling of butterflies in his stomach, which had yet to stop since the kiss. He felt like a kid with his first crush, as the figurative wings made his stomach flip, and his heart throb. 

  
"But Gabby, and Stella." Matt stuttered. He could feel the warmth that was radiating off Severide, and he couldn't help but focus on how soft Severide's squad jacket was underneath his fingers as he ran his hands across the man’s wide shoulders. He knew he should pull away, and be angry that his friend had kissed him, but Matt didn't. He wasn't angry, and he didn't want to leave the tight comfort of Severide's arms. 

  
"There is nothing going on between me and Stella," Severide smiled, as he removed one hand from Matt's side to gently stroke the side of the blonde’s face. Matt found himself leaning into the touch, chasing the feeling of fire that the touch ignited inside of him. 

  
"But Gabby." Matt whispered as Severide wrapped his hand around the back of his neck, holding him in place as they stared into each other’s eyes. Gabby was at home with Louie; he had been trying for weeks to project the image of the perfect family that he always wanted to be a part of. He used to wish he was the child with the loving and doting parents, but as he grew older, he started yearning to be the father who adored his child and loved his partner. He chanced a glance around them, his eyes widening in surprise when he saw that they were still the only ones on the ice. Looking to the plaza above them, he found that he could see no one else; it was as if they were secluded away, utterly alone despite the business of the city. 

  
"Matt, look me in the eye and tell me that the kiss didn't feel like it was the right thing." 

  
"It did-"

  
"Then let me kiss you again." Severide requested, his voice sultry as he leaned in closer once more. Matt felt his heart leap in his chest, and he could hear the little voice in the back of his mind telling him that he shouldn't. He ignored the voice as he angled his head up and closed the remaining space between them as he took charge of the second kiss. It was utterly unlike anything he had ever experienced before. He could feel Severide's stubble under his hand as he cupped the man’s cheek as they deepened the kiss. The body that he was pressed against was not soft curves, but hard muscle that made him feel like he was being protected from everything else in the world. 


	2. Chapter 2

Kelly couldn't keep the grin from his face at they returned to the hotel, walking closer than they had all day. Their shoulders brushed with every step, and Kelly knew that he could reach out and grab Casey's hand at any moment as they walked the cold streets. The later it got in the evening, the more the chill and the wind picked up, leaving them both shivering slightly even with the warmth of their jackets. The chill in the air, was doing nothing to simmer the heat that was pooling in his stomach from the memory of the kiss that he had wanted for years.

Sexuality had always been something vaguely fluid for Kelly, he didn't care whether his sleeping partner had a dick or a pair of tits. He could see the attraction in woman with beautiful curves, and he could see the attraction in a man with thick shoulders and a firm ass. Outside of Shay, his fluidity towards his sexual conquests was one that he had kept private. None of his friends, not Casey or Andy knew that he would sometimes head to gay bars and allow himself to be dragged home by guys. He had been wary of people's reactions; he had grown up with his father’s hyper masculinity pushed onto him whenever Benny decided to pay a visit. At the academy he had listened to the sound of men barely out of high school who thought that calling someone gay was the biggest insult, and then he had graduated and found himself in the company of a house who threw around homophobic words like they meant nothing. He had spent the first year as a candidate in a different house, waiting for his father to retire until he could move over to 51. That year, he had to force himself not to say anything every time one of the firefighters called someone a faggot or a pansy if they messed up or dropped something. He had forced himself to smile as everyone including the one being called laughed along at the homophobia.

When he finally got to move to 51, after that first year, he was able to re-join Andy and Casey; and the house became known for housing three candidates at the same time before they all moved up the pecking ladder. They were the three musketeers, even when Casey and Kelly started pushing themselves towards their higher ambitions. Andy was comfortable, he liked his position and hadn't wanted to push himself into taking the lieutenant exams or training for squad. After his death, he realised the truth in Andy's words when he was asked why he didn't aim higher, 'My job is to fight fires and save lives. It doesn't matter my rank, because at the end of the day I'm still going to fight fires and save lives.'

Firehouse 51 also allowed Kelly to see that the homophobic 'locker-room' banter that he had experienced in his first house was not the norm. The guys liked to break balls, but they were a family, and they stood up for you; Kelly also feared the day anyone ever tried to call anyone a faggot in hearing distance of Boden. He had felt comfortable around his new family of firefighters, but it wasn't until Shay walked through the doors and openly announced that she would only be interested in Kelly if he had a vagina that he finally felt like he would be able to tell someone the secret that he had kept hidden from everybody else. The night they moved in together, he had drunkenly admitted over half a bottle of tequila that he had slept with guys before. It turned out to be one of the many reasons why he and Shay ended up getting along so swell, she had appreciated that Kelly offered no opinion on her sexuality, and she offered no opinion on his. She had admitted that she had friends or colleagues in previous jobs who wanted to convince her that she was only a lesbian because she had found the right dick, and Kelly had admitted that he didn't want to tell people because he didn't want people to change how they were with him.

Just thinking about Shay, made Kelly miss the eager eyes she used to shoot at him over the breakfast table whenever he walked one of his one-night stands to the door. Before today, she had been the only person he had ever told about his crush on Matt, and he wished he had listened to her all the years before when she simply told him to grab him and kiss him. He wanted to be able to tell her that she had been right in her suggestion.

Kelly mentally congratulated Shay as the heating in the hotel lobby hit them as they walked through the doors. Kelly had to hand it to Connie's organising skills; it was a very nice hotel, and the decoration alone made him wonder just how Boden managed to get such a good deal on the trip. The trip barely cost them two hundred dollars and that was including the cost of the flights. Boden had been the one who had rushed inside earlier in the day to drop of their bags at reception before they all scurried back into the cab to take them down to the One World Trade Centre. Their bags had been kept in the room behind reception whilst they were out, and all they had to do was check in and head on upstairs. Kelly didn't allow himself to think that anything was going to occur between him and Casey alone in a hotel room together, but he couldn't deny that his fantasies were running wild as the receptionist greeted them. He could feel Casey leaning over his shoulder as the man behind reception got them booked in and handed over the room keys, and the feel of the man pressed against his back left him fighting against his own arousal.

"Enjoy your stay gentlemen," The hotel receptionist offered with a knowing smile as he passed their two overnight bags over the desk to them. Kelly could see the glimmer of something in the man’s eyes, as if he suggested that they were a couple. The queen room that they booked was probably not helping that theory, but Kelly didn't want to point out it was booked because it was the only room left at such short notice. He wanted the man to believe that Casey was his, and that they were going to go upstairs and put the big bed to good use.

They hadn't mentioned Dawson or Stella once since their second kiss on the rink. After the kiss they had skated, with Kelly trying to teach Casey how to skate backwards to dismal results. He knew that he should feel guilty for stepping on someone's boyfriend when they were out of town, but he had found himself growing more and more annoyed by the way that Dawson was treating Casey. He was fed up of watching her being selfish and taking everything for granted. She had pushed Casey into politics, despite the many times the blonde had told her that he wasn't interested, and Kelly had to suspect it was because Dawson fancied herself to be the woman on the arms of a public figure. The smile on her face the first time she had appeared in a newspaper besides Casey, had confirmed his suspicions. Kelly had long since realised that the paramedic was selfish, and he had seen her take advantage of others kindness far too many times. First it was with Shay, and then he had to watch her take advantage of Casey and more recently Brett.

Stella was an entirely different issue, that varied dramatically from the situation that he had put Casey in. He had first met Stella when he was training in the Academy, and he fancied her straight away. She had a no-bullshit approach that he could see in himself, and despite the 'don't fuck with me' attitude, she was approachable, friendly and funny. She had been everything that he had needed to divert the intense crush he had on Casey. From the first day in academy when Andy had taken this blond kid under his wing, Kelly had been attracted to the man. Casey had been the same age as him, but he carried so much weight on his shoulders, he seemed like he was twice his age. Kelly hadn't realised just how deep the crush went until he watched Casey punch Griffin in the face for making a comment about how his mother had murdered his father. Before that day, Casey had been a quiet young man, who was so focused on the training that others had called him on being almost robotic. Outside of the Academy classrooms, Kelly and Andy were starting to know different, and learn that Casey was a loyal friend with a humour drier than the desert. Whilst others in the classroom were struggling to remember the correct procedures and protocols, Casey was supplying Kelly and Andy with one-liners that had them fighting to hold in their laughs.

The day Casey punched Griffin, would always be the day that Kelly remembered as the day that he realised no one would ever compare against Matt. He had appeared so calm, as if none of Ted Griffins harsh words were getting past his skin. Even years later, Kelly still felt the burning hot rage as he remembered the hateful words that were shouted across the academy locker room.

'Why are you hanging out with this freak Severide.' Griffin sneered as he pulled off his turnout gear. He shoved his jacket into his locker, but his eyes never left Casey's back as the blonde man slowly untied his boots. Kelly frowned as he saw the barely visible flinch that ran through Casey's body. 

'Fuck off Griffin,' Andy warned, slapping Griffin's shoulder as he strode past him on his way to his own locker. The slap was far from a friendly one, and Kelly could see that Andy supported an identical tightening in his jaw. Kelly ground his teeth together as Griffin seemed to ignore the warning in Andy's voice.

'Come on Darden. Surely, you've heard his name before? Casey?' Griffin grinned menacingly as he stepped closer Casey, towering over him. Kelly slid an inch closer to Casey on the bench where they were both sat, on the small bench. He didn't like how Griffin was squaring off when Casey was trying his hardest to ignore what the other man was saying.

'Yh we've heard his name every day for the last two months.' Kelly cut in, trying his hardest not to smile when he saw Casey glance at him from the corner of his eye.

'Think five years ago? Remember the story. Some sad depressed little housewife goes over to her ex-husbands house and shoots him five times? Speaking of which how is you mum doing in prison Casey?' Griffin spat as the smile on his face only widened as the looks of realisation filled the faces of the other candidates that were eavesdropping on the conversation. Kelly didn't need to look at anyone's face but Casey's. He could see the flash of dread that filled the blonde’s expression before he buried it behind a perfectly calm façade. The whispers of the others around them only seemed to rile up the bully inside of Griffin as he folded his arms across his chest. No one could have expected Casey to push himself up off the bench so quickly. Only Kelly and Andy saw him tighten his hand into a fist, but the whispers fell silent when Casey pulled his fist back and his punch made contact with Griffin's face.

Griffin recoiled back, falling on the floor from the force of the hit. His hand clutching his nose, as blood dripping down his chin and landed in small droplets on the tiled floor. The man recoiled at the force of the hit, his eyes growing wide in surprise as he stared at the calm façade that Casey had constructed over his features. Kelly could see the pulse in the blonde’s neck, and the way Casey's jaw remained tight as he ground his teeth. "I'm going to get you kicked out of the academy for this Casey." Griffin spat angrily, his temper visibly rising as Casey turned away. 

Kelly stepped forward standing protectively in-between Griffin and Casey, as Griffin rose from the floor and tried to take a step towards the blonde as soon as his back of was turned. Kelly crossed his arms over his chest as Griffin tried to push past him, his voice threatening as he forced himself to smile, "You should watch where you're going Griffin. I wouldn't want you to walk into another locker door."

Ted Griffin slammed his way out of the locker room, the mocking sounds of laughter following him as he slammed the door closed. Kelly had glared as the door swung shut, before dropping down onto the bench beside Casey. He desperately wanted to reach out and wrap an arm around the blonde man's tense shoulders, but he knew that if he tried, he would either end of getting a punch in the gut or losing his arm. Kelly settled for nudging at Casey with his elbow, offering a small nod as he whispered, "We'll get the others to back us up. No one will believe our word against his. Besides he had that punch coming."

"He's not the first idiot to make a crack about my family," Casey shrugged, but Kelly watched as he flexed his fingers. His knuckles were already bright red from the force of the hit, and Kelly wouldn't be surprised if they only got brighter before the end of the day. 

"He'll be the last though. No one’s going to mention it again now they watched you lay his arse out."

* * *

The hotel room was larger than Kelly expected as they swiped the key-card over the lock. The bed took up a huge portion of the room, and Kelly whistled under his breath at the sheer size of it. It was big enough for both men, and probably half the guys on truck. Scrubbing a hand over the back of his head, he dropped his bag down onto one of the armchairs that sat underneath the wall-mounted TV. He wanted desperately to kiss Casey again, but he knew that this time it wasn't his move to make. It had felt different on the ice, easier. In public, there were no expectations of what was to follow the kiss, but in the privacy of the room Kelly could feel the nervous tension between them. 

Kelly watched as Casey eyed the bed warily, before the man simply mimicked Kelly's actions by dumping his bag down on the edge. Casey perched on the edge of the bed, turning his light blue eyes on Kelly, "So there is definitely nothing going on between you and Stella?"

"I promise. We hooked up a couple of times. We're friends, and it sounds bad, but we tend to only get together when one of us is trying to forget about someone else." Kelly answered. He stepped closer to the bed, grinning as he watched Casey bite his lip back as Kelly stepped into the space between the blonde's thighs. 

"So, what you're saying is-" Casey began as he blinked up at Kelly. 

"I'm saying that I love Stella, but only as a friend. I love her like how I loved Shay. But it's nothing to how I feel about you." Kelly smirked, reaching forwards to rest a hand underneath Casey's chin, holding him so he could remain looking in his eyes. Up close, they were so much more than just blue; there were paths of green that ran through the different shades and were just so much brighter than his own. "I can never get you out of my mind. Ever since the academy I've been attracted to you."

"Okay," Casey nodded up at him, before breaking into a wide smile as he surged upwards and grabbed Kelly by the back of the neck. Their lips smashed together in a kiss that was so far from the two that they had previously shared. The kiss was filled with a heat that had Kelly gasping against Casey's lips, and running his hands through the blonde’s soft hair as he melted in the moment. 

The kiss ended with them both gasping for breath. Casey's hands were resting on Kelly's hips as he rose back up to his full height. Kelly wanted nothing more than to push Casey back against the bed and climb on top of him. He wanted to hold the blonde down, and cover himself with his own body, He wanted to litter kisses down the man’s neck, and slowly divert him of every piece of clothing that he wore. Kelly wanted to know what it sounded like to have Casey moaning his name as he pushed into his tight heat. He wanted to feel the sharp bite of Casey's claws leaving red marks down his back as nothing separated their bodies. 

"Come on let’s get some sleep," Kelly whispered despite all of the desires in his thoughts. He didn't want to rush Casey into anything; he didn't want to have revealed his emotions only for Casey to pull away when they arrived back in Chicago. Kelly already felt like the odds were not swinging in his favour. 

"Sleep?" Casey blinked up at him with his cheeks tinged pink. Kelly couldn't help himself as he slowly brushed his thumb over the delicate colouring in the blonde’s cheek. 

"Just sleep, busy day ahead." Kelly smiled as he reluctantly rolled off Casey.

* * *

Kelly woke up the next morning to a face full of blonde hair. They had gone to sleep on separate sides of the bed, just like the times that they had shared a bed after drunken nights out in the past. At some point in the middle of the night they had shifted, both of them rolling towards the middle of the bed and curling together. Their combined body heat had them pushing the thick duvet down so that it skimmed over their hips, and the warmth of Casey's breath against his shoulder had Kelly tightening the grip he had on the blonde’s shoulders. Casey was clutching at the fabric of his t-shirt, clinging tightly as if afraid that Kelly would disappear if he let go. Kelly ran his hand soothingly up and down Casey's arm as he let his eyes flutter closed as he tried to match their breathing. 

Kelly woke up the second time to find Casey leaning over him with a small smile gracing his face. Casey traced the shape of Kelly's lip with his thumb, and Kelly had to stop himself from leaning forward and taking the digit into his mouth. Outside of being on shift, Kelly so rarely woke up with such ease first thing in the morning; he was the type of person who set three alarms and then still hit snooze. Having Casey wrapped up so tightly next to him, erased any of the usual morning laziness that plagued him. Kelly couldn't help but return the blinding smile that Casey gave him, as the small smile stretched wider across the blonde’s cheeks. If Kelly was to compare the brightness of Casey's smile to the sun, he was sure that the smile would be brighter. "Good Morning," Casey whispered, as he slid his hand away from Kelly's lips, to cup his cheek. 

The kiss was fleeting, just the softest of touch that was over far sooner than Kelly wanted. He wanted to chase after the feeling of Casey's lips pressed against his, and he wanted to pull the blonde closer so that he could feel every inch of his body. Curling one hand into the blonde sleep-mussed hair, Kelly sighed as Casey leaned into the touch. "You should wake me up like this every morning."

"There are much better ways to wake up," Casey smirked as he traced along Kelly's jaw, his fingers scraping against the short stubble. Kelly swore he could see the glint of lust fill the lieutenant’s eyes.

"Promises," Kelly huffed as he tugged gently at the blonde’s hair. He wanted to drag him back down and devour him with more kisses. He wanted to forget about the bustling city outside, and just stay wrapped up between the sheets with the other man. He wanted to find out what Casey looked like when he gave up control and surrendered himself to the passion and heat of the moment. Kelly would die a happy man if the last thing he saw was Casey thrashing with pleasure as they chased their orgasms. 

Casey stroked Kelly's short greying hair as he visibly contemplated his own thoughts. "You've taken the time to figure out things in your head. I just need a little bit of time to sort out mine."

"Dawson," Kelly nodded at the blonde’s words, as he sunk back further into his pillow. He knew what Casey was implying; he had taken the time to understand that he wanted to finally chase after the emotions that he had kept hidden for years. Casey hadn't yet had that luxury. Kelly's revelation the night before had left Casey with barely any time to comprehend the shift that had already occurred with their friendship. He had so much more too lose than Kelly had: he had a home, a partner, and a foster child. They could both stand to lose the respect of their men if they let their affair develop, and if HQ found out, they could both lose their place at fifty-one. 

"I don't want to talk about Dawson right now," Casey demanded as he leaned down and captured Kelly by surprise as he kissed him again. 

* * *

They had a quick breakfast with Boden at the hotel before they checked out. With their bags swung over their shoulders, the trio of firefighters had hailed a cab and found themselves once more stood outside the fire house at the World Trade Centre. The unease from yesterday was in the past, as Kelly watched the chief turn to look up at the tower with a peace that hadn't existed the day before. The same group of firefighters stood at the entrance to the house and greeted them all with firm handshakes and slaps on the back. With their bags secured at the house, they all walked as one towards the 9/11 Memorial Museum. 

Kelly found him silently astonished at the museum and felt his emotions prickle as he took in the exhibits and the artefacts that had been recovered from that day. He knew that the museum was another step in the road for Boden to accept the events of the tragic day and the work that the firefighters had gone through during and after. Kelly remained by Casey's side just as Collety remained next to Boden's as they slowly walked through the exhibit. The museum was quiet, in a way so different to any other museum that Kelly had been to. It was as if sound was lost as soon as you walked down the ramp and into the exhibition space. The sound of footsteps, soft sniffles and hands wiping away stray tears were the only noises that were distinguishable amongst the audio clips that were set out amongst the exhibit. 

The New York firefighters were the ones slowly leading them around the exhibit, every once and a while stopping at certain pieces as they recalled some of the horrors that they had seen. The video and audio sections they avoided, stepping ahead a pace leaving Casey and Kelly to duck into the small blacked out screening sections. In one of the sections, Kelly glanced to his side when he heard the unmistakable small sniff, just in time to see Casey hastily wiping away tears in his eyes. Kelly didn't care about the crowds, and he didn't care if Boden saw them as he reached down and held his hand. He offered a small squeeze of comfort as he shifted closer, so that their sides were pressed together as they continued to watch the small video play out. 

"You okay?" Kelly whispered as the video ended and the audio faded away. They would only have less than a minute before the video replayed once more, but it was enough time for them. 

"Yh. It's just hard to listen to some of it," Casey admitted as he wiped at his cheeks once more with his free hand, trying to capture any remaining tracks that his tears had left. 

Kelly nodded in understanding. If himself and Casey were feeling so mournful standing in the museum filled with artefacts that were recovered from that day, he could only begin to imagine how hard it must be for the firefighters waiting for them. They had been the ones to see all these items before; back when they weren't carefully arranged on a display but lying on the ground amongst the rubble and dust. Kelly squeezed Casey's hand once more, before reluctantly letting his hand slip away. "You ready to go re-join the others?"

"Yh, sorry," Casey breath out, wiping his hands over his face one final time.

"Don't be sorry," Kelly whispered. He leaned in and pressed a fleeting kiss against Casey's forehead, breathing in the smell of the blonde’s shampoo before forcing himself to take a respectable step back. The sadness that had filled the other man’s eyes had faded slightly as Casey offered him a weak smile. They walked out of the little alcove screening area just as the projected flickered and the clip began playing once more. 

The group of older firefighters all bore identical looks on their faces as they stepped out of the memorial museum and into the bright sunshine. Looking back at the history of the day had left them with teary eyes, but Kelly was glad to see that Boden's shoulders hadn't buckled under the weight of the day. Collety was walking by the Chief’s side, as they headed towards the edge of one of the Memorial pools. Kelly frowned as he watched the two old friends walking in front of him and Casey; he could see an aspect of similarity with Collety in that moment. He was sure no one would have noticed if they hadn't gone through the same thing, but Kelly could see it. Like how he was in love with his best friend, Kelly suspected that Collety was in love with Boden. 

"You okay?" Casey asked him with a small nudge of his elbow. Kelly jolted at the touch, dragging his attention away from the two older men and turning his gaze onto the lieutenant.

"Yh sorry, I was just thinking." Kelly offered a small smile, which he knew didn't quite reach his eyes.

"Anything you want to talk about?" Casey frowned, and Kelly felt his heart jump at the expression. He couldn't explain how much more he fell in love with the man just because he was able to see through his pretences. 

"Not right now, it's not my place," Kelly admitted, his eyes flickering over to Boden and Collety before turning his attention back to Casey. He was only speculating on the man’s emotions from what he had seen and comparing them to how he was around Casey; he didn't want to say anything when anyone could hear especially when he could be wrong with his suspicions. Casey nodded at him in understanding before once again nudging him with his shoulder; the touch this time was not made to gain his attention, but as a way to be able to touch him even when they were in public. 

The memorial pools were bustling with activity, just like they had been the day before. There were tourists, commuters, school trips, and then the small huddle of off-duty firefighters who were standing together as they all gazed into the fountains. They only had a short amount of time left before they were due to head back to the airport to catch the flight back to Chicago, but Kelly knew that the time they had spent in the city would change them all. 

* * *

Their seats on the flight back to Chicago were once again separated, with Boden sitting near the front of the plane and Kelly and Casey confined to the back. As soon as the plane was in the air Kelly had reached between them and captured Casey's hand in his own. No one could see them, as they hid their hands in small space between their laps. Kelly couldn't help but remember the way Boden had clapped them on the shoulder as they waited for their plane to be called forward at the airport. His voice had been thick with emotion as he thanked them for joining him on the trip. Kelly had to fight against the large part of his brain that wanted to turn the thank you around on the chief. He wished he could thank him for providing his two lieutenants with the time away from their city and their commitments to admit emotions that had been troubling them for years.

Kelly didn't know Casey's feelings towards him, or how far they stretched or whether they could even compare to what he felt for the blonde, but he was hopeful. He was clinging to the hope, when Casey had asked him for time so that he could figure his own feelings and thoughts out. Kelly wasn't going to fool himself into thinking that Casey had felt the same for him since the academy and he didn't know where they were going to stand when they arrived back in Chicago. 

"You're thinking too much," Casey teased as he leaned in closer to Kelly. He rested his head on Kelly's shoulder as he brought Kelly's hand up from the space between their seats. Kelly couldn't help the content smile that filled his face as Casey brought their clasped hands up to rest on his lap. Kelly felt his stomach flip as he exhaled slowly; anyone who looked over or walked past them would be able to see the moment that they were sharing. It was not something that friends did; friends didn't lean their heads on the other shoulder and hold hands. 

"I was just thinking about what happens when we land." Kelly sighed, as he glanced out of the plane window at the blue sky that surrounded them. 

"Well I haven't been on many flights, but I'm pretty sure when we land, we go back into the airport, before catching a cab back home." Casey chuckled dryly, as he stared down at their clasped hands. Kelly shivered as he felt Casey stroking the back of his hand with his thumb.

"I mean what's going to happen with this. With us." Kelly found himself asking, as he tore his eyes away from the window and leaned his cheek against Casey's head. Casey was still stroking the soft skin on the back of his hand, and Kelly could feel the moment that the blonde sighed. 

"I don't know yet." Casey admitted, his voice barely reaching Kelly's ears. He instantly missed the touch when Casey pulled back and turned his head so he could look Kelly in the eye. "Why did you kiss me?"

With a small shrug of his shoulder, Kelly remembered the way that Collety had looked up at Boden with a longing that had seeped out of him with the adoring look that no one else had noticed. "I don't know, but I realised something today when were at the trade centre."

"What?" Casey asked, his brow crinkling with curiosity. 

"I looked at Collety and I realised I don't want to be that man 15 years down the line, regretting not telling someone that I loved them."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the thing with Collety is not going anywhere, it was just a little side piece of unrequited love which is just going to stay as that. He is never going to say anything to Boden, and probably won't make a reappearance in the fic :)
> 
> But yes chapter 2 is here, and we have some of Kelly's inner monologue. You have no idea how hard it is not to keep referring to Casey as Matt. I'm being very English Lit about this, and you will see that this will start to change to the point where they refer to each other by their first names instead of the surnames. 
> 
> Next chapter we're swapping back to Matt, and there is going to be a lot of Dawson hate incoming! :)


	3. Chapter 3

Matt ran his hand down his face, before rubbing the tiredness from his eyes. Boden, Severide and himself had shared a cab back from the airport, but his house had been the last on the list. He barely had a chance to drop his bags as he walked through the door before Gabby was greeting him with a kiss on the cheek and telling him to get ready to go out. He'd frowned at her request and held back the sigh when she had explained that they were going on a double date with Antonio and Brett. He and Antonio were friends, but he couldn't help but raise an eyebrow when Gabby had first told him that Antonio was now dating Brett. Brett was a sweet girl, and a genuinely nice person, and Matt couldn't help but feel like she was going to end up getting hurt in the long run. The thought of going out and forcing a smile onto his face felt like it was more effort than it was worth. 

Matt couldn't find a way to try and back out of the night out. Gabby was already dressed up in a tight blue dress that normally would have made Matt not take his eyes off her, but tonight it was doing nothing for him. In his mind he was replaying the kisses and the touches that he had shared with Severide over the past two days, and he was ashamed of himself for not feeling guilty. He had cheated on his girlfriend, but he didn't feel bad for it. 

"Gabby, I've just got off a flight," he started, but he was met with a wave of the hand as she waved off his excuse. 

"You have twenty minutes before the sitter gets here, go shower quickly. Oh, don't forget it’s my parent’s anniversary party this weekend." Gabby called as she wondered off back into their bedroom without offering Matt a backwards glance. In all honesty Matt had forgot about the party; he hadn't been thrilled about going before all the stuff with Severide happened, but now he would rather be anywhere else. Apart from Antonio, there wasn't a single member of Gabby's extended family that he had met whom he liked. They were pushy in their opinions and clutched at their pearls with a better than thou attitude that had always picked at Matt's nerves. Even her parents had eyed him as soon as they heard his name; the stigma from his father’s murder still clung to his surname.

Matt groaned as he kicked his bag towards the pile of washing that was waiting to be sorted. He could hear Louie playing in his room, and his nose twitched at the smell of perfume and hairspray that seemed to fill the apartment. He felt like he had been left with no choice, but to drag his tired ass into the bathroom and force himself into fresh clothes. Matt plastered the smile on his face that he hated using. He hated knowing that, so few people ever saw through the fake-ness of the smile. He could count the number of people who knew that this smile was fake on one hand, and Gabby was not one of them.

The shower hit his back, washing away the staleness of the flight and the long day of people brushing past him. He couldn't help but feel like his world had changed as soon as he stepped on the plane and flew out of Chicago. His head before he left had been filled with lingering doubts about whether he had gotten back together with Gabby for the right reasons, and now he was certain that he hadn't. He wished he had the foresight to not restart the relationship that they had once shared, but he had lost himself in the fantasy that they could create the perfect family for Louie. 

Under the burning spray of the water, his thoughts drifted to Severide, and the feel of the other man’s lips pressed against his. Even with the hot water steaming the room, when Matt closed his eyes, he could picture himself back on the rink at the Rockefeller Centre. He could feel the breeze and the chill from the ice, and he could feel the strong arms that wrapped around him and held him close. He clung to the memory of feeling protected. The feeling of being protected was something so strange to him; he hadn't felt it for such a time, that to suddenly have that feeling again left him wondering how he had gone so long without it. He ached to have Severide next to him again, and to have the man’s hands trailing down his sides or to hold hands their grip equal matches in force. 

When he opened his eyes, Matt blinked down at his cock hardening at the thoughts of his best friend. Wrapping a hand around himself, he bit his lip to stop his moan from escaping as he slowly began to jerk himself. Before he could begin to pick up speed, there was banging on the bathroom door, halting his movements as Gabby shouted through the wood. "Matt, the sitter is going to be here in five minutes! Hurry up!"

Matt dropped his hand away from his cock, looking down at himself as the water cascaded down and fell off the head of his cock like a waterfall. He could see his cock throbbing as it begged for attention and for the touch to continue. He wanted to continue to touch himself with the thought of Severide on his mind. He wanted to come thinking of what it would be like if it was Severide's hand wrapped around him. He wanted to learn what it was like to have another man’s hand touching the intimate parts of his body, and he wanted to explore Severide's body. 

Another slam of a fist against the door, had Matt wiping the water from his eyes as he turned the shower off. Without the sound of the water falling, he could hear Gabby stomping around on the other side of the door. Her heels were clipping against the hardwood, and even despite the wall between them, he knew that she would be strutting around with her arms crossed with an annoyed expression filling her face. Matt sighed to himself when he left the bathroom, a towel wrapped loosely around his lips, as he saw the suit that was already laid out for him on the bed. He didn't want to get dressed up just to go out for dinner; he was a simple guy, he wanted a cold beer, a good burger and if he was lucky a Hawks game on the TV. 

* * *

He had managed to keep his fake smile glued to his face for the entirety of the dinner, even when he watched Brett and Antonio flirt and act like giggling teenagers in front of him. He was cringing behind the mask; it pained him to see the new couple acting like that and left him wondering if he had ever acted like that with Gabby. The longer he watched the pair, he found himself thinking that Antonio was trying too hard. It was obvious that he liked Brett, but Matt didn't think that his friend was as invested as he was making out. 

Matt's mood didn't improve throughout the meal, nor did it get any better when he and Gabby finally got back home. It was late, and Matt was aching for his bed. They had a shift the next day, and he typically tried to avoid staying out late the night before a shift; he could never guarantee how much sleep he was going to be able to get at work so he preferred to be well-rested. Gabby seemed to have a different idea in mind, as she strolled through the apartment, her voice loud uncaring that they had a toddler asleep in his room. She was rambling on about Antonio and Brett, and about her parent’s anniversary party, and Matt didn't have the patience to listen to any of it. "I mean did you see the way Antonio was acting?"

He held back the sigh as he watched Gabby kick off her shoes and pull out the bottle of wine from the fridge. "Gabby, I'm gonna go to bed." Matt purposefully yawned, his eyes as she went to pull out the second glass from the cupboard. Gabby paused to glance at him, her fingers still clutching the first wine glass that she had removed. Even from halfway across the room, Matt could see the glint that crossed her eyes as she contemplated his words. He realised instantly the mistake in his words, and he knew that Gabby had interpreted them differently. He had meant that he didn't want to partake in the wine and bitching that she so obviously wanted, but Gabby had chosen to take his comment as a suggestion. The last thing Matt wanted right now was sex. He didn't know if he would be able to concentrate, if he would be able to stop Severide's face filling his mind as he fucked up into Gabby's wet heat, and he knew that when he came it would be with the wrong name on his lips. 

"I'm tired, I've had a long day and I just want to get as much sleep as possible before work tomorrow." He found himself sighing, with another forced smile. Gabby seemed to believe his words, as she put her wine glass back into the cupboard, before strutting over to him with an obvious sway in her hips. Matt wasn't in the mood for mind games, or manipulation as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled her body flush against his. 

"Baby-" Gabby's words were stopped when a whimper from Louie's room was met with the similar cries that occurred after bad dreams. With a huff she pulled away from Matt, "I'll go check on Louie, you go get ready for bed. I'm sure I can find a way to help you sleep."

Matt cringed as he watched her walk away from him, disappearing into their foster sons’ room with a final glance over her shoulder. He knew that if he rejected her again it would lead to an argument that he didn't have the strength to deal with. He rushed into the bedroom, stripping himself out of the suit he had worn to dinner with a speed that matched how quickly he could put on his turnout gear. Throwing on the first t-shirt that he pulled from the door, Matt threw himself between the sheets as he twisted into his preferred sleeping position on his stomach. He didn't know how long Gabby would be in calming Louie, but he hoped that enough time would have passed when she returned to make the situation look believable. It was the easy way out and made him feel like he was a little kid again, pretending to be asleep whilst his parents were arguing. 

He didn't know how much time had passed as he blinked into the darkness of the room, listening for the sound of the bedroom door being pushed open. He didn't know if he had been curled up under the covers for five minutes or thirty, when he finally heard Gabby walk into the room. He slammed his eyes closed and focused on making his breathing seem slow. Matt heard the huff of frustration and he tried not to react when he felt a hand grasp his ankle through the thick duvet, giving him a small shake. He pretended to be asleep even when Gabby whispered his name and moved to shake his shoulder. His lack of response stopped her from trying to wake him a third time, but her huffs and mumblings continued as she undressed for bed. Matt felt the mattress dip behind him, and he shivered slightly at the cool rush of air that worked its way under the bedding as Gabby climbed into the bed. She didn't try to curl around him, and even without looking, Matt knew there was probably a good foot of space between them. 

* * *

They were barely ten minutes into their shift when the bell rang. Matt had only just pulled on his uniform, before he was hurrying across the firehouse and climbing into the truck. Watching Severide climb into the passenger seat of the squad truck was the first time that Matt had seen the other since they had said goodbye to each other the night before under the watchful eye of Boden in the back of the taxi. As Otis drove to the scene, Matt couldn't help but stare in the wingmirror at the squad truck driving behind them. Severide was filling his thoughts; he remembered every kiss and every small touch that they had shared in New York was being replayed in his mind. It had felt wrong returning home to Gabby; he knew he should have felt guilty because he had cheated on her, but the only guilt he felt was for Severide. He felt like he was cheating on Severide by returning home to play happy families. 

New York had cemented some of his feelings, not just for Severide but for Gabby as well. It was as if Severide's kisses had confirmed his thoughts. He wasn't happy, and he was now stuck playing a game or pretend. Being two minutes out from a call wasn't the best time to have an epiphany about his relationship, but Matt wasn't able to stop the thoughts running through his head. He was still stuck between the rock and the hard place, and he felt like there was nowhere else to go. Matt was glad that none of the guys on truck questioned why their lieutenant had remained silent for the entire drive from the house to the warehouses where the call was. 

Matt hated called the at involved kids, everyone did, but they always seemed to affect him more. Sometimes it was because he knew that the child's life may have just changed forever, whether due to injury or loss, but other times it was because he saw the parents and how focused they were on their child's wellbeing. He never got that as a child, and whenever he saw it, it reminded him of just how different his childhood was. He was so proud of Christie, and how good a parent she was even after all the shit they had gone through as kids. For years he had looked at the perfect family that Christie had created with Violet and hoped that one day he could prove to himself that he would be a better parent than his own. 

Matt had felt his stomach drop when Gabby had cornered him in his office and gave him an update on the condition of the boy from the warehouse. He hadn't asked, because he didn't want to know. It was a harsh reality, but it was an aspect of the job that got drilled into you at the academy; you can't save everyone, and you can't let yourself be haunted by those that you couldn't save. Gabby knew of that rule, it was the same for paramedics, and Matt couldn't understand why she had decided to pass along the update on the child's medical condition. 

After Gabby left, Matt dropped down on his desk chair, trying to distract himself with the papers and incident reports that were due. Nothing on the paper was able to draw him away from the thoughts of the parents of the child, imagining the heartbreak that they must be going through having their child in a coma. He felt like it was his fault, if only he had moved quicker to get up there, and if only he had held him up a little bit higher to get the blood flowing better. He didn't blame nobody else but himself, and that was entirely the reason why you were meant to leave what happened on a call at the scene. It did no good bringing it back into the house. 

* * *

Hours passed, and both squad and ambulance got called back out on separate calls, but truck was quiet. Mouch was in his usual position in front of the TV, and Otis, Hermann and Kidd were all planning some event sponsorship for Molly's. Matt went through his check in a haze, his mind constantly sweeping back to the poor kid in the ICU. The feelings of guilt hooked their claws deeper when the father of the child turned up with a box of donuts and a thank you on his lips. He was in pieces and seeing the man so close to breaking broke Matt in return. 

Matt left the box of donuts in the kitchen without grabbing one, thankful that Ambulance 61 got called out at the exact same time. He offered a small smile to the guys as they immediately moved to swarm the new food that was on offer before slipping away into the bunk room. He found Severide sat in his office focusing on his reports, his door was open, but the blinds were drawn offering some degree of privacy. Matt walked into the room without a word, closing the door behind him before dropping down onto the small single cot. He could feel Severide's eyes follow him across the small room, "What's up?"

Matt felt everything that was filled his head hover on the tip of his tongue, as he fought to find his words through the haze of guilt and the grief that was feeling for the family. Matt sighed, "Warehouse rescue,"

From the corner of his eye, he could see Severide turn towards him slightly, his report all but forgotten. "Yeah?"

All the questions about his role during the call to the rescue seemed to tumble out of his mouth at once, and with every word he said Matt could see Severide turning more towards him. "Did I not move fast enough? Did I not hold him up high enough? Did I do too many compressions? Not Enough Compressions? I..."

"Casey." Severide cut him off, the gentle command in his voice grabbing Matt's attention, "I was there. You were unstoppable. You didn't quite until that kid was breathing. Anything that happened after that has nothing to do with our rescue."

Matt nodded at the words, he wanted to believe them, but he struggled. He wanted to accept the man’s words, but he couldn't shake the feeling that the child's currently health situation was his fault. He wanted to be angry at Gabby for telling him, and he wished it had been someone else standing out in the open when the poor father had walked into the house. "He's in a coma."

Severide sighed loudly, as he pushed himself up from the chair and slowly walked over to the bed where Matt was sitting. "Dawson shouldn't have told you." He whispered, as he curled a hand into the hair at the back of Matt's head. Matt leaned into the touch, blinking up at the man as he found some of the tension in his shoulders fade. 

"I wish she hadn't. But then the kids father came by just now and - fuck." Matt cursed, tearing his eyes away from Severide He blinked up at the ceiling, exhaling a shaky breath as he did. Firm hands pushed at his shoulders, directing him to lie down on Severide's cot. Despite being identical to his own, Matt found himself sinking into the mattress as if it was a cloud. Even the typically scratchy blanket felt like silk beneath him. He was pushed onto his side, and he watched as Severide climbed over him to squeeze into the small space behind him. The cot was not built with two firefighters in mind, so they were snug against each other even before Severide wrapped an arm around Matt's waist pulling him backwards against his chest.

"You did an amazing job today. I know calls about kids are the worst for you, and I wanted to hug you the moment we gave the boy over to the paramedics." Severide whispered into Matt's ear, his warm breath causing the blonde to shiver at the sensation. Matt nodded softly at Severide's words, tugging him closer so that there was no space left between their bodies. Matt curled himself up slightly and smiled when the other man instantly copied his movements. He had never been held like this before, he had never been the little spoon and he had never had someone else's arms wrapped around him so protectively. "She was a fucking idiot for telling you. She didn't stop to think about how it would make you feel knowing."

Matt opened his mouth but found himself unable to think of a way to response. He knew that he should have stood up for Gabby, but in all honestly, he found himself agreeing with Severide. Matt stroked up and down the quilting on Severide's jacket, as he asked, "Has she always been like this and I've just not noticed? Or is it a new thing?" 

"She's always been like this, but it’s getting worse. She's a selfish person, who only cares about herself. I'm not saying that because I'm jealous or because I want to drive a wedge between you. But just look at Louie; Dawson wanted Louie so much, but now she's got him, the poor kid spends more time with the sitter than her." Severide's words were harsh in the subject matter, but he whispered them so softly into Matt's ear. Matt focused on the sound of the mingled breathing; he couldn't even point out any faults in Severide's words. Louie was with his babysitter for the twenty-four hours that they were on shift, and then was with the sitter for various reasons on the days that they had off. Sometimes it was because Matt had alderman duties, or because Gabby was needed at the bar. The little snippets of time all added up and it wouldn't surprise Matt if it calculated that Louie spent nearly half of his time with the sitter. 

"Is it fair on him? I mean are we really parents to him if he only spends half of his time with us. He doesn't call me dad or anything like that." Matt frowned, wrapping his hand around Severide's wrist as the sounds of chatter from the kitchen echoed down into the bunk room. 

"What does it say on the paperwork?"

Matt huffed, snorting as he spoke, "She puts down that she's a single parent family. Even with the idea that she's going to adopt him, she'd adopt him as a single parent."

"Do you want to adopt him?" Severide asked, his hand splayed out across Matt's stomach even as the blonde began tracing shapes into the skin on the back of his wrist. Matt could feel the marks of a lifetime underneath his fingertips; old scars from fires and god knows what else. He could feel the soft hairs that lined the man’s arms, dark in colour in contrast to his own light ones. 

"I love Louie, don't get me wrong. But honestly? No. We weren't together when she fostered him. I don't even know why we got back together. I wasn't happy before and I'm still not happy now." Matt explained, and even without looking he could feel the moment that his words sparked a reaction in the other man. Severide's grip tightened around him, and he felt the air move behind him at the sharp intake of breath that the other man took. 

"Do something about it." Severide demanded, but Matt didn't take the tone to heart. He knew that Severide didn't mean anything by his words.

"I can't do that to Louie now. Not after everything he's been through. It would be another adult abandoning him." 

"What about you. You're going to make yourself miserable."

"It's how I've spent most of my life." Matt whispered. The room fell into silence, with neither man finding the words to say to break it. They remained holding each other tightly, clutching at the other for company until the alarm rang out and both Squad and Truck were called out. 

* * *

His fake smile was back in place as he forced himself to act like the doting boyfriend throughout the Dawson family anniversary party. Matt found himself unable to shake the rage that grew inside; it was as if the lights had been turned on and he could finally see everything for the first time. He could see what Severide had meant when he had called Gabby selfish, because he was now able to see it for himself. He had returned home, defeated with the knowledge that the young boy from the warehouse incident had died, and she hadn't noticed his pain. She hadn't pushed the topic when he had given her some half arse excuse that the dry cleaners were manic and had brushed Matt aside as she took off to continue getting ready. Apparently opening a window when he took a shower was much more important than questioning the thunder cloud that seemed to be growing above his head. 

As the events at the party spiralled, he saw more and more of her personality, and Matt wondered if he had been living with the shutters on for the last few years. Had everyone else seen what he was seeing now, or were they all just as blind to it as he had been? Matt had forced himself to be kind, sympathetic and helpful in sorting out the chaos all whilst Gabby hid and sobbed in a stairwell. They weren't his family, but he was the only apologising to everyone and getting them to leave all whilst Gabby sat feeling sorry for herself, twisting it into a way so that it was all about her. Matt had bit back his anger, when she had directed her anger towards her mother for not telling her; he was glad that Antonio had the sense to take his mother out of the situation even if Gabby hadn't. He felt sorry for the poor woman; Matt could only begin to imagine the embarrassment that she had been subjected too. 

The cab ride home had been frosty, with Gabby looking out the window with a scowl on her face. They had dropped Brett off at her apartment first, the young paramedic trying to break the tension with little success. Matt could see the relief in the poor girls face when she had finally climbed out of the cab, offering a small wave as they drove away. The silence between them remained until they stepped into their apartment; Gabby glanced at Matt once before storming off to the bedroom, snapping as she went, "I just want to be left alone."

The bedroom door slammed closed behind her, leaving Matt stood in the living room with his hands on his lips as he stared at the door. His anger had him clenching his hands, his fingers biting into his hips; he felt like setting the world to right, but delivering some home truths. A family had lost their son, but Gabby was allowed to bitch, rant and cry because her parents were getting divorced and they hadn't told her. Matt felt like shit because the guilt and grief had only multiplied knowing that the young boy hadn't made it, but he had been the one to fake a smile and pretend everything was okay. 

Matt didn't have to think twice as he snatched his car keys up from the bowl on the coffee table. Louie was spending the night at the sitter's because they hadn't known when they would be returning from the party, so Matt didn't have to worry about the little boy being left alone as he walked out of the apartment. He wanted to be childish, and slam the door behind him too, but instead he let it close quietly. The tires of his truck squealed as he drove off; he had one destination in mind.

Matt knocked loudly on the door to Severide's new apartment, tapping his foot impatiently as he heard the footsteps on the other side getting closer and closer. The door opened to reveal Severide standing there shirtless, wearing nothing but a pair of lounge pants and a small smile on his face. Matt surged forwards, dragging him into a kiss as he pushed the other man back into the apartment. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter we are back in Kelly's POV, but Matt is going to be doing so much talking and explaining. Basically these two are gonna do a nice big feeling sharing session.


	4. Chapter 4

Kelly had been nursing a beer and watching the hockey match on TV when he had heard the pounding on his front door. He had frowned as he slowly put the bottle down on the coffee table, pulling his feet off the wooden surface. There could be plenty of people who were banging at his door at a late hour, and none of them were people he was in the mood to deal with. If it was Stella, it would be because of whatever her jumped up ex-husband had done this week, or worse it could be the druggie ex-husband. Kelly had done well to avoid the drama from all of that for the past few months, and he was trying to keep it that way. He still shared a few drinks with Stella occasionally, but it was at a solid arm length distance. Stella knew that there was nothing that was going to happen between them again, but Kelly hadn't told her about his feelings for Casey. He tried not to think about what other face might greet him when he opened the door; if Gabby had found out about his feelings for her boyfriend, he didn't think he could hold his tongue if she rocked up screaming at him. Or worse it would be Antonio at the door, putting his boxing skills to good use. 

Padding over to the front door, Kelly glanced through the peephole, mentally preparing himself for whoever was there to yell at him, only to blink in surprise at the sight before him. Casey was stood there dressed in a suit, but his hair ruffled from running his hands through it. It was just getting long enough to show the gentle waves, and Kelly loved that look on the blonde. There were no grey hairs like the ones that peppered his own, and despite all the years of hard work, Casey still had that youthful glow about him. Kelly didn't have to think twice as he pulled the door open wide, with a smile on his face as he took in the beautiful man in front of him. He didn't get a chance to say hello to Casey, or to ask what he was doing there, before the blonde surged forwards capturing him in a kiss that was firm and passionate. Arms looped around his neck, and Casey pressed himself up against Kelly's front as they gasped into each other’s mouths. 

Kelly allowed himself to be pushed backwards into his apartment, the slam of the front door just about registering as Casey led him back until his knees hit the arm of his couch. With one more push, Kelly found himself falling backwards, bouncing up off the cushions before Casey crawled down to straddle his hips. Kelly gripped at the blonde’s strong thighs, feeling the line of muscle through the thin fabric of the suit trousers that was wearing. He didn't care about the fabric, or what creases it may cause as he pushed the jacket down from Casey's shoulders, balling it up and throwing it away. They didn't break the kiss once, even when Casey giggled into the kiss when his arms had got stuck in the sleeves of the jacket before they untangled it. Kelly groaned when they finally separated; Casey pushed himself up to a seated position with his hands resting against Kelly's chests. He knew that Casey was evil in that exact moment, when the blonde grazed his thumb over Kelly's sensitive nipples. 

"Hi," Casey smiled down at him, his eyes shining so brightly that it made it difficult for Kelly to imagine looking away. 

"Hi," Kelly repeated. He pushed himself up so that was sitting also. He wrapped his arms around Casey, a hand resting low on the blondes back as he captured him in another kiss which was much more chaste than the last one. 

He could feel Casey's hands slide up his chest, to rest around the back of his neck, his thumbs stroking his jaw line as kiss dissolved into tiny little pecks that were pressed against closed lips. "Nice surprise," Kelly smiled, against the corner of Casey's lips. It dawned on him, that despite when Casey helped move his stuff over, this was the first time that the blonde had been in his new apartment. It was minimal with only a few pieces of furniture dotted around the huge open space. It used to be an old warehouse, and you could tell. The walls were all exposed brickwork or exposed metal; pipes dotted around the room ran from floor to ceiling, and the floor was concrete. It was the exact opposite of the homey apartment that Casey and Dawson had created for themselves. 

"I'm sorry for barging in like that," Casey grinned down at him, the wide smile on his face told him that he wasn't that sorry. 

"Nothing to be sorry about," 

"The little boy from the warehouse incident died." The smile dropped from Kelly's face as he saw the light dim from Casey's eyes at the sudden revelation; it was like Casey had been wanting to say those words to someone all day. He curled his hand around the blonde’s neck dragging him into a tight embrace. Kelly felt his heart break when he felt Casey sag against him. 

"Matt," Kelly began, but Casey kept talking as if he needed to have the words heard. 

"And it made me realise that you were the only one to notice that it had upset me."

"Matt-"

"And all Gabby cared about was her parents not telling her that they were getting divorced." Casey snarked bitterly, the tension leaving his shoulders as he finally said what had been weighing on his mind. Kelly curled the blonde man so that his head was resting underneath his chin. He focused on his breathing, making sure that it remained calm when all he wanted to do was let his temper rise and lash out at how selfish Dawson had been to the perfect man in his arms. He couldn't understand why she hadn't seen the emotion that had been in Casey's eyes all shift after she had been stupid enough to tell him that the boy had deteriorated in the hospital and was in a coma. If she hadn't told Casey about that, then he wouldn't have spent the last day and a half in distress thinking that he should have done more to save the child. 

"I'm here, whatever you want to do. If you want to reach out and go to the funeral, I will come with you." Kelly offered, leaning back a bit so that he could see Casey's face. The lieutenant shook his head in response, and Kelly twisted his lip as he contemplated his options. He could read Casey, but he knew that the man liked to keep everything, his thoughts and feeling tight to his chest. He knew that he was like Casey in that regards to an extent. 

"Come on, let’s get comfortable and we can talk about anything you want to talk about. I don't have much but I can offer you a beer or I can make a very mean hot chocolate," Kelly suggested as he rubbed a hand soothingly up and down Casey's back, his fingers catching on the shirt. He wanted to get the man out of the collared shirt and into something he could relax in. 

Casey chuckled wetly, "I'd love a hot chocolate. Thank you. "

* * *

Kelly found himself sat cross-legged at the foot of his bed; the covers pulled up over his waist. Casey was sat at the top, now dressed in a Blackhawks hoodie that Kelly had thrown at him, and his underwear. Kelly was glad that the blonde had opted to mimic him in pulling the duvet up over his hips; he feared that he would be unable to stop himself getting distracted being able to see so much of Casey. Their empty mugs were resting on the bed next to them, leaning precariously against their legs as they talked about everything and anything. Casey had talked a bit more about the little boy, explaining how he had stopped by at the hospital and found out, and then everything that Dawson had said and done that afternoon and evening. 

"I'm scared," Casey admitted, as he fiddled with the empty mug, spinning it between his hands as he stared down. "My parents had already separated and were living in different houses. It was hard, my mum could barely afford to keep the heat on, and Christie was already away at college, so it was just me stuck between them as they argued. I didn't have many friends at school, but I hung out with this one kid a lot, mainly because we were both the outcasts. I don't know if he was gay, but he was really flamboyant; anyways I was at my dad’s house one night, and he came over to study for a project. My dad came home from work, and he saw us there sat on the couch reading from this one book."

Kelly wanted to move closer, to pull Casey into his arms when the blondes voice shuddered as he retold the story. 

"He told him to get out, and then he just stood there and waited till the door closed before he turned on me. He'd been saying things for months, things like he had said to my mum for years. But that day he just looked at me and said, 'I want your mother to have an abortion when we found out she was pregnant, and if I had known then that my son would grow up to be a faggot I would have done the job myself.' He didn't say it to my face again, but I heard him spitting it at my mum when they used to drive over to each other’s houses to argue. Even when they weren't together, they were always there fighting. "

"It's taken me years to get to the point where I can look at a man and not have my father’s voice in my head. I was attracted to you when we met, but I was still a scared kid back then." Casey blinked up at Kelly through his eyelashes. The way he curled in on himself had the black hoodie look like it was swamping him, had Kelly quickly shifting his empty mug to the floor before he crawled up the bed to sit in front of the blonde. 

Casey reached for him as soon as he was in distance, entwining their fingers together. "I'm not scared now."

"You are the bravest, kindest and most caring man I have ever met. I wish I could be half the man that you are," Kelly whispered, as he squeezed Casey's hand tight. There were so many more words that he wanted to say, but he knew that he would have the time to say them. The night was too short for him to rush through every single one of the loving thoughts that filled his head whenever he looked at Casey. 

"I still don't know what I should do. I want to be with you, only with you. But I feel like I'm just being another crappy parent to Louie if I abandon him." Casey sighed as Kelly curled his free hand around the back of his neck. Kelly leaned forwards pressing the softest of kisses to the corner of Casey's lips before pulling slightly. 

"We'll figure it out."

* * *

Kelly had been woken up the next morning in his bed, the dark grey covers pooled at his thighs and Casey perched on his hips. The blonde was still dressed in the hoodie and the boxers, and Kelly felt himself flushing at the immediate realisation that the lounge pants he had worn to bed, did nothing to hide the hard on that was currently pressed against Casey's arse. His breath caught in his throat, escaping as a moan when Casey ground down against him. The mischievous smirk on the blondes face immediately had Kelly wanting to flip them over and press Casey down into the mattress. He settled for putting his hands on the lieutenant’s hips, his fingers poking up underneath the oversized hoodie. His skin was heated, and Kelly could see Casey's own arousal tenting the fabric of his boxers. He wanted to reach out and grasp Casey through his underwear, to find out what it felt like to have the blondes cock weighing in his hands as he pumped him to the edge. 

"Morning," Casey smiled down at him, brushing his thumb over the stubble on Kelly's jaw. 

"Morning gorgeous," Kelly whispered, admiring the blush that formed on the blonde’s cheeks. The light from the high windows shone down on the bed, encasing them in the early morning sunshine. It illuminated Casey, reflecting of his hair to make him look practically angelic. Kelly was instantly glad that he hadn't yet bothered to buy any blinds or curtains for the apartment, and he decided instantly that he wasn't going to. He would rather wake up at dawn every morning just so he could see the light pooling in through the windows like it was now.

"Do you trust me?" Casey asked, biting his lip back as he stared down at Kelly. Kelly nodded against his pillow, his back arching off the bed when Casey ground his hips down against him once more. His moan was ripped from him as he clenched his hands tighter on the blonde’s waist, gently guiding him in the rhythm as the slowly rutted against each other. It was the feeling of having a body so close to his cock, the fabric adding to the friction with every little thrust down that Casey made. The feeling intensified when Casey leaned forwards, lying down on top of Kelly's chest. He could feel their cocks brushing together, and the feeling was entirely different to what it had been when his cock had been caught underneath the blonde’s arse. 

He had been with men before, he had touched, sucked, and fucked men plenty of times, but none of those times were a scratch to the eager inexperienced man that was finding a rhythm that suited him. It was clumsy but it was perfect. Kelly dragged a hand up Casey's back, tangling it into the blonde hair which was curly from sleep. He tugged the strands, grinning at the gasp that fell from the man's lips. He chased the gasp, capturing him in a kiss as their hips continued to grind together. He could put a hand between them and push their underwear down so that their cocks sprung free. He could wrap his hand around them both, squeezing them together as he worked them to completion, but there was something so erotic in the way that they were just chasing their pleasure. 

Kelly broke the kiss, blinking up into Casey's eyes, before he flipped them with ease. The surprise gasp that fell from Casey's lips was once more stolen as Kelly kissed him again, running his tongue over the blonde’s bottom lip. Casey let himself go, allowing Kelly to take more control as he thrust his hips down. The blonde stretched his legs wider, grasping at Kelly's arse, pulling him each thrust. Their moans grew louder as they moved faster as they chased their orgasms. Kelly realised there was nothing better than the look of pure bliss as Casey gasped out his name, and the feeling of the fabric of their underwear growing damp. 

Kelly collapsed down on top of Casey, pressing kisses across the blonde’s cheek, only kissing his lips once every few kisses. He smiled against the blonde’s jaw as Casey ducked his head hunting for his lips. He hadn't come in his pants like that for years, and Kelly found himself wanting to do it again, but so he could feel Casey's hard body pressed against his. "I could get used to waking up like that," Kelly whispered against Casey's chin, grazing his lips up until he once more found the blondes kiss. 

"One day," Casey promised, stroking a hand through Kelly's short hair. 

* * *

Kelly trod slowly across the cold concrete floor of his apartment at a loose end on what to do with himself. He had said goodbye to Casey at the door, showering him with kisses before the blonde had reluctantly stepped out of his embrace. Kelly hadn't realised how much it would hurt to have the man he loved, only to watch him walk away from him in the early morning and watch him head back home to someone else. He had tried to distract himself from his thoughts by tinkering with the little workshop area that he had set up in the corner of his apartment, but nothing that he had been working on captured his attention. 

When his mobile rang, Kelly had jolted from the living room, dashing into his bedroom as if there was a fire. His heart thumped rapidly when he saw the name on the call and the photo of the blonde man that greeted him. "Couldn't stay away?" He joked in greeting as he accepted the call.

"No place else I'd want to be." Kelly smiled to himself at the sound of Casey's voice on the other end of the line, "How do you feel about breakfast, zoo and spending the day with me and a little tiger?"

"That sounds amazing. Do you want me to come meet you at yours or meet you at the diner you like?" Kelly asked, pulling out clothes from the chest of drawers next to his bed. After Casey had left, he had changed out of the dirty lounge pants, swapping into a pair of shorts and t-shirt. They were holey and had probably been in his possession since before Darden had died. 

On the other side of the phone he could hear the surprise in the blonde’s voice as he asked, "Oh? So, what diner do I like?"

"It's that cute little bakery café in old town." 

"How did you know that?" The surprise had magnified in Casey's voice, and Kelly knew that if he had been able to see the blonde there would be the little frown on his face. 

"You mentioned it once or twice." Kelly blushed, rubbing absently at his jaw as he explained, "Your eyes lit up when you are talking about it, but no was paying attention because they were arguing about someplace else." It had been one of the many times that the house had been arguing about the best places to eat in Chicago. Food or someone's love life were always the two biggest topics of conversation on shift, and more often than the food conversations led to petty sibling-like arguments. Everyone always wanted to insist that their place was better, regardless of whether anyone else agreed with them. Kelly tried to stay out of the arguments as much as possible, but even he was prone to joining in when the guys started on which bar or club was the best. He had remembered Casey speaking of the little diner, and practically drooling describing all the little cakes and decorated deserts that the shop did. 

"I can't believe you remembered that." Casey stated in shock.

"So how about we grab pancakes from your favourite place, and then we can hit the zoo with Louie." Kelly suggested, as he pushed his shorts down and fell backwards onto the bed as he fought to get dressed one handed. 

"It sounds perfect."

* * *

Casey had changed out of the shorts that Kelly had lent him to go him in; his suit laying forgotten somewhere in Kelly's apartment. He was still wearing the hoodie that he had worn to bed that night, and what he had been wearing only a few hours ago as they grinded to completion against each other. The sight of the logo and the mischievous grin on Casey's face had Kelly subtly adjusting himself in his pants before he got out of the car. The café was small and quaint, but the amazing smell of fresh pastry and cakes hit Kelly the moment he stepped inside. He walked over to the table that Casey had already claimed, and gently ruffled the blonde’s hair in greeting as he moved to drop into the seat opposite. Louie was sitting in the corner of the booth, happily colouring in a book, the bright orange crayon flowing over all the lines haphazardly. 

"I see you've claimed my hoodie," Kelly smirked, his eyes flicking down to the Blackhawks logo.

"I washed it before I came out," Casey blushed, his cheeks brightening as Kelly snickered at his reaction. 

"It looks good on you-"

"I know what you're going to say next and remember little ears." Casey snorted, as he ruffled Louie's hair with a smile filling his face. Louie seemed unfazed as to the adults next to him, immersed in colouring in the picture of a castle and a dragon. "Now I believe I was promised pancakes."

Kelly was rubbing at his full belly, laughing as Casey mimicked his actions. The pair of them had put away a huge plate of pancakes each, Kelly's smothered in berries and fruit, whilst Casey's had been more chocolate than anything else. The staff had brought Louie a set of his own mini pancakes and a little serving platter of things so that the little boy could build his own combination. Kelly had felt his heart melt at the pure joy in the child's face as he copied both Kelly's and Casey's pancakes before sticking with the combination of peanut butter and banana's. His face showed the remnants of his breakfast, but the big tooth grin had the entire café cooing whenever anyone walked past the booth. 

Kelly paid for their breakfasts, grinning at Casey when the blonde tried to pay for his and Louie part of the food. He wanted to treat the blonde man right, and even though they were spending the day at the zoo it still felt like a date to Kelly. He wished they could be in a situation where they could do this publicly; he wanted to hold Casey's hand as they walked out of the café and down the streets towards Lincoln Park. He wanted to show his love for the lieutenant to the world, and proudly proclaim that he had been the one who had made Casey call out his name that morning. 

They walked with Louie clutching at both of their hands; the zoo wasn't overly busy as they wandered around the exhibits. Casey and Kelly took it in turns hoisting the young boy onto their shoulders so that he could see all the animals. Louie was besotted with the lions, and Casey and Kelly had watched as the little boy ran back and forth in front of the glass window, following the lion as the magnificent creature prowled in front of it. They had leaned against the side of the little area, watching as the boy giggled every time the lion changed direction to walk the other way. Casey kept his eyes glued on him, as he admitted with a small frown, "That's the first time I've ever heard him laugh like that."

"He's not had it easy; it takes a little time." Kelly soothed, angling his body so that no one could see as he gently stroked up ang down the blonde man’s back. 

"I just feel like he's still wary around us. Like he's not able to relax."

"You're doing a great job Matt," Kelly whispered reassuringly. He reluctantly let his hand slip from Casey's back when Louie turned to smile at them both, pointing excitedly at the lion who had lied down in front of the glass. His heart thumped in his chest as he watched Casey nod slowly, as if he only half-believed Kelly's words before moving to crouch down next to Louie in front of the glass. Kelly watched as Casey pointed out to the little boy the lioness approaching from a ledge further back. 

They wandered around the small zoo for a few hours, before the excitement caught up with Louie. He was asleep in Casey's arms, his head burrowed into the blonde’s neck, clutching at the new soft lion toy that Kelly had brought him from the gift shop. Kelly couldn't help but look at them with pure love in his eyes, he loved how selfless Casey was and it showed with every interaction that he shared with the small boy; Casey hadn't wanted to be a part in the fostering, but he was there now being the father that Louie didn't have. 

"Have I got something on my face?" Casey asked, rubbing around his mouth with the back of his hand, chasing any traces of the ice creams they had eaten just before Louie had grown tired. 

"No, you're clean. You're just amazing." Kelly smiled softly, stepping slightly closer to the blonde. They were near the penguin enclosure, staring through the glass at the little birds, and there were practically alone. There was no one there to judge them as Kelly glanced down at the line of Casey's lips before flicking his eyes back up. 

Kelly didn't need to close the space between him, as Case leaned forwards and bridged the remaining gap. The kiss was chaste and lasted only a few seconds before the blonde took a small step back. His smile widened when Kelly reached out to tuck a stray hair back into place, before pressing a small kiss against Casey's forehead, and placing a small kiss on the top of Louie's head. 

"You're biased," Casey blushed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So next chapter is going to be some big arguments occurring between Matt and Gabby, and no there will not be a shitty wedding between them! It will follow on around episode 8 and it's going to be so much fun for Matt to finally start standing up to Gabby regarding Louis. 
> 
> I was going to have Louis calling Matt 'Daddy', but I decided against it. Simply because I just don't think it was realistic in the show. I want to show louis actually being a child, because I think the actor they used on the show was not comfortable on the set.


	5. Chapter 5

Matt felt lighter in himself after spending the day with Severide and Louie and had returned home feeling full from the day of eating junk food. His happy mood had dimmed dramatically when he was met with the sight of Gabby crying on the couch. Her visit to see her mother had resulted in further arguments erupting between the divorcing parents. She didn't care that Louie was slowly waking up as her angry crying got louder and louder. Matt didn't want to listen to the bitter words from a woman in her thirty's acting like a teenager, and he didn't want Louie to witness it. He couldn't help the vindictive part in the back of his mind that reminded him that there was no such thing as a perfect family, and it made him frustrated that Gabby was trying to cling to the idea that hers had been. 

He glared at her through her angry tears, storming from the room with Louie in his arms, moving as quickly as possible so that the little boy was not exposed to Gabby's hysterics. The little boy had seen so many things already in his short life, he didn't need another memory of an adult falling to pieces in front of him. Closing the bedroom door behind them, Matt slowly lowered the little boy onto the floor, and watched as the child sleepily rubbed at his eyes before clutching his new lion toy to his chest. "I wanna show mummy, the new toy that Uncle Kelly got me," Louie's quiet voice filled the room, making Matt's heart thump painfully in his chest. He sounded so upset that he was unable to show off the little lion toy, but all Matt could think about was Severide. 

He had hated saying goodbye to the other man outside of the zoo. They had put Louie into his car seat, the little boy softly snoring away, before Severide had pulled him into a tight embrace. Matt curled his arms around the squad lieutenants back, burying his face into Severide's neck as he inhaled the smell of his aftershave. "I don't want to let you go," Matt had whispered, his words muffled and only audible for them. Neither of them cared that they were in the public, and that there were people all around them. 

"We'll see each other tomorrow on shift gorgeous." Severide promised. Standing in his house now, tomorrow couldn't come soon enough. 

"Your mummy's not feeling very well at the moment, we can show her tomorrow before we leave for work okay?" Matt suggested, crouching down beside the little boy. His heart warmed and felt a little less heavy in his chest as Louie nodded and stepped forward to wrap his arms loosely around Matt's neck. Matt returned the hug, smiling weakly to himself as he did so. "Come on, how about we get ready for bed, and then we can have dinner in front of a film okay?"

Louie nodded eagerly, eating dinner in front of the tv was something that Gabby had not allowed him to do. She had insisted that dinners were family time, and that it was good for everyone to eat at the table. Matt hadn't agreed, but when he tried to suggest against it, she had pointed out that was how her family always had their meals growing up. She hadn't worded it directly, but Matt had seen the hidden comment in her words; she had been suggesting that her family life had been normal in comparison to his, and therefore she knew better about how a family should be. Matt had wanted to snap at her, point out that his family didn't eat meals together because whenever he was at his mum’s house there had never been enough food in the house for all of them. His mother would go without just to make sure that Matt and his sister had something. When it was his turn at his father's house, his father would rather spend his evenings drinking away his wages at the bar rather than having a sit-down meal with his children. 

Stepping into the living room, Matt found himself confronted by Gabby standing there with her arms crossed over her chest. He wasn't in the mood for an argument, after having spent an amazing evening feeling safe wrapped up in Severide's arms. The kiss that they shared in New York has sparked something in him and had made him feel more alive than he had in a long time. "Where have you been all day?" She snapped, leaving Matt to sigh in response. Whatever he was going to say would not be the right thing, and he knew that he was not going to win any argument that she fired off at him. 

"I took Louie to the zoo and met up with Severide." Matt admitted. There was no point lying about where he was or who he was with, not when there were little kids who didn't understand that adults lie sometimes. He felt scared to admit that he had spent his day off with the squad lieutenant, despite them being best friends in everyone else's eyes. 

"What about me? I needed you today." Gabby spat at him, ugly tears streaming down her face. 

"You were with Antonio and your family. What could I have done to make it any better? Your parents are still going to get a divorce and having me there would not have made them change their minds. Do you honestly want Louie to have to sit there and watch as you all argued?" Matt huffed, stepping around the angry paramedic. 

"Well he's listening to an argument now." Gabby retorted. Matt could hear her footsteps following him through the apartment into the kitchen. He busied himself with grabbing oven trays and grabbing all of Louie favourites out of the freezer; today was a day for dinosaur nuggets and curly fries.

"No he's not, he's getting ready for bed and picking a movie to watch whilst we eat dinner." Matt rolled his eyes as he turned to face the oven, grateful that Gabby didn't catch his expression. He doubted he would survive the wrath if she had. He wanted Severide to be with him now, he wanted to feel the tight hold that the squad lieutenant had on him whenever they hugged. He wanted to have the smell of his aftershave filling his breaths, and he wanted to feel his lips again. He wanted to feel loved and cherished. He wanted to hear Severide call him gorgeous, and have his hands holding his hips as he pressed himself against Matts back. 

The only thing that stopped Gabby from coming back at him with a biting remark was the sound of her phone ringing. He heard her say, 'Hi mum,' into the phone before her voice faded away into a different part of the apartment. Matt sighed in relief, as he allowed himself to enjoy the sound of silence, and the peace that came with it. 

* * *

The rest of the evening was frosty after Louie had been put to bed, the little boy falling into dreams before he reached the end of his film. Matt had tucked the boy in tight, kissing him on the head before tidying the kitchen and the plates. Gabby had secluded herself away in the bedroom, but her voice had gone quiet too. Matt presumed that her phone call with her mother had finished, and the paramedic was using the time to sulk or let her temper rage higher. With either option, Matt wasn't willing to open the bedroom door and find himself on the receiving end of it. His phone chimed with a message as he put the last of the dishes in the dishwater. One look at the sender’s name had Matt's mood lift higher than the clouds. 

> It’s weird not having you here. -K

> I miss you. -M

> I miss you too gorgeous, I promise we'll figure this out. -K

Matt felt his heart flutter as he read Severide's text, a small smile creeping its way past the bad mood that Gabby had put him in. He wished he could be able to run and hide from the responsibilities that he had forced upon himself. He wished that he could be selfish, but the memory of Louie happy laughter from the zoo stopped Matt from reaching for the keys to his truck. They did need to figure out how they were going to continue, because Matt didn't know if he was going to be able to keep pretending that he was happy when he had finally tasted what real happiness was. 

Matt had sat and watched the remaining third of a hockey game on TV, keeping up an ongoing text commentary with Severide throughout. It wasn't a Hawks game, so neither man was fully invested in the fight for the puck, and their texts quickly turned away from the game into a flirty banter. When the final buzzer had ended, Matt reluctantly sent a goodnight text as he rose from the couch. He prepared himself for the incoming argument, as he crossed the apartment to knock on the closed door to the bedroom. He had already decided half-way through the game, that he was going to sleep on the couch. It felt wrong to comprehend sharing a bed with Gabby when all he wanted was to feel Severide wrapped around him once more. The spare blankets were stored in the bedroom closet, and Matt wanted to at least have his own pillow whilst he slept on the uncomfortable couch. 

Gabby was sat up in bed, her arms crossed across her chest as if she had been waiting like that for Matt to come talk to her. Knowing her stubbornness, Matt might have believed she had been, if it wasn't for the fact her phone screen hadn't gone black and showed her Facebook dashboard. "I'm not here to start a fight," Matt sighed, grabbing at the t-shirt that he wore to sleep in. Matt was reluctant to take off the hoodie that he had commandeered from Severide, but the smell of the other man’s aftershave had been lost after going in the wash that morning. The smell may have been replaced with wash-powder, but the memory of rutting himself to completion against the silver haired man remained. 

Matt could feel Gabby's eyes following him across the room as he grabbed a blanket from the linen closet, "Baby, where are you going?"

The blonde man turned and tried his hardest not to scowl at the pout on Gabby's face. "I think it's best if I sleep on the couch tonight." Matt announced as he tucked the blanket under his arm and made to grab his pillow from his side of the bed. No sooner had he touched the pillow; Gabby's hand shot forward stopping him from taking it. He didn't know what her game was at the moment in time, but Matt wasn't in the mood to play it.

"What will Louie think if he sees you sleeping out there?" Gabby fluttered her eyelashes up at him, and the sight had matt gritted his teeth and fighting the urge to frown. He felt like he was being suffocated. There was a big difference between a child having to watch as their parents argued, and finding a parent sleeping on the couch. One could be reasoned away, one couldn't. If Louie found him sleeping on the couch, Matt could easily say that he hadn't felt very well so he didn't want Gabby to catch it or say that he hadn't been able to fall asleep. Any excuse would be accepted, as a four-year-old wouldn't think to question it further than that. 

"He'll not care Gabby," Matt huffed, snatching his pillow from underneath the paramedics hand. "I'll see you in the morning."

* * *

Matt felt like he had woken up in some parallel universe. Gabby was in the kitchen making a pot of coffee, but there was no comment on the small argument that they had shared the prior evening. It was as if the paramedic had pretended that it had never happened as they busied themselves with getting ready for the shift. Matt grit his teeth and stopped himself from making a comment as Gabby continued complaining about her parents and their divorce. She was so focused on her own rant that she hadn't noticed the soft sounds of little feet on hardwood as Louie came to hover in the doorway to the master bedroom. As Matt had expected, the little boy hadn't found him sleeping on the couch, but his attempts at keeping Louie away from Gabby's current negativity was not as successful. 

Hearing Louie call him by his name had Matt frowning as he followed the little boy into the kitchen. He didn't know why Louie didn't call him by anything else when he had already started calling Gabby 'mummy'. Thick guilt formed in his stomach at the little bit of joy that came with the fact the child didn't call him by anything else. He cared for Louie, but having the little boy call him 'dad', would just make the situation worse for Matt.

The drive to the fire station was eerily silent, and Matt was grateful for every second of it. He didn't want to listen to anymore of Gabby's rants about her parent’s marriage, and he didn't want to fake small talk. Matt was grateful the exact second, they climbed out of the car at the house, eager for the long moments of peace that he would get whenever ambulance 61 was dispatched. He wanted to see Severide again and take hold of the small moments of happiness that being with the other man gave him. Matt knew that he should feel dishonest for letting his emotions and his desires take hold of him when he was meant to be in a committed relationship and raising a child. But one glimpse of the squad lieutenant sat in his usual chair had any thoughts of shame and guilt disappear. Matt felt his cheeks warm, and his smile light up as Severide smiled over at him as he walked across the apparatus floor towards the locker room. Matt's smile only widening at the small wink that the silver haired man shot his way. 

* * *

Matt glanced up from his paperwork when he heard footsteps walking through the bunk room. The bunk room was unofficially the lieutenant’s territory during the day unless anyone else desired peace and quiet. It wasn't rare for him and Severide to be the only ones in the room most of the time, each of them squirrelled away in their little offices. The mountain of paperwork that piled up from each call was the main reason for their self-imposed seclusion, but now Matt couldn't help but think about a new positive that might come of it as Severide walked into the blonde's office like he owned the place. 

The sound of the bed springs bouncing had Matt turn his head with a small smile and a soft whisper, "Hey Kelly." 

"Hey gorgeous," Severide smiled over at him, as he folded his arms underneath his head. He was splayed out across Matt's single bed, looking ever so teasing and even more inviting. His shirt had rucked up exposing a small sliver of his toned stomach, and the sight had Matt wanting to reach out and feel the hard muscles that were hidden underneath Severide's uniform. His paperwork was nowhere near as appealing as the man lying before him, as Matt rose from his chair and hurriedly closed the door to his room. He could feel Severide's eyes burning into his back as he drew the blinds closed before he stepped closer to the bed. A hand shot out, pulling him down. Matt allowed himself to fall, giggling as he fell onto Severide, the pair of them barely able to fit on the small mattress. 

"What happened to your neck?" Matt whispered, his nose brushing against the silver haired mans. He carefully stroked at the pink skin surrounding the adhesive bandage that took up the whole left side of the man’s neck. His smile fell from his cheeks, and his forehead creased at the grunt of pain that fell from Severide's lips at the touch. 

"Got burnt saving some kid from his exploding freezer, I'll get Brett to look at it if it gets any worse than it is." Severide promised, closing the space between them and pressing the softest of kisses against Matt's lips. Matt hummed at the touch, but he didn't let Severide's attempt at distracting him work, as he reluctantly pulled his head back when the silver-haired man leaned in for a second kiss. 

"Can I see Kelly?" Matt asked, as he moved his hand away from Severide's neck, resting it on his chest instead. He carefully pushed himself up a few inches, not wanting to put all his weight onto the man. He watched with wide concerned eyes as Severide pulled back the edges of the bandage, wincing as it tugged on the damaged skin underneath. Matt joined him in wincing as he saw the blistered skin hiding underneath the dressing. "I think you should get that looked at now, maybe Brett can give you something to help the swelling and stop it from getting any worse?"

"Okay, but only after I get one more kiss." Matt huffed, the smile creeping onto the corners of his lips as Severide pushed himself up onto his elbows to chase after the blonde’s lips. Matt clutched at the front of the man's shirt holding him in place as Severide kissed him, licking at his bottom lip asking for entrance. It was deep, sensual and dangerous. Matt found himself moaning into the kiss, as Severide dug his fingers into his hips, shifting him closer so that their groins were aligned. He reluctantly pulled back from the kiss, blinking down at Severide with lidded eyes. He could feel the way that Severide's body was reacting to having him lying on top of him, and Matt would be lying if he said that it wasn't affecting him also. It was so similar to how they had spent the morning before, and Matt wished they could be in a position where they would be able to recreate it. 

"Do you want to grab something to eat after shift tomorrow?" Severide asked suddenly. 

"Are you asking me out on a date Mr Severide?" Matt teased, as he shifted so that he was no longer lying directly on top of the other man but sitting on his lap. He tried to fight the blush when he felt Severide's cock twitch eagerly underneath him. 

"Yes, I was thinking Portillo's and then maybe coming back to my place?" Severide grinned up at the blonde, running his hands up and down Matt's strong thighs, his thumbs teasing at his inner thigh. Matt could feel his cock getting harder, the bulge becoming noticeable in the front of his pants. 

"Sounds perfect, but first you need to go get your neck checked," Matt smiled, leaning forwards to peck the silver haired man on the lips. He pulled back quickly a mischievous smirk on his lips as Severide failed to pull him into a deeper kiss which would have inevitably had them testing how soundproof the walls and windows were. Matt climbed off the bed, adjusting himself in his pants as he looked down at the debauched sight that was still sprawled on his sheets. Severide was tenting, and his face was flushed with arousal as he looked up at the truck lieutenant. 

"You look-" The sound of a sharp knocking on the office door had the rest of Severide's sentence die on his lips. Matt glanced at the rumbled state of his sheets and the way that the squad lieutenant looked like he was caught in the middle of having sex. Severide quickly adjusted himself in his pants, pushing himself up into a seated position to further hide his current state of arousal. With a small from the silver-haired man, Matt opened the door to his office. His heart stopped in his chest when he saw Gabby standing on the other side of the door, and a quick glance over his shoulder confirmed that Severide had a matching look of a deer caught in the headlights.

"Gabby," Matt began, ready to offer an explanation if the paramedic questioned anything. The truth was waiting on the tip of his tongue, and Matt hadn't even imagined that this was going to be the way that the situation was going to be revealed. Not in his wildest dreams did he imagine that he would have to explain his and Severide’s blossoming relationship at the firehouse. If an argument sparked in here, the entire house would be at the door, listening in and getting involved. 

"Matt you got a minute. Tina from DCFS is here." Gabby stated quickly, turning back around as soon as Matt gave a small nod. Matt let out the sigh he was holding as he watched her walk away, and behind him he heard Severide do the same. 

"Close." Severide blinked, as Matt turned around to offer him a final parting smile. 

"But worth it," Matt whispered, ducking closer to peck at Severide's lips, before darting out of the other man's grip. One kiss wasn't enough for either of them, or if they didn't separate now, they would end up getting caught. Matt smiled to himself as he took in the carefree smile that filled the squad lieutenants face from the small kiss, reluctantly leaving him with one final comment, "Neck."

* * *

Having the adoption papers thrust into his hands made Matt feel like his already unbalanced world had been flipped on its axis. He forced a smile on his face, but he knew that it was barely reaching his cheeks, let alone hiding the fear and dread in his eyes. He had never been more grateful for an ambulance call as he watched Gabby rush off with a promise that they will talk when she got back. Matt knew then that he was going to have to make his mind up quickly about how he was going to proceed with everything. There was not going to be time for him and Severide to figure out what they were going to do, not with the adoption papers in front of them. 

The thoughts of how he was going to deal with the situation, and how he was going to explain that he wasn't going to be able to adopt Louie were reeling through his head, even as Truck got called out. By the time they returned, Matt was not excited to see Gabby sat on his bed in his officer's quarters. Stepping into the office, he saw the adoption papers sprawled out across the sheets, and his stomach sunk as he looked at the world that he was getting trapped in. He wondered if this was how his parents felt when they first got pregnant with his sister, like they were trapped in a scenario with only a few options, and none of them would end well. "Oh Matt you back, great. So I'm reading through the papers and we could try and apply for co-adoption?"

"Gabby, I really need to get this paperwork finished before end of shift." Matt winced, fearing the response that he was going to get from his quick change of subject. He couldn't bring himself to play happy families at the moment, and he hadn't had nearly enough time to think about how he was going to upend his entire life with the least amount of damage. 

"Okay, we can talk about it at home," Gabby smiled as she gathered the papers back into the folder. Matt knew that she was so distracted by the idea that she was only a few signatures away from possibly adopting Louie, and if it had been any other time when he had waved off a conversation she would have flipped. 

"About that, me and Severide had already made plans for our down time, we were going to go fishing straight after shift." Matt rambled quickly, grabbing the first idea that popped into his head and running with it.

"Can't you cancel, I mean this is important Matt." Gabby frowned at him, pausing her shuffling of the papers in her hands. The sight had Matts stomach sink further and made him feel like a coward. He knew that he wanted to be with Severide, his attraction and feelings from the man only grew with every passing minute. It was more than just lust, or a desire to act on the aspects of his sexuality that he had never dared to before. Being with him made Matt feel like he was spending time with the other half of his soul. They had been through so much together over the years, shared so many emotions both good and bad, and they had come out of everything stronger together. His wanted Severide, and despite his growing frustrations with Gabby, he didn't want to hurt her. He didn't want to hurt Louie. 

"Severide's already made arrangements, we'll figure it out when I get back though." Matt continued, spinning his lie like a spider. 

The sound of the alarm going and the call for Ambulance saved Matt from whatever biting comment was about to fall from the paramedic's lip. She frowned at him as she stormed out of the room, leaving the blonde man to let out a shaky breath as he watched her walk out of the bunk room. He waited for the door to swing close behind her before he darted from his office and into the one next door. 

"Hey gorgeous," Severide greeted, he turned away from his paperwork as Matt closed the glass door behind him. There was no on in the bunkroom, but Matt didn't want to risk his conversation being overheard by anyone who might wonder in. 

"Hey, so if anyone asks, we're going fishing straight after shift and we'll be gone the night." Matt smiled at the silver haired man as he leaned against the metal railing at the foot of the lieutenant’s bed. 

Severide snorted as he shook his head at the blond man, "Fishing? You do know it’s going to be cold at night. We'll have to snuggle really close." 

Matt fought against the blushing threatening to grace his cheeks as Severide turned his chair so that he was facing the blonde. The angle had Severide's head level with his stomach, and Matt couldn't help but imagine what it would be like to have the man in the same position but in a less public place. "Well I was thinking that we could grab that Portillo's your promised me and then spend the next two days all alone in your apartment?"

Severide hesitated for a moment as if contemplating the idea, the smile on his face betraying how interested he was in the plan, "That sounds a lot better than fishing." He admitted, smirking up at 

Matt. Matt glanced through the windows, checking that there was no one in the bunk room before he leaned forwards and risked kissing the other man. All his worries faded at the way that Severide leaned forwards chasing the kiss even after it ended. The simplest touch that they shared had Matt clinging to the happiness that it brought him. Matt stroked across the edges of the bandage that still covered the squad lieutenants’ neck, "How is it?"

"Sore but I'll live. Brett had a look at it and gave me some cream. It's helped a lot already," 

"Good." Matt smiled, stroking his way down from the bandage, to play with the chain that Severide wore around his neck.

"Do you want to talk about it?" The silver haired man asked, his hand reached up to stroke the delicate skin on the inside of Matt's wrist. Matt felt his feelings for Severide grow deeper once more, he hadn't said anything but it the other man knew that there was something plaguing him. He didn't know if Severide had heard what was going on from Gabby or Brett or anyone else, but it didn't matter. It mattered that Severide was there for him and asking him if he wanted to talk instead of pressurising him too.

"Not yet, can we talk about it when we get to the apartment?" Matt asked, as his fingers dug the chain out from underneath Severide's shirt. He played with the pendant on the chain for a few moments as Severide whispered soothingly.

"Of course gorgeous, we'll talk when you're ready."

* * *

It was like they were about to depart on a secret mission as Severide drove them over to Matt's apartment after shift. The blonde man had left the keys to his truck with Gabby so she could fetch Louie from the sitters. In Severide's car, Matt relaxed into the leather seat the sound of the muscle car's engine roared around them. He had Severide's hand on his thigh as they parked in front of the blonde’s apartment, and Matt pouted at the loss of the touch. They darted around the apartment quickly, gathering clothes and Matt's fishing gear. They may not be fishing, but Matt had to take his gear so as not to arise suspicion. He had tried to fight the smile on his face, when Severide picked up the Blackhawks hoodie that Matt had commandeered from the silver-haired man. His smile only widened when he watched the squad lieutenant push the jumper into the duffle bag with the rest of his stuff. 

"Ready?" Severide asked as he stepped up behind the blonde. Matt leaning into the touch as the other man rest his hands on his hips. 

"Definitely," Matt smiled, spinning around so that he was face to face with the other man. His smile was matched on Severide's face as Matt wrapped his arms around him, burying his head underneath the silver haired man’s chin. His smile only widened when Severide wrapped his arms tighter around him, squeezing him to his chest. 

They walked into Severide's apartment with paper bags smelling of greasy food and a duffle bag of clothes. They left Matt's fishing kit in the boot of the car, with no intention of taking it back out until they stopped pretending, they were on a fishing trip. Matt allowed himself to be pulled down onto the couch, his back against Severide's chest as they enjoyed the greasy food that they had got from Portillo's. The mood was perfect, as if it they were an ordinary couple who weren't forced to keep their feelings for each other secret, and it allowed Matt to feel comfortable enough to bring up his troubles. "Gabby's been given the papers to adopt Louie." Matt sighed, licking the salt from his fries off his fingers. 

"Okay, had she asked you about it or has she just run at it?" Severide asked, as he passed the chocolate cake shake they were sharing to Matt in exchange for another piece of chicken. 

"Just ran at it, started talking about co-adoption. I know I need to tell her the truth, but I just haven't figured out how yet." Matt admitted. He played with the straw, squeezing out a gloopy bit of the thick shake and sucking the crumbs of the cake from his finger. He couldn't help but grin around the digit as he felt Severide's chest inhale deeply, and he could feel the slight hardening of the man's cock against the small of his back. 

Severide pulled Matt closer, circling his arms around the blonde’s waist, leaving grease marks on his t-shirt. A kiss was pressed to the back of Matts neck, before Severide whispered into the blonde’s ear, "We'll figure it out. We don't need to know what we're going to do tomorrow, and we don't need to know a week from now."

"Thank you," Matt whispered, turning his head so that he could capture Severide in a kiss. Their food lay forgotten between Matt's thighs, as they lost themselves in each other. Matt brought a hand up to clasp at Severide's shoulder, pulling him closer whilst being wary of touching the bandage on the man's neck. If he could, Matt would have wrapped his arms around the silver haired man’s neck keeping him locked in the kiss until they needed to breath.

Severide's hands tugged at the hem of Matt's t-shirt, his fingers burning at the skin underneath. Matt gasped into the squad lieutenants’ mouth, needing to feel closer to the man. He quickly put the half-drunk cup onto the floor, before swinging himself around so that he was facing Severide. He heard the rustle of the bag as he kicked their uneaten food, but he didn't care where any of it fell as Matt slung his legs over Severide's hips and ground himself down. Matt moaned at the feel of Severide's hard cock against his ass, as Severide's hands pushed his shirt up further before their kiss broke as he impatiently tugged it off. "I don't know about you, but I'm not that hungry anymore," Severide grinned as their harsh breaths mingled together in the small space between them. 

Matt giggled, as Severide tugged him closer as the squad lieutenant shifted his position on the sofa. Matt's laughter only increased when he found himself being lifted into the air, his legs wrapping around Severide's waist as the man supported his weight with hands on his ass. Matt didn't think he could stop smiling the entire short walk to Severide's bedroom, he ran his hands across the short silver strands of his hair, and gasped when he found himself being thrown down onto the unmade bed. The blonde man moaned as Severide crawled up the bed, leaning his weight over him, "You sure?"

"Kelly," Matt moaned, cupping his hand around the uninjured side of Severide's neck. His other hand clawed at Severide's shoulder, tugging at the t-shirt that he was still wearing. It was only fair, if Matt was shirtless, then Severide should be also. Matt watched with lust in his eyes as Severide sat up to straddle his hips, pulling his shirt over his head before throwing it into the corner of the room. Matt pulled the man back down, gasping at the feel of their skin touching. Severide was like touching a fire, the heat dancing over Matt's skin and building the adrenaline and emotion inside of him. 

Nothing had ever compared to the feeling of Severide leaning down onto him and feel of a hand being pushed between their bodies. The sound of belt buckles jingling and zippers and buttons, and his own heartbeat were the only things that Matt could hear as he felt Severide's hand pushing at the waistband of his jeans. Matt lifted his hips willingly, gasping as Severide laid kisses down his chest as he slowly pulled his jeans further and further down his legs. He could hardly keep his eyes open as he moaned at the feeling of Severide kissing the skin just above the waistband of his underwear as Matt's jeans joined Severide's shirt on the floor. "Matt do you trust me?"

"Yes, Kelly. Fuck please," Matt gasped, as Severide lifted his lips away from the blonde’s skin. With one perfect move, Matt found himself being flipped over so that his chest was pressed against the sheets, and he had Severide's hands mapping out the skin on his back. 

"Tell me if you want me to stop at any point," Severide whispered, as he crowded himself back against Matt, his chin digging into the blonde’s shoulder as his breath fluttered against his cheek.

"I will, but right now I don't want you to." Matt gasped, stretching forwards to graze his lips against the other mans.

Severide grinned, sucking at the blonde’s shoulder, eliciting a moan. Matt didn't care if he left marks, in that moment he didn't care if that was how they got found out by bite marks and bruises. He pulled one of the astray pillows towards him, resting his head on it as he felt Severide stalk his way down his body. His hands burned at his hips, as he tugged at his underwear, pulling it down Matt's legs. Matt groaned as he rutted his hips forwards trapping his cock between his stomach and the mattress. A gentle swat to the top of his thighs had Matt's moans echoing around the room. 

"That's cheating," Severide purred, as he manhandled Matt into position. His chest was still pressed against the mattress, but his hips were raised ever so slightly off the bed, his cock throbbing in the space now created. There was nothing for him to grind against, and Matt knew instantly that he would get another slap if he dared reached down and take his cock in hand. Matt had never had sex like this, his sex-life had been pure vanilla; he had never experienced arousal like this, and the remaining heat from the slap had Matt wanting to defy Severide just to embrace the feel of his hand against his skin again. 

He felt the bed dip behind him, and the rustle of more clothing hitting the floor. Matt stayed in position, his ass up in the air ready and willing even as he heard the soft patter of footsteps leading out of the bedroom and into the en-suite bathroom. The wait only magnified his arousal, his cock throbbing untouched begging for attention as the sound of Severide's footsteps returned and Matt felt the bed dip under his weight once more. "You look so gorgeous Matt," Severide whispered as he stroked the line of muscles in Matt's thighs. Matt smiled as he looked down the bed, his smile widening when Severide moved up to face him. The kiss was simple, no tongue, no bite, and filled with love not lust. 

Kisses were once more led down Matt's spine, leaving the blondes breath growing more ragged as Severide's lips kept moving south. The feel of the kiss on the top of his ass had Matt thrusting his hips forwards, his gasps continuously falling from his lips as Severide's fingers spread his cheeks exposing him to the room. "Trust me," Severide whispered, before his lips touched Matt's skin once more. 

Matt's moan caught in his throat as the other man licked a line down to his hole. He had never felt so debauched and so illicit. He couldn't help but push himself back against the touch, his moans growing louder as Severide teased his entrance. He had never felt anything like it, his body was shivering at the touch, and he felt like he was balancing on a tightrope ready to fall into a pool of pleasure. He whined low and pitifully when the feel of Severide's tongue teasing him disappeared replaced with the cold air of the room. 

"Relax," Severide soothed, stroking his hand over the swell of Matt's butt-cheeks. The blonde shivered in anticipation when he heard the cap of a bottle. He could only hope that it was what he was thinking it was, and his hope was rewarded when Matt felt the cold touch against his hole. Severide's fingers were dripping with lube, and Matt shivered as the cold liquid touched him. The temperature did nothing to defer his arousal as he moaned at the feeling of the other man teasing at his entrance, not quite pushing in. 

"Please," Matt gasped. He arched his back as Severide breached him with one finger; it was nothing like he had felt before. Even with the lube, the stretch was different, and something he had never experienced. The slight pain burned for a few moments, but Matt found himself bucking his hips back against the digit, rather than pulling away. The stretch left him aching for more, as Severide worked his finger in deeper, thrusting it slowly in and out of the blonde's body. One thrust had Matt gasping and shivering. Severide smirked knowingly, aiming for the exact same spot inside of the blonde on the next thrust. 

"Fuck Kel," Matt gasped into the pillow. 

"Have you never introduced yourself to your prostate before?" Severide grinned mischievously as he pulled his finger from Matt's hole. Matt whined at the loss, before crying out when he felt two fingers being pushed into his hole. The stretch was the same as before, but this time Matt was expecting what it would feel like, taking less time to get used to the intrusion. Severide nailed his prostate with every small thrust of his fingers, leaving Matt sobbing his moans as he tried to push his hips back into the other man’s touch. 

The third finger pushing at his entrance had Matt clutching at the sheets, his entire body shaking with the pleasure that was rippling through him. His cock throbbed untouched, cum leaking profusely from the tip. Matt shuddered as Severide stretched his fingers inside of him in a scissoring motion. It took one thrust against his prostate before his cum was splattering the sheets below him. He had never cum untouched before, and Matt couldn't remember how to breath as the intensity of his orgasm had him quivering underneath Severide's hold. He was still caught in the waves of his orgasm when Severide pulled his fingers from Matt's body and shifted so that his cock was resting between his cheeks. The squad lieutenant held the blonde’s hips as he thrust himself between them, the head of his cock catching at Matt's rim with each thrust. It only took him a minute before Severide stilled his movements, his grip on Matt's hip almost bruising as he came. Matt could feel Severide's cum splashing against his back, before the other man grabbed at his pulsing cock, aiming its dribbling head so that his cum splattered around Matt's hole. 

They collapsed down onto the bed, Matt stretching out the tight muscles in his thighs from remaining in the same position for so long. He ached in the most pleasant way as he rolled away from the wet patch beneath him. He could feel Severide's cum cooling against his skin, but he was reluctant to wipe any of it away just yet; it felt like a claim, as Severide crawled up the bed to press a kiss to the corner of his lips. "Good?" Severide asked as he fell backwards against the pillow, pulling Matt so that the blonde was lying against his chest. 

"Amazing."

* * *

Matt awoke to the sun setting low in the sky. At some point during their nap they had shifted so that Severide was curled around him as a big spoon. Stretching arms out in front of him, Matt sighed in contentment at the stretch that ran through his shoulders and his back. He felt sore, in a way that he had never felt before, but he didn't find it an uncomfortable pain like when he pushed himself to hard at the gym. It was just an ache that reminded him of the pleasure that he had experienced at the hand of the man he cared about. 

He snuggled back further into Severide's embrace, smiling to himself at the feel of the man’s arms tightening further around him clutching him to his chest. Matt could feel the small changes in Severide's breathing as the man slowly woke up from his sleep. The soft kiss that was placed into the back of his head, had Matt smiling as he stroked a hand up and down the arm that was holding him. "How are you feeling? Are you sore?" Severide asked softly. 

"I'm happy," Matt whispered, tugging Severide's arms tighter around him.

* * *

Severide dropped Matt off at his apartment late the night before their shift. The lights were off as the blonde sneaked through the front door, leaving his unused fishing gear in a small pile in the hallway. He crept through the house, avoiding all the floorboards which he knew had a tendency to creak. He wanted to avoid the conversation with Gabby, fearful to hear what she had decided to do regarding Louie's adoption in his absence. He and Severide had agreed that it was going to be best idea to tell Gabby that he was ending the relationship sooner rather than later. Matt knew that the longer he let this play on, the worse it would be when it exploded around him. He still hadn't figured out the best way to approach the subject, and Severide's jokey suggestion that they let her see the bite marks that Matt had left on his shoulders and the side of his neck during a make out session was not helpful. 

Just walking into his own apartment, made Matt aware of how much he instantly missed having Severide by his side. The last two days had strengthened their bond and allowed them to see what it would be like in the long term. They were domestic, they had stood side by side making meals, working together to prepare and cook everything. They hadn't argued over what to watch on tv, curling up on the sofa, watching the cop drama that they both liked to take the piss out of. Matt missed the little touches, Severide's hand on his hip when they stood next to each other, or the way his arm would curl around his shoulder pulling Matt into his chest. 

Matt tried to imagine that it wasn't Gabby lying asleep in his bed as he got under the covers. Sleep didn't come easy to him, as Matt found himself missing the feeling of Severide's arm curled protectively over his stomach, and the sound of the soft sniffles that the other man made in his sleep.

* * *

Gabby had left early the next morning, heading out to drop Louie off at the sitters and to hand in her paperwork at DCFS. She had explained to him whilst Matt was still sipping at his first cup of coffee that she had been unable to find a solution that would mean he could put his name down on the paper, but no matter what the paper said he would still be a father to Louie. Matt had tried not to wince at the comment, despite the feeling of joy that filled his stomach. He feared the conversation if he returned home after spending his days off with Severide to find out that Gabby had found a solution. Truck was called out before Gabby could arrive for shift, leaving Matt with more time to figure out when would be best to tell the paramedic that he wanted out of their relationship. 

Walking into the kitchen at the house, Matt faked a smile as Gabby rushed over to him her eyes bright with eagerness. "Matt I've figured it out, how we can both be on the adoption forms." She gleefully announced, gaining the curiosity of everyone else in the room. Matt could see the subtle shift that people had made, turning an ear their way so that they could listen in on the conversation. 

"That's great Gabby, but-" Matt began, trying to push back the conversation so that it wasn't had in front of all their friends. He didn't want to know her great idea, and he didn't want to be put in a position to explain why in front of everyone. 

"We should get married, and then we will have a stable home for Louie, and we can put both our names on the form." Gabby grinned, and Matt felt his heart drop. Around him everyone had stopped pretending to not listen and had rose to their feet, offering their congratulations and clapping Matt on the back. He watched with wide eyes as Gabby was pulled into hugs and smiled as if she had actually just been proposed too. The blonde man glanced immediately to where Severide stood next to the fridge, the squad lieutenant snorting at the spectacle occurring and shaking his head in disbelief. Matt wanted to join him in mimicking his actions as Herrmann clapped him on the shoulder. 

"Do I get a fucking say in this?" Matt snapped; his temper having risen with every single congratulation he heard. 

"Of course you do baby. But I just think that the sooner we get married, the easier everything will be adopting Louie." Gabby continued, her voice grating at Matt's crumbling self-control. 

"I don't want to get married, just for a piece of paper." Matt shouted. The sound of his voice made everyone take a small step back from him, as he glared at the paramedic. 

"Matt-" Gabby began, the smile on her face disappearing into a scowl. 

"Ambulance 61, person in distress."

"We'll talk about this when I get back," Gabby huffed, pushing past the blonde man. Matt shook his head in disbelief, unable to comprehend what had just occurred. He could feel the eyes of the other firefighters burning into him, all of them remaining in the circle around him. He couldn't stand to have them looking at him in that moment; he couldn't help but wonder what they must be thinking about what they had just witnessed. Matt squeezed his way through the small huddle. He wanted to get away from them all, and he knew that the moment he stepped out of the kitchen they would all erupt into gossip. He wasn't going to stand in the way of that, and he didn't want to feel their curious looks on him any longer. 

Matt made to close the door to his office behind him, when Herrmann jogged after him standing with a foot in the way before he could manage. "Hey Casey, you okay? I'm here if you need to talk about anything." Herrmann offered sheepishly as Matt dropped down onto his desk chair. 

"How did you know that Cindy was the one for you?" Matt found himself asking before he could stop himself. He winced as he saw the surprised expression that flickered across Herrmann's face before it was replaced with a reassuring smile. The older man saw Gabby as one of his own, and Matt suddenly feared that this conversation was not the greatest idea. 

"I knew Cindy was the one for me, because I know there is no one else that I want to see after the end of a long day. When I come home, after nearly dying to save someone, she's what I'm coming home too." Herrmann smiled warmly as he thought about his wife. Matt found himself wondering if he had ever looked like that before when he talked about Gabby, and did he look so happy whenever he thought about Severide. "Is that what Dawson is to you?"

"I don't think so," Matt admitted honestly, sighing as he stared down at the floor. He didn't know what he expected but a hand clapping him on the shoulder and offering him a reassuring squeeze was not it. 

"I'm proud of you for admitting that, just so you know I'll support you. But you need to do what's best for you, and what's best for Louie." Herrmann replied as he stepped back to lean against the doorframe. 

Matt frowned at the words that his friend had said. "What about what's best for me isn't what's best for Louie?"

"If you're not doing what's best for you, it won't be what's best for the kid. If you're not happy, how long will it be until he starts to realise that?" Herrmann asked, offering a final sheepish smile before he pushed himself away from the doorframe. Matt watched him head back towards the kitchen before he buried his head in his hands. His axis and control of things that shifted again, and it left Matt feeling like he was scrambling to grab all the pieces of his messy life before they shattered on the ground around him. 

A soft knock on the glass of his open door had Matt pulling his head out of his hands. Severide strutted in, stroking a hand through Matt's hair; the touch soothed him, leaving Matt leaning back into the touch chasing the comfort that it brought. "You okay?" Severide whispered as he continued to stroke the blonde's hair. 

"No." Matt admitted with a shaky breath. "Is it okay if I stay with you for the next couple of days?"

"Stay as long as you want gorgeous."

* * *

Matt managed to avoid any further confrontations for the rest of the shift, and he spent the hours building up the courage he knew he needed. When they left the trucks outside Molly's, Matt couldn't help but smile at the atmosphere of having the bar full again after a few weeks of dwindling crowds. He looked over at the bar, seeing Herrmann, Otis and Kidd dishing out drinks at a speed he hadn't seen before and couldn't help but smile at the happiness in his crew. The door opened behind him, and Matt turned to see Louie walking in with Gabby. The sight of the little boy made his heart ache, but Herrmann's words had hit a real chord inside of him. He knew that prolonging the process of leaving would do more harm than good, and Matt couldn't help but feel scared that if he stayed, he would end up turning into one of his parents. 

Taking a sip of his drink for confidence, Matt rose to his feet and walked over to the paramedic. He had avoided talking to her for the rest of the shift after the argument that they had in the kitchen, but he couldn't bear the thought of going back to the apartment that night and continuing the charade of happy families. "Gabby can you let Severide look after Louie for a few minutes. I just want to speak with you outside."

Matt watched as she handed Louie over to Severide who was sat at the bar watching their encounter. Matt mouthed a 'thank you' at the man before holding the door open for the paramedic. Matt inhaled the fresh air as they stepped out onto the sidewalk, waiting for the door to swing closed behind them before he said anything. "I think I'm going to stay with Severide for a while."

"Are you serious?" Gabby asked, frowning up at Matt as she crossed her arms over her chest. "You can't just run away when you don't agree with something"

"I'm not running away." Matt sighed, as he saw the temper rising like steam inside of the woman in front of him. He knew that this conversation had never been destined to end well, and he would be surprised if he didn't come out of the conversation without being slapped. 

"Oh really cause it looks like you are. Couples are meant to talk through their issues Matt," Gabby continued, her voice getting louder and more high pitched with every word that she said. Matt winced, before exhaling slowly. 

"I don't think we should be a couple anymore," Matt admitted. He felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders as he finally voiced it. It was done, and he wasn't going to take back his words.

"I can't believe you are doing this. You are just like my father. What about Louie? Has he not had enough people walking out on him?” Gabby shouted, making Matt wince at the volume. He knew that the breakup would not remain a secret, but he certainly didn't need everyone in the bar to hear it. 

"I can't stay with you just for Louie. That's not fair on him. I will still be there for him, but this is not working between us." Matt explained. He wanted the conversation to end, he wanted to head home with Severide, and continue to accept how in love he was with the man. He had been attracted to Severide when they met back at the academy, but Matt was only now realising that he had been in love with the silver-haired man for years. No one knew him better, and no one made him feel so happy. Matt continued, already pushing the door to the bar open as he finally walked away from Gabby, "I'm going to talk to Louie, and I'm gonna head out and grab some stuff from the apartment." 

He walked back into the sight of Louie sat on Severide's knee playing some clapping rhythm game that had both of them laughing. Matt smiled softly at the sight and found himself hoping that Gabby wouldn't stop him for seeing the little boy completely as he crouched down so that he was level with Louie. "Hey buddy, I just want you to know that I love you, and I will come and see you lots and lots. But I'm going to be staying with Uncle Kelly for a little while."

"Was I bad?" Louie pouted up at him, and Matt felt his heart break at the sight.

"No, you're always such a good little boy. Me and Mummy aren't happy so we're going to spend some time apart okay. But I love you and that's not going to change okay?"

"Okay," Louie smiled, reaching up towards him. Matt instantly picked him up, squeezing him in a tight hug as he blinked away the tears. He felt Severide reach up and squeeze one of the hands that were clasped around Louie's back, and Matt couldn't help but smile. The other man knew he needed that gentle reassurance, and it helped Matt to remember that he was making the right choice. 

"I'll see you soon Louie." Matt whispered, kissing the boy on the cheek, before passing him over to Brett who was sat nearby. "Brett can you watch Louie for a few minutes until Gabby comes back?"

Matt waited until he saw the smile appear on Louie face as he began to show the blonde paramedic the clapping game that he had been previously playing with Severide. Turning to the squad lieutenant, Matt asked softly, "Take me home?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy fucking god. I wrote 5000 words of this today, and I am done with this chapter. I got to 7000 words and I hadn't touched any of the planned plot points!
> 
> But yes Matt has now ended things with Gabby, he's realised he's been in love with Kelly for years, and I am now going to change into my pjs and watch an episode of The Witcher.
> 
> Please comment, I love talking and discussing the fic!


	6. Chapter 6

Casey steered Kelly out of Molly's as if the bar was seconds away from being a raging inferno. Kelly watched as the blonde cast one final look over his shoulder at Louie before he pulled the big wooden door open wide. The chill in the air was a pleasant welcome in comparison to the heat that radiated around the bar from the crowds. The turnout gear was designed to keep fire out, but sometimes it could be a sweat-suit, and without the adrenaline of a fire or a call, Kelly was noticing his own body heat rising. 

Kelly cocked his head to the side when he heard Casey let out a deep sigh, smiling as he closed his eyes and turned his head towards the morning sunlight. "You okay?" The squad lieutenant asked, curling his hands tightly into the pockets of his turnout coat as he fought the urge to reach out and touch the other man. He wanted to reach out and touch Casey's arm, and he wanted to pull him into a tight hug, and he wanted to be able to pepper kisses all over the soft stubble on the other man's cheeks. Kelly wanted all those things, but he was more concerned about how Casey was feeling inside. The blonde man had just broken up with someone that he had previously cared for and uprooted the happy family life that they had tried to portray to the little boy on the other side of the door and the rest of the world. 

"I feel like-" Casey began before he stopped abruptly as he glanced around the street. "I feel like we should grab that cab over there."

Kelly turned his head towards the cab that was driving down the road and smirked as Casey quickly flagged it down before it could drive past them. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Dawson standing in the alleyway behind Molly's and Kelly wondered if Matt had seen her stood there as well. Kelly could see the mascara tears on the paramedic’s cheeks, even with the distance between them; they were thick black lines that left tracks from her eyes to her jaw. He wondered if that was why the blonde had suddenly stopped saying what he was going to say before he spotted the passing cab. Kelly wondered if he should feel guilty, or feel sorry for her; but when he tried to make himself pity the woman he found himself remembering every single time that she had put Casey down, or every time she had put her wants and needs in front of everyone else. It was not just Matt that she had manipulated over the years, it was everyone. Kelly had seen her manipulate Shay, and Brett, and half of the house. He did not feel sorry for her in that moment as he watched her storm further into the alleyway. 

Climbing into the back of the car, Kelly felt the weight on his shoulders lift as he slid in next to Casey. Their shoulders brushed as Casey leaned forwards to tell the cab driver the address for the firehouse. Kelly smiled as the blonde leaned back into the seat, flashing his wide grin at him as the cab pulled away leaving Molly's behind. "Head back and grab the cars and change out of our gear?" Casey suggested, and Kelly's heart soared when the blonde man reached into the space between their hips to intertwine their fingers. 

"Then pack your stuff up and head home?" Kelly continued. He wanted nothing more than to close the space that was remaining between them and press his lips against Casey's. He wanted to confirm to himself that everything that was happening was real, and that he was going to go home with the other man without having a countdown hanging over both of their heads. 

"Sounds like a plan," Casey nodded, bumping his shoulder against Kelly's as the cab turned a corner. Silence fell between them as the cab twisted its way through the streets of Chicago, leading them back towards their firehouse. Kelly wasn't the kind of person who needed to fill ever seconds with sound as he focused on the feeling of Casey's hand still clutched in his. He didn't need to rush out and tell the world that the amazing man sat in the back of the car next to him was his, because he didn't own him. Kelly was deliriously happy knowing that he was going to wake up and the first thing he was going to see was Casey; he hoped that would be how he was going to wake up for the rest of his life. 

* * *

After a frantic run inside of the house to grab his wallet, Kelly paid the cab as Casey gathered up their bags from their lockers. They quickly changed out of their bunk gear into their civies before they headed out once again. Kelly would have preferred the chance to shower and clean off the sweat and grime from the shift, but Casey had been wincing at the time on his phone. The silver haired man understood what was making the other man anxious; he didn't want to run into Dawson as he packed up his things, and he didn't want Louie to have to watch him leave. 

Kelly followed behind Casey as they headed towards the blonde’s apartment, and he felt his heart flutter as he they arrived outside. Parking up behind Casey's truck, Kelly watched as the blonde climbed out and paused to stare at the front door to his building, as if he were trying to etch the sight into his memory. Kelly didn't want to think that the blonde was regretting his decision, wondering if his life would be simpler if he stuck with Dawson and continued the façade. He shook away the thoughts as he watched the other man turn away from the front of the apartment to flash the brightest smile his way. Any worries that he had faded as soon as he saw the wide smile that filled Casey's face as he jogged up to the driver side door of Kelly's car.

"You ready for this gorgeous?" Kelly asked as Matt tugged his door open impatiently. Kelly couldn't help but return the smile that was filling Casey's cheeks, as the blonde led the way towards the apartment. 

"I'm ready, now come on no slacking." Casey teased. The blonde gasped in surprise when Kelly playfully swatted at his ass as he unlocked the main door. Kelly grinned at the reaction, filing it away for later as he followed Casey through the familiar corridor. He was looking forward to living with Casey once more; the other man had saved him from hell after Shay had died, and living with him had been the highlight of his years since his best friends passing. Even if he had to put up with Dawson, Kelly had loved being able to see the blonde all the time off-shift. Now they would be able to spend all their time together again, but it was going to be different than before. Now Kelly wouldn't have to resist his desires to dote on the blonde, and shower him in all of the love and support that he always deserved. 

"What do you want me to pack?" Kelly offered as the paused outside the apartment door. 

"Can you grab my clothes whilst I grab whatever else I want?" Casey asked as he unlocked the door, letting Kelly step inside first. Kelly paused in the doorway, pressing a quick kiss against the blonde’s lip. It was short, barely lasting a few seconds, but Kelly couldn't help but feel delirious with happiness as he pulled back and watched as Casey tried to follow him. 

"This is happening," Kelly smiled as he reached out to curl his hands around Casey's hips, pulling the other man into his body. He didn't care that they were running on a timer, nor did he care that the apartment door was still wide open behind him.

"This is happening," Casey repeated, as he brushed his lips against Kelly's jaw. The silver haired man shivered at the touch, resisting the urge to pull Casey flush against his own body. Kelly knew that if he started something now, then he would be unable to resist the amazing man in front of him; the last thing either of them needed was to be caught by Dawson acting like anything other than friends.

Kelly tried not to let Casey's pout entice him back in for another kiss as he took a small step back from the blonde, creating a small amount of space between them. "Tell me to find your case, and I'll get started on the clothes." Kelly grinned, ducking forward to press another fleeting kiss against the blonde's lips before stepping back with a laugh escaping from his throat. Casey's pout and matching frown only deepened at the loss of the second kiss, but Kelly could see the smile that was threatening to be revealed.

"I've got a couple of duffle bags stored under the bed. You best actually pack clothes; I know what you're like." Casey let his pout fall, revealing the smirk that had been hiding underneath all along. Kelly chuckled as he headed towards the bedroom; if it had been just them going away for the weekend, there would be every possibility that Kelly would have decided that clothing would be optional. But they weren't going away for a weekend; they were effectively moving in together. "T-shirts and underwear in the drawers on the right, everything else is in the closet."

* * *

Kelly had three duffle bags slung over his shoulder as he followed behind Casey towards his apartment. His heart was full as he watched the blonde carry two plastic boxes full of books and knick-knacks through the front door. They had another plastic box, and all of Casey's fishing gear waiting in the truck ready to be brought upstairs. Kelly knew that this was far from all the blonde’s belongings, but it was the things he wanted to take with him straight away. Sometime furniture and ornaments could be left behind, but things like an old book whose pages were barely clinging to the spine couldn't. Kelly had been there before; after Shay had died, he had gone from an apartment full of stuff to barely anything. He couldn't stand to live in the space where she had once inhabited, and he had left the apartment with a few boxes of things.

"Do you want me to put these in the spare room?" Casey asked as he placed the boxes down onto the dining table. Kelly saw the look on unease flash across the blonde man's face as he asked. 

"I want you in my room, but if you would rather have some space-" Kelly began, but he was silenced when Casey surged forwards and pressed their lips together. Kelly gasped into the kiss, letting the duffle bags drop from his shoulder, landing on the floor with a thud. His hands fell to Casey's hips, dragging the blonde flush against him. Kelly deepened the kiss, thrilled at the moan that fell from the other man’s mouth as he ground their hips together. They were both hardening, and Kelly could feel his arousal rising to new heights now that he finally had the blonde alone in the sanctity of their apartment. There was no one who could interrupt them, and no one there to stop them from finally being able to commit fully to each other. They were no longer going to have to live with stolen moments and promises that they would figure everything out soon. 

Kelly let his hands slide down the blonde’s hips, reaching around to cup his ass as he pushed their hips together. Casey moaned as he broke the kiss, his head falling back as he bared his throat. Kelly grinned as he kissed along the blonde's jaw, nibbling and sucking marks into the exposed pale skin. Every mark that Kelly sucked into his neck, had Casey moaning, and withering against him. Leaning back to admire his handy work, the squad lieutenant couldn't help but feel proud at the glazed look in the other man's eyes. He had caused the look of utter bliss, and he couldn't wait to make the blonde man go crazy with lust. 

"Not that this isn't great, but how I'm feeling pretty gross after shift, so how about we move this into the shower?" Kelly suggested with a small wiggle of his eyebrows. Casey snorted at the action, reaching out to curl a hand around the back of Kelly's neck, dragging him into another kiss that was a fight for dominance, and a promise that they were far from finished. Kelly hooked his arms underneath the other man's thighs, hoisting him easily into his arms. Casey's legs wrapped around the squad lieutenants’ hips, giggling into the kiss, as Kelly walked them into the bathroom. Their laughter filled the apartment as they banged into furniture and walls, Kelly too distracted by the man in his arms to care about where they were going. 

Casey scrambled for the bathroom light switch as Kelly sucked another mark into the side of the blonde's neck. The bright light filled the room, and highlighted the string of red and purple marks that were already covering the lieutenants throat. Kelly admired the marks, as he lowered Casey back down to his feet; he knew that if they didn't fade in time for next shift then they would have to use something to cover them but that didn't stop Kelly wanting to place more. Even if Casey had to wear concealer on next shift, Kelly would know that underneath the make-up were the marks and kisses that he had placed there. He pushed the blonde back against the wall, his hands pushing at the t-shirt that Casey had changed into. The feel of the muscles underneath Kelly's hands had him wanting to strip Casey of everything that he was wearing so that he could see the total beauty of the man. He wanted to shower him with all the love, and attention that he deserved, and he wanted to never stop. A hand came up to rest on Kelly's cheek, the fingers gently stroking the stubble as the blonde smiled sweetly up at him. "I feel like I'm meant to be sad, but I haven't felt this happy in so long."

"I know what you mean, I am so happy that you are here with me right now," Kelly whispered, leaning closer to kiss the man again. The kiss was gentle, full of love instead of the lust that had fuelled their previous ones.

"Nowhere else I want to be," Casey replied, nudging his nose against Kelly's jaw. Kelly let his hands slide out from underneath the blonde's shirt, gently trailing them up his torso so that he could cup Casey's jaw as he pressed another soft kiss to his lips. They were both still hard, and Kelly could feel Casey's cock rubbing against his thigh, but the lust between them had been replaced with care and adoration. They were no longer feeling the rush for their own release, but feeling the need to show each other how much they cared. 

"Come on, let’s get cleaned up and then make some food," Kelly suggested as he pressed a final kiss against the blonde's cheek. He could feel Casey's eyes on him as he pulled his shirt over his head, and tugged at his felt buckle. He wanted to indulge the man in a little strip tease, but Casey's words had sung to him. He didn't want to rush straight into sex with the man, even if it was something, they both wanted; he wanted to show Casey just how much love he had for him. He wanted to strengthen their bond before making things messy with sex; a relationship built on love was stronger than one built on anything else. Kelly loved what they had done already, but he wanted to do things right by Casey. 

Kelly left his clothes in a pile on the floor as he turned the water in the shower on hot. The water rained down into the basin bouncing off the squad lieutenants’ shoulders as he stepped under the flow. He could feel Casey's gaze trailing down his back as he watched the water flowering down the long muscles. His cock was still hard, as Kelly grabbed the shampoo from the shelf. He could hear Casey's clothes dropping to the floor, and he felt the other man’s body press against his back as the shower door was closed behind them. He couldn't help but smile as arms wrapped around his waist, and the feel of a body pressed against his made him feel like he was being wrapped in a heated blanket.

* * *

They showered slowly, simply washing each other. Kelly had lovingly massaged shampoo into Casey's hair, teasing the dirty blonde strands between his fingers. He learned that there was a small spot near the bottom of Casey's head which when massaged had the blonde practically transform into a bowl of jelly. In return Casey had managed to map out several of Kelly's ticklish spots when he was washing away the suds from the shower gel. There cocks had stood begging for attention, but neither man moved to touch them, as they traded sweet kisses and soft smiles. 

After they had dried off, Casey had quickly dressed in a pair of pyjama shorts and a t-shirt as he ducked back out of the apartment and brought in the stuff that they had left in the truck. He dumped it with the rest of his stuff as Kelly dragged him over to the couch pulling him down so that the blonde was sprawled against his chest. The TV in front of them was playing some Disney film that neither of them had ever watched before, but Kelly couldn't concentrate on the cartoon as he stroked up and down Casey's back. The blonde was a comforting weight against his chest, and Kelly could hear the man's breathing slowing and the soft snuffles that indicated that Casey was falling asleep.

The characters in the movie were singing and dancing around on the screen when a loud bang on the apartment door jolted Casey awake and left Kelly frowning in confusion. He carefully eased himself out from underneath the blonde, offering his thigh a small squeeze as he rose from the couch. Like Casey, Kelly had redressed in a pair of pyjama pants, which were sitting dangerously low on his hips; he tugged the fabric up a little higher as he moved towards the front door. Glancing through the peephole, Kelly swore under his breath as saw the person standing on the other side. "It's Antonio," Kelly whispered, not wanting to be heard through the metal door. He wanted to wrap Casey in his arms when he saw the flash of dread swim across his blue eyes. Kelly watched and waited for Casey to slowly nod before he reached out for the door handle. Another loud bang on the metal had them both jumping as Antonio's voice echoed into the apartment. "Casey, I know you're in there! Open up."

Kelly swung his door open, squaring his shoulders in the doorway to stop the cop from pushing his way past. The look of rage in the Dominican man's face had Kelly bracing for the fight that he feared was seconds away from happening. "Hey, cool it, what do you want." Kelly snapped, standing firm even when the cop tried to worm his way past. 

"I want to know why this asshole has just broken my sister's heart." Antonio raged, pointing his finger over Kelly's shoulder towards Casey. Kelly quickly followed the man's gaze; Casey had rose from the couch and had moved to stand only a few metres away. The bites that Kelly had left on the blonde’s neck were bright and obvious, and there was no denying that they could be anything else. "What the hell is this, you break up with Gabby and you've already moved on? Did she not mean anything to you?"

Kelly fought back against the cop, as Antonio tried to push his way past once more with more strength behind him. Kelly struggled to hold the man back as Antonio tried to reach around the silver haired man. Kelly knew that if he let the man slip by, Casey would end up on receiving end of the boxer's punch. He would rather be the one to get hit if it meant protecting Casey from someone’s rage. Kelly grounded himself as he pushed back, the forced making Antonio take a few steps back, "Hey this is my house you don't get to speak to him like that when you don't know shit." 

"I get that you're looking out for Dawson, but you don't get to come here and mouth off." Kelly continued as Antonio huffed in disagreement. 

"What's it got to do with you? What are you the one that he's sleeping with huh?" Antonio snapped as he forced his way inside the apartment. Kelly's jaw tightened as his temper began to rise. He watched with careful eyes, ready to intervene as he closed the door behind him. He watched as Antonio paced like a wild animal, but he didn't close the distance between himself and Casey. 

"So what if he is?" Casey retorted as he glared at the detective. Kelly watched as the realisation dawned on Antonio; the detective glancing back and forth between them with and almost unreadable expression. 

"Matt." Kelly began, his voice warning the blonde to stop. He wasn't against people knowing about them, but Kelly had hoped that the reveal would be on their terms, preferably not on the same day that Casey had broken up with Dawson. He didn't know how Antonio was going to react to the knowledge, but he wasn't going to let the man take the high and mighty road.

"Seriously, how long you been sleeping with this guy behind my sisters back!" Antonio raged, his voice rising as he jabbed a finger towards Kelly. The detective hadn't taken his eyes off Casey, and Kelly felt his anger rising the more Antonio jabbed his hand in his direction.

"How long were you sleeping with Voight before you and your wife broke up." Kelly snapped, unable to bite back his comment. He couldn't stand there and watch the detective shout at Casey when he was nothing more than a hypocrite. 

"I didn't cheat on my wife." Antonio spat, finally tearing his gaze away from the blonde man. Kelly glanced in Casey's direction seeing the wide-eyed expression that filled his face. 

"No but you two jumped pretty quickly into bed together after." Kelly continued. He found sick enjoyment in the surprise that filled the detectives face, and that made him feel guilty for the feeling. The look of surprise and fear that filled the detectives face, had Kelly wondering if he should have revealed the secret.

"Who even told you this. Not even Gabby knew about that." Antonio exhaled, his voice no longer booming around the apartment. Kelly watched as he braced himself against the wall as if his legs were seconds away from giving out from under him. 

"Erin told me. So imagine my surprise when you got with Brett." Kelly shrugged. He wasn't the only one in the house who had been concerned when Antonio had got together with Brett. The detective was a good guy, but there was something that seemed forced with their relationship. It seemed impossible that two people could actually be that happy. Kelly didn't trust couples who said they never argued; small disagreements were natural and healthy. Sometimes you needed someone there to tell you that you were wrong, or fight for what they believe in. The squad lieutenant flashed a small smile over at Casey; he couldn't even begin to count the amount of times they had butted head over the years, but every time they did, Kelly swore their friendship only grew stronger.

"Me and Voight broke up, besides that has nothing to do with this." Antonio sighed, before his voice dipped back into anger as he levelled a glare over at Kelly. The squad lieutenant found himself wanting to pry, find out what could have led the two detectives to break up. From what Erin had told him before she left the city, the two were happy and had been pretty solid ever since Antonio's divorce.

"No you're right it has nothing to do with Kelly and I, but you're a hypocrite if you come in here shouting at me." Casey retorted, folding his arms across his chest. Kelly wanted to wrap the blonde in his arms, and cover him in endless kisses; he had pulled the rug from underneath Antonio's feet with the reveal but Casey was there fanning the fire and pointing out that Antonio couldn't point fingers when he had been in there place before. Casey nodded his head at Kelly, silently telling him that Antonio was no longer at risk of blowing a gasket and throwing a punch. Kelly raised his hands slightly in surrender as he took a step back, his eyes flicking back and forth between the firefighter and the detective. Whilst Casey may not think that Antonio was at risk of throwing a punch, Kelly didn't want to risk it just yet.

"How long?" Antonio asked, his shoulders sagging as if he knew that he had lost any footing in the argument. Kelly slowly walked towards Casey, reaching out to place a comforting hand on the blonde's arm as soon as he was in reaching distance. He could feel the detective’s eyes following the movement, but he needed to feel Casey. 

"A couple of weeks, I didn't mean for it to happen, but I realised that I wasn't happy with Gabby. It wasn't fair for either of us to prolong that." Casey admitted as he moved his hand up his arm to rest over the top of Kelly's.

"And Gabby doesn't know?" The detective sighed as he dragged a hand down his face. Kelly felt for the man in that moment, even if a few minutes before he was feeling like he was moments away from getting punched by the man. 

"No one does, and we'd like to keep it that way for now." Kelly offered a small smile as he watched the detective exhale as he watched them. 

"I liked you Casey, but honestly I don't know if I can forgive you for this," Antonio huffed as he turned towards the apartment door. Kelly was glad that he didn't have to face asking the detective to leave, glad that the situation had simmered down to a point where they were no longer yelling at each other. 

"I understand, we'd just appreciate if you didn't tell anyone about this," Casey commented just as the detective pulled the front door open. They received a small nod of confirmation, whether in regards to acknowledging the request or agreeing to it. Neither man needed to say anything more, as they watched Antonio walk out of their apartment without a parting comment. 

"Well that wasn't how I wanted to spend our first day," Kelly sighed, as he opened his arms in invitation to the blonde. He felt any lingering tension slide away as Casey curled himself into the embrace. The blonde man buried his head underneath Kelly's chin, the blonde hair tickling at the squad lieutenants’ neck. 

"Me neither," Casey admitted with a small chuckle. Kelly knew that the man wasn't finding the situation funny, and the small laugh was his attempt at pretending everything was okay with him. He didn't want Casey to feel like he had to pretend in front of him, he wanted his real emotions, not the barrier he automatically threw up in situations. There were times that Casey let his guard down when he felt safe, and Kelly wanted the blonde to feel like he was always safe with him. He wanted to tell him how much he cared, and he was willing to spell it out in big letters on the apparatus bay floor if he needed too. 

"We've figured the first thing out, and we'll figure out everything that comes at us. Together." Kelly promised, as he grazed his lips over the top of Casey's head. He felt the blonde tighten his arms around his waist, as he burrowed closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I still haven't really figured out how Dawson is going to find out or react. I think I'm going to give these two darlings a few weeks of peace and happiness as they learn to show their love for eachother. 
> 
> I had to do an interaction with Antonio, for the simple fact that he is a good brother, and I just feel like if Gabby went o him upset he would demand an explanation. I wanted him to catch Matt/Kelly in some format, and I liked the subtleness of 'hey those are bites which weren't there when I saw you a few hours ago'. I also realllly had to include the Antonio/Voight thing. They were the first pairing I ever wrote fiction for in the Chicago Verse, and the stories are still on here under my old alias. I would recommend reading it, for the simple fact of I still love that fic, even if I did not finish it. It is called 'The Quiet' :) So its a little same universe setting right now, (I am catching up on Chicago PD once I finish Chicago Fire)
> 
> But yes next chapter will focus more on Matt and Kelly settling in together, going back to shift and getting comfortable with eachother. I kind of copped out not putting any sexy-times in this chapter but I felt like it would be weakening it in some format. Matt just broke up with Gabby, and yes he doesn't love her anymore, but that is still a big emotional decision. Sex will return, but I want them to really get used to being with eachother first. Like Kelly is going to treat him right, and be a big old romantic about it. He doesn't want another relationship based on sex; and I am now rambling. So stay safe peeps!


	7. Chapter 7

The early morning sun shined through the bedroom window, encasing the bed in brightness. Matt blinked awake at the light in his eyes, a smile filling his face at the warmth of Severide's body pressed against his back like a second skin. The squad lieutenant was a cuddler, and this was the second day in a row that Matt had found himself waking up, to find the man plastered against his back. A thick arm was thrown across his stomach, and Severide's hand had pushed his t-shirt up at some point during the night to expose the skin on Matt's stomach. 

They had spent the last two days getting secluded away in the apartment. They had unpacked the belongings that Matt had brought with him from his apartment, and the blonde felt a thrill in his chest when he saw his stuff mixed between Severide's. His clothes had been given their own side in the closet, and the drawers on the right side of the bed were now Matt's. His books joined Severide's on the shelves in the main room, and their laptops were now neighbours on the desk. After they had unpacked the few things that matt had brought with them, they had spent most of the day lounging in front of the television watching old films. They had ended up getting distracted a lot, spending more time kissing and exploring each other’s bodies with small touches than watching the films. 

Matt had initially smiled and lovingly called Severide a 'Sap', when the squad lieutenant had said he wanted to take things slowly between them, but he found himself agreeing with the other man’s thoughts. They could have easily jumped straight into bed with each other and worked themselves to orgasms in a variety of ways; but Matt realised that the exploration was building the levels of comfort and love that already existed between them. It was like building a home; you had to start with a solid base otherwise the entire house would sink into the mud. 

* * *

A quick glance at the alarm clock on his side of the bed, informed Matt that he had a few minutes to enjoy the peace and savour the feel of being wrapped up in the arms of the man that he loved. He had never felt so happily content as he had over the past two days, and the love that radiated off Severide gave Matt the strength to get up and face the day ahead. It was going to be their first shift back after he had broken up with Gabby, and Matt wasn't going to delude himself into thinking that no one else in the house knew. Every firefighter in that house was a gossip, and he would eat his turnout coat if they proved him wrong. Just because he presumed that the guys were going to be aware that he had broken up with the paramedic, didn't mean Matt was prepared for whatever was going to come next. He didn't know what he was going to be walking into, and he feared what nasty misinformation the guys had been told, or the rumours that would probably be circulating. 

The sound of the alarm had Matt jolting, ready to turn to stop the infernal noise that was filling the room. He found himself pressed against the mattress as Severide stretched over him to slam his hand down on the snooze button. Matt blinked slowly up at the sleep face of the silver haired man, taking in the pillow lines on his face and the tired eyes that were smiling down at him. Severide pulled his hand away from the clock, resting it on the bed next to Matt's shoulder, trapping the blonde underneath his weight. "Morning gorgeous," Severide rasped, his breath warming Matt's cheek as he returned the man’s content smile. 

Before he could return the greeting, Matt gasped as he felt Severide's lips press against his. It was how the blonde had been woken up the day before, with kisses pressed against his skin and the nickname that Severide had taken to calling him. It felt strange to feel so loved, even if it was leaving him feeling increasingly horny the longer he went without release. He could feel Severide's morning hard on digging into his hip, and his own cock was jumping to attention as he rolled his hips up to gain some friction. 

"Uh uh uh, no time for that, time to get ready for work," Severide grinned down at Matt as he pulled back from the kiss. Matt whined low in the back of his throat as he hooked his arms around the squad lieutenants’ necks. He would happily put up with the coffee at the house as long as it meant getting five more minutes in bed with the man he loved. 

"We could save time, shower together, skip the coffee?" Matt suggested as he rolled his hips up once more, his moan came out as a shaky breath as his cock rubbed against Severide's.

"Tempting, but we both know that if we shower together, we will just end up late for work." Severide grinned, his smile wide as he leaned down once more to tease a kiss against Matt's lips. Matt groaned as the touch was lost, and the weight that was pressing against him vanished. The blonde man pushed himself up onto his elbows as Severide bounced out of bed, taking the covers with him. Matt watched as his cock throbbed in his underwear; his breath caught as Severide grinned down at him, his gaze stopping on the tenting fabric. 

"Call in sick." Matt huffed. He let one of his hands slide down his stomach to rest at the waistband of his underwear, his fingers teasing at the elastic. The sound of Severide's deep inhale told him that his action had gotten a reaction, but it wasn't the reaction Matt wanted. Matt wanted to make the squad lieutenant forget about their plan to slow things down and take care of him like he had done before. He wanted to feel Severide's hand on his cock, and he wanted to feel his fingers stretching his hole. 

"Sounds like an amazing idea, but I think Boden would kill us." Severide smirked down at him as he pushed his own underwear down his legs, his cock saluting the air as he threw the shorts toward Matt. Matt grabbed the underwear, scrunching them into a tight ball before he chucked them back at the other man.

"Don't talk about Boden when all I want to do is drag you back into bed."

"Boden, Boden, Boden." Severide chanted as he ducked out of the way of the pillow that Matt launched at him. Matt found himself being tugged partially down the bed as a hand wrapped around his ankle. Severide smiled down at him as he reached up to tease the at the base of the blonde's underwear. Matt felt his breath catch in his chest at the feel of the other man's fingertips teasing the sensitive skin on his thighs before the touch vanished. 

"I'm going in the shower; I promise to only think of you gorgeous."

The sound of the soft moans that he could hear over the sound of the shower, and the images of Severide that his imagination conjured had Matt releasing into his hand embarrassingly fast. He wiped his hand clean on his stomach and let his heartbeat slow back down to a normal speed. In the bathroom he could hear the shower being shut off, and the soft patter of footsteps across the tiled floor. Matt pushed his underwear down his legs, kicking them across the room just as he heard the bathroom door opening. It probably wasn't as erotic a sight as it would have been if his cock was still standing begging for attention, but the cum that was matting together the small trail of hair that led to his softening cock offered a different type of sexy sight. Matt couldn't help but grin at the surprised look that crossed the squad lieutenants face. "Fuck," Severide whispered. 

Matt shined under the heated gaze as Severide ran his eyes up and down his flushed body. He pushed himself upright, smiling seductively at the other man as he perched on the edge of the mattress. "I'm going to go have a shower." He grinned, as he rose to his feet and slid past Severide. Matt pressed their bodies close, lingering for a moment with his chest pressed against the other man's before side-stepping towards the bathroom door. He heard the squad lieutenant curse once more as he closed the door behind him. Matt managed to contain his giggle until he turned the shower back on, the small chuckle hidden underneath the sound of falling water. 

Matt rushed his way through the shower, scrubbing awake the evidence of his release, and hastily shampooing his hair. He stepped back into the bedroom with a towel wrapped around his waist, and the sight of Severide's bare shoulders greeted him. The other man was already in the process of dressing in his uniform, and the tight trousers stretched even tighter over Severide's ass as he bent to the ground to pick up the underwear that Matt had discarded only a few minutes previously. Matt couldn't help but smile as he snuck forwards undetected, and with quick fingers he pulled the elastic of Severide's underwear which was peeking out from the waistband of Severide's trousers. The elastic snapped back against Severide's skin, the slapping sound echoing around the room and the action made Severide jolt upright. Matt giggled as Severide turned and rounded on him; he tried to sidestep out of the other man’s reach, but a hand caught his elbow and with one swift move Matt found himself being propelled onto the bed. 

The gasp that escaped him was muffled with a pair of lips being pressed against his with an urgency that had Matt arching up against the other man. Severide had followed him onto the bed, crawling on top of him, and settling between Matt's spread thighs. The towel that had been wrapped around the blonde’s hips had rucked up toward his waist as Matt spread his legs wider for the other man. Matt wrapped his arms around Severide's shoulders, as he rucked his hips up. One more kiss was pressed against his lips, but Matt could feel Severide's body shifting away from his. He gripped his knees tighter on either side of Severide's hips, using his strength and his weight to flip them. Matt perched on top of the silver hair man’s hips, the mischief shining through his grin as he looked down at the surprised look that filled Severide's face. The feeling of happiness filled Matt as Severide smiled up at him with the most blinding and loving smile. He had never felt anything like this before with any of his partners; previously he had always felt like he was unable to really relax with anyone. There was always the need to feel like he had to pretend to be strong all the time and in control. With Severide, Matt felt like he could finally be himself. 

"I wish I could spend all day in bed with you," Matt whispered as he slid his hands down Severide's bare chest so that they rested against his lower abdomen. His wrists teased at his own thighs, and his cock was hardening as he rolled his hips back against the growing bulge in the other man's trousers. The towel that had been bunched at his waist had fallen free when he had flipped them, leaving Matt bare as he sat on Severide's lap.

"All day, all week, all year." Severide promised. 

Matt felt his grin widen as he leaned forwards, and kissed the silver haired man, his cock pushing against the hard muscles in the other man’s stomach. He nibbled on Severide's bottom lip as he rolled his hips forwards against the man’s stomach once more. A slap to his arse had Matt jolting forwards, Severide's bottom lip falling from between his teeth as a loud moan ripped through his body. The skin that had been spanked burned as a reminder from the slap and Matt felt his face flush as he moaned once more as Severide squeezed at his butt-cheeks. He had never been anything but vanilla, and had never experienced anything like what he had with the squad lieutenant. 

"We're going to be late," Severide grinned up at him. 

* * *

They did end up running late, sprinting into the house a few minutes after shift start. Severide had rolled them both over before detangling himself from Matt with a final kiss that had left the blonde aching for more. Matt had been forced to try and will his cock to stand down as he tucked himself away into his underwear and work trousers. They had left their apartment with twenty minutes on the clock before shift started, but Matt had taken one glimpse in the wing mirror as he settled into the passenger seat of Severide's car. The marks that trailed up and down his neck were still visible, fading to a muted yellow instead of the vibrant red and purple that they had been when Severide had first sucked them into his skin. 

The twenty minutes should have given them enough time to reach the house with other being late, but they were forced to quickly pull up outside a drug store on their way in. Severide had carefully applied the hastily brought concealer to the fading marks that adorned Matt's neck, and the blonde man had found himself leaning into the gentle touch as Severide blended the make-up into his skin. A final glance in the mirror before they had climbed out of the car, showed that all the marks were perfectly disguised. He loved the marks that Severide had left on his skin, and he felt like they were a mark of how much the other man cared for him instead of seeing them as a mark of ownership. When people had left them on his skin previously, Matt felt like he had been stamped with a claim, but he didn't feel like that when it was Severide's lips on his skin. 

Matt and Severide darted across the floor, offering a quick apologetic wave to the first shift lieutenants who were waiting on their arrival. You couldn't leave until you were taken off, and Matt had been forced to stay a handful of times when the bells rang, and third shift's lieutenant hadn't yet arrived. Most of the time he tried to be courteous as possible, arriving early so that the guys from first shift could start to pack up before their shift ended. It was common courtesy and saved the guys a few minutes and allowed them to get home to their families just that little bit quicker. 

Boden had already started his daily briefing, and Matt felt his face burn with embarrassment as the chief levelled them with a look of disapproval as they unsuccessfully tried to sneak into the room. The chief had a way of falling silent mid-sentence whenever someone turned up late to a briefing, and it was a sure way to draw the attention of everyone else in the room to whomever was trying to be discrete. Matt could feel everyone's eyes on him as he glanced at the floor as he slid into a free seat at one of the desks. Boden remaining stoic and silent until both he and Severide were seated, before he continued from where he had been interrupted; "As I was saying, Kidd is going to be joining Brett as a paramedic for the next shift."

Matt couldn't help but turn his head to the side so that he could exchange a confused glance with Severide. He wanted to know why Kidd was off truck for the shift. Matt wasn't complaining that he didn't have to put up with Gabby for the next twenty-four hours, but he would like to know how long he was going to be losing one of his firefighters to the ambo for. The rest of the briefing went the way it normally did, and only a few minutes later Boden finalised the meeting with a firm, "Dismissed."

Matt pushed his chair back, moving to join the others who were beginning to file out of the room. He had abandoned his bag by the side of the desk when he had joined in, and he wanted to pack away his stuff in his locker before the truck got called out to anything. He trusted everyone who worked in the building, but the firehouse had an open-door policy, and the last thing he needed was the wrong person coming in and taking advantage of that. It wouldn't be the first time that a firefighter had been robbed because someone had come inside and seen an open wallet. Boden called out to him just as he reached the door, with Severide only a step behind. "Casey. I'd like see you in my office."

"Sure thing chief," Matt nodded as he turned on the spot to look back at the older man. As usual Boden's gaze offered little as to what was occurring behind the façade. Matt didn't know if the chief was angry or if he simply wanted to make Matt apologise for being late. "Let me just drop my bag in my locker and then I will be right with you."

Boden nodded in approval, and Matt watched as the chief gathered up his radio and his filed and left through the other door. Matt found himself alone with Severide, and he couldn't help but glance up at the frown on the silver haired man’s face. He didn't need to ask, and they didn't need to exchange any words as Matt stared into the other man’s eyes, wishing that there was less space between them. He silently asked with a small inclination of his head, and Matt was rewarded with a nod in return that left him smiling softly he didn't care what was going to be said in the office because he would have Severide by his side ready to be his equal if needed. Matt was finally down with being a constant support beam for someone else, he was happy to finally be in a relationship where they supported each other. Neither of them had to pretend to be the stronger person; they both had flaws and there would be times when the other needed to be held up. 

Matt couldn't help but smile as Severide followed him into the locker room, both of them quickly storing their bags away. They didn't want to keep Boden waiting, but Matt found himself smiling as he felt Severide quickly reach out to squeeze his hand. The locker room offered a small semblance of privacy as they smiled reassuringly at each other. "Come on let’s go see Boden before the sirens go." Severide smiled, as he squeezed Matts hand once more before letting the hands slip free. 

* * *

Boden was already sat waiting behind his desk when Matt knocked once at his open door, hovering in the doorway before the man inclined for him to enter. If Boden was surprised by Severide following Matt into the small room before closing the door behind them, he didn't show it further than the small quirk of an eyebrow. Matt slid into the chair on the other side of the desk, facing the chief with a straight back and firmness in his jaw as he anticipated the worst-case scenarios running through his mind. Matt could picture the chief ripping into him for being late to shift, when he was one who was meant to lead by example, and he could imagine Boden sneering at him because of whatever lies may have been manufactured regarding his breakup with Gabby. 

"How can I help you chief?" Matt asked after Boden had remained staring at him for a few moments, his words breaking the silence that hung over the office.

"Is there anything that I need to be aware of?" Boden retorted, and Matt fought the urge to flinch. The words didn't come out harsh nor did they come out sounding spiteful, but Matt still felt like they were spat at him. Severide's foot nudged at his, and Matt found himself relaxing at the small discreet touch. 

"Me and Gabby have split up. I've moved out." Matt sighed. he wanted to reach over and link his fingers with Severide's. He could see the way the squad lieutenants’ hand was resting on his knee, and Matt knew that if they were in private, he could have just reached out for him. On their days off they had briefly discussed what they would say to Boden, and both men had agreed that it was better to wait a little while before they revealed the truth to him. The last thing they wanted was people burying their noses in their personal life trying to understand them. Matt understood what he felt for Severide, and he knew that the other man understood his own feelings; neither of them wanted to justify or explain their actions and neither of them wanted to be labelled as a cheat. Matt fell in love, and it wasn't a sudden unexpected feeling like he had been zapped by lightening, it was an acceptance and him finally having the courage to accept the truth about the intensity of his feelings for his best friend. He had thought he had found forever with two people before, but even back with Hallie, it was always Severide he could picture growing old with.

"I see. Well I am sorry to hear that. I wanted to let you know that Dawson has taken a few shifts off for personal reasons. Kidd will cover her for this shift, and then we will get a relief paramedic in until Dawson returns." Boden continued, levelling them both with a stare that dared them to try and question anything in his statement. Matt chanced a look over at Severide, and found himself catching the other man sending him the same look. It was a look that Matt interpreted as Severide being unimpressed with an aspect of Gabby's actions, and Matt agreed. 

"I don't want this to affect the house, and if it does then we will not be having this discussion twice. This is a fire house, we have had relationships begin and we have had them end here before, and if any relationship starts affecting my fire house then I will be the one dealing with it. Is that understood." Matt nodded along to Boden's next statement, knowing that the chief was being honest with him. It was a threat both he and Severide had received before, back when they were at each other’s throats after Darden's death; and Matt knew that Boden very nearly did sign transfers for both of them. They had apparently been one major fight away from being kicked to other houses. 

"Yes chief," Matt agreed, returning a small nod that Boden offered them both. 

Severide was the first to rise from his chair, as Boden raised an eyebrow at them both, "Good. Don't be late again."

"Understood chief, sorry about that." Severide smirked as he walked towards the office door, holding it open as Matt rose to his feet and followed the silver haired man from the room. He felt some of the tension leave his chest as he walked past Connie, offering the woman a smile which as always went unreturned. Severide snorted in front of him as he watched Matt over his shoulder, and the blonde man bit his lip to not giggle along with the other man. The entire house always tried to get a smile from Connie, but so far few had ever succeeded. 

They waited until they had walked around the corner from the office; pausing in an empty section of corridor, the sounds of the other firefighters’ voices echoed through from the breakroom. Matt released a breath that he didn't realise had caught in his throat, all the irrational worries that had erupted in his mind were blown away with his breath. A hand wrapped around his wrist, before gently sliding down until Severide's fingers were entwined with his. 

"One less thing to worry about gorgeous," Severide whispered as he leaned close, and Matt found himself smiling up into the bright blue eyes that sparkled with all the feelings the squad lieutenant had. Matt wondered if he it was too soon to say the word love, but that was the only emotion in his body as he dared to shuffle slightly closer to the other man. 

"I know, thank you for coming in there with me." Matt grinned as his eyes tracked Severide moving closer to him. He could see the small red mark on the side of his jaw where the squad lieutenant had nicked himself shaving, and he swore that if he had the time he would be able to count every single one of his eyelashes. The blonde man wanted to close the space between them and feel Severide's lips against his, but the alarms blaring out over the speakers had Matt stepping back before he could accidently reveal their relationship to anyone who walked by. 

'Squad 3, Truck 81: Person trapped. 2617 West 17th Street.'

"Saved by the bell," Severide rolled his eyes taking a step back out of Matt's space. The pout that threatened to form on Matts face was quickly brushed away when Severide jolted forwards into his personal space. Matt raised a hand to his cheeks, touching the skin where the ghost of the kiss Severide lingered.

* * *

Matt felt disgustingly sticky as he climbed out of the truck. The incident at the brewery had left a few of them with beer splattered turn out gear, and it only grew more unpleasant as the alcohol dried. The leftover stick residue made Matt feel like his turn out coat had been used as a rag to wipe down a bar. He watched as everyone else cheered at the newly acquired table-tennis table that was being pulled free from the back of the truck. Matt knew that this was going to end in tears, and something get broken or someone getting injured; and knowing his men it was probably going to be all three. Otis who had been complaining the most about the beer shower had seemed to forget about the dampness of his clothes as he already began arguing with Herrmann and Mouch. 

The only reason he hadn't immediately vetoed the table when they saw it was because of the silence that had plagued the truck the entire drive to the scene. It felt like he had stepped into an ice room when he climbed into the truck, and immediately the whispers in the back seat stopped. Matt knew that they were talking about him and the break-up, and he couldn't help but wonder how the truth had been twisted by Gabby. She would have gone to Kidd and Brett straight after she went to Antonio, and the two other females at the house would undoubtedly had grouped behind her in support. Severide had helped him open his eyes to the true sight of the woman that Gabriella Dawson was, and Matt had finally realised the manipulative and malicious nature that she masked behind an innocent looking smile. 

Matt realised on the drive to the incident, that the nature of a firehouse meant that Gabby wouldn't have to reveal to everyone her twisted version of the breakup, because the gossip would do it for her. Having the table tennis table meant that the eyes of his firefighters weren't burning into his back, and Matt was willing to take the arguments that were already brewing. Boden had raised an eyebrow when Matt had pointed out that the table was a distraction that maybe the house needed; he knew that the chief could see through his comment, and see that the table would help distract the guys away from Matt. The reluctant acceptance had Matt sighing in relief as he walked away from the bickering that was already echoing from the briefing room. 

Matt walked into the bunk room, frowning as he watched Severide walking into his quarters clutching at his shoulder. He followed after the squad lieutenant, hovering in the open doorway as he watched the other man roll his shoulder. "You okay?" Matt asked, as he stepped inside of the room once Severide had turned to look at him. 

"Yh just twinged it when I pulled back that kid from earlier." Severide explained as he twisted his shoulder underneath his hand. It was like he was trying to ease a trapped nerve or something, and Matt closed the door behind him as stepped closer. 

"Sit down on the bed, and take your shirt off." Matt commanded as he began pulling the blinds down on the glass windows that surrounded the room. Matt had never liked the glass windows in the offices, it made him feel like he was constantly under scrutiny and like an exhibit at a zoo. The blinds only offered little reprieve from the feeling, as he knew that whenever people saw the rooms with the blinds closed it just drew different attention. 

By the time Matt had finally drawn all the blinds down, Severide was perched on the edge of the bed, his shirt clutched in his hands. The blonde man let his eyes roam down the mans muscled chest before he climbed onto the bed behind him. His knees bracketed Severide's hips as he sat back on his feet. Matt softly stroked his hands up the squad lieutenants back, his fingers offering gentle caresses up the skin until they rested on the man's sore shoulder. He gently worked the shoulder, massaging the knots out and trying to ease any of the pain. The soft moans that were falling from Severide's lips offered Matt all the encouragement that he needed

"Is it helping?" Matt asked as he brushed a small kiss into the skin behind the silver haired man’s ear. He leaned his chin against the man's uninjured shoulder as he nuzzled against his cheek. 

"I'm definitely not complaining gorgeous, but I do reckon you just wanted my shirt off." Severide grinned, as he turned his head to peck his lips against Matt's cheek. Matt arched his cheek into the touch, as he slid his hands down from the man’s shoulder, and slid them under his arms and around his waist. He pressed himself against Severide's back, as Matt tightened his arms around the squad lieutenants’ stomach. 

"Well it does have its bonuses," Matt admitted as he buried his smile into Severide's shoulder. His lips brushed the warm skin and Matt kissed the skin before moving his lips in search of Severide's. The other man turned his head towards him, and Matt sighed in happiness as he let Severide enrich him with a lazy kiss. There was no urgency, and it wasn't a lead-up to anything further. The kiss was a simple touch soaked in love. 

'Truck 81, vehicle accident.'

Matt groaned as he broke the kiss, leaning his forehead against Severide's as the address was said on the speaker. He didn't want the moment to end, not when he had his arms wrapped around his boyfriend. Severide pecked at his lips quickly before whispering with a smile, "Go be my hero Matt, but I want another massage when we get home. Oils, candles the lot."

"Deal." Matt grinned, as he unravelled himself from the other man, before climbing off the bed. He yelped at the hard smack on the ass he received as he stood; when he turned around, he was met with Kelly Severide's giant smile as he leaned back on his arms, showcasing his wide chest muscles. Matt allowed himself a fleeting glance before he pulled the door open and jogged from the room. The image of Severide smiling up at him had him forgetting about the awkwardness between him and the team as he climbed into the truck. The arguments about table tennis had already begun, and Matt relaxed against his seat as he listened to the voices around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I updated! I think we should class this as a miracle. The reason it took so long was because I forgot my own plot for one of my other stories, and had to read back through it to pinpoint all the places I have fucked up with my own continuity. 
> 
> But yes, matt and Kelly being adorable fluffy boyfriends. Gabby is going to be out of the picture for a few shifts, and I can not wait to write the drama with her but I want to give Matt and Kelly time to be happy. So happiness is going to last between them for a little while before Hurricane Dawson hits.


	8. Chapter 8

Kelly was glad when shift was finally over for the day. It wasn't bad shift, it was relatively quiet in comparison to some of the days that they'd had in the past, but the constant gossiping had managed to reach his ears. He knew that Casey had tried to ignore it, but Kelly had noticed the fact that half of the people on shift quickly turned away whenever the blonde glanced at them. The hushed whispers that gathered in corners when Casey wasn't in the room didn't help and he feared that another shift like that would leave the blonde feeling self-conscious and down. Mouch, Otis, and Stella had barely said ten words to their lieutenant throughout their shared mealtimes. The only person on truck talking to Casey was Herrmann, but the older man was too distracted by the new addition of the table tennis table. 

Kelly had caught bits of the gossip that was circulating about Casey and Dawson, and he forced himself to control his rage at the twisted stories that had reached his ears. He had caught Mouch speculating that Casey had been scared off at the thought of marriage, and he had heard one of the guys on engine suggesting that it had something to do with what happened with Casey's parents. The only reason he didn't storm over there and shove his fist into the idiot’s face was the thought of what Casey would say when he found out. He didn't throw a punch, but he did slam his mug down onto the table with enough force that it made the firefighters on engine jump. The glare that he shot at them as Kelly stalked away from the common room had the entire engine team fall silent.

He stormed over to the squad table, and Kelly could tell by the silence that fell over his three men as he dropped into his seat that they had been talking about Casey. The uncomfortable expression that filled Cruz's face had Kelly exhaling impatiently as he levelled his glare at the man, silently daring him to continue. The silver haired man held his glare as his three men took turns looking sheepishly at him before letting their gaze drop down to the table. Kelly should have known that his glare alone would not be enough to scare off his firefighters from voicing the questions that they so clearly wanted answers too, and he should have realised that Capp would be the first one to break. "So is it true that Casey got cold feet on the whole marriage, family thing?" 

Kelly forced himself to bite back the immediate retort that threatened to fall of his tongue as his eyes flashed with pure anger at Capp. The other man had been leaning forward in his chair, the ever present smile filling his face as he awaited the gossip that he thought he was going to receive, but he immediately recoiled in his chair as he saw the unfiltered rage that flashed across the lieutenants face. Kelly snapped as he slammed his first down onto the table, "No that is not true, and I don't want to hear any of you gossiping about this again. You don't have the full story so don't start taking sides or believing every bit of house gossip. Matt and Dawson have broken up, that's all you need to know."

Three murmurs of 'Sorry Lieutenant', filled the small space around the table as Capp ducked his head in apology under Kelly's glare. Kelly huffed out a breath as he slouched back into his chair, as he watched over his three men. The only reason why there weren't all yelling over table tennis was because truck had taken the paddles with them when they went out on the call. Some of the engine guys had tried to steal folders from Connie to use as make-shift bats, but the fierce woman quickly put a stop to that plan.

"Listen Matt needs his friends right now, he doesn't need them gossiping behind his back." Kelly huffed, the anger in his tone fading as he spoke. He could see that his men were shooting apologetic looks at each other and at him, and he knew that they would stop avoiding Casey's eye.

* * *

Truck didn't come back for another hour, and by that time Kelly had retreated to his quarters to work on the paperwork pile that never seemed to get smaller. No matter how many hours he put in, he could never get the small mountain to decrease; most of the time it only seemed to grow larger and larger. He didn't realise that Truck had returned until he heard the door to his office squeak open loudly; turning his head to the side, the silver haired man immediately found himself smiling brightly as he laid eyes on Casey. "Hey Matt, good call?"

"Same old. No serious injury but so much glass on the road. I think we spend longer clearing the scene than anything else." Casey smirked as he sat down at the foot of Kelly's bunks, his long legs thrown over the small footrail at the bottom. Kelly spun around in his chair so that he was looking directly at the man, and he found his eyes subconsciously checking every visible part of the blonde's skin to make sure there were no injuries. 

Kelly snorted out a small chuckle as he grabbed hold of the blonde man’s leg when Casey playfully started kicking his feet in the small space between them. The blinds in the office were still down from their interrupted massage earlier in the day, so Kelly had no qualms as he pulled Casey's boots into his lap. "This is why we tell people it’s not a glamorous job. Least it wasn't a cat stuck in a tree."

"Or a call-out because someone got their hand caught in the drain." Casey sniggered; it wasn't a rarity that some husband or wife called up because they got rings stuck somewhere, they weren't meant to be. Drains were the most common one, but Kelly had heard horror stories of some of the older guys in the house being called out to a guy who had got his wedding ring caught on a cock-cage. Thankfully, that was an occurrence that Kelly hadn't yet had the pleasure to deal with.

"We've not had one of those for a while." Kelly grinned. He jokingly cupped a hand around his ear as if he were waiting for the bells to suddenly go off announcing someone had got stuck.

"Don't jinx it." Casey's laugh filled the room as he tapped the heel of his shoe against Kelly's thigh before pointing his toes to gently nudge his stomach. Kelly laughed at the easy smile that filled the blonde man's face; it was a look that he was beginning to see more and more, and he would never grow bored of it. Casey smirked up at him as he leaned back onto his forearms, "So any idea why I just had Capp come up hug me and start apologising?"

"Fucking Capp," Kelly huffed as he shook his head at his friend’s actions. Capp was not subtle, and he should have expected the other man to do something like this. 

"Kelly." Casey raised an eyebrow at him, the edges of his lips curling upwards as he tried to mask his smile into a blank expression. Kelly snorted at the blondes attempt of being serious, but he let his playfulness slip away as he jerked his chair forwards towards the other man. Casey's legs came to rest on either side Kelly's as he pushed himself forward again.

"I told them to stop gossiping and remember that they were your friends. I don't know what bullshit lies Dawson has spread about you, but I told them that they don't know the story so stop spreading shit." Kelly admitted quietly as he slide his hands up Casey's legs until he rested them on the blonde's thighs. He could feel the strong muscles through the thick fabric of their cargo trousers, and he couldn't wait till he got home so that he could strip the blonde out of them. He wanted to take things slowly between them, build their relationship on love instead of sex; but that didn't mean Kelly wasn't going to slowly discover every single inch of Casey's gorgeous body.

Kelly watched as Casey frowned at his words, before slowly considering his reply. “I don't know what she's said either, but thank you. Other than Capp not wanting to let me go for a second, at least your three are starting to treat me normally again."

"Anything for you." Kelly whispered as he leaned forwards to peck his lips against Casey's. He had seen in the small frown when Casey spoke, just how much the truck teams silence was starting to play on the blonde’s mind. Kelly prayed that it would just be a one-shift thing, and that everyone would start to go back to acting normally once the shock and surprise of the break-up faded. As Kelly pulled back from the kiss, he found himself smiling as the blonde surged forwards, pressing their lips together once more. 

"Thank you, I could never have asked for a more amazing supportive boyfriend." Casey whispered against his cheek. 

"I will always try and do my best by you Matt." Kelly promised, as he moved to stroke at the side of the blondes neck, the touch causing the concealer that they had applied earlier in the day to rub away. Carefully, Kelly angled Casey's jaw so that he could examine the pale skin; the purple marks that he has sucked into the skin over the last two days were starting to creep through the concealer. To anyone else it would go unnoticed as it currently was, but Kelly could see the dull colours becoming brighter as the make-up slowly wore away. "I think we need to touch up the concealer a little bit, it’s starting to fade out."

"Is it showing through?" Casey asked, his hand rising to clutch at his neck, blocking the view for the silver haired man. 

Kelly gently moved the blonde’s fingers back away from the smooth skin, stroking over the love bit that was nestled just to the side of Casey's Adams-apple. "It’s just starting to fade; I wish that you could show them off to the world."

"One day," Casey smirked, his hands coming up to curl around the back of Kelly's neck as he leaned in. The kiss that they shared had Kelly smiling into the touch as Casey struggled to keep his moans quiet. The soft sounds echoed in the space between them, and Kelly shivered as he felt Casey run his tongue along the roof of his mouth. He dragged his lips away from the blonde man’s enticing smile, pressing kisses a small nip down the strong line of his jaw until he paused just underneath his ear. Up close he could see the colour difference between Casey's skin and the concealer, allowing him to find a new area where he wouldn't end up with the taste of make up on his tongue. 

Kelly smirked against Casey's neck as he sucked a fresh mark into his skin. Casey arched up into his touch, his gasps tickling Kelly's short hair. The silver haired man smirked against the blonde's skin as he licked a line across the new mark that had blossomed onto his skin. The small purple blotch was a beautiful contrasting mark that had Kelly wishing he could see the others hiding underneath the make-up. He wanted to trace each mark on Casey's neck, and he wanted to feel the blonde’s lips against his own neck until they sported matching bites. 

"You do shit like that and then you want to take it slow." Casey gasped as he curled his hand around the back of the squad lieutenants’ neck, keeping him slightly close even as Kelly moved back so that could stare into his bright blue eyes. 

"I don't want to rush everything with you. I plan to have you by my side for the rest of my life." Kelly whispered his admittance as he offered the blonde man a soft smile. The sounds of whatever battle was going on at the table tennis table in the briefing room echoed through to them even despite the distance. Kelly couldn't help but snort at the angry shouts and declarations of cheating that echoed through the firehouse. Behind the cover of the blinds on the lieutenant’s office windows, they had forgot about the rest of the firehouse on the other side of the door. In the room it was just the two of them, and nothing outside of the room mattered. 

"You will Kel"

* * *

The rest of the shift went by with little fanfare; most of the firefighters in the house were now obsessively trying to win at table tennis to little success. Kelly couldn't help but snort at whoever decided they were going to try and beat Herrmann; the older man was brandishing his personal racket like it was a sword, and he seemed intent on defeating anyone who tried to challenge him. The squad lieutenant was grateful that his own men had taken his words to heart, and he hadn't heard any of them joining in with the gossip that still seems to be circulating amongst truck and engine. He could see Casey's shoulders relax the more Cruz, Capp and Tony started treating like they normally would. 

The shift remained quiet, and Kelly was grateful to bid his farewell to his men as third shift arrived to take over for their twenty-four shift. Spending the entire shift resisting the urge to reach across and touch Casey when they were in the common room had taken all the squad lieutenants’ willpower. His restraints broke as they shouldered their bags as they walked side by side from the firehouse; their shoulder brushed with every step, and Kelly glanced behind him quickly as he slid his hand into Casey's. The feel of Casey's fingers entwining with his brought a blinding smile onto the silver haired man’s face as they held onto each other for the last few steps until they reached the car. 

Kelly relaxed into the drive seat, smirking to himself as he waited for Casey to climb into the passenger side. When the door was slammed closed behind him, Kelly leaned across the centre console and pressed his kiss against Casey's lips. He had been wanting to do that ever since they had their moment in his quarters. After they had touched up the concealer on the marks on Casey's neck, they were interrupted by voices in the bunk room as the arguments over table tennis started to spread out around the house. They had broken apart quickly smirking at the others dishevelled appearance as they quickly straightened clothes and licked at their kiss-swollen lips. Pulling back from the kiss, Kelly dropped a hand onto Casey's thigh, as he turned the key in the ignition. 

Kelly's hand primarily remained on Casey's thigh as he drove them back to the apartment. The streets of Chicago flew by them as he raced his way home, his plan for the next few days already forming in his head. He wanted to repay the blonde for the shoulder massage that he had received after he had fallen at the brewery call-out; he wanted to pamper Casey and shower him with all the love that he deserved. Stepping out of the car, Kelly raced around to the passenger side, grabbing the door before Casey could climb out. He winked at the blonde man as he held the door wide, even going as far as to hold out his hand in offering. 

Kelly didn't try to hide his blinding smile as Casey took his hand with a roll of the eyes, allowing himself to be helped from the car as if he was royalty. Their hands linked together as they walked up the stairs towards their apartment, a comfortable silence wrapping around them like a protective bubble from the outside world. Nothing else was important other than the two of them. The building was silent around them, one of the main reasons why Kelly had decided to move into the old factory. The apartments were big, and they were being sold dirt cheap. However even though they were cheap, there were only two apartments on each floor and at last count only half of them were full. Over all of the time he had lived there, Kelly had only met three of his neighbours. 

That was why he was surprised to see a nice bottle of whiskey leaning against his front door as they stepped into the hallway. Even from a distance he could see that it wasn't just a bottle that you could pick up at any off license. The smile on his face slipped into a small frown as he stopped outside the door; Kelly could feel Casey's eyes on his back as he let go of the blonde man's hand to crouch down in front of the fancy bottle. A small card rested behind it, and Kelly felt his eyebrow raise as he read the little note inside. Wordlessly, Kelly passed the card behind him as he collected the bottle and rose to his full height once more. 

"Sorry I went off on you the other day. If you weren't happy, you weren't happy. I hope you both find happiness together. Hopefully, we can grab a drink sometime soon, Antonio," Casey read the card aloud as Kelly worked the key into the lock. He didn't know how to react to the olive branch that seemed to have been offered to them by the detective. The memory of the sad look that filled Casey's face when Antonio had said he didn't know if he could forgive them was still fresh in his mind.

"Maybe he realised he was being a douche," Kelly offered as he pushed the front door open. He dropped his bag at the side of the door, promising himself that he would sort through his laundry before tomorrow evening, before setting the bottle of whiskey down on the kitchen table. 

"Maybe," Casey pondered behind him, a soft thud telling Kelly that the blonde had imitated him with dumping his work bag. 

Kelly spun around to face the other man, leaning against the kitchen table as he offered a small smile, "Let's not think about it right now. Do you trust me?"

Casey snorted and Kelly couldn't help but smile wider as he felt himself being checked out. "You know I do Kel."

"Good, can you give me twenty minutes? Have a shower or something?" Kelly asked as he watched the blonde man close the space between them. He adjusted his feet, spreading them slightly wider so that Casey could stop between them. Their bodies pressed together as Casey leaned his weight into him. Kelly let his hands fall to the blonde's hips, feeling the sharp line of muscle and bone even through the fabric of his clothes.

"You want to me to go shower for twenty minutes?" Casey blinked slowly up at him, biting his lip back as he smirked. The look was a picture of perfect seduction; Kelly didn't know if Casey was deliberately trying to be sexy, or if he was doing it subconsciously, but it was working. He could feel himself hardening in his pants, and with their close proximity he knew that Casey could feel it also. He chuckled as the smirk was joined with a raised eyebrow as the blonde man pushed his crotch closer to Kelly's so that the squad lieutenant could feel his cock responding too.

"Lower the eyebrow gorgeous, don't get too excited. I have a surprise." Kelly chuckled, as he bought one of his hands away from Casey's hip to rest on his cheek. He gently stroked the soft skin underneath his eye with his thumb as he lost himself in the deep blue colour that seemed to call to him like a siren.

"A surprise you need twenty minutes for?" Casey wiggled his eyebrows up at him as he caught his tongue between his teeth. 

Kelly couldn't help but laugh at the smile that filled the blonde's face. His boyfriend was relaxed, and was being cute and flirty, and there was nothing better than seeing this carefree side of the man. he had been forced to watch Casey burden the weight of the world on his shoulders for so long, that it was nice to see the weight disappearing before his very eyes. He would do anything to keep that happy look forever etched on the other man’s face. "Yh twenty minutes."

"Okay, colour me intrigued. So twenty minutes in the shower, I wonder what I can do with twenty minutes." Casey's eyes twinkled with mischief and Kelly didn't need to be psychic to know what the blonde was insinuating. He groaned at the thought; he knew what Casey looked like when he came, and the thought of him working his cock in the shower had Kelly's cock throbbing in want. 

"I'm sure you'll think of something," Kelly offered, his throat dry and his voice croaked slightly. He missed the heat of Casey's body immediately as the blonde took a slow step back. His gaze stayed locked on Kelly's as he walked backwards towards the bedroom, and the smile never fell from Casey's face once. Kelly let out a breath as the blonde man disappeared from view, the small twinkle of a laugh echoing from the bedroom. Other than the blood pounding in his ear, the apartment was silent until he heard the sound of a belt hitting the ground and the sound of fabric being ruffled together. The silver hared man knew that if he moved towards the bedroom door, he would see Casey leaving a trail of clothes into the bathroom. 

* * *

Kelly waited until he could hear the shower running before he began rushing around the apartment gathering the supplies, he needed for the surprise he had planned. He was aware of the clock counting down like a warning; he doubted that Casey was going to jerk off in the shower, but he also knew that the blonde wasn't going to stay out of the way for the twenty requested minutes. The blanket and cushions there were laid out across the floor was the easy part, Kelly just grabbed them from the couch. The candles took him a little longer to find; the squad lieutenant knew he had them somewhere, but he couldn't remember where exactly that place was. He had never burned them, merely buying them as a precaution; he had worked through enough power cuts to know that it was always good to have an alternative light and heat source to hand. 

When he had eventually unearthed the candles, he was conscious of just how much of his short time he had wasted in the search. The rest of the surprise was quick to set up; he set his phone to quietly play one of Casey's favourite singers, and he grabbed the bottle of massage oil that he kept in his nightstand. Kelly was unashamed to admit he was nervous about his plan, he had never given a massage to anyone before, but he knew enough due from working out the old aches that still occasionally flared up in his shoulders. Kelly just finished lighting the candles when he heard Casey's voice behind him.

"What's all this?" Casey asked, surprise and wonderment filled his face as he looked around at the little set-up that Kelly had organised. The sound of the music had stopped Kelly from being able to hear the shower being turned off or the soft footsteps as Casey snuck up behind him. The blonde was dressed in a t-shirt that Kelly automatically noticed as one of his and a pair of boxers; his hair was still slightly damp, but sticking up at odd angles from running a towel over it.

"It's your surprise," Kelly offered with a sincere smile as he held his hand out towards the other man. The feel of Casey's hand resting on his felt like coming home. "Now take you shirt off and come lie down gorgeous."

Kelly watched as Casey slowly stepped closer to the blanket, tugging his shirt over his head as he went leaving his hair even more ruffled. The silver haired man watched as Casey sat down in the centre of the set up. Kelly kneeled behind him, his lips brushing against the other man’s shoulder before he nuzzled into his neck. Whatever Casey had done whilst he was in the bathroom had cleared away the makeup, showing off the rainbow of bruises and bites that shone there. The smell of the shower gel and his shampoo filled his nose, mixing with the indescribable smell that was simply Matt Casey. He let his hands slide from Casey's shoulders all the way down to his hands, where he interlocked their fingers as Kelly wrapped their joined arms around the blonde. Behind them the soft vocals sung about how rare and beautiful it is to even exist.

Kelly held Casey for a few minutes as the song faded into instrumental and the next began playing. He kissed Matt's cheek, rubbing his own against the smooth freshly shaved texture. "Come on lie down, let me take care of you."

Casey moved so that he was lying on the blanket, tugging a cushion underneath his head as he folded his arms beneath his cheek. Kelly grabbed the bottle of oil, drizzling a small pool into his palms as he climbed on top of the blonde man. His knees bracketed Casey's hips as he leaned over the blonde, Kelly's chest resting against Casey's back as he brushed a kiss against the scar peeking out from the blonde’s hairline. The moans that fell from the blonde’s lips as Kelly leaned back and put his hands-on Casey for the first time had the squad lieutenant grinning with pride as he worked the knots from his shoulders. He let his hands slide the oil down the length of Casey's spine, before he gently dug his palms in as he moved his hands back up to the base of his neck. 

The moans continued to escape as soft sounds and breathless gasps as Kelly continued to work the tension free from the muscles. The blonde's back was glistening from the oil, and Casey was turning into a relaxed puddle beneath him. Kelly wiped the excess oil off on the bottom of his t-shirt, not caring that it would potentially ruin the fabric. He shifted his weight so that he was leaning over the blonde's back once more as he began trailing soft kisses along the strong line of the man's shoulders. His kisses went higher, up to the point of Casey's elbow, before they looped back on themselves to head back across his shoulders and up the other arm. Every time Kelly felt the slight raising of an old scar beneath his lips, he kissed the marks twice before he moved past them. His kisses travelled down the length of Casey's spine, chasing every scar on the blonde's back as he went. Kelly didn't care if it was and old acne scar or a scar caused from the dangers of their job; he treated every single mark the same as he covered them in kisses and love. 

A soft sob escaped from underneath him, and Kelly instantly pulled his lips away from the small scar that sat at the base of Casey's back. He pushed himself up so that he was face to face with the blonde man, and the sight of tears pooling in his eyes broke at Kelly's heart. Casey chuckled wetly, as he wiped away the tears with his forearm, refusing to move out of the position that he was lying in. "Sorry I'm being silly. I wasn't expecting this and it’s just perfect."

"You're crying Matt" Kelly whispered, wiping a stray tear that was threatening to join the others from the corner of Casey's eye.

"I've never felt like this before," Casey choked as another tear formed in the place of the one that Kelly had wiped away. 

"I wanted to show you how much I cared about you." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! This was a drag of a chapter, but in the next chapter we have a date night which I am very much looking forward to writing. 
> 
> I'm sorry for how long this took to get written, but it was slow and tedious and it was just basically fluff that was needed to link main plot points together. Its not all arguments, big emotional reveals and sex I'm afraid. Also I had a few days of hell at work, and honestly I'm still a little bugged by it. Long story short got thrown into something which I had no training for, and suddenly I had the phone ringing off the hook and I couldn't get anything done cause as the one call ended another started. Not going to lie I'm a stress crier, and that was a low point answering calls and trying to put on a customer service voice whilst still crying. 
> 
> The song they were listening to for the massage was Saturn by Sleeping at Last. It is one of my favourite songs, by an amazing musician. I would recommend a listen if you have never heard it before.


	9. Chapter 9

Gabby's absence was once again noted as another shift at the firehouse flew past them. Matt had been glad that most of the house were starting to act a little bit more normal around him. The table tennis set up had already been removed by the time Matt had walked into the firehouse, and a quick catch up with Boden had informed him that some of the guys had decided that they were going to continue their little heated tournament halfway through third watches shift. The resulting arguments and the still broken window had provoked Boden into demanding that the table was disposed of immediately. Matt had expected to get some kind of glare for initially bringing the table into the house, but Boden had simply clapped him on the shoulder in his usual supportive manner with the reminder that his door was always open if he needed to talk.

Matt didn't try to pretend like he didn't know a few people fell silent whenever he entered the room, and he tried not to let the hushed whispers still occurring behind his back bring him down. He knew that without telling his side of the story, and therefore exposing his new relationship with Severide that people were going to take Gabby's lies and half-truths as gospel. Matt had reached out to Antonio offering his thank you for the bottle that he had left outside Severide's apartment door, and he had found out about some of the things that happened after he and Severide had left Molly's that day. Gabby had apparently waited until they had left before she went storming back into the bar her face stained with tears and make-up. She had run immediately to Louie, scooping the little boy into her arms as she sobbed loudly. When she was prompted to find out what was wrong by Brett and Kidd, she had declared to the entire packed bar that Matt had dumped her. If revealing to the entire bar filled with their friends and colleagues wasn't bad enough, dozens of strangers had to bear witness also. Matt snorted knowing she must have thrived off everyone's attention being on her. 

Some of the whispers that he heard before people realised he was in the room with them had informed him that Gabby had then began making more comments, suggesting that Matt had decided he didn't want a family life and wanted to play at being a bachelor like Severide. That he had decided that with the option of adoption hanging over their heads, the reality of raising a family was too much for him. Matt had huffed in distaste at the hints of rumours and gossip that reached his ears; it made him wonder how everyone would react when the found out the reason he finished their relationship was because he had cheated. 

Matt ended up spending a lot of time on shift in his own quarters, or with the Squad guys. He had Severide to thank as the silver haired man had seemed to push his men away from their usual haunt on the apparatus floor and into the breakroom. It meant that no one thought to double glance when they saw Matt sitting amongst them, whereas if he had joined the squad table outside it would have opened a whole new round of whispers and questions. 

In the privacy of his quarters under the pretence of finishing off paperwork, Matt found himself smirking at his phone screen once again, his fingers tracing over the outline of the background picture. He had changed it to the photo that he had taken of him and Severide at the top of the One World Trade Centre. He couldn't believe how far they had come since that New York trip, and how much things had changed in such a short space of time. If someone had told him that his life was going to change that day, he would never have believed them. He had thought he was going to be trapped in his own unhappiness; like it was his fault that he wasn't happy in what everyone else thought was a perfect relationship. Severide had shown him that he was wrong, and it was Severide who gave him the bravery to change what was making him unhappy. Matt knew that if Severide hadn't kissed him in New York he would have been miserable, sitting in his old apartment with Gabby and Louie.

Matt touched his finger to his own soft smile on the phone screen, before turning his attention to the breath-taking sight that was Kelly Severide. He finally realised what it was like to have that heart-breaking stare focused on him, and his heart raced every time Severide whispered loving words in his ear; the promises of forever spoke the words that they hadn't yet said aloud.

Severide was slowly showing him what a normal healthy relationship was meant to be like, and Matt was ashamed to admit that he had never been in such a loving and caring relationship. Even with the woman he had date before he had gotten involved with Gabby had not been healthy. Even Hallie, the first woman whom he thought he was going to spend the rest of his life with had not been healthy. They didn't talk, and neither of them were willing to listen to the other in regards to where they saw their life going. He had proposed to her after Andy had died because he had found himself paralysed with fear that he was going to die one day, and no one would care. It wasn't the best reason for a rushed proposal, and looking back he understood why Hallie had called it quits only a few weeks later. She had been unable to help with the grieving he had for his dead friend, and the grief he felt for the tattered remains of his friendship with Severide. 

They had both made mistakes over the years, silly mistakes and actions brought on by selfishness and not talking through the problems that they had. He had jumped from an unhealthy relationship to another which was even more toxic, and he hadn't even realised. Severide had drunk and fucked his way through a good proportion of Chicago's population, until he found the strength to accept what he wanted. Matt was glad that Severide had found that inner strength and had enough to offer him as well. Severide had given him the strength to stand and accept years of thoughts hidden behind friendly pats on the back. 

"Ready to go home yet?" Severide asked as he knocked softly on the open door to Matt's quarters. Matt jumped at the noise, rolling his eyes at the flicker of mischief that flashed across the silver haired man’s face. 

Matt nodded as he rubbed a hand along the slight stubble on his cheek. He noted the time on his phone, realising that there was only a few minutes left on shift. He quickly shuffled his paperwork back into neat piles on his desk before he pushed himself away with a small sigh. He knew whatever effort he had put into diminishing the pile of papers was pointless as it would be back to a small mountain by the next shift. It was a constant losing battle, that Matt could never get on top off. 

"Yh, just let me go grab my stuff from my locker." Matt smiled, his face burning red as he slid past Severide. He tried not to jump in surprise as he felt Severide's hand slide down his waist as he passed. The subtle touches were quickly becoming the new normal, and Matt found himself longing for every touch. He didn't know if he would be able to get through the twenty-four-hour shift if it wasn't for the small moments that they kept sneaking in. 

The sound of boots followed the blonde man into the locker room, and Matt hid his smirk as he unlocked his locker and grabbed his stuff. Severide leaned against his own locker, his own bag already perched on his shoulder and Matt could feel his eyes on him as he tugged his work shirt over his head. They were currently the only people in the room, so Matt preened under the heated gaze. "So I've got something planned tonight, so I was thinking that we should grab breakfast before we head back to the apartment and then have a nap? Then I've got the entire night planned." 

"Okay, I trust you." Matt smiled over his bare shoulder before tugging his clean t-shirt free from his locker. He realised after he pulled it over his head that it was one of Severide's that he grabbed in his haste the morning before. The fabric hung loose around his neck, teasing at his collarbones. Thankfully, the vast majority of the marks that Severide's wondering mouth had left on his skin had faded and were nothing but slightly off-yellow stains against his skin. He had still applied some cover-up over the marks before work, but the make-up had mostly faded. They had spent their days off work still wrapped around each other, but so far had not moved past heavy petting and make-out sessions that had Mat grinding himself fully clothed against Severide's thigh, begging for the other man’s hands to fall back to where he wanted them to be. he wanted to feel Severide's hand wrapped around his cock again, and he wanted to feel everything else that the man was willing to offer. 

"Awesome. Come on, breakfast first." Severide grinned as he pushed himself away from his locker to step closer to Matt. Matt watched as the silver hair man grew closer and closer, before suddenly stepping back at the creaking sound of the bunk room door opening. The blonde man buried his snort as the sound of Cruz and Otis's voices carried through the rooms. 

* * *

Matt was walking along a beach, the crystal blue waves crashing against blinding white sand, the waters coming into brush against his toes he trod along the line where the dry sand met the sea. The sun was setting around him casting the sky in a gorgeous orange glow, a pink scar highlighting the horizon. The water was vibrantly coloured in deep hues of blue and turquoise that contrasted perfectly against the sky; Matt watched as the colours fading into white swash as the small waves rolled onto the beach. He felt so at peace, and his chest was light as if all the troubles that he had in his life had been washed away as the water from the swash receded back into the sea.

Matt turned on the spot, looking back at the footprints in the sand that were disappeared as another wave hit the shore, the water coming in up to his ankles. His face broke into a smile as he looked back on Severide standing there in just a pair of swim shorts, the fabric teasing at his thighs as he walked a few steps behind Matt. He knew that the smile on the silver haired man’s face was a mirror of his own as they walked along the beach like they were an overhyped stereotype. Matt felt like he was in paradise, and not because of the beautiful scenic location, but because of the amazing man walking just a few steps behind him. Matt continued to walk backwards, his eyes never tearing away from Severide as he bit the tip of his tongue in a smile. 

A gentle breeze in the air blew through his un-styled hair blowing it across his face, and whistling through the trees a little further inland. It felt so peaceful, and the weather was so pleasant that Matt forgot what time of year it was. In this moment on the beach, he didn't know if it was Spring, Summer, Autumn or Winter. The water was lapping pleasantly around his feet once more, as he spun back around to look at the ongoing expanse of sand that was as pure and white as snow. The sound of footprints on the sand would have been silent, if it hadn't been for the perfectly timed swash that raced up the sand as the sea came flooding forwards. Matt could hear Severide's splashing footsteps growing closer to him, and his heart stopped in his chest as he felt a warm touch stroke down the length of his arm before Severide took his hand.

Matt jolted awake, his entire body shaking and his heart pounding throughout his entire body. He glanced around him trying to find the source of what had woken him from his dreams. Beside him Severide was still sleeping soundly, the duvet tucked underneath his armpit allowing Matt the glimpse of the man’s bare chest and thick shoulders. The blonde man realised after a few moments as his mind fought his way past his sleepy daze, why he had jolted awake. One of his hands was lying in the small space between their two bodies, and Severide's fingers were entwined with his. His body was still trembling from the touch, but it was not a bad shudder brought on from fear. Matt squeezed the hand that was now wrapped in his as he snuggled a little closer to the silver haired man, his eyes slowly fluttering closed as he allowed sleep to once more wash over him.

* * *

Severide was keeping the plans for the date close to his chest, despite the several attempts that Matt made in trying to get information out of the man. Matt was enjoying the playful banter that they easily fell into. It was natural between them as Matt kept suggesting random places where they might be heading, each one getting crazier than the last. The suggestions kept coming as they climbed into Severide's car just as the sun was beginning to hide behind the Chicago skyline. Matt smiled at the silver haired man as they reversed away from the apartment building. 

They fell into silence as they drove through the city streets; Matt had realised after a few minutes where they were heading towards and he hid his smile by staring out the window as the streets flew by. Hockey was a love that they both shared, but Matt very rarely went to see the games live. The streets grew busier the closer they got to the arena, and Matt watched all the people in the surrounding streets wearing different types of Hawks jerseys. He wished he had known where they were going so that he could have worn his own. Severide had told him to dress comfortably so Matt was wearing a pair of skinny jeans and the Blackhawks hoodie that he had swiped from the silver haired man. He had preened at the lust that filled Severide's eyes when he saw what Matt was wearing. 

"So Hawks game?" Matt teased, as he tore his eyes away from the window to flash his smile at Severide. The silver haired man shrugged his shoulders as he returned the grin. 

"Give me some credit, I have more planned than just a Hawks game," Severide chuckled as he spun the wheel directing the car into the car park opposite the arena entrance. 

Matt raised an eyebrow as he stared at the other man, waiting to see if he was going to elaborate further. The moments of silence that followed had Matt attempting to prompt the man further, “OH really?"

"Yhp, so you'll have to wait and see gorgeous." Severide grinned as he pulled into a parking space. He flashed Matt a single blinding smile before climbing from the car without a further comment. Matt couldn't help but throw his head back with laughter as he watched the silver haired man give him a little parting wiggle. 

* * *

Matt didn't know how Severide had gotten such good seats on such late notice as he found himself staring at the seat number on the ticket stub that the silver haired man offered him. They were right up against the glass, and Matt knew that those seats were not cheap ever as a last-minute grab; they were easily several hundred dollars each and Matt couldn't help but cringe thinking about the cost. The arena was already crowded, with people queueing up for food or new merchandise and with people who were heading up the stairs and escalators to get to their seats. Matt's eyebrow rose when Severide curled their hands together and began tugging him away from the direction that everyone else was heading. He watched as the silver haired man dug a card from his pocket, flashing it against a reader next to a staff-only door.

"Trust me," Severide smiled back at him as he held the door open wide for the blonde man to walk though. Matt nodded in response as he stepped into the hallway hidden behind the door. The sounds of the crowds outside faded into silence as the door closed separating them. Photo frames of the Hawks lined the hallway, memories of the team’s best moments throughout their history. Matt found himself staring at each one as the past, looking at old player and current members of the hockey teams’ roster. 

The clip of heels on the hard floor had Matt tearing his eyes away from one photograph of Jonathan Toews holding the Stanley Cup high above his head, and he found his frown returning once more as he saw a woman dressed in a pant suit staring down the corridor at them. Fears that they had been caught somewhere they shouldn't be flooded Matt's chest before the woman dispersed the emotion with two words. "Kelly Severide?" 

"That's right," Severide grinned at the woman flashing her a charming smile. Matt couldn't help but smile as he once more found his hands being clutched by the other man. It was like an announcement of their relationship, and this random woman who neither of them had ever met before was the first person they had willing informed that they were a couple. 

"Wonderful, if you two gentlemen would like to follow me." She flashed them a smile, not even glancing down at their joined hands once. Matt felt the butterflies that had started to flutter in his chest vanish at the lack of response to the two men holding hands. Chicago was full of liberal people, but that didn't mean there wasn't homophobic bigots still floating around the world. She led them through the maze of corridors, leading them past office doors and further into the centre of the arena. The sounds of the excited chatter from the crowd was once again growing louder, informing the blonde man that they were growing closer to the ice. 

"Kelly, what is going on?" Matt asked, leaning into the squad lieutenants’ side as they walked further through the corridors. After the initial wall of constant photos, the rest of the corridors had faded to mostly bland white cinderblock walls with the occasional logo or photo frame breaking up the emptiness.

"So do you remember Jeff Clarke? I ran into him again before we went to New York and I called in a favour." Severide stated after Matt had nodded in confirmation at remembering the old firefighter. He was a good guy, quiet and stayed out of the house drama. The last he had heard was Clarke had transferred to another house to work as lieutenant. He listened as Severide continued explaining, "He's a student doctor now. He thought I might have been a match of a leukaemia patient of his, so I let him check if I was a match."

"Were you?" Matt asked, squeezing Severide's hand in support. He knew that if he had been a match the silver haired man would have agreed to help no matter what.

"No. But we've caught up again filled him in on what he's missed over the years. I won't lie he's helped plan most of tonight, I can't take credit." Severide sighed, his smile drooping at the corner of his lips slightly as he mentioned not being a match for the cancer patient. 

Before Matt could reply, the woman leading them through the corridors stopped, indicating with her hand to the tunnel off the side to the large open space they know found themselves in. Matt could see the rink through the archway and realised that the corridor had put them directly behind the player bench. "Here you are gentlemen, the player will be coming out of the locker room in just a few moments. You can watch the warmup from here, and then my colleague will escort you to your seats. Enjoy your evening guys."

"Holy shit! Kelly!" Matt gaped clutched onto the squad lieutenants’ arm as the woman walked away from them without another word or even offering her name. Belatedly he realised he should have asked but the shock of standing this close to the players bench overtook him. 

"I told you, Clarke organised it all. He still hasn't explained how he knows Duncan Keith and Brent Seabrook though!" Severide laughed, as he rubbed the back of his neck with the hand that wasn't currently being held by the blonde man.

Matt stared up at in pure amazement, his heart filling with love for the man as he watched him place the credit with Clarke again. "So you want me to kiss him next time I see him instead?"

"I didn't say that" Severide laughed, reaching out to tug Matt closer. Matt allowed himself to be pulled the small step until he was pressed against the silver-haired man’s front, their chests down to their toes touching. Matt smiled as Severide ducked his head and claimed his lips; he didn't think he was ever going to get over the thrill of being kissed by the silver haired man. The smell of Severide's aftershave filled his breath, and it seemed to reach out and wrap around the blonde man just as Severide's arms did the same. 

Matt grinned at the man as Severide broke the sweet kiss after only a few seconds. The noise of the arena seemed to be growing louder as Severide spun him around in his arms so that Casey's back was pressed against his front. The silver haired man’s arms wrapped around Matts chest swaying them both from side to side as they waited for the Blackhawks to exit from the locker room. They only had to wait a minute before the door to the locker room opened and the sound of skate blades padding across the rubber matting on the floor was accompanied with jeering from the pumped-up players. Matt had to stop himself from bouncing up and down in excitement as the players rounded the corner towards the archway to the bench and towards them. 

They all smiled and nodded their head in greeting towards them as they strode past kitted in their warm-up jerseys. A few of the players held out their gloved hands offering them fist bumps before they headed through the tunnel towards the bench. Matt was surprised that none of them blinked an eye at the two men wrapped together in an embrace that was so far from being just friendly. He suspected it probably had something to do with media training; it wouldn't be good for a player to sneer at fans; but it did surprise him that none of them seemed to even do a double take, like it was something they saw every day. 

Matt found himself grinning like a maniac when Jonathan Toews and Patrick Kane followed the last of the players from the locker room and down the corridor. He felt his smile grow even wider when the right-winger winked at them as he offered his gloved hand for a fist-bump. Matt could feel Severide smiling as he brushed a kiss against the back of his neck before releasing him from the embrace. They were allowed to stand behind the players bench to watch the warm-up and Matt felt Severide's hand drop into his as they followed the hockey players. 

* * *

The feel of the chill of the ice on his cheeks, and the view of the players without the plexiglass covering was the best thing in the world to Matt as they watched the players from both teams race around the ice going about their rituals and routines. One hand was still wrapped in Severide's, but the other was now clutching the puck that Duncan Keith had offered to him as he skated past. Matts cheeks were aching from smiling so much, as he flashed his grin at the man pressed against his side. The countdown on the jumbotron was signalling that the end of warm-up was fast approaching, and a quick nod from one of the staff members waiting by the tunnel opening had the two firefighters heading back to the corridor. 

Matt's manic grin only seemed to grow on his face as the claxon sounded and the players began returning towards the bench. he could see them coming down the tunnel as they walked past them once more, again offering fist-bumps and high fives as they headed back towards their locker room. The team staff were huddling around more than they had been last time, getting everything ready and making sure all the sticks and gear were ready on the bench for the game ahead. Jonathan Toews was one of the first guys off, smiling at them as he huddled back across the rubber floor. The colleague that they presumed would be leading them back to their seats was waiting off to the side, allowing them to wait until all the players got off the ice. 

Patrick Kane was the last off, and he seemed to skip towards them as he hurried down the tunnel; an impressive feat in skates, Matt noted. "If you two guys just wait here a second, is that okay?" He asked with a wide smile, not waiting for an answer as he jogged down the corridor towards the locker room. The jog looked more like a shuffle as he teetered on the blades before he disappeared into the dressing room where the rest of the team had headed. Matt bit back his giggle as he turned to see Severide's raised eyebrow expression and the hint of a smile that he was failing to mask. 

"What's going on?"

"I don't know, this isn't anything I've planned." Severide admitted. Matt frowned as he turned his gaze back down the corridor towards the locker room door just as it swung open once more. They both watched as Jonathan Toews and Patrick Kane strolled down the corridor towards them, their chest armour and elbow pads on full display whilst their warmup jerseys were folded haphazardly in their hands. 

"We hope you guys enjoy the game, and we just wanted to offer a little gift to you both as well for the services you do for this city." Jonathan Toews smiled as he offered his jersey towards them both, Kane quickly following suit with his Cheshire cat grin. Matt found himself momentarily stunned by the two hockey players words, wondering if Clark had told his defencemen buddies about them, before realising that they might have been referring to the squad jacket that Severide was wearing. 

"We've both signed each one, just because you know this guy’s signature ain’t worth anything," Kane grinned, flashing his eyes at the Blackhawks captain. It seemed to be a running joke between them, or it was part of their usual style of banter as Toews huffed out an exasperated breath before gently reaching out to slap the right-winger around the back of the head. 

"Child," Toews huffed, his lips threatening to twitch into the smile that was obvious in his eyes as he faked a grimace as he looked at the hand, he had swatted him with. Kane's curls were already damp with sweat, and Matt fought not to laugh as the captain wiped the moisture from his hand on the back of Kane's undershirt.

"Enjoy the rest of your night guys," Kane smile once more seemed to grow as he flicked his eyes between Matt and Severide before offering his hand to them. Matt blinked in amazement as he clutched the jersey in his hand as Patrick Kane and Jonathan Toews turned to walk back into the locker room. He had just met two of the best players in the league, he had shook their hands and he was now holding a jersey that one of them had actually worn. 

The amazement stayed with him as the member of staff moved away from his position leaning against the cinderblock wall and began leading them back through the maze of corridors towards the concourse. Severide leaned into his side, once more claiming his hand as they walked with their shoulder brushing. "They're fucking," the silver haired man whispered softly so that his words were not picked up by the member of staff a few feet in front of them.

"Shut up, no their not." Matt laughed; his laugh only grew louder when he turned to see Severide's knowing and raised eyebrows.

* * *

The high of the game was still pulsing through Matt's blood as Severide drove them to Molly's for a drink before they headed home. The jerseys that they had been gifted had been tugged over their shoulders as they had taken their seats in the first row; the signatures on the shoulders of the fabric being worn proudly as the Blackhawks sealed the game in a 3-0 victory. Neither man had been ready for the night to finish just yet, and a trip to Molly's for a few beers felt like a good plan. They both knew the bar schedule enough to know that it wasn't going to be Gabby or Otis behind the bar that night, but Hermann and the two barmen he had hired for when they were on shift. 

Severide managed to find a parking space directly on the corner of a bar; a miracle at this time of night, but neither man was going to jinx it as they climbed out of the vintage car. Their new Blackhawk's jerseys sat neatly folded in the space between the two front seats. Matt knew that if they wore them inside the bar, they would have been met with a hundred questions which would only increase to a thousand as soon as someone noticed the signatures in permanent marker. Matt found himself leaning against the passenger side door, as Severide walked around towards him, leaning dangerously close. "That was the perfect evening thank you."

"It doesn't have to be over yet." Severide suggested, digging his hands deeper into the pockets of his squad jacket as he stepped ever closer to the blonde man. Matt could feel the warmth of his breath ghosting against his cheek, the tease of a touch making him shiver as he resisted the urge to push his body forwards and close the distance between them. 

"I'm suddenly not thirsty." Matt gasped, his eyes growing dark with lust as his breath escaped him at the flirtatious tone of Severide's voice.

"Oh yh?" Severide grinned at him, as he brought one hand from his pocket to clutch at Matt's hip. 

"God yes."

* * *

Matt whimpered as Severide pulled away from the kiss to struggled with the key in the apartment door. The silver haired man had Matt pinned against the cold metal, and despite fighting with the lock was still rolling their hips together, grinding their erections together. Matt didn't care if anyone caught them humping each other like horny teenagers, all he wanted was Severide. He wanted Severide to continue touching him, and he wanted to feel his fingers teasing at the hem of his hoodie leaving a burning touch every time the silver haired man touched his skin. 

"Fucking gorgeous," Severide gasped as he mouthed at Matt's neck as he simultaneously managed to unlock the front door. Matt gasped in surprise when strong arms pulled him from the floor, his legs instantly wrapping around the other man’s hips. He heard the door close behind them, but he found himself distracted by the feel of lips once more finding his own. He wrapped his arms around Severide's neck and squeezed his legs tighter as he felt the silver haired man trip over stray shoes as he walked them through the apartment. They moved uncaring of what was in their path, neither noticing when they knocked a table light over on their path to the bedroom. Matt found himself being leaned against the kitchen counter, as Severide once more broke their kiss to stare down at him with lust-filled eyes. Severide's pupils looked so wide that they seemed to devour the colour of his iris's as he tugged at the back of his neck, pulling his jacket and his shirt free with one swift move. Matt barely got the chance to admire all the muscles before Severide's hands were once more roaming over his backside as he was lifted into the air. 

His moan was ripped from his throat as he found himself being thrown down onto the bed. The sheets ruffling underneath them as Severide crawled over the top of him. The silver haired man was not laying any of his weight down on Matt, as the blonde man wrapping his arms around the back of his neck. He tried to thrust his hips up towards Severide’s, but he was unable to find any friction. Matt whined low in the back of his throat as he tried to tug Severide closer so that their bodies would be once more pressed together. 

"Do you want me to stop?" Severide whispered, as he allowed his head to be pulled lower. Matt arched his back off the bed as he felt the silver man’s lips graze over his cheek.

"No Kelly. Please."

"Just say stop if you need me too, Matt." Severide continued. Matt could see the desire in the other man’s eyes, and he could feel his erection throbbing against the zipper of his pants. He wanted to fell Severide on top of him, and he wanted to feel everything that the man was willing to give him.

"I will, but please Kelly I want you." Matt gasped as Severide finally lowered his weight down, pressing his body firmly against the blonde mans. He found himself being lost in the power of Severide's kiss, as his tongue demanded entrance parting Matts lips. Hands ran down his body pushing the fabric of his hoodie and t-shirt up towards his chest, exposing the skin of his stomach. Matt arched into the touch as hands explored his skin, teasing over the lines of his muscles. He was fit, but he was nowhere near as defined as Severide was. 

"So gorgeous." Severide breathed against his lips, before he began trailing kisses down the blonde man's jaw. His hands tugged again at the fabric of Matt's shirts, and Matt pushed himself upright slightly so that he could allow the clothes to be pulled off. He barely registered which corner of the room his hoodie and t-shirt were thrown to because Severide's lips were against his skin once more, teasing one of his nipples between his teeth. Matt whimpered, his hands falling to grapple at Severide's short hair, trying to find purchase. His moans were falling from his lips loud and fast as Severide released the nipple, flicking it once with his tongue before moving to lather the other with the same attention. 

He could feel Severide's hands working their way between their pressed bodies, fighting with the front of their jeans as he continued to tease at his nipples, before pressing his lips down his chest. Matt blinked unable to believe the sight before him as Severide dipped his tongue into his belly button before mouthing along the trail of blonde hairs that disappeared into his jeans. His cock was begging for the sort of attention that his nipples had received, and his jeans were unbearably tight as he bucked his hips up. Matt groaned as his covered cock rubbed against Severide's firm chest before he found his hips being pinned down against the bed. The whimper escaped his throat before he could form the sentence to beg for the attention that he desired. "Please Kel."

Matt whimper turned to a moan as Severide popped the top button of his jeans, before digging his fingers into the hemline and dragging them down his legs. The move pulled his underwear down at the same time and his cock bobbed against his belly. Matt felt the bed dip as Severide moved to the foot so that he could pull the jeans off the remainder of the way. The sound of his shoes hitting the hard floor and the sound of fabric were the only noises in the room besides their shuddering breath. 

Lips pressed against the bone of his ankle, slowly trailing their way up the length of Matt's body. The further the lips moved, the more Matt felt the press of skin against skin, leaving his heart pounding against his chest. The illumination of the night sky shone through the large window, casting them in a soft glow as Severide ignored the blonde man’s hard cock, brushing his lips against the crease of his hips instead as he continued to move back towards Matt's lips. Matt let his legs fall open slightly allowing Severide room to rest between his thighs as the silver haired man moved so that his lips were once more pressed against Matts, swallowing the moans that were continue to fall off his tongue. The feel of Severide's cock against his own as they rolled their hips together had Matt moaning into the kiss more, as he his fingers clutched at the other man’s shoulders. 

"Wait right here okay, and remember to tell me if you need me to stop." Matt nodded as Severide climbed off him once more, before padding into the bathroom. The light from the bathroom shone out into the bedroom falling onto Matts body. Matt pushed himself up onto his elbows watching Severide's back as he rummaged through the cupboard underneath the sink. His eyes wondered along the width of his shoulders, before following the line of his spine to the small of his back and the curve of his arse. He couldn't help but smile when Severide found what he had been looking for and turned to head back towards the bedroom. His cock stood out in front of his body, and Matt wanted to feel it pressed against him once more. 

Severide left the bathroom light on as he crawled back onto the bed, situating himself between Matt's spread thighs once more as he knelt between them. The light from the bathroom allowed Matt to make out the bottle of lube that he had already been acquainted with once before. The memory of Severide teasing his hole open before fingerfucking him towards the best orgasm of his life was one that Matt relived every day and it was one he was more than eager to repeat. The sound of the cap opening had Matt's entire body thrumming in anticipation for what was to come. Matt arched his hips as Severide tugged a pillow down and pushed in underneath the blonde man, lifting his arse into the air for easier access. He allowed his thighs to be spread wider as Severide gently moved his body like it was a puppet on strings. 

He fought not to flinch at the cold touch as Severide smeared his lube covered fingers along his crease and over his hole. He quivered at the touch, already eager to feel the width of the man’s fingers pushing into his body. His cock was leaking against his stomach already, and it pulsed eagerly when Matt saw the foil packet resting on the bed next to Severide's knee. This was what he had been wanting for what seemed like forever, he wanted to finally feel Severide inside of him fully, and his eagerness over having the man’s fingers was nothing compared to how much he wanted his cock. 

The moan that fell from his lips turned into a scream of pleasure when Severide pushed the first finger past the tight ring of muscle; at the same time he ducked his head and took Matts cock between his lips. The double onslaught of pleasure had Matt grabbing at the bed covers and nearly thrashing at the immense pleasure that was threatening to push him towards release before he could feel Severide's hard cock inside of him. He glanced down, watching as his cock disappeared further down Severide's throat, the man not gagging once at the intrusion as he sucked it down to the base before moving up to roll his tongue around the head. Matt bucked his hips up, before Severide pinned them back against the pillow with teasing eyes. Matt whimpered low in the back of his throat as he felt the finger being withdrawn from his hole before it was joined with a second. 

Pre-cum was oozing from his cock smearing against Severide's lips as the silver haired man let the head fall from his mouth. His fingers were alternating between stretching Matt wide and pressing against his prostate. Matts moans were turning into a long drawn out gasp as he chanted Kelly's name as he pushed his hips back against the fingers inside of him. "I'm clean but I want us to use these until we can get tested together." Severide explained as he held the foil packet between them. Matt nodded at the silver haired man’s words, understanding what was being said; despite using condoms with Gabby recently, there was a point where they hadn't used them, and he hadn't been tested at all since then. 

Matt gasped as a third finger joined the two already inside of him, stretching him further than he had been stretched before. The stretch only lasted a few seconds before he found himself feeling empty once more; his hole fluttering around nothing. He pushed himself up onto his elbows to watch as Severide tore open the condom wrapped, before rolling the rubber down his cock. Matt bit his lip as he stared at Severide's member as he realised just how much bigger it was than the three fingers that had been inside of him only moments before. Severide leaned forwards, supporting his weight with his hand as he brushed a gently kiss against Matt's lips once more. "Do you want me to continue?"

Matt nodded, sucking Severide's bottom lip between his teeth as he stole another kiss from the silver haired man’s lips. He felt hands splaying his thighs wider, and the soft brush of the head of his cock brushing against his exposed hole. His legs were trembling from being pushed into such an unusual position, but he knew that it was only for a few moments longer. "Just relax, and push back into it gorgeous." Severide stammered and for the first time Matt realised just how much this was affecting the other man as well. He wasn't the only one balancing on a trigger release. Matt gasped at the sensation as Severide reached between them holding his cock as he slowly pushed his way inside.

Belatedly Matt remembered to push back against the sensation; it was like nothing he had felt before. Fingers didn't compare to the immense stretch and pressure that filled him; it was almost unbearable, but he craved more. He clung to Severide's shoulders as the silver haired man paused, waiting for him to adjust to the size of his cock before pushing in further. Matt wrapped his legs around Severide's thighs tugging him closer as he trembled at the foreign pain that was coursing through his body. "It gets better I swear, you just need to relax gorgeous. If you want me to stop just say."

"Don't you dare stop." Matt gasped, tears stinging his eyes as he squeezed them shut at the twinge of discomfort as Severide pushed in further. "Have you ever been in my position before?" Matt found himself asking as Severide brushed a haggard kiss against his forehead. 

"Yh I have gorgeous." Severide whispered, "I'm all the way in now. We'll stay still for as long as you need me too." 

Matt nodded, keeping his eyes squeezed shut even as Severide gently swiped away the tears that had started to fall down his cheeks. He felt like he was being pulled apart from the inside, and despite wanting to know what it would be like to have Severide moving inside of him, his erection had softened slightly between their bodies. He felt lips brush along his cheek and along his shoulders as Severide massaged the tight muscles in his legs. He wouldn't be surprised if he were hurting the other man slightly by squeezing him so tightly between his thighs. 

He didn't feel like the stretch was any less intense, but Matt felt like he was no longer on the verge of crying out from the feeling. He nodded slowly, blinking his eyes open. The concerned look on Severide's face nearly broke his heart as Matt noticed the small bloody mark where the silver haired man had been chewing on his lip. Gingerly he reached up to run his finger along the sore before gently pulling the man back down into a kiss that was just for them and not fuelled by passion and lust. "Go slowly." Matt whispered against his lips, as he wrapped his arms around Severide's neck once more. A whimpered escaped him as Severide pulled his hips back slightly before beginning a slow pace. He moved with small thrusts, his hands clutching at Matts sides as he gently rolled their hips together. The movement of their bodies had Matt's cock growing hard once more, trapped between the friction of their stomachs. 

Matt shuddered and moaned as one of the thrusts nailed his prostate, sending shockwaves of pleasure all the way down to his toes. "You okay Matt?" 

"Faster." Matt gasped, as he dragged Severide back down into a kiss. His cock was throbbing between them as the silver haired man shifted his weight and changed his thrusts. Matt could feel the cock inside of him pulling out nearly entirely before being thrust forwards once more, hitting his prostate with every move. The pleasure was building like an explosion in the pit of his stomach as Severide began fucking into him with more speed. Their kisses grew sloppy as they started gasping into each other’s mouths. 

"I'm so close gorgeous," Severide gasped against Matt's lips, before mouthing at his jaw tasting the sweat on his skin. 

"Kelly," Matt moaned loudly as he dragged his short nails down the other man’s shoulders. Severide only had to fuck into him once more before Matt's screamed his release; his cum splashing between their bodies as he shook from the intensity of the orgasm. Matt clung to the other man as he thrust inside of him a few more times before stilling above him as he released into the condom. 

Severide dropped his weight down on top of him, staying inside of him as his body trembled through the remnants of his orgasm. Matt felt a hand swipe through his sweat-soaked hair before a gently kiss was pressed against his lips as they stole away the others breath. He fought not to wince as Severide reach down to grasp the end of the condom as he pulled his softening cock from Matt's sore hole. "Did I hurt you?"

"No, it was perfect." Matt sighed as he watched Severide tie the end of the condom before throwing it onto the floor to join the rest of the mess that they had created. The sheets were rumpled beneath their bodies and damp from their sweat; they would need to be washed but Matt didn't care about laundry right now as Severide laid down next to him. He curled himself against the silver haired man’s side, as he whispered the words that he truly meant. "I love you."

"I love you too Matt."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that finally happened! Did you like the date? 
> 
> And the dream scene was inspired by A touch of Paradise by John Farnham
> 
> Okay so I know I'm writing the hockey game different to how NHL games normally occur, but in my country we are weird. We shake hands with the other team after every single game, we have a fifteen minute warm up followed by twenty minutes where the players bugger off the ice and go do whatever. We also wear different jerseys during the warm up, and not like the NHL really nice ones like the camo ones. There just standard jerseys that are worn in warm-ups. Also I am not ashamed of throwing in a bit of Kane/Toews hinting. 
> 
> But yes these two idiots finally stopped playing games, and got some action. Any plenty more of that to come... that was not meant to be a pun but it is now. 
> 
> I keep having to go back into this and add little notes as I edit through the chapter; I decided that Kelly was not going to be a bone marrow transfer in this; not because I didn't like her character but I just wanted to focus more on Kelly/Matt. So my canon is that he ran into Clarke again, got tested but wasn't a match so never met her. But he and Clarke were close in season 2 so it would be natural for them to be buddies again. It also really helps that Clarke was apparently buddies with Seabrook and Keith cause then it would explain how the entire date got organised because of the connections.
> 
> Also Dawson will be making her return in the next chapter!


	10. Chapter 10

Kelly knew that he would never get tired of the sight that greeted him first thing in the morning. Matt was still sleeping, breathing heavily, and creating the cutest little snuffles that could barely even be considered a snore. The blonde man looked so peaceful, like only in dreams was he ever able to escape from the burdens that sat on his shoulders. Kelly smiled as he watched Matt's forehead wrinkles for a single moment, before his expression relaxed back in pure tranquillity; he couldn't even get annoyed at waking up before his alarm like he normally did, because it allowed him this extra moment in bed with the man he loved. 

A quick crane of his neck to glance over at the alarm clock on his bedside table told Kelly that he had fifteen minutes before his alarm was going to blare out and jolt them back into the reality of a workday morning. The sun was already shining in the sky and beaming down through the bedroom window into their room, the light falling directly onto their bed. Kelly momentarily debated if he should install curtains or blinds in their room, but quickly dismissed the idea; there was no point installing them because he knew that he would never end up using them. He liked waking up to the sun already on his face, and he loved waking up seeing Matt illuminated by the light and looking like an angel fallen from heaven. 

Carefully Kelly eased his arm from Matt's grip as he slowly shifted his position on the bed. The small frown that marred Matt's handsome features returned at the loss, causing Kelly to chuckle softly. He would never had expected the blonde to be such a cuddler, but he had found himself waking up every morning to the other man curled around him. Matt would clutch at Kelly's arm like it was a teddy bear, and he would have one of his legs thrown across Kelly's hips leaving the silver haired man to feel every inch of Matt's morning hard-on grinding against his hip bone every morning. It had put his self-imposed celibacy under strain every single morning, but Kelly was glad that he had decided to wait. 

Kelly had slept with a lot of people in his life, and even with new relationships he was quick to rush or be rushed into bed. He wanted to savour every single second of time with Matt, and he didn't want the blonde man to be the same as the others before him. He had never loved anyone as much as he loved Matt, not even with the original Renee. When he had decided to accept the feelings that he had for his best friend, he had been petrified of the intense emotions that he had felt; it scared him realising that even the feelings he had for the woman he thought he was going to marry were like a fading flame in comparison to what he felt for Matt. Their first time together had been as perfect as their first kiss, and Kelly couldn't wait to experience a thousand more first times with the other man. 

* * *

They had spent the last of their off days lounging around the apartment, and Kelly had to bite back the apology that threatened to fall of his tongue every time he saw Matt wince when he moved too suddenly. Matt had waved it off when they had crawled from their bed the previous morning after insisting that he was just a little sore and it was nothing but a weird sensation in his lower back. Kelly understood what the man meant, and he knew that it was a feeling that stopped being as present after the first few times. But that didn't stop the silver haired man from wanting to soothe that ache. He dug out an old microwavable bear that Shay had brought him after he had the surgery on his neck and had smirked at Matt's raised eyebrows when he had pulled the hot bear from the microwave. 

"Trust me gorgeous," Kelly smiled as he crouched down next to where Matt was sprawled out on the couch watching the TV. He pressed a kiss against the blonde's cheek as he tugged his t-shirt up just enough so that he could press the bear against the small of his back. Matt gasped at the heat against his back, instinctively arching away from the heat spot before he slowly relaxed back. Kelly bit his cheek to stifle his giggle as he pushed Matt's t-shirt back down over the heated bear. The bear had been a big help in getting his back and shoulders to relax after his surgery; it provided a much more direct heat than a hot-water bottle and seemed to sooth aches quickly. 

They had spent the rest of the day curled up on the couch, Kelly had dragged the duvet out of the spare room and cocooned them in it as they giggled through old sitcoms and old films. They only left the comfortable bubble to grab food, or to reheat the microwave bear. It was peaceful as they simply enjoyed each other’s company. 

* * *

Kelly turned the alarm clock off before it could jolt Matt harshly awake, before taking his time to stare at the blonde man as he curled his arms underneath his pillow now that he no longer had a grip on Kelly's arm. Kelly slowly pushed himself upright, careful not to make too sudden a movement and being careful not to make the bed dip too heavily. He crawled over the top of Matt, lifting the sheets away from the blonde man as his knees bracketed his skinny hips. He smiled at the slight shiver that ran through the blonde man's body even in sleep as the heat from the duvet was lifted away from him. Kelly ducked his head down, pressing his lips against the sharp line of Matt's jaw, his lips spreading into a wider smile as he felt the man's barely visible stubble against his skin. Beneath him Matt huffed at the touch, but his eyes remained closed as sleep continued to claim him. Kelly traced down the blonde man's jawline pressing feather light kisses that continued to track down the other man's throat. 

His kisses had begun trailing against the baggy collar of the t-shirt that Matt had worn to bed the night when Matt stirred with a small whine above him. Kelly's smile grew as he brought his lips back up towards the blonde man's jawline, pressing three kisses against the soft stubble before he travelled his kisses along Matt's cheeks until his finally found the corner of his lips. Matt blinked up at him, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips as he reached up to stroke a hand through Kelly's hair before his eyes flickered closed once more. Kelly chuckled low in the back of his throat as he pressed another kiss against the blonde man's lips, the pressure firmer than the kiss before. He was rewarded with Matt's eyes fluttering open as his forehead creased into a tiny frown that had Kelly wanting to laugh more at how adorable this man was. He was a strong fearless leader by day, that could jolt awake at the single sound of an alarm, but any other time it seemed he was a bugger to get up in the morning. 

"What time is it?" Matt whined, as he unsuccessfully tried to shift his weight from underneath the silver haired man. Kelly raised an eyebrow as Matt failed to roll over onto his stomach. He could feel Matt's morning erection grinding against his ass as he settled his weight down on top of the man, straddling his hips as he continued to press kisses up and down the man's jaw.

"Its seven," Kelly admitted as he brought his lips away from Matt's skin to smile down at the pout that formed on the man's lips. 

"Can get thirty minutes more sleep," Matt huffed as he tried to snuggle his head back into his pillow. Kelly knew that if his weight weren’t resting on the other man’s hips, Matt would have rolled over and curled himself around the nearest grabbable object. More often than not it was Kelly that he attached himself too, but the silver haired man had seen him tug half the duvet against his chest to cuddle into. Kelly ducked his head back down, pressing his open lips against the man's cheek as he kicked the duvet off their bodies and down to towards the bottom of the bed. Matt whinged low in his throat as he was left with nothing but the heat of Kelly's body, as the silver haired man pushed himself down the blonde’s body as he moved his kisses back to Matt's neck. 

The kisses weren't a prelude to sex, and both men knew that as Kelly swept his kisses down over his Adam's apple, before gently nipping at the start of his collarbone. In between each kiss that he peppered across Matt's skin, Kelly softly whispered, "I love this bit."

Above him, Matt moaned softly, his fingers attempting to clutch at Kelly's short hair as Kelly continued to press his kiss down his covered chest. "I love this bit, I love this bit, I love this bit." Kelly seemed to chant as he explored across the blonde man's stomach before moving his kisses higher once more. He pressed kisses against one of Matt's shoulders before his lips trailed down towards the blonde’s strong bicep whispered the same sentence in between each touch. 

Kelly pulled away from Matt's body as his lips pressed against the inside of the man's elbow, he pushed himself up the bed so that he was staring into Matt's wide eyes that were a hypnotic bright blue. "I love this bit the most," Kelly sighed as he curled a hand against Matt's cheek, angling his chin as he pressed their lips together. Matt gasped against his mouth, as Kelly seemed to breath sweetness and adoration into the chaste kiss. Kelly felt his entire face light up as he broke away, looking down at the dazed love drunk expression on the blonde man's face. 

"Go and have a shower, I'll make some coffee and breakfast for us." Kelly offered, as he climbed away from the blonde man. He knew that if he allowed himself to kiss the other man, they would end up horrifically late for shift. Jumping away from the bed he bit back the laugh as he heard Matt huff behind him. Kelly glanced over his shoulder as he reached the bedroom door, staring after the blonde man as Matt pulled himself away from the bed himself, his erection tenting at the material of his underwear as he strolled across the room towards the en-suite. The silver haired man resisted the urge to follow his lover as he forced himself to retreat to the kitchen in desperate search for coffee. 

* * *

Kelly heard the shower shut off from the kitchen. He poured out two cups of coffee, adding the required amounts of creamer to each cup before he strolled back into the bedroom. Even after such a short time, Kelly could feel the easy domesticity between them, and it made him feel happier than he ever though he could be. He had long thrown away his reputation of being a playboy, and at thirty-five he was more than ready to settle down. He felt his breath catch in his throat, and he quickly readjusted the grip he had on both cups of coffee as the sight before him stole his breath away. The blonde man was standing at the bathroom sink, a towel hanging dangerously low on his sharp hips as he stared at his reflection in the slightly fogged mirror. His hair was wet, sticking up in every direction and small droplets of water were turning Matt's back into a waterfall as they fell down the length of his spine before soaking into the fabric of the towel. Kelly watched as Matt eased the towel further down his hips, unaware of the silver haired man’s gaze watching his every movement. 

Kelly nearly dropped both coffee’s in his hand as Matt stroked over the colourful bruises that were scattered along his sharp hip bones. The touch was almost like he was admiring the marks on his skin, and Kelly felt his cock jolt in excitement as he watched Matt press in on one of the bruises. The silver haired man knew exactly where Matt had received every single one of those bruises and he knew that he would be able to reach forward and cover every single one of them with his fingers. Seeing Matt stroking over them as he edged the towel further down exposing the top of his arse tore at Kelly's self-control. He slammed the two cups down on the bathroom counter, hot coffee splashing out onto his hand and onto the marble. Matt jolted at the noise, spinning around to find the source at the same time as Kelly pushed forwards pinning the blonde man against the bathroom sink. 

With one move, Kelly lifted Matt off his feet, perching him on the edge of the counter as he pressed forwards slipping between his spread thighs and stealing the gasp from his lips with a firm kiss. Kelly ran his hands up Matt's thighs, pushing the towel up towards his hips. He could feel Matt's hard-on against his stomach as he pushed deeper into the kiss tasting the toothpaste on the man's breath. Kelly knew that he was starting something that was going to end up with them being late, but he couldn't bring himself to care as Matt rutted up against him. He tugged the towel open with a small growl in his throat, as his hands found the bruises that littered the blonde man’s pale skin. Matt arched into the touch, trying to press himself closer to Kelly as he whimpered into the kiss. 

Kelly reluctantly let go of one of the man's hips, working his hand between their pressed bodies to take Matt's cock in hand. Already he could feel it pulsing in his grip as Matt tried to thrust into the touch, and Kelly worked him with short firm tugs. He swallowed down the delightful moans that fell from Matt's lips as Kelly jerked his hand faster. He loved how eager Matt was in all their intimate moments, and Kelly loved that he could already tell so much about Matt from the small time they had spent being together romantically. He knew that Matt was only a few moments away from releasing into his hand, and Kelly wished that it weren’t a workday so that he could drag this devilish temptation with an angel’s face back to their bed. 

"As soon as I get you home after shift, I am dragging you back to bed and I am going to see how many times I can make you cum before you're begging for my cock." Kelly growled as he tightened his grip around Matt's cock eliciting a moan that filled the bathroom. He could feel Matt nails digging into his skin as the blonde man reached up to clutch at his biceps; Kelly could feel the crescent marks being imbedded into his skin as Matt tightened his grip. The moans gracing from the blonde’s lips were growing filthier as Kelly mouth at his jawline, sucking at the water droplets that were still falling slowly down the man’s body. He licked a down line Matt's throat, before he tore his lips from the addictive taste of the man's skin. 

"Kel please." Matt begged as he slid his hands up Kelly' arms to clutch at the back of his neck. Kelly pushed himself forwards, claiming Matt's lips in a dominating kiss as he once more stole the sounds falling from his lips. He could feel the blonde man gasp against his lips, and he could feel the full body shudder as Matt spilled all over his hand. Kelly smirked devilishly as he broke away from the kiss, to watch as the man continued to come; his release falling in droplets over Matt's clenched stomach as Kelly continued to jerk at his pulsing cock. Looking up, Kelly lost himself in the blackness of Matt's eyes. His pupils were blown, nearly taking over the gorgeous blue as Matt blinked up at him looking utterly drunk on lust. Beneath his hands Matt continued to shudder through the after-waves of his orgasm, but it was Kelly's turn to moan as Matt let his hands fall away from his neck and began sliding down his chest. 

Kelly knew that he wouldn't last long, the build-up and the erotic sight of Matt releasing over his hand was leaving him feeling like he was on a hair-trigger. His breath escaped him as Matt's hands trailed down his chest teasing at the waistband of his underwear. He felt the elastic being tugged away from his heated skin, and he felt his cock bouncing free as his underwear was pushed down to just below his balls. A small gasp escaped from his lips, much like the sounds that had already fallen from Matt's, as Kelly found himself being gripped with two hands. The touch was clumsy, but Kelly thrust his hips forward into the amazing feeling that it sparked inside of him. He never wanted to feel anyone else hand touching him so intimately again; he didn't care if he was offered a hand-job from the most experienced person in the world, because Kelly knew that it would never feel as good as Matt's touch. He threw his head back as Matt continued to work his cock, his technique improving as the blonde clearly began to feel more confident with his touch. 

His orgasm hit him like a train, brought upon him by Matt adjusting his grip to gently cup his balls with one hand whilst he continued to jerk his cock. Kelly felt his release spill over his own stomach, and he watched as his cum joined Matt's release on the blonde’s stomach. He leaned his head against the blonde man's shoulder as he waited for his heartbeat to return to normal as Matt continued to stroke his overly sensitive cock before finally releasing his hold. Kelly didn't care about the cooling coffee sat on the counter next to them and he didn't care about the cooling cum that covered both his and Matt's stomachs. All that matter was the blonde's hips beneath his hands and the feel of Matt's hands moving to wrap around his back as he was tugged closer into an embrace. "Love you," Kelly whispered as he pressed a soft kiss against Matt's collar bone before he lifted his head up as he smiled. 

"Love you too." Matt sighed in contentment before he grimaced down at his stomach. "I just had a shower."

"I know, but you were too fucking gorgeous," Kelly grinned as he kissed the blush forming on the blonde man's cheek. They were going to have to shower together if they had any hope of getting to work on time, but at the same time showering together was more likely to leave them late. It was a risk that they were going to have to take, Kelly decided as he took a step back to tug his underwear the rest of the way down. He could feel Matt's gaze on his body, as he they stood nude in front of the other. Even immediately after their shared orgasms, Kelly could feel the crackle of lust attempting to spark between them once more. "Come on get your perfectly gorgeous butt back in the shower. You best not have used up all the hot water already."

"Well you'll have to join me and find out." Matt teased.

"Trust me I was planning to," Kelly smirked as he grabbed one of the cups to take a big gulp of cooling coffee.

* * *

Kelly didn't know how they managed to keep their hands to themselves in their shared shower, and he certainly didn't know how they managed to reach the firehouse on time. They waved off the lieutenants from first shift, grinning mischievously at the eye-rolls they received in return. Kelly could see the gathering of people and firefighters already heading towards the briefing room for the morning meeting, as he adjusted his bag on his shoulder. They weren't running late, but it was easier to just head straight for the briefing instead of heading back on themselves by heading to the locker room first. With a quick glance, Kelly confirmed that Matt was in agreement as they headed into the small room. 

He could feel over a dozen pairs of eyes immediately turn to them as they stepped into the room; half of the guys on shift were already seated at the tables or leaning against the walls waiting for Boden to join them. Kelly instantly bristled at the attention, as everyone quickly glanced away as if they didn't want to maintain eye contact. He had thought that everyone had moved past this phase, after it had occurred a few weeks previously after Matt had broken up with Dawson. Whilst the mood had a tendency towards frosty depending on the person, Kelly had hoped that the house had stopped with the avoidance tactic. Even without touching him or looking, Kelly knew that Matt's shoulders had slumped in defeat. 

Kelly resisted the urge to wrap his arm around his partner and pull him into the safety of his side and hold him in his embrace. He wanted to erase the sadness that suddenly seeped from the blonde man, and remind him of the love and happiness that they had shared together over their day's off. Before he could even so much as offer Matt a small elbow nudge for comfort, the door to the briefing room swung open behind them and Boden stomped in. If there had been any chatter in the room at that moment, Kelly was sure it would have fallen silent underneath the man’s steady gaze. Kelly quickly made his way over to the back of the room, leaning against the back wall as Boden took position in front of the whiteboard. Matt moved to lean besides him as they waited for the man to start. 

"Good Morning everyone. I am happy to announce that Gabby Dawson is returning to work today." Boden announced, and immediately Kelly understood why they had been met with stony silence when they had entered the briefing room. It all made perfect sense, and Kelly wanted to know what lies had already been sprung before their arrival. Glancing around the room he frowned realising that the woman was not amongst the others, and he quickly wondered where she was hiding. Brett was sat at one of the tables in the front row, meaning that the two paramedics hadn't been called out already. Risking a glance to his side, Kelly took in the subtle frown on the Matt's brow, and he knew that it was probably a mirror of his own expression. Boden continued going through the morning briefing, drawing it to a close after going through the usual information that they needed to know each shift. Kelly saw the way that the older man’s eyes shot towards Matt as everyone began filing from the briefing room in search of breakfast and coffee, and he knew just like Matt did that the chief wanted to have a word. He stayed leaning against the wall as he watched Matt take a step forwards as Boden crossed his arms over his chest. 

"Is this going to be a problem." Boden asked after glancing towards Kelly as if waiting for him to join the others in leaving the room. He had no intention of leaving Matt alone when he had just been treated to such news. The good mood that they had when they walked into the house with had vanished from Matt at Boden's revelation. 

"No chief." Matt said blankly, as he buried his hands into the pockets of his jacket. Kelly wanted to step forwards and pulled the blonde man back against his chest and hold him there. He settled for hitching his bag up higher on his shoulder as he watched the blonde man's shoulders tighten as they braced for the weight that had suddenly been dropped on them. Kelly wished he could move forwards to offer some form of comfort to his lover; he hadn't seen him this despondent for weeks. 

"Good, and let’s keep it that way." Boden nodded, as he gathered a handful of papers before stepping from the room. Kelly knew that he couldn't immediately step forwards and draw Matt into his arms; he wouldn't be surprised if some of their nosier colleagues were sat in the kitchen trying to eavesdrop into their conversation. Kelly followed the blonde man as he headed into the bunk room his knuckles blinding white from his grip on his bag. 

* * *

Kelly knew that it was a risk as he followed Matt into the locker room, watching with sad eyes as the blonde man dropped his bag at the foot of his locker before running his hands through his hair. The silver haired man stepped into Matt's space, curling a hand around the back of his neck as he pulled the man closer until they were wrapped in an intimate embrace. He felt Matt's hands clutching at the back of his jacket, twisting the material in his grip as he dropped his forehead against Kelly's shoulder. The shudder of a sigh filled the space between them as Matt melted into his touch. "I don't know why I'm surprised that she's back. But it’s like we've gone back three weeks to that first shift after."

"I know what you mean, and I'm sure it will be just like then. We'll have an awkward shift or two and then everyone will get distracted by something else." Kelly agreed as he stroked the short hair at the back of Matt's head. He knew that this moment was going to be stolen from them imminently but he needed to feel the other man in his arms, and he needed Matt to know that he was there to assist in carrying the burdens that weighed on his shoulders. He wanted to also offer a momentary distraction for Matt in that moment, he wanted to take him back to the feeling of being carefree.

Above them the bells rang out, causing them to lift their heads as their attention focused on the announcement. Kelly was relieved that it was only the ambulance being called out, it allowed them at least half an hour before they would have to face Dawson. Reluctantly Kelly let his arms fall away from the blonde man, allowing Matt to extract himself from the embrace. He hoped that he was going to be there when Matt had to encounter Dawson for the first time. He wanted to be there to offer his silent support for his partner when the paramedic inevitably showed her nasty and malicious streak. Kelly leaned against one of the lockers watching as Matt started to unpack his workbag. He knew that he should be dealing with his own stuff abandoned on the bench, but he couldn't help but stare at the blonde's natural beauty. 

The sound of the bunk room door opening caused them both to jolt even though they were no longer touching; they shared a look as if they had just been caught doing something they shouldn't have before Herrmann rounded the corner with his hands buried deep in his pockets. "Hey Casey, we've got a little problem. We've got a rat."

Kelly bit his lip to stop the snicker that threatened to escape as he watched Matt shudder at the last word. It was something he was going to have to save for later as he caught the grimace flash across the other man's face. "Wonderful." Matt mumbled bluntly before he turned to address the older firefighter, "Gather everyone, I want this place cleaned from top to bottom."

"You got it lieutenant," Herrmann nodded glancing between the two of them before turning back on himself. 

Kelly counted to ten in his head before turning to Matt with a smile that could rival a Cheshire cat's. "You know I suddenly think squad rig needs more gas."

"Sure it does." Matt rolled his eyes before he surged forwards and pressed his lips against Kelly's smile. Kelly instantly reached out to curl his hands in the front of the blonde's jacket wanting to tug him closer as he licked a line along the man's bottom lip. Kelly pouted as Matt leaned his head back, breaking away from the kiss but the smile that filled his face made the pout fade from Kelly's. "Don't start something we can't finish."

"I would have every intention of finishing it if you gave me the chance." Kelly grinned as he closed the space between them once more, his hands falling to Matt's hips as he pressed their bodies together. He could feel Matt's arousal growing against his thigh, and he knew from experience that their work trousers would do little to disguise the thickening of his cock. 

"Go get gas before I make you scrub the showers." Matt grinned, pressing his lips against the slight stubble on Kelly's jaw. 

"Only if you join me." Kelly continued, the flirty nature coming easily to him as he focused all his charms on the only man he would ever us them on again. He felt his heart quicken as he saw the blush gracing Matt's cheeks; it was barely noticeable unless you were close enough to look and Kelly loved that he was now able to stand this close to the man without worrying about his feelings being revealed. His feeling were revealed and reciprocated, and Kelly loved how comfortable they both were in each other’s personal space. 

"Go." Matt laughed, and Kelly felt the infectious happiness wash over him like a wave. Matt looked so carefree as he threw his head back and laughed up at the ceiling before he turned his bright blue eyes back to him. Kelly could see all the love in the man's expression, and he couldn't stop himself from ducking his head forwards once more to claim his lips. 

* * *

The mischievous grin seemed to want to be tattooed on his face as he climbed out of the squad rig after dragging his men out for the unnecessary gas run. No one was complaining, and the sight of Capp doing a cartoon slip as he tried to run across the wet floor in the common room was something that Kelly hoped would be forever ingrained on his memory. He had been rewarded with pats on the back and endless thank-you’s as his men climbed into their rig and escaped the cleaning spree that the truck and engine guys had been saddled with. Kelly didn't want to ruin their good spirits just yet, but he had no intention of letting them escape from the others torture as they pulled back into the house. 

His own good spirits vanished as he saw the ambulance parked in its usual place, with neither of the paramedics immediately accounted for. Kelly feared that Matt had already been forced into a confrontation with Dawson before he could be there to offer any silent support. Jumping down from the passenger side, the smile that had graced his face slipped into a frown as Kidd sped through the double doors with a warning whistle. "I would steer clear of the bunk room," the female firefighter addressed them all as she continued moving hastily away from the main part of the house. Kelly caught Tony and Capp raising an eyebrow as they fell into their usual seats at the old squad table. Kelly had long since given up calling it that, it was more of an escape table for everyone in the house now; but everyone knew that his chair was very much still his chair and his alone. 

He could feel the eyes of his men following his movements as he ignored Kidd's advice and pushed through the double doors into the firehouse. He wasn't immediately greeted with the sounds of a screaming match, but that didn't mean that Matt wasn't arguing somewhere. Matt didn't typically scream his anger, but Kelly knew that Dawson was one who liked to make sure everyone knew when she wasn't happy with something. Concern pricked at his insides as he still was not met with angry shouting or snapped whispers as he walked into the common room.

Metal scraping against the floor had Kelly wincing as the sound screeched in his ears as he pushed the door to the bunk room open. Kelly walked slowly towards the blonde man's office wincing at the state of disarray. The desk had been pulled away from the wall and the chair was lying on its side in the main bunk room area. The bed had been tipped onto the side also, leaving the rough blankets and thin sheets a messy pile on the floor. Books had been pulled down from the shelves and were spewed across the floor and the desk, but in the centre of the hurricane hit room was Matt. Kelly could tell with one look at the blonde's face that he had already been forced to face Dawson's wrath. 

He wished he hadn’t gone on the pointless gas run now; they'd have had enough in the tank to get them through the shift, but it would have meant leaving third shift sitting on the red line. Kelly admonished himself; he wanted to be there to be in Matt's corner to offer silent support when Dawson started bitching at him and he had failed the blonde man. The silver haired man knocked slowly on the glass door gaining Matt's attention as he stepped into the wrecked room. 

"That bad?" He sighed as he pushed the door closed behind him. Whilst some of the guys had decided to give matt a wide berth in his sudden rage, he didn't want to risk people walking by and deciding to listen in. 

"Louie's father." Matt spat before he shook his head and rubbed at his eyes with the palms of his hand. Kelly found himself stepping towards the man uncaring that that the blinds were up and whilst the glass would keep most of the conversation private, it would do nothing if someone were to look in. "Sorry. Louie's father apparently showed up and Gabby tried to take him on in a custody battle. I didn't even know. I didn't even get to say goodbye to him."

Kelly wrapped his arms around the blonde man, pulling him against his chest as he gently tried to sooth him with soft cooing noises in his lovers’ ear. He felt hands clutch at the front of his shirt as Kelly pulled them both down onto the floor, leaning back against the brick partition. "What did she say?" Kelly found himself asking as he felt Matt adjust himself so that he was curled in his lap. 

"Honestly not much. She just walked up to me and said it was my fault she lost Louie. That if we had got married like she suggested we would have been able to win the custody fight." Matt whispered against Kelly's chest. The silver haired man could feel the little drops of dampness seeping through the fabric and the thought of his lover’s distress made him want to find wherever Dawson was hiding and tear into her for being such a spoiled princess. He wanted to remind her that she wasn't the only one in the house with a temper, and Kelly had been aching to get into an argument with her for such a long time. Even before he and Matt had started their affair, he had hated how she treated the blonde man. He wanted to scream at her for her work ethic and point out that he could see through the bullshit empathy that she tried to radiate. He wanted to knock her down off the pedestal that she had placed herself on. But he wouldn't; because right now Matt needed to be showered with the comfort and love that he deserved. "I didn't care about any of that though, all I can think is why would she not tell me that Louie was going."

"I know. After shift we'll go to DCFS and see if they can at least pass a message on. Maybe Louie's dad will let you meet with him so you can say your goodbyes?" Kelly offered, as he stroked a hand up and down Matt's back. The blonde was shivering slightly from his touch, and Kelly felt his heart break for his lover. Ever since he had met him back in the academy, family had been something Matt had craved. When Andy had his sons, Matt was besotted and to this day Kelly didn't know if he had ever seen Matt smile as widely as he had when Andy had asked them to be the boys godfather's.

"Thank you," Matt whispered, finally pulling his head away from Kelly's chest. Kelly missed the embrace, but he gently wiped away the stray tears that clung to the blonde's eyelashes. 

"You don't need to thank me gorgeous. I love you; I will do anything for you." Kelly promised. He craned his neck over the edge of the concrete partition to look through the windows to see if they were still in relative privacy before he ducked back down to steal a kiss from the blonde's mouth. 

"I love you two." 

"Glad to hear it. Now, let’s get this back looking normal. I wish I could spend all day hugging you but probably not the smartest thing to do right now. " Kelly grinned down at Matt as he stole away another kiss. He didn't care that they were at work and wanted to keep things private; he wanted to reassure the blonde man as much as he possibly could. Even if that meant hiding behind a half wall whilst everyone else was trying to avoid being yelled at. 

"Probably not." Matt huffed, pushing himself away from the embrace with a small smile that tugged at Kelly's heartstrings. He watched a Matt crawled around so that his back was pressed against the wall also, the pair of them staring at the state of the room. It truly did look like a hurricane had swept through it, tossing everything that wasn't nailed down. 

"So whilst I can't stay and hug you all day. I can go steal Capp's teddy bear and offer that as a substitute whilst we try and get your room back in place." Kelly smirked at the twinkling giggle that escaped from Matt, it was almost like the carefree exchanges they had been sharing more recently. "His name is apparently Cucumber."

"Why Cucumber!" Matt snorted his smile growing wider. The large teddy bear was one of the many mysteries surrounding Capp that the house simply let be. When it first made an appearance in Capp's bay, the squad firefighter was subjected to the usual teasing and ribbing, but he was so unfazed by it that it barely lasted a shift before everyone just accepted the new addition to the bunk room. Kelly had to admit it did make him chuckle whenever he saw the man clutching it to his chest during the night. 

"I never wanted to ask."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly lets start with the important bit. Capp legit has a teddy bear in his bay in the bunk room! Spotted it in Agent of the Machine and it honestly cements how much I love him as a character! He would also be the kind of person who names their toy even as an adult. 
> 
> So kind of copped out with the confrontation, genuinely because I wanted it to be gradual, and I wanted it to be from matt's perspective.
> 
> Also can we just talk about the english lit thing I've done in this chapter! Like after they have announced that they love eachother Kelly now refers to Matt as Matt in his perspective rather than as Casey. This is open to change, if you prefer it when its the other way round, (for example when its a Kelly chapter Matt gets referred to as Casey, or when its a Matt chapter Kelly is referred to as Severide), let me know!


	11. Chapter 11

Matt hated how Gabby's harsh words haunted him for the rest of the shift. Even with Kelly stepping into the room when he was in the middle of a rage, Matt still felt like he was stood of the edge ready to fall into the pit of anger and emotion that was brewing inside of his stomach. She had cornered him as he was walking out of the supply closet armed with a mop, as if that would be enough to protect him from any encounter with the illustrious rat that had decided to claim the house. It was a confrontation he had been dreading ever since he had walked away from her at Molly's all those weeks ago; and the weeks that she had taken off from work had lulled him into a false sense of security. After the first week without her on shift, he stopped imagining the worst the moment he stepped into the firehouse. 

He had been left stunned at her return, and despite the time he had found himself not ready to face his previous partner. Matt knew that he made the perfect decision by finally accepting that he was unhappy in that relationship, and he had never felt more loved than when he was with Kelly. He didn't get a chance to prepare himself for the onslaught as she stormed up to him, her face distorted into a scowl as she snapped at him in harsh whispers, "It is all your fault. I lost Louie because of you!"

"What the hell are you on about!" Matt demanded as he found his voice, his own frown creasing his brow as he stared at the woman in front of him. He could see practically see the venom dripping off her as she leaned into his space so he could see the coldness in her eyes. His eyes darted down the corridor, both to check if anyone were listening in and in hope that he would see Kelly standing at the other end. 

"If we had got married like I wanted, I would still have Louie and he would have legally been mine. His father turned up on my doorstep and challenged me for custody!" Gabby spat, as she leaned towards him more. Matt resisted the instinctual urge to step back from the angry person he saw before him; he had drilled it into himself after he had lost his parents to no longer shrink away when people tried to intimidate him. He had perfected it over the years, able to command a scene and stand firm even against the angriest member of the public, but there was a little flicker in the back of his mind this time. He'd had many arguments with his friends and with Hallie over the years, and he dared not count the number of times he had butted heads with Kelly in the past; but in none of those arguments had he felt like he did now. Even when he and Kelly had been at each other’s throats after Andy had died, he never felt like he was arguing with someone who might hit him. 

" So well-done Matt, because of you Louie has lost another parent." Gabby snapped, her voice no longer a whisper but loud enough to carry down to the common room where he knew half the house was waiting for the explosions. Matt felt as if his heart had been ripped from his chest at the vicious words; the urge to snap back rose like a storm inside of him, his own bitter response rushing to the tip of his tongue. He wanted to snap at her, and he wanted to be cruel, but he stopped himself just as he opened his mouth to respond. It was like he had been taken back twenty years to how his mother and father used to bite back at each other each eager to get the last barbed word. He didn't want to be like that, and he knew that if he let the words tumble from his lips, he would hate himself for being just like them. 

He bit his tongue as he matched the paramedic's glare, and he thanked god when Gabby quickly realised, she wasn't going to get a response. Matt watched as she spun on the spot, storming back down the halls like a stroppy child. He was surprised Boden hadn't come out of his office to find out who was stomping through his firehouse. Watching her storm away, did nothing to calm his own anger and the mass of questions that he wanted answers too. He wanted to know exactly what had been happening over the past few weeks, and he wanted to know where Louie was and if he was safe and happy. He may have made his choice, but that didn't mean Matt didn't care about the little boy's wellbeing. 

Matt was ashamed of how he let out his anger, nearly demolishing his office in his attempts at cleaning and finding the demonic creature that was yet to be caught. His anger mixed with the sadness from losing Louie, and the fear that the little boy wasn't safe, creating a toxic mist that shrouded his vision up until the moment his silver haired knight broke him out of the haze. He felt safe in Kelly's hold, and it allowed him to regain control of his emotions. 

* * *

"You ready to go gorgeous?" Kelly whispered into his ear as Matt felt the firm press of the other man's body against his back. He resisted the urge to glance around to check that the coast was clear, knowing that Kelly wouldn't have touched him so intimately if they weren't alone in the locker room. Matt melted at the man's voice as it soothed at the aches of his wrought emotions. As Kelly stepped away, Matt grabbed his bag from the locker, hastily pulling his dirty work shirt from over his head. He tried not to smirk at the soft whistle that Kelly made under his breath as the other man watched him. Matt glanced over his bare shoulder, his heart racing as he saw Kelly straddling the small benches that sat in the middle of the rows of lockers. From the way Kelly was sat, Matt found himself focusing on the silver haired man’s crotch, the area highlighting his attention even more as Kelly almost knowingly spread his legs wider. 

"You know the longer you look at me like that, the more its sparks a little fantasy I've got going on in my head right now." Kelly winked up at him. Matt snorted into his locker as he pulled a t-shirt over his head hiding his body from Kelly's lustrous gaze. He found his body reacting in interest at the silver haired man's words, and he found himself wanting to know more about this fantasy that was being pictured. 

"Ok. You've mentioned it, come on tell me the details." Matt grinned, as he closed his locker door behind him. He leaned back against the door of his locker as he found his lips twisting to match the devilish smirk that filled Kelly's face. 

"Well I'd be sat here just fresh from a shower. Maybe I'll just have a towel wrapped around my waist and I'll be straddling this bench. You'd walk in and you'd climb on my lap and straddle my hips. It would only be a matter of time before the towel was on the floor and you would be bouncing on my cock like a greedy little bottom." Kelly's eyes twinkled at the moan that escaped from Matt's lips. He could picture it so vividly in his mind, and Matt could feel his cock throbbing with the need to suddenly act out that fantasy. It was something neither of them would ever risk, but Matt wished he could pull his shirt off his chest once more and strip himself down to fulfil the silver haired man's desire. 

"Fuck," Matt breathed, reaching down to adjust his pants as Kelly rose from his position on the bench and moved to stand in front of him. 

"Come on, other things to do today," Kelly teased, brushing his lips against Matt's cheek as he strode past with the confidence of a man who know that he was being looked at. Matt shook his head, trying to dislodge the images of them both getting sweaty as they fucked in the middle of the locker room. He let his eyes follow Kelly's back as he heaved his bag onto his shoulder. Matt glanced down to make sure that his erection wasn't too obvious before he moved to follow.

* * *

Matt felt his arousal being beaten away by his own nerves as Kelly drove them through the city towards the office for DCFS. He didn't know why but he had just empty words and empty promises when Kelly had calmed him down by saying they would head to the Child Services after shift. Matt should have remembered that Kelly was not like anyone else; he wouldn't fill his head and raise his heart with empty words. The city seemed as silent as their car as they parked up in front of the office, and Matt felt his nerves magnify as he stared at the sign. He knew the law, and he knew that he stood no chance of getting any information from the social workers, but Matt couldn't not try. 

"You okay?" Kelly asked, and Matt jolted slightly at the hand on his knee drawing his attention away from the view out of his window. 

"We both know the law. They won't give us details; I just don't know if they'll even allow us to get a message passed across." Matt sighed in defeat as he turned his gaze towards the silver haired man. His eyes tracking the small movement of the man's thumb as it stroked a small space on the denim of his jeans. 

"I know, but it's worth a try." Kelly continued. Matt offered the other man a small smile as he covered Kelly's hand with his own. He gently squeezed the hand as he leaned across the small space between them to press his lips to Kelly's jaw. Matt could see the smile that filled the other man’s face from up close as he let his eyelashes flutter against the silver haired man's cheek. He didn't know how to tell the man how much the constant support meant to him, but Matt hoped that one day he would be able to offer Kelly the same level of support. "Now come on no more wasting time gorgeous. "

Matt giggled against Kelly's jaw, as he pressed another kiss against the soft stubble on the man's chin. He missed the feel of Kelly's hand on his knee immediately after it was removed, but Matt couldn't bring to feel sad for long as the nerves fluttering like butterflies in his stomach exploded once more. He watched as Kelly killed the engine and climbed out of the car, leaving him alone to stare out at the sign for a moment longer. Matt tore his eyes away from the DCFS sign once more as he followed Kelly out of the car. Kelly instantly moved to his side, a hand falling to the small of Matt's back. The blonde man could feel the touch through the fabric of his lieutenant jacket, and just like with the hand on his knee the touch instantly soothed his emotions. 

Kelly's hand fell from his back as they stepped through the main doors, but Matt could feel his presence by his side as they were directed through the familiar halls. Matt knew where he was going as he led Kelly through the maze of hallways and cubicles towards the small waiting area that he had grown familiar with over the last few months. Dropping down into the chairs in the empty waiting area, Matt bit back his smile as Kelly entwined their hands between their pressed legs. 

"Matt?" A voice from across the room startled them both into dropping the other's hand. Matt jumped to his feet, his heart pumping in his chest as he watched the woman walking across the waiting area towards them. 

"Hi Tina, this is Kelly Severide. Do you have a minute?" Matt asked, as he introduced the silver haired man to Louie social worker. He watched the woman's face twist into a small frown before she accepted the hand that Kelly held out in an offered handshake. Even without a word, Matt could see the exasperation that was beginning to fill Tina's face. She was a great social worker and had always been wonderful with Louie, but Matt could tell that her years in the role had left her with little patience to the idiot adults that often graced her presence.

"Of course, how can I help?" She asked slowly, moving her gaze away from the blinding smile that Kelly flashed at her. 

"It's about Louie." Matt announced, and he fought hard to school his expression as his comment was met with an immediate sigh from the social worker. He wanted to frown at the almost instant dismissal that the woman had before she even heard what he wanted to know. He recognised it as something that Gabby had done to him, and before that it was something that Hallie and his mother had done also. 

"Matt." Tina began her tone warning, but Matt was quicker as he cut in before he had to listen to whatever reprimanding speech he was inevitably going to receive. From the corner of his eye, he caught Kelly's hand twitching into a fist at his side. Even without looking, Matt knew that Kelly would had grit his teeth and clenched his jaw in a bid to stop himself from saying whatever was hanging on the tip of his tongue. 

"I don't know what has happened. I would just like to know he's okay," Matt explained quickly as he glanced down again at Kelly's hands. He wanted to reach across and close the gap that they had put between themselves as they had rose from their feet. He wanted to hold Kelly's hand and sooth the man's annoyance whilst calming down his own frustration. 

"You know I can't do that Matt." Tina began, her voice taking on a tone that was no longer warning but almost as if she was talking to someone who didn't understand what was being told of them. 

A trickle of frustration sent a flush across Matt's cheeks as he resisted the urge to huff at the woman, his own exasperation more hidden than hers. "I know, I'm not asking for you to hand over any information. I was wondering if you could reach out to Louie father, and explain the situation and just that I would like to know he's okay."

"Matt you have to understand that you were not on any of the paperwork for Louie, you weren't listed as his foster family, and your name was not on the adoption paperwork." Tina continued. Matt watched as she folder her arms across her chest, as she frowned up at him. The trickle of frustration shifted into a gush of anger that had him biting at the inside of his cheek to stop himself from snapping back. He couldn't understand people's logic sometimes, and he definitely couldn't understand how all the things he had done for that little boy could be disregarded all because none of the papers had his signature scrawled across the bottom. A signature meant nothing; he was the one who had put the little boy to bed each night, and read him his bedtime story. He had been the one who had made sure he hadn't wanted for anything. He had been the one who had stayed awake all night before a shift, because Louie had caught a stomach bug and hadn't been able to settle to sleep. But none of those mattered because he didn't sign a form.

"Look we know, and we're not asking for any contact outside of this. Can't you just let Matt say goodbye?" Kelly asked sweetly, his tone shifting to one that Matt could only describe as being fake flirtation. The blonde man turned to his partner in confusion, and it was then that he saw the coldness in Kelly's eyes as he grinned like a shark. Kelly was fuming, and was ready to white-knight his way into the situation to help. 

"I'll see what I can do." Tina huffed at them. Matt felt the urge to reach out and grab Kelly's hand in his. His own anger was nothing in comparison to the waves rolling off the silver-haired man and it filled Matt's heart with love. He had never had someone who was so willing to defend him, and Matt never wanted to take it for granted. Matt nodded his gratitude at the social worker before watching as she shook her head at them as she turned from the room. 

"Is she always this pleasant?" Kelly whispered as they were once more left alone in the waiting room. Matt couldn't hold back the snort that escaped him as he allowed himself to lean into his boyfriend’s side, their shoulders bumping together. 

"With adults yes." Matt smirked as Kelly's hand entwined with his. "Come on, let's go home you promised that you were going to drag me back to bed." Matt felt his smirk filling into a wide smirk as the anger seemed to wash away from Kelly, being replaced with a knowing grin that had Matt wanting to close the space between them. A small tug on his hand had Matt taking a step forwards before Kelly had even moved. 

"No point wasting time then." Kelly grinned as he began leading them out of the office. 

* * *

Matt felt like a weight had been lifted away from his shoulders as soon as he stepped out of the DCFS office and climbed back into Kelly's car. He didn't know if or when he would hear back from Tina, but he felt better in himself knowing that he had tried what he could to get in contact with Louie and check everything was okay. The blonde man relaxed into the leather seats as Kelly began to drive away, the purr of the engine filling his ears. Matt stared out the window as the city passed him by, a smile twitching at the corner of his lips when he felt a hand on his thigh. Glancing across at the drive side, Matt felt his smile widen as he took in the glint that he could see in the silver-haired man’s eyes. Kelly knew exactly what he was doing as his hand slid higher up Matt's thigh, his fingers teasing at the inner seam. Matt gasped at the touch, his legs falling open in invitation as he found himself reacting to the teasing touch.

The next stroke of the fingers against his inner thigh had a firmer pressure, and Matt couldn't hold back the groan that escaped from his open lips as his head fell back against the headrest. He could feel himself growing hard from the small touches, and Matt wanted to demand that Kelly put this foot on the gas to get them home as quickly as possible. He didn't care if he had to pay for a speeding ticket as long as it waited until after they had got home. He wanted to feel Kelly inside of him again, and if they had been somewhere other than a busy city street, Matt might have contemplated climbing over onto Kelly's lap right there. Beneath him he could feel the car rolling to a slow stop at the lights before Matt found himself dragged into a fiery kiss that turned his lust into an inferno. 

He grabbed at the back of Kelly's neck tugging him closer as they used the red light to their advantage. He knew these streets, and he knew how long they had before the lights were going to change, and Matt was going to take advantage of every single second that he could. He could feel Kelly's pulse racing beneath his fingertips as the silver haired man deepened the kiss, holding Matt in place as if Matt were ever going to want to pull back. 

A combined beeping of a horn and the shrill ringtone on Matt's phone jolted them apart with matching looks of guilty amusement, like they were two kids that had just been caught with their hands in the cookie jar. Kelly's chuckle filled the air as he raised his hand in apology to the car behind them as he hit the gas once more. Matt hesitated in checking his phone, lost in the carefree attitude that shone of the other man. This was what relationships should feel like, and he hoped that he never stopped getting lost in Kelly. 

The number was blocked, causing Matt to hesitate as his thumb slid to accept the call. It was probably just going to be a cold call, the same crap of 'We can see you have been involved in an accident within the last two years.' He braced himself for the usual crap that unknown numbers tried to fob off, but he found himself bracing for a different reason as the familiar voice filled his ear. "Hello Matt? It's Tina calling from DCFS."

"Oh hi Tina, I wasn't expecting to hear back from you so soon." Matt blinked, his eyes widening as he hastily pulled his phone away from his face and set it to loudspeaker. He wanted to include Kelly in this, and not have the other man hear one side of the conversation; Matt knew that the other man wouldn't let him go through anything alone and it was only right that he heard what was to be said. He felt his heart thump in his chest, slow and heavy and completely different from the fast beat that had fuelled him only a few moments before. He could feel Kelly's eyes divert away from the road for a few seconds, and Matt knew that if he looked, he would be met with concern. 

"Hmm, Well Andre, Louie father, is willing to meet with you today. Can you make it to Corner Bakery  Café for 1pm?" Tina's voice sounded dull and lifeless as if she didn't want to be involved in any of this conversation, and Matt honestly couldn't blame her. He had no right to ask any of this from her, and yet she had still willingly reached out to Louie father for him. He glanced a look at the time on the corner of his screen, and he felt his gut clench. It was already after eleven, and if they were driving from the apartment it would take them at least thirty minutes to reach the spot depending on the traffic. Matt glanced up, catching Kelly's eye as the car rolled to a stop at a set of lights. The silver haired man nodded quickly in agreement to the terms being set, and Matt reached over to squeeze the man's knee in silent appreciation. 

"Yes thank you for much for this Tina." Matt grinned even as he received another slow hmm on the other end of the line just before it cut off. His smile only widened as he heard Kelly snort at Tina's abrupt end to the call. 

"She really doesn't like dealing with adults, does she?" Kelly joked as he flicked his indicator on and took a right turn. Matt raised an eyebrow at the sudden change in direction, as he watched Kelly turn back on himself. "So we have just over an hour, we can go grab groceries and then go meet Louie father?"

"Not quite the afternoon we had planned," Matt grinned as he readjusted his cock in his pants. A laugh fell from his lips as he watched Kelly's eyes flicker down the movement before his grip tightened on the steering wheel. If they ended up going a little over the speed limit, neither one of them were going to address it. 

* * *

Matt felt nervous even with Kelly's hand settling on the small of his back as the stepped into the busy café. The lunchtime rush was still very much in place, with a queue of a dozen people at the counter and nearly all the tables occupied. Matt craned his neck trying to spot Louie in amongst everyone, but he was nowhere to be seen. It dawned on Matt that he didn't know who he was looking for, and on the reverse of that neither did Andre. His moment of dismay must have been evident on his face as felt Kelly's hand rub up his back, his fingers momentarily tracing over the L on the back of his jacket before they moved further up to squeeze the back of Matt's neck.

"Go grab a seat gorgeous, and I'll grab us some coffee. Latte?" Kelly whispered into his ear as he pressed himself closer together as more people stepped into the café behind them. Matt nodded at Kelly's suggestion, and he found himself smiling as he felt the ghost of a kiss being brushed against his cheek as Kelly stepped around him. Matt allowed himself to stare at the embroidered squad on the back of the other man's jacket for a moment before he tore himself away from the sight of the wide shoulders and turned his attention to the busy seating area. There was a couple just moving away from a four-seater table by the window, and Matt immediately moved to claim it. The position of the table and the window next to it would allow Matt to keep an eye on the street outside as well as keeping an eye on the door. 

Matt lost himself watching the world by, his heart jolting in his chest every time a car pulled up along the length of the street that he could see, before it fell back to his stomach as disappointment set in. Every time the bell above the door went, Matt found his gaze jolting to the door expecting to see Louie little smile once again. "Hey, we're a little early, they'll be here soon." Kelly promised as he set two steaming cups of coffee down on the table. Matt nodded in agreement, his hands curling around the cup as he brought it up to his lips. 

Despite the anxious situation, Matt and Kelly sat in comfortable silence as they nursed their coffee. There was no need to break the tension with aimless chatter or fake reassurances and the silence actually made Matt feel better about the situation. A glance at the time told him it was a few minutes after one, but the bell above the door had remained silent and there was still no sign of Louie and his father. Matt found himself fearing that he had misheard Tina in the car, and they had turned up at the wrong place; he could picture Louie and his father sitting in some other café in the city waiting for their arrival. The bell above the door jingled, immediately pulling Matt's attention back towards the entrance; his nervous excitement faded as he saw a man walk in. He assumed it was just another lunchtime patron wanting their daily fix of coffee and cupcakes, so he let his attention fall back to the dregs of coffee that graced the bottom of his cup. 

"Excuse me, sorry to both you both, but are you Matt Casey?"

"I am, can I help you?" Matt couldn't help the way his brow furrowed as he turned his attention to the man standing just behind Kelly. The silver haired man had shifted in his seat so that he could turn his attention to the newcomer. It was the man who Matt had mistakenly taken to be just another lunchtime patron as he had walked into the cafe on his own. Matt realised belatedly that he had been looking for the wrong thing the whole time; he had been expecting to see Louie walk in with his father, and hadn't even thought of the possibility that Andre would come alone. 

"My name is Andre. I'm-"

"Your Louie's father." Matt finished the other man's sentence as he rose from his seat to offer his hand towards the other man. He was grateful that the man stepped forwards and accepted the offered handshake. The grip on his hand was firm as if Andre were trying to determine what kind of a man, he was from the greeting alone. Matt knew the feeling well; it was one that he had encountered plenty of times over his career with people looking down at him for being a young lieutenant.

"Let me go get us some drinks. Would you like a coffee Andre?" Kelly suggested, slowly rising from his seat as Andre finally released his tight hold on Matt's hand. Matt was grateful for Kelly's timing, offering him a mouther thank-you as Andre turned to respond to Kelly. Matt watched as the silver haired man walked back towards the counter, his eyes following him the entire way before he managed to pull his attention back to Andre. The other man had moved to sit in Kelly's vacated seat, and Matt could understand why the man had chosen that placement when there was two previously unoccupied seats already. Taking Kelly's empty seat kept the table between them and told Matt that there was a divide between the two parties. 

"Can I ask where Louie is?" Matt posed, as he took in Andre. The man was not what he had ever pictured Louie father to be; he had always pictured the man to be hanging with the wrong crowd, and potentially getting involved in unfavourable habits. His judgements couldn't be further than the truth. Andre was clean-cut, mature in his mannerisms, and probably the same age as Matt was. 

"He's at the park with his grandparents. I didn't want to bring him straight away cause quite frankly I want to know who you are to my son." Andre said firmly, his hands clenched tightly together as they rested on the table in front of them. 

Matt found himself sighing as he mimicked Andre's posture as he gently entwined his fingers together. "On paper I am no one. But I was incredibly lucky to be able to look after him and take care of him. To be honest I only found out about you yesterday. I didn't even know Gabby no longer had custody of Louie." Matt raised an eyebrow at the way Andre snorted in distaste at the mention of Gabby's name, and he knew instantly that this man had been on the receiving end of the full Gabriella Dawson experience. From behind Andre, Matt could see Kelly walking back towards their small table with a tray of coffee. Andre fell silent as Kelly carefully placed the tray down, handing out hot cups as if he was their personal waiter. Matt took a contemplative sip of his drink, as Kelly walked around the table to fall into the empty seat next to him. Underneath the table he felt one of Kelly's large hands squeezing his knee as Andre curled his hands around his mug. 

"It's my turn to be honest with you. I am thankful for you looking after Louie, but I am not willing to let Gabriella Dawson near my son again after she tried to claim custody from me." Andre announced firmly as he levelled them both with a glare as if merely saying the name made him angry. 

"We're not together anymore. I haven't spoken to her for weeks until yesterday." Matt explained as Kelly offered him another reassuring squeeze underneath the table. The touch wasn't subtle, but it wasn't as obvious as if the silver haired man had reached out to hold his hand, but Matt could feel Andres eyes flicker down the length of Kelly's arm as if examining the movement. The blonde man watched as the crease between Andre's brow softened as he jumped to the correct conclusion as he put two and two together. 

The tone of his voice softened, with less aggression in his words as Andre calmly explained, "Sorry I'm just a little defensive about everything at the moment. I came back from active duty and my old girlfriend came up to me and told me everything; about how she got pregnant and then chose to give Louie up. So I tried to find him, I wanted to find my son. When I found him, I wanted to meet him and get to know him, but my sergeant called me the day I was scheduled to meet him, and he told me that I was to be redeployed. I spent so long trying to argue against it, that I missed the meeting entirely. She tried to use that against me in her case."

Matt wish he knew how he could offer the other man sympathy as he watched a flood of emotions wash across his face. "I am thankful for everyone that was involved for helping me prove that this wasn't the case. I have just taken a new job in the military working 9-5 so that I can be with my son. My parents, my brothers and sisters are all able to look after him when I can't work from home and need to go into the office. DCFS agree that this was a more stable home than a single parent who had no biological claim to the child and whose job involved them being at work for two or three 24-hour shifts each week. I had to fight to prove that I wasn't an absent parent by choice, all whilst Gabriella Dawson tried to smear my name."

"We're really sorry that you have had to go through all of this," Kelly offered.

"I just wanted to see Louie, make sure he's okay. I just need to know that he's happy." Matt continued, picking up as soon as Kelly stopped speaking. On the other side of the table, Andre was nodding slightly at their words, but Matt didn't know if he was agreeing with what was being said. 

"Okay. Let me just call my parents and we can go meet them and Louie?" Matt nodded hastily, his face splitting into a grin as he watched the man push himself away from the table with another small nod. Matt watched as the man ducked towards the front of the  café away from the noise of the tables, his phone at his ear. A brush of lips against his cheek only had Matt smiling wider. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So not how I was initially going to end this chapter, I was going to have Matt and Kelly go with Andre to meet louis but in all honestly I was done with writing this scene. So it will be included in the next chapter from Kelly's POV. 
> 
> I promised this chapter like last week, and I'm sorry it wasn't out sooner. Life and work is as draining as always, and the heat has done nothing for my motivation. Honestly as soon the temperature hits above 20 I just want to melt into a puddle of disgust. 
> 
> I hope everyone reading this still is all okay :D and I promise exciting and fluffy times to come in the next chapter.


	12. Chapter 12

Kelly wasn't surprised to hear that Dawson had tried to claim custody away from Louie actual parent. Just from sitting on the other side of the table and listening to the way Andre spoke about Louie it was blindingly obvious just how much he cared for his son. Even before they got to see the little boy again, he knew that Matt felt a sense of acceptance that this was the right thing for him. The smile that filled the blonde man’s face as soon as Andre went to call his parents and arrange the meet up could have powered the entire city of Chicago with how bright and beautiful it was. Kelly found himself unable to resist the urge to reach out and touch the other man, and the daring brush of lips against a smooth cheek was going to be all they could manage until they returned to their apartment. 

Andre seemed to relax around them as they left the coffee shop together, following his lead as he led them to a small playground a few streets away from the café. The air between them was no longer stilted and tinged with anger at the situation, instead they openly chatted asking questions about each other's life's and work; Andre seemed eager to hear the stories that they had from the firehouse and openly shared some of the more pleasant stories from his time in the army. The stories about life in the military double back to Louie as Andre enthusiastically talked about the ways his job had allowed him to adapt around his son, and getting to know the little boy. Kelly found himself wishing he knew more about what occurred between Dawson and the man in front of them. He could only begin to imagine her trying to twist people’s opinion and viewpoints in an attempt to showcase herself as a better parent than Andre. It was obvious to anyone, just how much Andre cared about Louie; it was obvious in the way he talked and the smile that formed on his face whenever he heard his son's name.

The playground was busy for an early afternoon, families gathering on benches watching as children ran around, laughter filling the small space. Kelly could tell the exact moment that Matt saw Louie from the way his smile grew and threatened to outshine the sun. The little boy was running around the small space, his infectious laughter filling the air as he played with a little girl who could have been his twin. "That's my niece. She was so happy to have a cousin around her age; everyone else is older than her." Andre explained as he waved at two people who Kelly assumed were his parents. 

"They both look happy," Matt whispered. Kelly resisted all the urges inside of him to reach out and pull the blonde man into his arms. 

"We're not perfect, but we're all trying really hard to make sure Louie is happy. Honestly, my parents are thrilled, they never expected grandkids from me." Andre admitted, as he watched from afar as his parents began gathering the kids coats and bags before calling for the two children's attention. Kelly spied an ice cream truck on the other side of the park entrance, and a thought came to mind as he watched Louie and the little girl run towards their grandparents and allow themselves to be wrapped back up in their big puffy coats. 

"Because of the army?" Matt asked curiously as his smile tugged slightly higher on the corners as he watched Andre's parents begin to walk over to them.

"Because I'm bi." Andre continued with a small shrug. Kelly felt his eyebrows raise at how freely the man was willing to supply the information about himself, and at how comfortable he was in admitting the truth. He could only imagine the struggles he would have had to go through in his career with his sexuality, and Kelly couldn't help but compare it to the fire service. The fire department was always going to be the old-boys club in a lot of firefighters eyes, and Kelly was lucky that he was in a progressive house now that if he wanted to show his relationship he knew that people would support them, but there were houses and squads that he knew would not be as accepting. A hand curling into his had Kelly quickly glancing down in shock before he felt his cheeks rip open into a grin as he looked up into Matt's bright blue eyes. He turned his gaze onto Andre who watched their exchange, his eyes flickering down to their joined hands. "So how long have you two -"

Before either Matt or Kelly could response the excited shriek drew the attention of all three of the men. "Matt! Uncle Kelly!"

That was the only warning that they got before Louie threw himself at Matt, his excited shrieks twisting into bubbling laughter as Matt seemed to act on instinct, letting go of Kelly's hand to hook his arms around the little boy and lifting him easily in the air. Kelly couldn't tell who looked happier in that moment, Matt, or Louie as the two shared matching smiles that seemed to fill their faces. "Hi Louie, I've missed you buddy." Matt grinned as he rested the four-year-old on his hip. Kelly could only watch in pure wonderment as Matt offered a small wave at the little girl who had followed Louie and was now hiding behind Andre's leg as she stared wide eyed up at the two strange men. "What's your name sweetie?"

"Scarlett,” The girl whispered, a small lisp twinging at her words as she peaked out shyly from around her uncles’ leg. Kelly crouched down next to the little girl, offering her a big smile like the one he used when he was having to rescue kids on shift. At her height, he would appear less frightening and speaking in a softer voice to his usual tone, "Hi Scarlett, I'm Kelly and this is Matt. I like your braids, did you do them yourself?"

"No my grandma did them." Scarlett lisped as she reached up to play with the end of one of her braids. Kelly grinned wider as she smiled softly up at them revealing the small gap between her two front teeth. 

"Did she? They are very pretty." Kelly complimented. He could hear Louie nattering at a hundred words a minute to Matt, and Kelly knew that if he glanced up the blonde man would be hanging off the little boy's words. 

* * *

They ended up spending a few hours at the park with the two kids, Andre, and his parents. It was comfortable, and Andre's parents welcomed them with open arms, all of them quickly falling into pleasant conversation. Kelly had made use of the ice cream truck that had been parked at the edge of the park, and he accepted the joking groans as Louie and Scarlett ran around the playground high on sugar. The icing on the day was Andre's kind offer as the adults gathered on a picnic bench watching the two children. Andre had smiled at them both as he offered, "I would be happy for you to stay in touch with Louie, it’s obvious that you care about him a lot and he cares about you too."

"Thank you, Andre, that really means a lot." Matt had gushed, the wide grin on his face seemed to want to become a permanent fixture on the blonde’s face, and Kelly loved seeing it. He hid his own smile into the cup of crappy coffee that he had brought from the truck to warm up after the ice-cream. Ice cream was great, but when combined with the chilly wind in the air and sitting still for the past hour it had left Kelly regretting not wearing a different jacket. The wind was starting to ripple a little stronger, bringing with it the oncoming chill as the afternoon started to draw to a close. They all silently agreed that the day was reaching its conclusion, gathering up bags and huddling their coats tighter around their frames. Kelly found himself being tugged into a strong embrace by Andre's mother, the small woman manhandling her arms around him and squeezing him tight before she turned and gave Matt the same treatment. 

"I hope to see you both soon." She smiled at them, and Kelly had to stop himself chuckling. He could tell from the glimmer in her eyes, that she was the type of the woman who would find them and drag them out herself if she had to. 

"We promise." Kelly replied, before he shook hands with Andre and his father. Louie and Scarlett returned at their grandmother’s call, running over to them all with their cheeks rosy from playing and the wind. A small pout formed on the little boy’s face when Andre announced that it was time to go home, but Kelly was glad that it didn't lead to tears or any tantrums. Matt crouched down next to Louie, accepting one last hug as he promised that they would see each other again soon. 

They parted ways at the park entrance, and Kelly curled his arm around Matts waist as they watched the group walk away. He could only imagine what Matt must have felt in that moment as the blonde man leaned into his side slightly. "That's honestly the happiest I have ever seen him," Matt admitted as he wrapped his own arm around Kelly, his hand teasing at his hip pushing up the fabric of his jacket. 

"You okay?" Kelly asked as he shivered slightly from Matt's touch, the cold had crept up further inside of his jacket as it was disturbed and the silver haired man found himself longing to get back into his car just so that he could crank the heating up full blast. He also wanted to get home, and roll them both up tightly in a blanket before curling up in a mess of limbs on the couch. 

"I'm good honestly. I'm glad that he's happy and Andre and his family seem great." Matt replied, his fingers digging a little deeper into Kelly's hip as they watched Louie and Andre turn a corner and disappear out of sight. Even without words, Kelly knew that it was affecting Matt to see Louie walk away again, but he also knew that it was an ache that would slowly fade away. It wasn't like he was never going to see him again, and they both knew that more playdates like this one were going to occur in the future. 

"You're amazing you know that?" Kelly whispered, ducking his head to press a ghost of a kiss against Matt's pink cheek as he pulled the man closer into his side to whisper the next sentence into his ear. "You are an amazing, kind, loving selfless man."

Breaking away from the embrace, Kelly didn't pull away from the touch instead pulling Matt's hand into his as they turned and began walking back to where they had left the car earlier in the day. The pink on Matt's cheeks had brightened, and Kelly was sure that it wasn't from the cold. 

* * *

They drive back to the apartment had them getting stuck in all the rush-hour traffic and found themselves getting caught at every set of lights as if they turned red automatically upon their approach. Kelly groaned in relief as he finally pulled the car up next to Matt's truck outside of their building; he hated driving slowly, and he hated getting caught in traffic. He pushed his head back against the hand that wrapped around the back of his neck, pushing into the soft touch. 

"Do you want to order take-out?" Matt suggested as he massaged Kelly's neck. Kelly felt like he was melting into the upholstery underneath the blonde man's touch. 

"That sounds amazing, gorgeous," Kelly smirked. The heat from Matt's touch seemed to burn into the skin on his neck even as his hand fell away to slide down towards his shoulder. A scattering of raindrops were beginning to fall from the sky as they stepped out of the car, hastily gathering the groceries that they had purchased earlier that day. Kelly snorted, his laughter carrying with the wind as he watched Matt jog towards the entrance to the building, his arms laden down with as many grocery bags as he could carry. The rain seemed to fall heavier as they hurried into the small reception area; really the room was nothing more than a glorified corridor leading to a rickety elevator or the reliable staircase. Their joint laughter filled the small room as they watched the rain from the small window, before they turned to stare at each other. Kelly saw the twinkle in the blonde man's eyes, and the way Matt's bit the bottom of his lip and that was the only warning the squad lieutenant had before the other man darted up the staircase. Kelly found himself blinking after the blonde man, before he gave chase. 

Kelly knew that he didn't stand a chance of catching Matt as he threw himself up the stairs, nearly losing the grip on the bags in his hand as he took two steps at a time. Above him he could hear the thump of the door opening, as he bolted past the sign for the second floor. The heated atmosphere that had been brewing between them before they had gone to meet Andre was sizzling back to life inside of Kelly as he raced towards the third floor and towards their apartment. The door was already open and waiting for him as Kelly hurried down the corridor. Kelly couldn't help but remember the passionate kiss that they had shared earlier in the day after he had teased him with small touches as they drove until Matt was hardening underneath his hand. He wondered if this was revenge for the earlier teasing as he ran into his apartment. 

Matt must had been waiting for him to step inside, hiding in the small space behind the door. As soon as Kelly stepped over the threshold, he found himself being dragged into a firm and demanding kiss. Arms wrapped around his neck, and the groceries in his arms were immediately forgotten about as he let them fall to the floor; the blonde man on his lips was much more important than a loaf of bread and a bag of vegetables. He let his now empty hands slide down the length of Matt's sides, down past his hips until they grabbed the back of his thighs dragging him off the floor and silently urging him to wrap his long legs around his waist. He chased the taste of coffee and the sweetness of the ice cream that they had shared earlier on Matt's tongue, drowning himself in the other man. Kelly could feel Matt's hard cock through his jeans as he rutted against the silver haired man's stomach. 

Kelly could feel Matt's hands squeezing at the back of his neck as he clung to him, holding tightly as the silver haired man stepped backwards so that he was leaning against the open door. Supporting Matt with one arm, Kelly clumsily pushed the door to their apartment closed refusing to break contact with the blonde man's addictive kiss. The silky touch of a tongue teasing at his bottom lip begging for entrance was all the determination that Kelly needed to fumble with the lock flicking it back in place. His hand moved back to cup Matt's ass, squeezing the firm flesh as he pushed himself away from the front door. Kelly stepped haphazardly over the split bags, nearly falling as he stumbled over a few tins that had escaped from the grocery bags. 

He growled low in his throat as Matt giggled into the kiss; Kelly could feel his smile against his lips as he continued to walk them blindly towards the bedroom. He was so consumed by the man in his arms that he ended up walking into the stools and banging against the exposed edges of the framework wall that surrounded their room. In the back of his mind, Kelly contemplated just throwing the blonde man down on the couch and having his filthy way with him, or making him lean forwards against one of the wooden pillars as he fucked into him from behind. The bed was their destination however, and Kelly tipped them both onto the mattress. They broke away from their kiss, both men giggling as they bounced on the bed; their cheeks were already flushed, and Matt was panting underneath him as Kelly rolled them both over. "You're so fucking gorgeous." 

"Less of the compliments, and more of the fucking Kel. I need you. You promised me yesterday, and I'm done waiting." Matt begged, arching his hips up so that his cock pressed against the silver haired mans. The sight of Matt's lips parting to release a small moan, his eyes fluttering closed as he chased the sensation was the more sensual thing that Kelly had ever seen. He traced the flush on the man's cheeks, his fingers brushing down Matt's jaw before they settled on the pulse point in his neck feeling the fast thrum against his fingers. Kelly's cock was painfully hard in his jeans, pressing against the zipper; if it was possible it seemed to grow harder as Matt blinked up at him with his big blue eyes as he opened his legs letting Kelly fall in between his parted thighs. Matt's knees came up around Kelly's hips, his ankles hooking behind him as he tugged the other man closer towards his body. 

"Impatient," Kelly gasped not knowing if he was referring to Matt or himself in that moment as he let his hand slip away from the pulse point in Matt's neck. His fingers teased the top of the man's t-shirt before he left skin to touch fabric, his hands moving down Matt's chest pinching at a nipple through the cotton. Matt arched his back at the touch, his own hands clawing at Kelly's shoulders as a moan fell from his lips once again. Kelly closed the space between them swallowing the moan as Matt clung to him like Kelly was the anchor on a ship that was at threat of being lost at sea. The squad lieutenant willing allowed himself to be pulled down flush against the other man’s chest, relishing in the fact that he could feel the rapid beat of Matt's heart next to his own. 

He broke the kiss with a parting nip on Matt's bottom lip, before he hurriedly climbed off the man's relaxed and willing body. Kelly kicked off his shoes as he climbed from the bed, snatching at the lube and the open box of condoms that had been sitting just out of his reach on the bedside table. The mood was frantic, both eager to feel the heat of skin against skin, and to experience the euphoria that was only minutes away. Kelly found himself tripping over the shoes that he has just kicked off as he rushed to climb back onto the bed and cover Matt's body like a blanket. Kneeling between the man's spread thighs, Kelly admired the darkness of Matt's pupils as he trailed his hands along the waistband of his jeans. He would never get over seeing how wildly carefree Matt was when lust intoxicated him more than any drug ever could. "I love you," Kelly whispered, the words feeling lost amongst the moans and harsh breaths that filled the room. 

"I love you too Kel." Matt gasped as he smiled brightly. Kelly felt his heart bounce in his chest at the words as it always did, and he hoped that it would never change. He leaned down quickly brushing his lips against Matt's but refusing to take the bait as the blonde man tried to tug him closer once more. With a small chuckle against the blonde man's bright red lips, Kelly repeated his word from earlier. 

"Impatient."

Matt whined low in the back of his throat as Kelly pulled back once more to rest his weight on his heels. He looked down on the man like he was a starving man looking down at a decadent feast. Kelly moved slowly, reaching down to tug off Matt's shoes, throwing them on the floor to join his own before moving his hands back to the waistband of his jeans. The material was tight, stretching around the cock that was hard and demanding to be the centre of attention. Kelly knew what he was doing as he brushed his hand along Matt's cock before slowly opening the front of his jeans. He wanted to reach inside and grasp Matt's cock and jerk him off quickly so they could both get the release they so desperately craved, but Kelly resisted. He listed Matt's lower body so that his ass was sitting in his lap and his legs were in the air as he tugged the tight denim away. Matt's jeans and underwear found themselves being launched towards the floor as Kelly manoeuvred the blonde so that his legs were thrown over his shoulders, giving Kelly the perfect view of what he wanted. 

"Fuck Kel." Kelly raised a lone eyebrow as he made a show of grabbing the bottle of lube from beside him. He raised the bottle so that it was in full view of Matt as he drizzled the liquid over his fingers. The room filled with Matt's throaty moan as Kelly brushed his lubed fingers over Matt's hole once before thrusting a single digit inside. He felt Matt's hole squeezing around him as he pushed in past his knuckle, crooking his finger as he went to brush against the man's prostrate. The gasp of pleasure that fell from the man's lips was the only encouragement Kelly needed as he began thrusting the lone finger inside of him, slowly getting him used to the intrusion. He wanted nothing more than to roll a condom down his painfully hard cock and thrust his way inside. Instead Kelly slowly teased a second finger around Matt's puckered entrance, the touch teasing and leaving the blonde man begging for more. 

"So pretty." Kelly groaned as he thrust two fingers inside of the man, allowing him to adjust to the size before slowly scissoring him, preparing him for his cock. Matt's cock was leaking pre-cum, leaving a small puddle on his stomach; his cock smeared the mess across his t-shirt every time Kelly made the smallest adjustment in their position. Kelly's own cock was dampening his underwear as it throbbed at the sight in front of him. 

"So impatient, come on Kelly please. Fuck me now." Matt begged, his hand coming to rest on Kelly's ass, urging him forwards. The sight beneath him could have made Kelly come untouched; the sight of Matt's perfect pale skin and the soft blonde hair that adorned his legs contrasting against the dark denim of Kelly's jeans. Matt looked so exposed, dressed in nothing but a t-shirt which was damp and stained with pre-cum whilst Kelly was still fully dressed and fully in control. Matt bit his bottom lip, whimpering at the loss as Kelly eased his fingers from his hole momentarily clenching around nothing. 

Surging forwards, Kelly bent the blonde man in half as he leaned down to capture Matt's lips in his once more. With one hand he scrambled to undo his fly, rucking his jeans down his hips just enough to pull his throbbing cock free of the tight restraint. He blindly reached for the condom wrapped that he had abandoned on the bed earlier, his hands falling on nothing but sheets before finally he felt the crinkle of foil beneath his touch. It was muscle memory for him; he didn't even have to open his eyes or steal himself away from Matt's kiss to tear open the wrapped and roll the condom onto his cock. Kelly wished they had found the time to get tested, he wanted to feel Matt without the layer of protection between them, as he broke the kiss to lean back once again on his feels. Grabbing the bottle of lube, he applied a generous amount to his cock and offered one final teasing touch to Matt's hole before he reached down and began guiding himself inside of the other man. 

Just like their first time together it felt like ecstasy. Kelly found himself shaking with the restraint not to push himself inside in one thrust. Matt was clenching around him, his moans filling the air as Kelly stroked the tense muscles in the back of his thigh. The position they were in was stretching his legs as Kelly once again leaned forward to lick his way into Matt's mouth. Fingers came up to scratch blunt nails into the back of Kelly's neck as they fought to clutch at the short hair on the nape of his neck. The silver haired man paused as he finally pushed the last inch inside of the other man, the feeling of Matt's hole constricting around him holding him like a vice. 

Kelly stilled, savouring the feeling of being flush against the man he loved, looking down at where they joined the sight had him throbbing. The sighed of Matt's naked ass pressed so firmly against him whilst Kelly remained fully clothed was the hottest, more erotic thing that he had ever witness. With one final brush of un-coordinated lips, Kelly moved back onto his heels, keeping Matts legs firmly placed over his shoulders. He held onto the blonde man’s thighs as he eased himself partially out, before thrusting inside in one slow gradual movement. The scream of pleasure that fell from Matt's lips was like being sung to by angels; his eyes were fluttering closed with everyone of Kelly's small thrusts, the bright blue that was usually there was taken over by his wide pupils. 

Kelly wished he could spend every waking moment and every night in this bed with Matt, as the blonde man arched his back from the bed. Fingers clawed at Kelly's arms, before curling around his neck dragging their lips together once more. The silver haired man shuddered, his thrusts stalling as Matt bit at the bottom of his lip. Kelly pressed Matt back down against the bed, his lips trailing wet marks down his neck, pausing to suck a new mark into a space underneath his ear. Matt moaned loudly, his fingers trailing through Kelly's damp hair before teasing the neckline of his shirt. His shirt was sweat soaked and clung to his back as he started fucking back into Matt. 

The faster he thrust, the harsher his breaths became. Oxygen became a challenge, and Kelly could feel the ball of pleasure building in his stomach as Matt sucked in a breath of his own. "I'm so close Kel. Don't stop. Don't stop."

Kelly reached between their bodies, grasping Matt's weeping cock. Pre-cum was glistening at the tip, and smears were covering both Matt's t-shirt and his own. His ass cheeks and upper thighs were pink, the skin looking raw from the rough rub of denim on every thrust. He could feel Matt's cock pulsing in his hand as he worked him in time with his thrusts. Kelly knew that he wasn't going to last much longer, and his orgasm hit him like a tonne of bricks as Matt clenched around him as he came. Cum splashed against their covered chests and Kelly shuddered as he filled the condom. 

Kelly collapsed down into a heap next to Matt, the air around them stunk of sweat and cum as he brushed his lips against the blonde man's damp forehead. He nuzzles his nose against the blonde hair before resting his cheek against the blonde's crown, tugging him closer as he felt Matt's arms wrap around his waist. Matt was pressed against his side, the arm around his waist holding him tightly as he pressed his face into Kelly's neck. "Love you," Kelly whispered as he allowed them to have this moment. They needed to clean up, and finally get out of the clothes that they were still half-dressed in. 

They stayed curled together as if that was all that mattered in the reality before Matt finally was the one to break their sticky embrace. Kelly allowed himself to be tugged upright, and pulled from the bed, kicking his jeans free as he went. They left a trail of clothes on the route to the bathroom before Matt huddled them both inside the shower, hot water cascading down on their tired bodies. Even though he had just cum, his cock perked slightly in interest as Matt stepped in front of him, pressing his back against Kelly's chest as they embraced under the jets. Kelly wrapped his arms around the man's shoulders, using his slight height difference to hook his chin on the right shoulder, his cheek brushing against Matt's as he swayed their bodies to an imaginary slow dance. 

* * *

  
  


They ordered in food, eating it in bed after they swapped out their sweaty sheets for fresh linens. There evening was spent watching film as they curled in bed before sleep claimed them both. Kelly woke again, his breath catching in his chest as if the dream that woke him had been a nightmare. In his dreams, he and Matt were at a park alternating between pushing a little girl on the swing sets. The girl was a perfect blend of them both, with a wide smile and bright blue eyes that glittered as she giggled and honey blonde hair that shone in the daylight. Even as Kelly's eyes adjusted to the darkness of the room, he swore he could see the little girl when he closed his eyes. The dream spoke of the thoughts that had plagued him as he had watched Matt interacting with Louie and Scarlett the previous afternoon. 

Matt was lying with his back pressed against Kelly's chest, oblivious to the vision swirling through the other man's mind. Kelly pulled the blonde tighter against his chest, as his whisper broke the silence of the room. "Matt you awake?" He didn't want to speak too loudly, and if he didn't get a reply from the blonde man, Kelly would accept it and save the questions burning his mind until a more suitable hour. 

"I am, what's up?" Matt mumbled sleepily. Kelly watched as Matt rubbed the sleep from his eyes, before rolling out of their embrace so that he could turn to face the silver haired man. The moonlight illuminated Matt's face, painting his blonde hair silver, and making him appear to be glowing like the kind of stars that were impossible to see when in the city. He was breath-taking, and it added to the many reasons why Kelly called him gorgeous. 

"Sorry if I woke you." Kelly whispered, accepting the touch when Matt reached out to entwine their fingers in the space that they had created between them. "Is a family still something you want?"

He watched as a frown creased Matt's brow as he considered the words instantly replacing the soft twinkle that had been in his eyes a moment before. Kelly understood why, discussions at three in the morning were rarely moments for jokes. Matt sighed, contemplating his answer slowly, "I don't know to be honest. I loved looking after Louie, and for years I wanted to prove to myself that I would never be like my parents. But now I don't know if that's the right reason to have kids. Especially with our jobs." 

The picture of the little girl from his dreams flashed across his mind once more, but this time it didn't bring it the questions and the irrational fears that had forced him awake. The little girl was a picture of what their lives could be, and whilst he was happy with whatever he and Matt chose he wanted them to be on the same page. Kelly didn't want to be five years down the line and finding out that Matt wanted something which he did not. If Matt had said no, Kelly would have happily let that dream fade away. "I think I know what you mean. I've spent my whole life trying to be the exact opposite of Benny. I'm unfazed to be honest. I'd be happy with us having kids, and a townhouse up in old town, but I am also perfectly happy with it being just me and you."

"Okay," Matt yawned as he smiled. He leaned forwards to peck Kelly on the lips, a goodnight kiss like the one they had shared before they had turned off the lights that evening. Kelly wrapped his arms around the other man as Matt shuffled forwards, nudging his head so that it fit perfectly underneath Kelly's chin. 

* * *

Dawson's stellar attitude towards Matt only seemed to worsen as the shifts went by, enough so that some of the other firefighters had started to notice it also. Kelly had remained tight lipped, resisting all the attempts from the others in the house to drag him into the gossip circles. Even Stella had raised an eyebrow at the paramedic when she had watched her friend shoulder her way past Matt when the ambulance got called out one day. Matt seemed to accept the spite that she was directing at him, letting it brush off him even when she began making snide aimed comments when the rest of the house were chatting. The comments weren't overly obvious, but after the first few more and more people were beginning to pick up on the unpleasantness that she was directing at the truck lieutenant. 

Kelly had just grabbed a big sharing bag of chips, dropping down into a seat next to Matt in the common room when the bells rang out above their head. It had been a quiet shift, verging on silent so everyone was jumping to their feet even before their unit was called; the call for the battalion to be present told them all that their quiet shift was going to be a thing of the past. The house ran into action, everyone jogging out of their hiding spots to climb into their rigs. The night sky was cloudless with barely a breath of wind as they rolled out of the firehouse. Kelly's eyes stared at the number 81 on the back of truck's rig as they all turned their sirens on, clearing their path towards the call. The report of numerous calls to a fire in the warehouse district didn't sit well, and Kelly wound his window down as Tony drove sticking his head out slightly, Kelly tried to see if he could spot the fire from several blocks away. He wanted to find out if it was visible from a distance, hoping that the people reporting the fire were calling from far away. He tightened his jaw as he accepted that from five blocks out, he was still unable to see any flames, but the smell of fresh smoke filled his lungs as it carried through the city. The calls were going to be coming from around or inside the building. "You guys smell that? I think we got ourselves a working fire."

The sight that greeted him as the squad rig pulled up beside the burning warehouse confirmed his suspicions. Dozens of teenagers, and young adults were fleeing from the building soot stains covering their face and clothes and hands clutching at coughing mouths. His years of training and experience had him scanning the outside of the building, taking in the bright flames licking at the windows on the higher levels and the colour of the smoke before it faded against the dark sky overhead. There was going to be people who did not make it out of the fire alive, and there would be nothing that any firefighter would be able to do about that. They would have to save as many people as they could whilst they could. 

The kids report of it being a maze was the most accurate description as Kelly forced the door open and stepped inside. There were dividing walls and doorways that lead to nowhere and furniture stacked everywhere. The sound of more sirens arriving outside did nothing to change Kelly's earlier prediction. The fire was already laying claim to everything in its past and none of the dividing walls were doing anything to stop its path. It was a junkyard, and everything was succumbing to the flames. 

Capp had a line attached to him, mapping out what way they would need to follow to get back to the exit as they moved further and further into the maze. A lone cough was barely heard over the roar of the fire, but Kelly paused hesitating his next step as he concentrated trying to catch another noise. Someone was near, but the sound of flames eating away at everything was stopping him from trying to find exactly where this victim was. He didn't want to have the squad separate away from the rope line, fearing one of them not being able to find their way back if they got turned around amongst all the clutter and smoke. The second cough piped his hearing once more, and Kelly turned to face a bookshelf that was acting as a wall partition. "Cruz help me move this."

Between them they pushed the bookcase aside, books and ornaments falling to the floor as it was heaved away. On the other side the flames were licking their way around the space, rising up the other furniture and cladding that was being used to make it private. Two young men were curled up in the centre of the room, one covering the other with his own body to protect him. Without instruction Tony stepped forward lifting the man on top away; Kelly was amazed to see the man was able to be pulled upright and watched as he staggered next to Tony as they began working their way back down the line towards the exit. Kelly huddled the other man against his side; even through the smoke he could see the youth in his sooty face, and he doubted that either of them were over the age of twenty. 

His radio crackled with Boden's voice as he moved back along the line in between Tony and Cruz as Capp brought up the rear. "Squad 3 evacuate the building." Above them they heard the explosive sound of the fire as it mushroomed out of a vent in the roof, and Kelly knew that they were only minutes away from the fire fully taking hold of the building and destroying anything that dared to stay inside. Boden's voice came back, urgency in his tone as his shout carried through the radio, "Severide. Severide report!"

"On our way chief, bringing out two victims." Kelly replied. He could see the exit from down the corridor and the air felt like the ice as soon as he stepped outside. The streets were chaos with rigs and ambulances crowding the road, and there were so many people, so many kids that were huddles around the paramedics needing assistance. The worst sight was the two bodies already lined up on the pavement, and even as he handed over the two kids over to one of the ambulances Kelly watched as more bodies were brought over to be lined up in neat little rows. 

* * *

Kelly shivered under the hot spray of the firehouse showers, no one had wanted to leave when third watch came in to take over their shift that morning. Everyone wanted to stay in the house to support each other with what they had seen in that fire. It was the fire house comradery that they all had needed; it was better to be lost in your own thoughts together in the house rather than at home alone where a bottle could be an easy companion. Kelly was haunted by the sight of what he had seen as he closed his eyes to face the shower head; after he had found Lexi Olinsky with Boden, he had stood to the side and watched as the night gave way to the fawn, and the engine teams fought the flames into submission. He watched as more bodies were brought out of the building from overhaul and joined the line on a tarp that had been laid out on the concrete. So many kids who had their whole life ahead of them and all because of one arsonist.

It felt morbid to be stood in the shower in the same bathroom where Kimball, the building owner, took his own life, but Kelly wanted to get the last of the smoke of his skin before he went home. He didn't know where Matt was, he hadn't seen the blonde man in the common room with the rest of the guys, nor was he hiding in his office. Kelly wondered if he had gone back home already, or if he was sat somewhere reliving and comprehending all the things that he had seen over the last twenty-four hours. 

The shower curtain twitched, the hooks rattling on the rail as it was pulled back. Kelly barely had time to turn around and snap at whoever was on the other side before Matt stepped inside and pushed himself under the hot spray. His arms circled Kelly's waist, and his head fell to rest against Kelly's shoulder. The water slid down their naked bodies, and despite their closeness there was nothing sexual about their touch as Kelly ran his hands down Matt's side before stopping at the small of his back. They were playing with risk but neither of them cared. The touch eased the pain of the day, soothing at the sharp edges of the memory which would be never erased. 

"Just let me forget," Kelly whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :D Enjoy! As per usual there was so much I was going to include in this chapter but I felt like it needed a break cause otherwise there is going to be two big incidences in one chapter. Annoyingly that has made me rethink how the next chapter is going to go as what I had planned was meant to be from Kelly's perspective. 
> 
> Holy fuck I didn't realise how long that sex scene was till I went to separate the chapter for break-lines. It was initially going to be two sex scenes in this chapter, with Matt asking Kelly to just make him forget, and Kelly just slowly loving on him. Instead I've chosen to keep it sweet, with them both holding each other and being there for the other one. 
> 
> I am so sorry it took a month to update, I blame that entirely on laziness and trying to force an update on Oh Sid. Just to put it into perspective I wrote 4000 words of this chapter today alone. I blame the sex scene also, I find them really difficult to write.
> 
> Anyways I hope you enjoy this, and let me know what you think :D


	13. Chapter 13

Matt winced at the prick of the needle as it entered his arm, withdrawing enough blood to fill a vial. He hated needless, and he resisted the urge to huff every time he heard someone say to him 'sharp scratch'. Kelly had pulled them from their bed early that morning, ignoring all of Matt's protests as he marched them through their morning routines. The large travel mug of coffee being pushed into his hands was the only thing that halted his complaints at being pushed out the front door before his alarm even had a chance to ring. He had pouted against the rim of the mug, his hands curled protectively around it as Kelly drove them towards the doctor’s surgery. 

The nurse led them through to the small room, sitting them next to each other as she took their blood samples required for the STD check-up. No amount of coffee was worth the nurses second attempt to get blood from his veins when the first attempt didn't provide enough to fill the small vial. Matt scowled as the second needle was inserted into his other arm with another lie about sharp scratches, and he tried to ignore the snickers coming from the silver haired man sat next to him on the examination bed. 

"Okay boys, all done. You should expect the results to be with you in approximately two weeks." The nurse smiled far to brightly for this early in the morning, and after she had just attacked them with needles, Matt decided. His scowl remained etched on his face as they walked out of the clinic, even when Kelly's hands came down to settle on the small of his back. 

"Don't worry gorgeous, I promise no more nasty needles will come near you today." Kelly teased, leaning into his space so that his breath felt like it was burning the skin near his ear. Matt didn't know if he could wait the two weeks to get their results; two weeks until he would be able to feel Kelly moving inside of him with no layers separating them. He wondered what it would feel like to have Kelly coming inside of him, whether it would make their sex even more intense than it already was. Matt flushed as he could feel his body reacting to his lustful thoughts, and as he climbed back into the car, he felt Kelly's eyes on him as he reached down to adjust himself. 

"I can't wait to get the results." Matt admitted, his cheeks tinging pink with embarrassment. He allowed himself to be freely moved as Kelly reached forwards, twisting his fist into the front of Matt's jacket, pulling him across the small space in the car so that their lips could crash together. He felt the other man's excitement in the kiss, in the demanding way that Kelly kissed him and in the way that the kiss was in no way suitable for a public space. Kelly kissed him like it was a prelude to what was going to happen as soon as they returned home from shift, and Matt knew that he would now spend the next twenty four hours hungry for the kisses that would follow. 

"You can't kiss me like that when I'm not allowed to touch you again until tomorrow," Matt whispered against the squad lieutenants’ lips as they broke apart, both men gasping for breath. Their shift wasn't due to start for a little while, but they didn't have the time to head home and start something, and if they continued Matt would be horny for the rest of the day. Kelly's responding laughter filled the cab of the car, as he pulled away from the sidewalk. 

* * *

Matt missed the feeling of Kelly's hand in his as they stepped into the firehouse. Due to their early start, Kelly had driven them to a small diner where they had joked and smiled over huge plates of pancakes and bacon. Their hands kept sliding across the small table throughout the meal, their fingers entwining for fleeting moments before they returned to cups of coffee and knives and forks. Matt had never felt the burning need to be overly touchy with his partners, but it was different with Kelly. Kelly was a drug which he never felt like he could get enough of. 

As they walked into the house, first shift nodded their heads in greeting, their shoulders heavy with fatigue as they passed on their way out, leaving Matt to wonder if their shift was going to be as draining as what theirs must have been like. Slow shifts were exactly that slow, and all the firefighters at the house didn't bode well with boredom; even Mouch could only put up with so much tv in one day. The other side of the spectrum was the shifts that they would always describe as being 'one of them days'. They were the shifts where you were lucky to even step foot back into the house before the bells rang out again. Just from the bags under eyes, and the way that first shift carried themselves as they walked out, Matt could tell it had been one of them days for them. 

The house smelt of fried breakfast, and Matt found his stomach turning at the thought of any more food. The smell only grew stronger as they walked past the kitchen, their shoulders brushing with every touch. A quick glance told Matt that it was one of the guys on 51 who was the designated chef for the day, which would have settled Matt on any other day. Cooking was not a lot of the guys forte, and Matt had long since developed a heavy stomach after suffering through Capp's cooking over the years. Some of first shift were mingling, grabbing breakfast before they headed home for their rest days. 

Matt shivered as he felt the ghost of Kelly's hand slid across the small of his back as they bypassed the kitchen and stepped into the locker room, the touch barely lasting a moment before it vanished. Herrmann's voice carried over the lockers warning them both that they were not alone as they turned the corner. "Morning Casey, I'd wait till after breakfast to look at the rig if I were you." Herrmann greeted, nodding his head towards the lieutenants. Matt groaned low in the back of his throat as he worked the padlock free on his locker. Throwing his bag inside, Matt turned to catch the knowing smirk on Kelly's face and the resigned look on Herrmann's. 

"I'll go see the mess," Matt sighed.

Matt huffed as he stared at the state of the rig’s compartments, eyeing the mess that had been left there since he had gone home two days before. He would never understand how something could be left in perfect order only for it to be in total disarray as soon as he walked in on his next shift. Years ago he had even tried to get the other shifts to understand how everything went back, going so far as to laminate a photo of how the compartments were meant to look when organised, and sticking it to the interior door. His attempts at organisation did not get achieved, and Matt had accepted that it was part of his daily routines on shift to reorganise things before the first call out. 

He heaved a bag of rock salt into his arms, ready to repack it as to how it was meant to go when he saw Kidd walking onto the apparatus floor from the corner of his eyes. Kidd was a good firefighter, with her head and her heart in the right place, and Matt had trusted her as soon as she joined the house. Even with her previous relationship with Kelly, he had felt no twinge of jealousy at how close the two still were, knowing that Kelly loved him so completely had allowed Matt to not let his friendship with Kidd be affected. That didn't mean that Matt wasn't going to drag her into helping clean up first shift's mess though.

"Hey Kidd, got a job for you when you're done. I need a full inventory of the rig. First watch made a mess of it." Matt huffed as he passed over the bag of salt, gesturing with his hands as he rolled his eyes at their predicament. Kidd nodded in agreement, immediately moving to work with a sigh of her own; the entire team knew how infuriating it was to go to grab a tool and find it not put back in the right place. Matt closed the compartment doors, ready to move onto the next area when the distinct sound of gunshots filled the air, leaving them bathed in silence. His eyes shot to the open doors, darting quickly around the visible parts of the neighbour trying to figure out just where the sounds had come from. They were close, very close, but he couldn't see anyone in sight. 

"Is that what I think it was?" Kidd asked the worry evident in her voice. 

"Shut the doors," Matt replied, grabbing at his radio to report to dispatch. They were a quiet neighbourhood; gang violence wasn't as prominent on their streets; and Matt could honestly say he didn't know the last time there had been gunshots heard near them. He watched as Kidd slammed her hand against the button which would close the doors to the apparatus floor, the metal doors slowly sliding down.

"Casey!" Kidd shouted, her eyes staring at figures running towards the house. Matt felt his stomach drop, fear racing through his blood and pounding at his chest as he watched helplessly as four men ran towards the house. He could see the glint of guns, and bright red blood staining shirts and hands. The shutter doors were still half open, and even as they inched closer and closer to the floor, there was no way that they would close before the four men reached them. 

"Go get Boden," Matt shouted at Kidd, desperately trying to get her out of the way before the men reached them. It was his first duty to make sure that every one of his crew was safe, as he pushed Kidd behind him. The four men were running towards them, and the shutters weren't even three quarters closed before they stood in the doorway to the apparatus floor. Matt froze, his arms raised in the air as the first gun got aimed at him, followed by the second, third and the fourth as five men in total stormed their way into the house. 

"You move, I'll drop you where you stand!" One of the men snapped, making Matt's blood ran cold as he stared down the barrel of four separate guns. He could see the glint in one of the men's eyes, and there was no denying that there was a level of craziness behind his eyes. One of the others was shaking slightly as he held the gun, and the one who had spoken was deadly calm as he snapped again, "Hand that over!"

The radio was snatched from Matt's hands, his arms returning to the air as he chanced a glance over his shoulder, seeing that Kidd was mirroring his position. He didn't know which of the four gun wielders he needed to be worried off most; the crazy one looked like he was itching to let his finger twitch the trigger, but the one that was shaking was actually the one that worried Matt. He was the one who was going to be most likely to shoot, undoubtedly from a mis-timed shudder. Matt had been trained for moments like these, but it was not an encounter that he rarely had. He was trained to talk people down off ledges, but it was a different story to talk someone down from pulling the trigger at another being. 

"What else do you need," Matt asked in a voice that he hoped was calm. He didn't like the way that this was going, and Matt mind went to the people in the house who were unaware of what was going on. It was more than just firefighter in the building, they had the civilian employees as well and they weren't trained for this. 

"I need you to shut the fuck up for a minute." Matt resisted the urge to flinch at the snapped response, his eyes following the movement of the gun as it was extended towards him. He watched the men staring out the window of the closed shutters, tracking the car that was creeping down the road outside. Matt knew the type of people who favoured that style of car, and he had seen car's like that creep down streets before; he knew the kind of person who would be behind the wheel. The house had just been dragged into the middle of gang violence, and Matt feared what the outcome for the day was going to be. The fifth man of the group was deposited next to the rig, collapsing against it as he clutched at his bloody stomach. 

"Let me just get my radio," Matt continued as he nodded his head towards the injured man. 

"I ain't gonna tell you again," The man who Matt decided must be the leader shouted, three guns being pushed closer towards him. Matt hung his head for a moment as a show of understanding that he was not the one in control of the situation. He knew that if he challenged the guy again, he was risking meeting one of the bullets that were loaded into the chambers. "C'mon we're going inside. Move!" Matt found himself being hurried into the house, the one with the crazy eyes pointing his gun at the back of his head as he was pushed towards the doors. 

* * *

Matt felt his heart raising in his chest as the leader pressed his gun to the underside of both Herrmann and Boden's jaw when both men spoke out. His heart was in his throat as his eyes scanned for Kelly as all the firefighters stepped out the common room, and panic coursed through him when he saw Kelly was not amongst them. He had left the other man in the locker room when he had gone to examine how badly disorganised the rig was, and he hadn't seen him since. Neither truck or squad had been called out yet, so Matt could only assume Kelly was squirrelled away in his office and hadn't yet heard the commotion. He felt panicked for the man, wondering what would happen when one of the men saw him. Would they point the gun at Kelly, would they react badly to Kelly's snappy attitude? He couldn't even send a message to him; his phone being snatched away with everyone else's; the photo of them both standing at the World Trade Centre flashing across his screen before it was pushed into one of the invaders pockets. 

The sounds in the common room filled Matt's ears, the scuff of crazy eyes shoes on the floor as he paced back and forth, the sound of hands being rubbed together nervously and the quiet sobs coming from one of the civilian members of staff. Boden was stood at the front of the common room, watching as the leader stalked back and forth like a wild animal. Matt hadn't seen or heard Kelly yet, and he hadn't heard any of the invaders shout out about another hostage; it made him feel even more on edge as he wondered where the other man had disappeared too. He wondered if he missed him going off somewhere with Ambulance 61 when they went out on the call, but there would have been no reason for him to go with them. Gabby and Brett would be returning soon, and the last thing he wanted was two more hostages for these guys to point guns at. 

The sound of the shutters opening and the resulting screams of confusion from the leader had Matt jumping from his chair and racing after the gang member as he moved out onto the apparatus floor. His thoughts were on Kelly, wondering if it was the other man who had caused the shutters to be opened. Maybe he hadn't been in the house after all, maybe he had gone on a run to the store for something; maybe he was returning now and was going to be met with angry gang-members all wielding loaded guns. He didn't think as he pushed crazy eyes hard in the back as he sprinted out of the common room. He hear footsteps behind him, but they were clouded by the blood pounding in his ears as he rushed to the opening doors, his heart sinking at the ambulance waiting on the drive. He waved his arms frantically silently telling them to get out of here as he slammed his hand against the button to close the doors once again. 

Matt didn't even get a chance to hear the sound of the gun being fired before he felt the explosion of pain in his shoulder and the splash of blood against his cheek as he crumpled to the floor. He saw the ambulance reversing just as the bay doors rolled closed once more. The sound of the gunshot caught up to him as he gasped in pain on the floor, clutching at his wound. Behind him he could hear a scuffle, but the shock of pain had him pinned to the floor as he struggled to regain his breath. Matt yelped in pain as he scrambled and managed to roll himself over so that he was facing the opposite way, his heart stopping when he saw Kelly sat on crazy eyes chest and one of the other guys holding his gun against the back of his head. He couldn't move, and he couldn't find his voice as he watched crazy eyes crawl out from beneath Kelly, and begin kicking him until he was the one laying on the floor. 

"Matt," Kelly whimpered, his hand reaching out to him from across the apparatus floor. 

"Kel," Mat gasped. He wanted to reach towards him, and pretend that there wasn't ten feet between them both on the cold concrete, but he could feel his fingers growing tacky as they clutched at his wound, blood creeping through the gaps and soaking at his shirt. It was a through and through, and Matt gasped in pain as he flexed the fingers of his injured arm. He could see the fear in the silver haired man's eyes even from the distance, and Matt knew that they were a mirror of his own. Sirens were screaming towards them outside, creating a chorus as they all merged together. The flashing blues could be seen through the windows, reflecting into the house casting the walls in colour. 

A scream of pain ripped from Matt's throat as crazy eyes curled his hand into the back of his shirt, dragging him up from the ground. Matt struggled against the hold, his feet scrambling against the floor as he was shoved forwards. His eyes were watering, and his knees threatened to give out from underneath him as crazy pushed his gun against the hand covering his wound. The pain was excruciating, and Matt wished he could have lived without knowing what it was like to be shot. Through tears he could see Kelly walking in front of him with one of the other gang-members pressing their gun to the middle of his back. 

His breath shuddered in his chest as they were pulled to a stop in front of Boden and the leader. Matt wanted to turn and make sure that Kelly was okay; he wanted to check the other man and make sure that he hadn't been injured in the scuffle that had occurred between him and the gang-members. He forced himself to lie about the pain, and play down the damage to his shoulder in hope that it would allow him to go back into the common room and stay by Kelly's side. He wanted to fight and say that he was fine and refuse treatment, but he didn't have the strength to try and shake off the hold that crazy eyes still had on the back of his shirt. Matt could feel the blood running down his arm, and staining his shirt sleeve in a bright red blotch that was stretching down past his elbow. 

Matt was forced towards the bunk room, the sound of one of the gang-members warning Kelly to stop struggling was the last thing he heard before he was pushed around the corner. The hand on his shirt was gone as soon as he was pushed into the bunk room, and without it Matt found his knees giving out beneath him. He collapsed onto the foot of one of the bunk beds, unable to brace himself for the soft landing with his hand, he used his elbow to push himself upright. The sound of Kidd's voice filled his ears, but the pain spreading through his shoulder and down his arm and chest had him squeezing his eyes closed as he took a shuddering inhale of breath.

His eyes were squeezed so tightly closed as he listened to the argument that was going on over the top of his head between the gang members and Kidd regarding his injury. Crazy didn't want Kidd to treat him, wanted her sole attention on the friend that was fading before their eyes on the other bunk. "I'll wrap it myself," Matt bit back, ignoring the sarcastic comment that crazy eyes snarked at him. It would do him no good, it wouldn't alleviate any of the pain but Matt just hoped that if he could tape it tight enough he could make a bandage hold the same pressure against the wound as his hand was doing. He wasn't at risk of bleeding out, but he knew that the wound wasn't going to start to clot any time soon. 

* * *

Matt found himself useless, able to do nothing more than concentrate on squeezing the big valve mask on the member of the gang who had been brought into the house shot. He focused on squeezing the bag, using it as a distraction from the pain that was radiating from his shoulder. He powered through the pain even as Kidd was pushed away by crazy eyes, and Otis came in to perform the procedure for the tension pneumothorax. He found himself struggling to concentrate on anything other than the pain, his head only lifting up when he heard the commotion from outside. Through the glass door he glimpsed Kidd running down the corridor, drawing the attention of the gang-member waiting in the bunk room with him and Otis. A rush of armed police officers stormed the corridor, guns raised and pointing at the gang member as soon as he opened the door to the bunk room. Pushing himself up from the bunk, Matt watched as the gang member dropped to his knees in surrender; the sight had Matt letting out a breath that he hadn't realised had been caught in his chest.

Otis was out of the room, running to join the others back in the common room now that they were no longer being kept separate. Matt made to join him, but found himself falling back down onto the bunk as he tried to stand. The door to the bunk room swung open again, Kelly pushing his way inside with the same ferocity as he would if the room were on fire. Matt barely had time to try to stumble to his feet before he found Kelly hovering in front of him. "Matt, how bad is it?" Kelly asked, his hand coming to rest on Matt's cheek, swiping over the blood that had dried against his jaw. 

"I'm okay. I'm so glad you’re okay Kel, where were you?" Matt whispered, leaning his cheek into the silver haired man's touch. He relaxed underneath Kelly's touch, temporarily forgetting about the pain as he melted in the knowledge that Kelly was safe and with him. 

"I was in the shower, Capp accidently chucked maple syrup on me, don't ask how he managed it, but he did. Fuck Matt I'm so sorry I should have been faster. I should have run faster, should have pulled his arm further so that the bullet didn't hit you. You had me so fucking scared," Kelly rushed, his other hand coming up to stroke Matt's hair, his fingers sliding through the soft strands. Matt wanted to reassure Kelly, tell him that none of this was his fault, he wanted to wrap himself up in the other man's embrace and bring back the jokey flirting that they had shared over breakfast. Before he could reach out with his good arm to pull the squad lieutenant closer, the sound of another gunshot echoed through the house. Matt hoped that it was the police that fired and not one of the gang members.

"Come on, let’s get you checked out. I need to hear from every doctor that you are okay." Kelly whispered, and Matt felt his heart lurch at the wet eyes that were staring back at him. He didn't care that they were at work, with the entire house unaware of their relationship and he didn't care that there were probably hundreds of police officers parked outside the bay doors. He curled his good around the back of Kelly's neck, tugging him forwards into a kiss that they both needed. They needed to know that the other was safe and there in that moment. The kiss was short and sweet, just a brush of lips that barely lasted a few seconds before they pulled apart. 

Footsteps echoed in the hall, hard and heavy before the door to the bunk room opened again leaving both men to jump in surprise. Four police officers still dressed in bullet proof vests entered the room followed by two paramedics pushing in a gurney, nodding their heads at the two firefighters before they stepped forwards towards the bunk and the injured gang-member. They were obviously already instructed as to what they had to do as they moved in formation towards the backboard that had already been shifted underneath the man. Matt watched as the police officers shifted the backboard onto the gurney before the paramedics moved in and began inspecting the work that Kidd and Otis had done treating the victim. One of the paramedics glanced over at the blood stain on Matt's shoulder and stepped forwards as if moving to inspect his injury, but was stopped when Matt shook his head at the silent offer. The man on the gurney was in a much worse state than Matt, and he needed the treatment more. His shoulder was screaming in agony, but he was at least conscious and aware of his surroundings. 

He could feel Kelly's eyes watching the exchange, and he didn't need to look up to see the frown that he knew would be marring his brow. "I'm at the bottom of the triage level," Matt reminded, his statement ruined by the wince of pain that flashed across his face as his wound throbbed. His hand came back up to his shoulder, covering the bandage that he put in place. Matt tried desperately to hold in the hiss as his wound screamed in agony at the touch; he could feel it throbbing beneath his palm and he tried not to look concerned as he realised that the blood had seeped through the thick covering. Matt kept his hand firmly in place against his shoulder, hoping that it would disguise the fresh blood that was starting to stain through his clothes once more. Kelly led him back through the firehouse, a hand staying on his back as they walked the empty corridors back to the apparatus floor. Police officers were filling the space, taking statements from their crew and from the civilian employees, and Matt was too distracted by his injury to realise that the hand on the small of his back had disappeared. 

Gabby rushed over to them, one of her hands coming up to cup Matt's cheek, just like how Kelly had done only moments before. Unlike with Kelly's touch, Matt leaned away for the touch, his stomach turning at the feel of the wrong kind of hand against his skin. He frowned, confusion sweeping through his mind; Gabby had been nothing short of vicious towards him for weeks. Snide comments, barging past him with brushes of shoulders, glaring at him whenever he so much as opened his mouth in the common room, and now here she was touching him like they were still a couple. "God Matt, when I saw that gun go off, I thought the worst. Don't you scare me like that baby." Gabby whispered, seemingly obvious to Matt's discomfort as she stroked his cheek. 

Matt focused on the angry huff coming from the silver haired man next to him, as he tried to step backwards out of the paramedic's touch. "Come on let’s get you to the hospital." Gabby continued. Matt could see Brett climbing into the back of the ambulance with one of the gang members, a policeman joining her inside. The blonde man's frown only deepened as he tried to compute all the protocols that Gabby was suggesting breaking in that exact moment. They were unable to have any injured party in the front of the ambulance cab, and regardless of it being another member of the CFD they were forbidden to have anyone other than the paramedics travel with a suspect when in the custody of the police. Matt felt his stomach twist as Gabby placed her hands on his chest, taking on the act of a worried girlfriend. "We'll get you home and I'll care of you baby."

"I'll take him." Kelly snapped. "You have a patient in custody who needs treatment, you shouldn't leave him waiting." 

Gabby's expression shifted in seconds as she levelled a glare at Kelly. Matt used the moment to his advantage, taking a further step back out of her reach. "I'll wait for another ambulance, or we'll borrow Boden's truck." 

For a moment, Matt was sure Gabby was about to refuse, and was about to demand for him to join them in the ambulance, but her glare was turned on him before she spun on the spot and stamped away. He knew that this was not going to be the end of the story, and he knew better than to assume that Gabby was going to give up without a fight. The sound of the ambulance sirens blaring to life told him that Gabby had joined Brett and listened to Kelly. He felt a mixture of emotions swell, pain, confusion, anger mixing together to form a volatile combination that had Matt wanted to scream at the world. Gabby acting so kind to him had infuriated him when she had done nothing but sneer at him for weeks. He couldn't understand how she could come back at him calling him baby and touching him the way only a lover should. He could feel Kelly's rage coming off him in waves, and Matt wanted nothing more than to reach out and touch the silver haired man, confirm what they both knew and they he was the only person Matt wanted. 

Matt shivered as he felt Kelly reach across the space between them, a finger stroking against his side in a feather light touch that disappeared just as quickly as it stared. They could see Boden approaching them now that the ambulance had left the scene, and the injured gang-members mother was being escorted by the police down to the hospital to be with her son. He could tell from the firm set of the man’s brow that he must have witnessed or heard part of the exchange with Gabby, as he stopped in front of them with his arms crossed over his chest. A deep sigh puffed out the man's chest as he turned his stare onto Matt, and in that look the blonde man could see Boden slowly piecing together the corners of a mental jigsaw puzzle, "Is there anything I need to made aware of?"

"No chief," Matt mumbled, sheepishly readjusting the grip he had on his shoulder. The movement hade him gritting his teeth at the flash of pain and exposed a small section of the bandage just visible beneath the collar of his shirt. What had been white was now bright red from where the blood had soaked through the thick padding. He winced as Boden hummed low in his throat, knowing the sound well enough to know that it meant the chief didn't quite believe his words.

"Get him to med. The house is going to be out of service until the police complete their primary investigation." Boden stated, his eyes flickering between the two lieutenants. Matt felt like his heart was on his sleeve and that his love for Kelly was being laid bare in front of him just from the sharp gaze of the older man. If Boden wanted to say something, or dispute that there was something that they weren't telling him, he chose not to push for further information in that moment, merely tipping his head wordlessly towards his truck.

* * *

"I don't know why they're making me stay off for two weeks." Matt pouted from the middle of their bed, a giant fluffy pillow at his back and a blanket thrown over the top of their duvet. Kelly was hovering at the base of the bed, sorting through all their washing for that week, refusing to let Matt help in organising it and folding it. 

"Because you got shot, gorgeous." Kelly reminded him teasingly, as if Matt could forget the dull pulsing ache that had come to replace the excruciating pain. Twenty stitches, a sheet of rehab exercises that he would need to start doing in a few days’ time, a sling and a prescription sheet was what Matt had left the hospital with the day before. The shot was spectacularly clean, managing to cause very little internal damage, and Matt had quickly grown bored of every nurse and doctor coming in and telling him how lucky he was. Lucky didn't change the fact that he had been shot and that it was the worst pain he had felt. 

Matt rubbed at his tired eyes with his good arm, the other held to his chest with the sling with a cushion resting beneath his elbow offering him further support. He couldn't believe that it had been over twenty-four hours since he was shot; it felt like longer. Boden had sent them both home from shift after Kelly had checked in with the chief whilst at the hospital. Matt didn't know what the silver haired man had said, but he came back into the room with a small sigh and a smile that appeared plastered on. They had gone home, but neither of them had been able to find sleep that night. Matt was tense, the pain still creeping through his body even when numbed with pain medication, whilst Kelly kept looking at him as if he were about to disappear right in front of his eyes. 

They had stayed awake, eyes wide and alert even as the hours passed by and led them into the witching hours of the night. The sky was black, and the bedroom was dark, and Matt was lying on the wrong side of the bed when Kelly finally whispered and broke the silence. "I'm so sorry. I should have been fasted. Should have ran faster."

"Kel." Matt tried to begin, but he found himself getting cut off before he could continue further. 

"No I should have moved faster, if I had moved faster, I could have grabbed him before he could raise the gun." Kelly continued, reaching out to stroke his hand along Matt's jaw, his fingers trailing down his neck to rest on his pulse point. They had both fallen into fitful sleep after that, and in the morning, Matt had found himself being bullied to remain in bed. 

By the end of the first day, Matt was already fed up with being stuck in bed even though he had ended up sleeping for the vast majority of the day. He didn't even realise he had fallen asleep until he awoke to find the midday sun had faded to the orange glow of dusk outside. The tolls of the previous day caught up to him crashing into him like a wave and Matt found himself defenceless against the exhaustion. In his moment of wake, Matt pouted and frowned as Kelly pottered around him like a mother hen. He found himself being forced to eat, and take his medication on time, but Matt couldn't complain because he saw the love shining through Kelly's eyes and the sadness that filled them whenever Matt so much as winced. 

Matt wanted to complain and point out that he was shot in the shoulder, and not the knee, and that he was capable of getting out the bed and fetching a drink for himself, but he stopped himself. He wasn't used to being looked after like this, and he didn't like not having his own independence, but he also could accept that he needed some of the help that Kelly was showering upon him. If he had been alone, he would have struggled to unscrew the stupid cap on his pain medications, and he wouldn't have had the energy to cook a proper meal like Kelly had. He would have had to accept having greasy hair instead of being led slowly into the bathroom where one of their kitchen stools was waiting in the shower cubicle. Matt had found himself being perched on the chair, and a thick towel being draped over his injured shoulder so as to keep the bandage and the stitches underneath as dry as possible whilst Kelly aimed the shower hose so that it didn't spray onto the area. Matt had moaned at the feeling of hands in his hair cleaning away the grime in a slow massage before hands moved a soap cloth down his skin. It wasn't about sex, but Matt could feel the love in every single one of Kelly's touch as he carefully cleaned him

* * *

Matt was feeling better in himself on the morning of the next shift, the pain in his shoulder now growing less with every day as the pain meds continued to work and the stitches started to force the wound closed. The excruciating pain had morphed into an intolerable itch as the healing process continued and fresh skin and scabs joined the stitches in keeping the wound closed, turning it into a pink scar. The bandage had been reapplied before Kelly had disappeared into the shower, not because it was still bleeding but to act as an additional layer to stop Matt from itching at the stitches. The sling had been abandoned onto the nightstand as Matt began to work through the list of rehab exercises outlined on the piece of paper that the hospital had provided. It told him that he was allowed to start using his arm and hand again as long as the pain was bearable, and he wasn't lifting heavy objects. Matt had taken this as permission to greet Kelly as he came out of the shower with two steaming cups of freshly brewed coffee. The weight of the cup caused the muscles in his shoulder and arm to ache, but it was a good ache as opposed to a breath-taking one. He had been rewarded with a kiss on the lips that once more begged for things to come, as Kelly whispered against his panting lips, "Stay out of trouble gorgeous."

The apartment felt too quiet without Kelly around, and the twenty-four hours seemed to drag. There was nothing for Matt to do other than sleep, watch tv or read. The housework had been completed, and Kelly had left him with a bunch of food that he could simply reheat for lunch and dinner. For the first time, Matt regretted quitting being an alderman. It had been a though that had been niggling at the back of his mind pretty much from day one, but it had only been in the last few months where he realised just how much he hated the bullshit politics. He had handed his resignation in the first few weeks after he had ended things with Gabby, realising as if the curtains had been opened that he was not meant for the politics and that the role of alderman would be better suited to someone who had the time and the ear of the community. Kelly had supported his decision, listening intently as Matt reasoned with himself as to why he should stop and countering his soliloquy with all the reasons as to why he should remain in the role. Kelly hadn't tried to talk him into an option, just offering a silent ear as Matt argued with himself until he finally reached his decision. Now for the first time he wished he could bring back the endless mountain of Alderman paperwork, just to give himself something to do. 

Matt subjects himself to the daytime tv, followed by working his way through Kelly's Netflix queue when even watching family’s squabble in front of a live studio audience grew too tiresome. The thought of two weeks, and four more shift patterns of this was enough to make him cry with boredom. He managed to peel himself off the couch to reheat some of the food that Kelly had made for him before he move back to curl up underneath the throw blanket. Kelly had been texting him throughout the day, sending him stupid pictures of the guys, and bitching about Otis's cooking as well as checking in on him.

> I'm so bored - M

> I miss you. Honestly, your text couldn't have been better timed. X - K

> Oh? x - M

Before Matt could even frown at Kelly's message, his phone buzzed in his hand and Kelly's name filled the screen with an incoming call. 

"Hello?"

"Hi gorgeous. Sorry it was easier to call you, I'm so fucking annoyed." Kelly grumbled into the phone, causing Matt to sit up and frown at the blatant anger and frustration in the other man's voice. Matt knew him so well; he could picture the scowl that he knew would be filling his face.

"What's wrong?" Matt asked, as he pushed himself back up into a seated position, the blanket falling to his lap as he shuffled to get comfortable. He could hear Kelly's breathing through the line, and he could hear the thud of boots on the lino floor. He figured the silver haired man had probably holed himself up in his office, slammed the door closed and was just marching back and forth as he let his anger vent out of him.

"Fucking Dawson. She just came up to me, demanding to know how you were and shouting that you needed to be at home, and she needed to be looking after you. Fuck Matt all I wanted to do was shout back at her and remind her that you two broke up." Kelly huffed on the other side of the line. 

"Ignore her Kel. I'm right where I need to be, I love you." Matt said softly, gently rolling his injured shoulder as he spoke. 

"I love you too. Sorry she just got under my skin. The fucking nerve though! She'd been a right bitch for weeks and now this." Kelly continued, his voice growing louder as he continued ranting his frustration. Matt could understand where Kelly was coming from; Gabby had messaged him several times since the accident, none of which he replied too. He had shown Kelly every single message, and each one followed the same style asking if he was okay and saying that it scared her seeing him get shot. 

"Don't think about her. Think about me." Matt continued. 

"All the time Matt. I think about you all the time." Kelly whispered, the tension leaving his voice replacing with the soft tone that sent a shiver running down Matt's spine. The soft tone didn't fully rid the tension that had been in the silver haired man’s voice, and Matt knew that Kelly was still pissed off by whatever Gabby must have said to him. "I'm gonna grab some shut eye, hopefully the bells won't go off "

"Stay safe Kel, I love you."

"I will, see you in the morning gorgeous. I love you too." Matt kept his phone against his ear as he listened to the call cut off, thinking of everything he wished he could do to get rid of the sadness in his lover’s voice. He wanted to wrap Kelly up in the throw blanket and just have them curled up in front of the fireplace pretending that the outside world didn't exist. 

* * *

Matt was flushed when he heard the door open, quickly tugging his borrowed shirt down low as he walked out of the bedroom. The idea had come to him as he lied in the middle of the bed last night; it had felt stranger to be alone, already so used to feeling Kelly curled up behind him as he fell asleep. Without having Kelly holding him tight, Matt had struggled to get comfortable as sleep continued to evade him. He thought of Kelly lying in his tiny bunk in his lieutenant’s quarters, and wondered if he was tossing and turning also. Matt found his thoughts wondering; he remembered the heat in Kelly's eyes as he talked about one of his fantasies, and the thrill that had ran down his own spine. 

Matt could feel the blush in his cheeks as he tried to casually lean against the doorway to the bedroom, very aware of the feeling of the t-shirt teasing the top of his thighs. He looked up at Kelly through his lashes as the silver haired man dropped his workbag by the closed door, his actions frozen as he stared over at him. Even from across the room he could feel the heat in the man's faze as his eyes roamed up and down his body, taking in the sight. Matt tugged at the hem of the borrowed t-shirt, distorting the fabric as he pulled it lower underneath Kelly's stare. It was one of Kelly's that he had found buried in the back of his closet, and Matt could tell from the bagginess and the small holes dotting around the seams that the shirt had been well worn over the years.

Matt wondered if he imagined the small stammer in the squad lieutenants voice as he asked, "Are you wearing pants?"

"Why don't you find out?" Matt proposed, his heart thumping in his chest as Kelly practically sprinted across the room, failing to notice the items waiting on the couch in his rush to get to his side. The heat in Kelly's eyes was like walking into a fire without any of his turnout gear on, as his large hands came to rest on his sides at the small of his waist. Matt held his shudder of a breath as Kelly's hands slowly crept down his sides, all the way down to the hem of the t-shirt where it fluttered around his mid-thigh. He had expected Kelly to push the t-shirt up in a hurry to see his surprise, but fingers slowly slipped underneath the hem, gradually bunching the fabric up as he stroked a line up the side of Matt's thigh. Matt could see the surprise and glee fill the heated stare as his hands continued to slide up his thighs in a sensual touch, revealing nothing but more smooth skin. 

"Sit on the couch," Matt's breath hitched his arousal rebuilding in his stomach as he gently pushed at Kelly's shoulder. The touch wasn't strong enough to make the silver haired man move, but it sent a thrill to his chest as Kelly stepped back underneath Matt's touch, allowing himself to be led backwards to the couch. Matt followed, walking on his tip toes as he stepped silently after him. His cock was growing hard again; Matt was unashamed to admit that he had cum already that morning as he prepared for Kelly's surprise. The back of Kelly's legs hit the edge of the couch, and with another small push to his shoulder the squad lieutenant fell backwards, bouncing on the cushions. Matt felt hands return to his side as he stepped between Kelly's spread legs, but this time the touch pulled the fabric up slightly exposing his thickening cock. 

"Good Morning," Matt grinned down at the other man, biting the tip of his tongue between his teeth as he smiled wide at the delighted expression filling Kelly's face. 

"Good morning indeed." Kelly agreed, accepting the kiss that Matt leaned down and pressed against his lips. Matt kept the kiss short, refusing to deepen it like he knew Kelly wanted, as he reached down to tug at the bottom of Kelly's shirt. He pulled the fabric, and dragged it over the other man's head as he broke the kiss to smirk down at all the exposed muscles. Matt wanted to layer kisses on every inch of skin that he could reach as he dropped down to his knees between Kelly's legs. He ran his hands teasingly down the other man's chest, rubbing his thumbs over his nipples before stroking a ticklish line down the centre of his abs, all the way down to the trail of hair that disappeared underneath his jeans. 

"Off," Matt stated, tugging at the front of Kelly's jeans, urging him to lift his hips from the couch so that he could remove them. Kelly scrambled at his zipper, arching his hips from the couch as he pulled both denim and underwear down his thighs. Matt bit the inside of his cheek to stop himself from giggling at the silver haired man's eagerness as he moved to assist the other man, pulling them all the way down to his ankles. He reached down to pull off Kelly's boots and socks, carelessly throwing them aside before tugging Kelly's jeans completely off. 

The sight of Kelly sitting on the couch naked slowly moving his fist down his cock had Matt's mouth go dry. He wanted to do so many things to the man in front of him, and he knew that Kelly would let him in a heartbeat. He wanted to stay on his knees, take Kelly's cock between his lips and just stay there until his mouth was filled with the taste of Kelly's cum. The shudder of a breath above him had Matt blinking away from the sight of Kelly slowly working his cock; he followed Kelly's gaze and with a smirk he realised that the other man had finally spotted the two items that Matt had placed in preparation on the arm of the couch. 

Matt remembered what his initial plan was as he reached out for the lone foil packet. He could feel Kelly's eyes return their attention to him as he tore open the wrapper and slowly rolled the condom down Kelly's cock. He could feel him throbbing in anticipation in his hand, and Matt swallowed loudly as he rose from his knees and slowly climbed onto the couch bracketing Kelly's hips with his knees. Kelly's hands came to rest on his hips, holding him steady as he stretched over to grab the second item that he had left in waiting, squirting lube into the palm of his hand. 

"Matt!" Kelly's voice hitched in panic as Matt swiped his lubed hand down Kelly's cock, before holding the base steady as he angled towards his entrance. He looked the silver haired man square in the eye as he dropped down onto his cock, stealing the breath from both of their lungs. He had prepared himself before Kelly arrived home, fingering himself until his hole was loose around his three fingers. He had come from teasing at his own prostate as he prepared himself before he started to prepare the scene for Kelly's return home. When he had heard the door to their apartment opening, he had pressed two lubed fingers testing the looseness of his hole before he had slowly stalked out of the bedroom. 

The panic washed away from Kelly's face at the loud moan that fell from Matt's lips as he shuddered against the feeling of Kelly's cock filling him better than his fingers. It was perfect and Matt braced himself with his hands-on Kelly's shoulders as he lifted his hips slightly before dropping back down. "Fuck you got yourself ready for me gorgeous." Kelly gasped, his fingers clawing at Matt's hips, pushing the fabric of his t-shirt up so he could get purchase on his skin. 

Matt could do nothing but moan in response, allowing himself to be guided with Kelly's hands on his hips, his hips rolling in little circles before he rose back up to bounce on Kelly's cock. He understood instantly why Kelly had this fantasy, and he was so glad he decided to fulfil it. The sounds falling from the silver haired man's lips could rival his own with the loudness, as Matt curled his hands around the back of Kelly's neck bringing their forehead together as he fucked himself back against his cock. The illicit sound of skin slapping against skin, and their combined moans filled the space between them as they gasped against each other’s lips. 

"I can't last," Kelly panted before ducking his head to mouth at Matt's neck. Matt threw his head back, his fingers curling in Kelly's short hair as he silently begged him to stay in place sucking at his skin. He could feel the sweat clinging the t-shirt to his back as he rode the other man with all his might. His thighs screamed at him from the workout, but Kelly's cock was hitting the perfect spot inside of him with ever bounce. Matt's cock was trapped between them, rubbing against Kelly's belly with every thrust and his moan came out as a shout when he felt Kelly work his hand between them and grasp him tight.

Matt's entire body shuddered as he came, his release covering both of their stomach's as Kelly's hands moved back to his hips, moving him up and down on his cock as he moved Matt to find his own release. Kelly's grip on his hips turned bruising as he stilled their movements, his body shuddering underneath Matt's thighs as his own orgasm hit. Matt arched at the sensation; he couldn't wait to feel what it would be like for Kelly to come inside of him without the barrier of the condom separating them. 

"Love you," Kelly whispered, brushing his lips against Matt's cheek. Matt shivered as Kelly slowly lifted him up, gasping as the other man's cock slipped form his hole leaving him missing the feeling of being filled. He curled himself underneath Kelly's chin, nudging his nose against the other man's collarbone as Kelly reached around him to tie off the condom. Kelly threw the used condom onto the coffee table before his arms came back to wrap around Matt in a tight embrace. 

* * *

Matt took his time rising back up onto shaky feet, his legs sore from the long time that he had been curled in the strange position. He pulled Kelly up with him, dragging him into another kiss as they stood in the middle of their living room. They didn't need to exchange words as Kelly carefully brushed his hand up Matt's arm, his fingers topping short of where he knew the bandage would be. Matt gasped against the other man's lips as Kelly's other hand entwined with his, offering a small squeeze before he slowly led them towards the bedroom. Matt grabbed the condom as they went, throwing it in the trash as soon as Kelly led them into the bathroom. Kelly's old shirt was carefully eased over his head, the silver haired man being careful not to aggravate his injury site. 

The shower felt like silk against his skin, even with the shower head being aimed away from the bandage on his shoulder. It would only be a few more days and then the bandages could be put away, stored underneath the bathroom sink, and hopefully be forgotten about. It was wishful thinking, as Matt knew that injuries were just another inevitable part of the job. Kelly slowly washed away the sweat and the lube that stained his skin, massaging bubbles into his skin as he peppered soft kisses up and down his jaw and neck. They were slow to get out from underneath the warm water, reluctant to escape the sanctuary that they had created. Kelly's arms were wrapped tightly around Matt's waist, as they shared lazy kisses until the water started to run cold. 

Matt was pulling on a pair of sleep pants and the hoodie that he stole from Kelly all those months and weeks before when a knock on the apartment door had them both frowning. They weren't expecting anyone, and Matt doubted anyone from the firehouse was going to be turning up at their door after only finishing shift a few hours previously. He watched, a frown marring his brow, as Kelly walked out of the bedroom simultaneously pulling a t-shirt down to cover all the muscles that Matt loved. Tugging his own hoodie down over his stomach, Matt followed after the silver haired, hastily hiding the bottle of lube from earlier amongst the liqueur bottles that sat on the little side table. His face was flushed, as he quickly hid the bottle in between a circle of rum and whiskey's before ruffling a hand through his damp hair just in time to watch Kelly reach for the front door. He could have given a list of people that he thought might be outside, ranging from Stella, Boden even down to Gabby, and Matt could have written another list full of people who he would never expect to be standing in the bare industrial style hallway. On neither of those lists, would he have ever though to include his mother. 

"Nancy?" Kelly asked in surprise. Matt felt his stomach drop, and his heartbeat quicken in realisation, his eyes widening as he saw the woman who was indeed standing in their open doorway. He hadn't seen or heard from her in years, not since she had moved out of his house after she had been released from prison. It said something that he had probably seen her more often in prison than he had once she was released. 

"Mum?" Matt frowned, unable to comprehend the person standing in a doorway to the apartment was actually his mother. She had left long before Kelly had even moved in here, and wouldn't have even known where his old apartment was. She was barely in his life for a month before she moved out and pretty much cut contact. 

"Hi Matthew," His mother smiled up at him as if they had seen each other only yesterday rather than four years of nothing. It was a punch to the gut that he didn't need; she had walked out of his house with both his phone number and his mobile number, and she had left him nothing but a mobile number which was never answered. He tried to keep in contact, calling every week or so after she had left but he never received any response from the voicemails that he left. He eventually stopped, tending to only send unanswered text messages on her birthday and on Christmas.

"What are you doing here?" Matt asked. His eyes flashed to Kelly who was standing holding the door as he watched the conversation in front of him. He could see the glared in the man's cold blue eyes whenever he glanced at Nancy, and Matt felt his love for the man increase. He had told Kelly about his past and his father, and he had also told Kelly about his mother and her manipulations. He and his sister had been pawns in their parent’s arguments long before they divorced, and his father’s murder had occurred. 

"Can a mother not come and visit her son?" Nancy countered, her voice twinkling and light just like it had been when he was a kid. It was the tone that she sued when she wanted to twist the situation and make Matt apologise for whatever he had said. Even at fifteen years old he didn't realise that he was been being manipulated. 

"Of course, I mean you could have called." Matt gritted his teeth as he nodded slowly at Kelly, watching as the silver haired man stepped to the side allowing Nancy to step inside the apartment. He felt annoyance tickle at his chest as she raised an eyebrow as her eyes roamed around the apartment. He could tell that she was being critical of the minimalist industrial style; such a far cry from the homey house that Matt had made for himself all those years ago. He had been trying so hard back then to create the life he wished he could have had growing up, he wanted the picket fence and the family lifestyle; but now he knew that none of that mattered if you weren't happy. His eyes drifted back to Kelly, the silver haired man watching Nancy as she craned her neck to look around the room as much as possible without going snooping. Matt felt the blood run cold as he spotted the bright red foil wrapper sitting on the floor next to the couch, and he looked up at Kelly with dread in his eyes.

"Gabby called me, she's such a sweet girl, told me about your accident. She's worried about you sweetie." Nancy's sing-song voice ran through Matt like nails down a chalkboard. He wanted to run across the room and jump on the offending wrapper that was screaming for his attention. The mention of Gabby's name, aided in the chill that ran straight down his spine, and his annoyance mutated into anger at the sudden realisation that his mother had never picked up the phone to him, but she was willing to answer a phone to Gabby. He'd never even told her that they had got together; his mother’s ghosting having occurred for months already, that it had felt ridiculous to call up a voicemail to tell her.

"It wasn't an accident. I got shot." Matt snarked back, venom twisting at his insides. He felt his hands shake, as he clenched them tightly into fists; he couldn't even comprehend how being shot by a gang member could even begin to be considered an accident. An accident was falling, or something that no one had any control off; being shot was someone purposefully aiming a gun at you and pulling the trigger, something his mother should know very well. 

Matt could see Kelly walking around Nancy, moving to stand between the couch and the coffee table. Matt watched as Kelly stopped, his foot perfectly covering the red condom wrapper. His love soared inside of his heart, fighting against the rage that his mother’s presence was igniting in his blood; Kelly was a man with a heart so pure that he had seen the fear in Matt's eyes and the way they flickered down to the wrapper on the floor and he had silently moved to hide it uncaring how odd it looked for him to just move to stand in such a place. Nancy seemed undisturbed by Kelly's decision to move in between them, standing like an umpire on the side lines of the conversation. "Yes, yes. You should call her, maybe go see her. I said all those years ago that you two looked good together, better than that Hallie girl."

"Hallie died." Matt glared, his breath coming out shaky as he saw Kelly's hands tighten into fists from the corner of his eye. He still took flowers to her grave every year on her birthday, and he felt a flash of fire burning in his chest at how carelessly his mother threw out her name. 

"I am sorry to hear that, but you moved on and Gabby is such a sweetheart. You can see how much she cares about you." Nancy continued as she smiled at him as if she weren’t spreading rage with every word she spoke. Matt knew that he wasn't the only one getting angry at his mother’s words; he could see the tightness in Kelly's jawline whenever she mentioned Gabby. He knew that the paramedic had begun to infuriate Kelly long before they had started their relationship

"And me and Gabby broke up."

"I'm sure it’s just a silly argument, you both needed some space apart, but you shouldn't throw away such a nice girl like her." Nancy waved her hand in dismissal at Matt's comment. His anger spiked within him as he saw the flash of fear that ran across Kelly's face. He knew that the silver haired man didn't believe his mother’s words, but it must have touched an irritational fear deep inside of him.

"You are- " Matt raised his voice, every single insult he wanted to snap back balancing on the tip of his tongue. If he was alone, he would grin and bear every single barbed comment that his mother threw at him, the unpleasantness hidden behind the disguise of a loving smile, but he wasn't going to stand there and be quiet when he saw the painful look that flashed across Kelly's face.

"Let's not get into an argument Matthew. I hope you don't mind me staying with you," Nancy's nice demeanour slipped away for a few seconds, revealing the bitter woman that was emotionally manipulative long before she spent over a decade behind bars. For the first time, Matt paid attention to the small weekend bag that he had initially mistook for an oversized handbag. 

"We'd love to have you Nancy, but I'm afraid we don't have a spare room." Kelly piped up with a fake smile, his true emotions betrayed by his knuckles blindingly white as he clenched his fists against his side. 

"Nonsense, I'm sure Matt wouldn't mind me stealing his room for a little while." Nancy waved her hand dismissing him once again. Matt wanted to reach out and clutch Kelly's hand, untwist the tension and curl his fingers against the silver haired man's palm. He wanted to go back to that morning where they were happy and content as they fucked on the couch. He wished he had the foresight and told Kelly not to open the apartment door, and keep the toxic negativity that oozed off his mother out of their lives. 

"Matt's recovering from a serious injury." Kelly snapped, at the same time as Matt shouted, "You can't!" 

"Excuse me?" Nancy blinked between them, huffing from her nose like an angry dragon as she raised her chin high to glare at them both. 

"I mean we've got a burst pipe in my room. It flooded everywhere and the damage still needs fixing. I'm currently in Kelly's room whilst Kelly is on the sofa." Matt scrambled for an excuse. It was a blatant lie, and he doubted his mother believed him as she raised an eyebrow and snorted slightly at them. He prayed for everything that he could think of begging that his mother didn't try to question it further. He knew that if she stepped foot into the spare room it would spark a million questions that he wasn't going to answer to a woman who hadn't been part of his life for years. The spare room was empty, and so rarely entered; Matt didn't even think the bed had sheets on it. 

"Well. I'll see if I can stay with Gabby for a little while. Maybe we can all have dinner together?" Nancy plastered on her fake smile once more, shifting her bag into the crook of her elbow. 

"Mum I'll be happy to have dinner with you. But me and Gabby have broken up. It is not a disagreement," Matt stated, his voice firm and leaving no room for further comment. "It was nice to see you again, hopefully next time it won't be so long."

Nancy huffed again at him once more, spinning on her heel without a further comment leaving Matt and Kelly to watch as she opened the apartment door and disappear from the safe bubble that they had created as quickly as she had arrived. The silence and tension that she left hung in the space between them, both men staring at the door as it slammed closed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well holy mother of fuck this was long! I have been waiting to write the fucking on the couch scene for ages, like the last two chapters have all been leading up to this scene. I have the next two chapters planned out and honestly I can not wait to write them as shits starting to get real. In my mind Kelly and Matt will have been together for like a couple of months by this point, and are really building a life together as a couple.
> 
> If anyone wants to see me nerding at books, and leaving reviews please head over to my instagram page: www.instagram.com/drifting.books
> 
> I love talking to people about books, fanfiction, pairings so please feel free to join me in nerding.


	14. Chapter 14

Kelly slowly set about cutting up the vegetables, preparing them in neat little piles as he moved between the two cutting stations that he had set up in the kitchen. He kept peeling his eyes away from the food preparation in front of him, glancing up at Matt as he paced back and forth around the sofa. Matt had tried to help him, but Kelly could see that the other man's attention was somewhere far far away, and he didn't want to spend the night in A+E because of a slip of a knife.   
  
They had been caught in a bubble of fear, worry and uncertainty as soon as the door closed behind Nancy that morning. It left Kelly feeling like he had been balancing on the edge of a boat in rough seas, and he was now clinging helplessly to the railings fighting to stay aboard. He knew that Matt felt like he was already sinking into the waves. He had pulled the blonde man into a tight embrace as soon as they both remembered how to breath, and Kelly felt his heart break at the small shakes in the other man's shoulders. 

Nancy had come crashing into their lives, throwing them off balance, and finding out that Dawson had played a part in her arrival had left Kelly feeling hot rage greater than the anger he had felt towards the paramedic on the previous shift. He had been furious when she had sidled up to him halfway through shift and demanded an update on Matt's health, before daring to suggest that Kelly was making Matt stay away; that he was trying to mould the blonde man into a copy of the man that Kelly used to be. The silver haired man felt a stab of anger, that she could accuse him of manipulating Matt, but also a flare of annoyance that she could still pin him with his playboy past; he had spent the last few years growing in himself and slowly moving away from that lifestyle. Her shouts had gained the attention of others in the house, and Kelly had walked out of the bunk room after Dawson had stormed away and he nearly walked straight into Boden. He didn't know how long the chief had been stood there, witness to the exchange but the frown on the older man's face told him that he had overheard at least part of the conversation. 

The rest of the shift had taken on a coldness in the air, people who had borne witness to the exchange wincing as soon as he and Dawson stepped into the same room. Kelly noted the tightness in the paramedic's jaw and the way that the ambulance had disappeared from the apparatus floor after he had gotten off the phone with Matt. He hadn't heard a call out, so he could only assume that the two paramedics had headed out for a run or for one of them to cool down. He had been exhausted, mentally more than physically when the shift had finally ended, but all of his emotions soared when he had walked into the apartment to be greeted by the best sight he had ever seen in his life. In the past, Kelly had experienced people trying to seduce him; most of them would lay it on too thick, trying to be too sexy. Matt had been perfection, standing there in one of Kelly's old t-shirts, the neckline baggy and exposing the lines of the blonde's clavicle and the white of the bandage. 

Glancing across the room once more, Kelly felt a sense of pride puffing out his chest as he looked at Matt still wearing the t-shirt from that morning. They had thrown it in the wash with the load that needed to go in before Nancy's appearance, but as soon as she left, Matt had tugged it free from the laundry pile and thrown it in the dryer before tugging it back over his body. The hoodie that Matt had commandeered from him months before was also pulled over his shoulders as if he were trying to surround himself entirely by Kelly before he pushed himself against his side. Kelly had curled an arm protectively around the other man, as they spread across the couch, slowly stroking his hair as he fumbled through a hasty conversation with his sister. He could hear her soft voice coming through the phone, and even slightly distorted he could hear the worry that filled the conversation as Matt asked her to come round for dinner. Kelly had only met Christie on a few occasion's and despite the years of friendship Matt had never really explained why they weren't close. He had a vague theory, but it was up to Matt to tell him the truth, and Kelly was never going to push the blond man to talk to him about something if he wasn't ready. He had simply brushed his lips over Matt's forehead when the phone call was finished, and if he held him tighter to his chest for a few moments afterwards no one else needed to know. 

* * *

He was just throwing the first of the vegetables into the pan when the knock at the door stole both of their attention. They both turned to stare at the door with frowns, despite knowing that it was only going to be Christie on the other side. Kelly didn't know if he would be able to contain his anger if it was anyone else in that moment, and if it was Nancy turning up again or worse Dawson he would stop at nothing to make sure that neither woman could upset Matt. The look of sadness and the frown had alternated across his brow all day, and Kelly wished he could wipe away the pain that Nancy's reappearance had caused. Kelly turned the heat on the stove down, before moving to follow Matt towards the door. He was breaking every firefighter’s first rule, never leave a stove unattended, but if two lieutenants couldn't handle a stove fire then they were in the wrong profession. 

Christie looked exactly like she had when Kelly had seen her last; despite the years that had passed, she looked exactly like she hadn't aged a day. Kelly was very aware that his hair was now shaded with a lot more grey hairs and he had years’ worth of scars hidden underneath his clothes. Matt let out a small sigh of relief as he stepped aside allowing his older sister to step inside, "Hi Christie."

"Hi Matt," Christie smiled warmly at the blonde man, accepting the hug that he offered as soon as the door closed behind them. Kelly could see the love in her eyes as Matt squeezed her tightly against his chest.

Kelly extended his hand out to Christie as soon as Matt let his sister go; he didn't know here well enough to go in for a hug, but he flashed her his usual grin and a cheeky wink. "It's lovely to see you again Christie, I hope stir fry is okay for dinner? Vegetarian of course."

It had been the one thing that Matt had warned him about when he brought up the idea of inviting Christie to dinner in hopes to get her help in dealing with the Nancy issue. Kelly didn't let the dietary requirements phase him, selecting a meal that he tended to make with a meat substitute regardless. The grateful smile that flashed across Christie's face, tugging her lips up in a way that was nearly identical to Matts, had Kelly pausing for a second as she replied, "That sounds wonderful thank you."

Kelly mentally shook himself for a moment, his eyes flashing to the glimmer of laughter in Matt's eyes as he continued to play the good host. "Can I get you anything to drink? We have wine, beer, or soda?"

"White wine if you have it would be lovely, thank you." Christie smile was warm, just like Matt's was, stretching up to her eyes as she shook her coat free from her shoulders. Matt took the coat from his sister’s hands, as Kelly nodded at the drink request. He hurried back to the kitchen, quickly checking that the vegetables weren't burning before grabbing the rarely used wine glasses from the top cupboard. Wine was not something that he tended to drink unless he was at a fancy restaurant, but he still had a few bottles stacked away in the kitchen for whenever Stella tried to steal his food for the evening. 

He heard Matt and Christie exchanging pleasantries, telling each other that they looked well, and Matt querying how Violet was doing. Kelly could imagine that Christie probably had some questions whirling around her head, starting with the mystery of the sudden phone call that morning and followed by the change of address. The silver haired man saw the gratitude in Matt's eyes, and the mouthed 'Thank you,' as Kelly passed over the wine to Christie and a cold beer to Matt. Kelly risked it, stroking his fingers along the back of Matt's hands as he passed over the bottle of beer, knowing that if they were alone he would have leaned down to steal a kiss in that moment. He didn't know if Christie had caught the slight touch, but as he turned to head back towards the open kitchen he heard the blonde woman comment, "I feel like we have a lot to catch up on."

"We do, and we will but I need to tell you first. Mum turned up here this morning." Kelly could hear the sadness in Matt's words and even with his back turned he knew the frown that would be creasing his brow and wiping away any lingering traces of his smile. Kelly stared down at the pan on the stove, stirring the broccoli in the pan before he threw the vegetarian style duck into the mix. The smell hit him immediately as it sizzled as it contacted the bottom of the hot pan. 

"Mum? I've not heard from her in years. She moved out of yours and that was the last time I saw or heard from her." Christie voice was quiet, barely reaching the kitchen space. Kelly found himself wondering if the blonde woman's frown was like her smile, and identical to Matt's. It felt like a conversation that he shouldn't be privy too, but the open plan space of the apartment meant that the only real place for him to hide would have been the bedrooms or the bathroom. 

Kelly stirred the pan, trying to focus on the cooking even as Matt's reply threatened to break his heart. "Me too. She showed up and just started telling me that I needed to get back with Gabby, before trying to stay here us. I needed to warn you Chris, but I need your help."

"No Matt, no. I can't do this with her. I didn't want her in my life when she came out of prison, and I definitely don't want her in mine or Violet's life after she ran off god knows where for the last four years." Christie begged. Kelly risked a glance over his shoulder, and he felt his stomach sink at the defeated look on both sibling's faces. Matt looked like the weight of the world had once more been dumped on his shoulder, whilst Christie looked like she had just had the world pulled out from beneath her feet. He knew what she felt like, he had suffered the same feeling every time Benny flickered in and out of his life when he was younger, before he built the defensive wall around his heart. 

"I know Chris, god I know, but I don't know what to do. She showed up and just kept going on bout Gabby, and telling me that I should get back with her." Matt ran a hand through his hair, leaving blonde strands sticking up in various directions. Kelly tore his eyes away; he wanted to turn off the gas, and say fuck dinner just so that he could curl his arms around the other man and pull him against his chest. He wanted to take them back to before the shooting, back to the happiness they had when they went for the STD check; he wanted to get rid of the dark clouds hovering over the head in the shape of ex's and reappearing mothers. 

"When did you two break up?" Christie asked. Kelly threw the rest of the vegetables into the pan, wondering how matt as going to address this question. His and Dawson's break up was entwined with the start of their relationship, and it was one that they had yet to reveal to their friends and family. It wasn't being kept hidden from shame, but it was working for them at the moment to keep their relationship outside of the workplace, and if they told their friends it would inevitably be brought into the firehouse. 

"A couple of months ago." Kelly could hear the smile in the blonde man's voice, even without turning around to see it. He knew that it would be beautifully blinding.

"And why are you the one who moved out. Please don't say that she is still living in your apartment." Christie continued, gently reprimanding her little brother. It was one that Kelly agreed with; the apartment was Matt’s, and his name was the only one on the paperwork. The silver haired man knew that it was a conversation that they were struggling to bring up with Dawson, and Kelly didn't know if there was a good way to tell an ex that they needed to start paying rent. Matt had been silent, continuing to pay the bills for a house that he wasn't living in. Matt must have shrugged in response to Christie's comment as she exclaimed in horror, "Matt!"

"If I brought up rent at the moment, I think I'd be killed." Matt joked, and Kelly snorted as he stirred the noodles into the mix. 

"You look happier though, happier than I've seen you for years," the loudness in Christie's voice fell away, being replaced the warm tone that she had when she first stepped into the apartment. Kelly busied himself with the last touches to the meal, keeping his back turned to the Casey siblings in an attempt to hide the smile that took over his face at her comment. 

"I am happy, I met someone, and they are amazing." Kelly was glad that he kept his back to Matt, as he puffed out his chest slightly at the compliment. Turning off the heat, Kelly quickly dished out the meal, doing his best to mask the wide smile on his lips as he turned back to face Matt and Christie. 

"Oh do tell. Come on, you got to give your big sister the gossip considering you didn't tell me that you left that god-awful woman. What's this someone like? What's her name? Is she blonde, I bet she's blonde." Christie grinned eagerly, looking like she was seconds away from clapping her hands together at the gossip. Kelly eyes flicked to Matt's, his smile filling his face once more as he saw the way that Matt turned to glance at him as soon as Christie began asking about the new partner. They must not had been as discrete as they thought, as Christie stated, "So not a blonde then."

"Not a blonde." Matt chuckled, not evening pausing to consider what he was going to say. Kelly's love for the man grow even more in that moment. He didn't ever think that Matt would deny their relationship, but it made Kelly's heart soar at the ease that he admitted to it. Christie didn't look to be shocked by it, as she grinned at them both. 

"Not a blonde," Kelly confirmed, winking at the pair. "Dinner's ready."

* * *

The dinner went down well, Kelly finally able to reach across the table and hold Matt's hand without worrying about being caught. Christie eyed them both over her wine glass, barely hiding his smile behind the rim. She had quizzed them about their relationship, eager to find out more about how it all came about. They didn't tell her that the relationship first started when Matt was still with Dawson, but they still answered their questions and joked and chatted for the rest of the evening. Kelly was pouring another glass of wine for Christie when the blonde woman sighed loudly. "I'm gonna regret this, but how can I help with mum?"

"Christie-" Matt began, and Kelly glanced over just in time to see the surprised expression flash across the blonde's face. 

"No I need to help you this time. I should have said something or done something years ago. I saw her manipulate you for years, even when we were kids and I just didn't do anything." Christie explained, as she reached out to gently squeeze Matt's hand. Kelly tracked the movement, wondering if this was a conversation that he should be privy too. 

"You were a kid too." Matt insisted, in the way that was truly Matt. He would always be there to support people, and it was one of the many traits that Kelly loved in the man. He was always going to be there trying to protect people, even when it was from their past. Kelly reached across the table, squeezing Matt's other hand in his own show of silent support; he smiled softly at the other man as Matt adjusted their grip so that their fingers were entwined.

"I'm seven years older than you Matt, I could have stood up to her. I should have stood up for you when she tried to spin you into her fucking lies, using you as part of her defence during the trial."

"Chris, it's okay. That's all in the past," Matt cut Christie off from saying anymore, but Kelly felt the moment Matt involuntarily tighten his grip at the mention of their mother's trial. Kelly squeezed back, but all he wanted to do was walk around the table and wrap the blonde man in his arms; he could feel the sadness in both of the siblings faces as their memories took them back to the worst time of their lives. 

They had a plan of attack set for the next day, and Kelly tried not to question the look of pride that graced Christies face as Matt tugged her into tight embrace at the front door. Whatever differences that they had in the past seemed to melt as they clung to each other, and Kelly realized with a pang in his chest that this hug was mixed with all the emotions that their past brought up. It was fuelled by the grief of losing both parents on the same day, of the abuse and neglect that their parents fractured relationship caused them. Matt had told him that his father used to spit insults at him, but Kelly had seen his mother turn her vicious tongue on him too. 

"This one really loves you," Kelly blushed at the words he didn't know if he was supposed to hear, his heart skipping a beat when Matt replied with a soft, "I know."

Before he could even begin to make a teasing comment, Christie had turned her attention to him, dragging him forwards into a hug of his own. Just like how he heard her whispered to Matt, he was sure that Matt heard the comment that she whispered in his ear. "You take care of him, you promise."

"I promise." Kelly promised. He knew that it was a risky promise, that it was something that they couldn't always keep with the line of work that they were in, but he also knew that regardless of the call and regardless of the orders given to him, he would do anything to make sure that Matt was safe. He loved that man, more than he had loved anyone else in his life, and as Christie pulled away from the embrace, he hoped that she could see that he meant his words. 

"Okay my cab is a minute away. I'll see you both tomorrow." Christie smiled, pulling Matt into a final hug before leaving. Both men watched after her as she headed down the hallway, offering her a final wave as she pushed open the door to the stairway. Beside him, Kelly felt Matt sigh before leaning into the squad lieutenants’ side. Kelly instinctively lifted an arm to wrap it around the blonde man's shoulders, being careful not to put pressure near his injury site; although it was healing well it was sore to the touch.

Pushing the door closed, Matt shifted in Kelly's arms, curling himself underneath his chin, as he sought for the comfort that he needed. Kelly didn't need to be told twice as he brushed his lips against his soft blonde hair. They stood like that for a few moments, their bodies swaying to a silent song that only existed between them. The gentle sway was interrupted as Kelly felt the barely there graze of a kiss against his shoulder, the fabric of his t-shirt stopping him from enjoying the full sensation of Matt's lips. "Come on let's go to bed, I'll make us some hot chocolates."

He felt Matt's answer more than he heard it, with the small twitch of his head causing the blonde hair to tease the underneath of his chin before he lost the fell of the other man in his arms. The vacant look on matt's face told the silver haired man that hot chocolate alone was not going to be able to stick back together the temporary cracks in his shell. Kelly knew that the cracks were only temporary, and he was sure that in the morning Matt would have stuck himself back together with the same strength that he always had, but in the meantime Kelly was there ready to hold him, and offer his assistance in any way that the other man would let him. Matt had always been so strong and independent since the first time that Kelly had met him, and for him to allow his weaknesses to be visible in front of Kelly, it showed how strong their relationship was even despite the short time that they had been intimate. The slump in Matt's shoulders wanted to be ingrained in Kelly's mind, as he stared after the man as he walked into their bedroom. 

Hot chocolate took only a few minutes to make, hot milk and the raspberry flavoured powder that he kept tucked in the back of the cupboard. The first time he had tried it, it had been with sceptical eyes at the oddness, but the first sip had him sold. It was typically a drink that he saved for the freezing Chicago winters where he wanted to lounge in front of the tv instead of going outside or heading to the docks to work on boats. He hoped that the sweet taste would bring even the smallest of smiles to Matt's lips as he carried the two cups into the bedroom. The sight that greeted him reminded him so much of the first night that Matt spent at his place, all those months ago, when the shadow hanging over his head was just Dawson. He was even dressed in the same hoodie as then, and he could see he was stripped down to his boxers as he readjusted the duvet over the top of his legs. 

"You okay?" Kelly asked despite knowing the answer to his question, as he pushed one steaming mug into Matt's hands. He watched as the blonde frowned at the rose-pink coloured drink for a moment before shrugging his shoulders before taking a small sip. The appreciative sigh that fell from Matt's lips was enough to bring a smirk to Kelly's as he tugged the sheets back so that he could crawl into bed next to the other man. 

"It's hard going back to that time, even with how long it has been. Both me and Chris remember it differently, and it makes it really hard for us to eye to eye over it." Matt began, as he curled both his hands around the mug. Kelly watched as he brought the mug towards his face, the rim resting against his chin as if he were speaking into the milky drink. There was a far-off look that graced the man's eyes as he stared off towards the end of the bed, his mind lost to his memories. "Chris was always daddy's little princess, and we didn't have much, but dad doted on her. He was never cruel to her, not in words and he would have never raised a hand against her. Mum was different, I guess she's always been like she was today. After it all happened, Chris couldn't stand going to see mum in prison, and she couldn't understand why I went. Especially after what mum and her lawyers tried to do with me."

"What did they try and do Matt?" Kelly found himself asking, cutting through the other man's monologue. Dread settled low in his gut, churning at his stomach as he saw past demons casting shadows across Matt's face. 

"The night that she killed him, I had left the key to my dad's place on the counter in the kitchen. Her lawyer tried to build a case around me leaving the key out; saying that it wasn't premediated and suggesting that I had purposefully left the key out for my mum to find. They used the stuff that dad was beginning to say towards me and tried to say that I had wanted my mum to go over there. That I had wanted her to kill him." Matt's voice was low, almost vacant as he continued to stare off down towards the bottom of the bed. Kelly curled his hand around Matt's knee squeezing it through the covers; he wanted nothing more than to pull the other man into his arms and hold him until the memories no longer left him with such a haunted look. 

"Fuck Matt, that just-" Kelly's voice quivered, in a way that Matt's hadn't. 

"I know, it’s not okay. Christie couldn't forgive mum for killing dad, and I don't think she forgave me either." Matt whispered, his voice breaking for the first time at the end of the sentence. Matt tore his gaze away, finally turning his head a fraction so that he could look up at Kelly with eyes that were flooded with sadness. Kelly eased the cup of chocolate from the blonde's hands, hating himself for the split second that he had to turn away from him to move the mugs out of the way. 

The look on Matt's face was still heart-breaking as Kelly turned back around, but a brief moment of happiness flickered across his expression tugging up the corners of his lips as Kelly tugged the man tight against his side. Matt was curled against him, his head tucked underneath Kelly's chin as Kelly softly whispered, "None of it is your fault Matt. None of it."

He knew that his words were nothing more than words, that nothing he could ever say would take away the pain of Matt's past; just like how he knew that Matt's parents were still able to cause him pain today. There were no tears being shed, merely acceptance that hung like a lead weight around the blonde's neck. "Chris has told me for years that mum was manipulating me. She was back then, and she was still doing it even when she was in prison. I guess I didn't see it from her eyes until today."

Kelly felt fresh hatred spiking through his veins, and red rage blurring at his vision as he imagined all of the things that he wish he had said to Nancy that morning knowing the new things that he did now. He wished that he could have yelled and spat back every single hurtful thing that the woman had said and done to her son over the years, and he found himself hoping that she would know the emotional pain that she had forced both her children to endure. Kelly wondered if that woman slept through the night, when her children were forever haunted by the nightmares of their past. 

* * *

Kelly found himself pacing back and forth in the small space of the bedroom, unable to sit still for longer than a minute before his nerves had him twitching and his foot began tapping manically on the floor. He didn't know why he had agreed to stay out of sight whilst Matt and Christie organised an intervention with Nancy. After what he had learned the previous night, he wanted to be the one who put the manipulative woman in her place, but he knew that it wasn't a job that was intended for him. Matt and Christie needed to do this for themselves as some form of closure that both had hunted for over a decade. As much as Kelly wanted to stand by the blonde man's side, Matt didn't need a knight in shining armour bolting in and defending him; Matt may let his walls down with him, but allowing himself to show his vulnerabilities didn't mean that Matt couldn't stand up for himself.

The knock on the front door had Kelly pausing in his pacing, as the sound reverberated through the apartment towards the bedroom. Kelly dropped down onto the edge of the bed, his hands twisting into the edges of the covers as the voices from the other room carried through the apartment. All his nervous twitches stilled in an instant as he craned his ears, desperate not to miss a single part of the conversation happening on the other side of the wall. 

"Matthew, Christie. This is a surprise." Nancy's voice carried, and Kelly could hear the frown that he knew would be on her face. The sharp tone of her voice told Kelly that it was not a happy surprise to see both her son and daughter standing there waiting for her arrival.

"Hi Mum," Matt greeted, and Kelly found himself smirking at the silence that Christie offered in response. She had told them the previous night that she wasn't going to fake pleasantries with the woman, and it amused Kelly knowing that she whole heartedly meant it. 

"It makes me so happy seeing you two together, it always does." Nancy replied, her voice so syrupy sweet that it made Kelly twist his fists into the covers, the fabric tightening underneath his grip. He hated whenever people used the type of fake voice that she had put up, in ran through him and made him furious; no matter who used that type of voice, it was always disgusting fake and often accompanied by a glare that couldn't quite escape from the person's eyes.

"Why are you here mum?" Christie piped up for the first time, her question coming out sharp and abrupt just like Kelly knew she wanted it too. 

"Matthew invited me." 

"I meant here in town. You haven't spoken to either of us for four years." Christie continued, her voice growing slightly louder with every other word. Kelly wondered if she were the type of person who emphasised her words with her entire body, he could picture it in his head, her gesticulating with her hands as she spoke. He imagined Christie would be fluid with her movements as she argued, the opposite of Matt who squared his shoulders and only pointed his hands when he was truly angry.

"I don't have to explain myself" Nancy snapped back, the sickening sweetness disappearing to be replaced with a bitter barbed tongue. 

"No but you don't get to turn back up after that long and suddenly decide that you want to be involved in our lives." Christie snorted. Kelly wished he could be a witness to this entire display that was occurring on the other side of the wall. 

"Is that how you feel Matthew" Nancy turned her venom onto her other child, and instantly Kelly felt the hatred spike through his body. The grip he had on the covers did nothing to ground him as he rose to his feet, his fists clenched at his side. The bite of his fingernails digging into the palms of his hand, and he knew that if he unclenched his fists, he would find little crescent marks embedded into his skin. 

The door to the bedroom was slightly ajar allowing him to hear, but not open wide enough for him to see the stand-off occurring on the other side. The frustration in Matt's voice had Kelly frowning even more, as he spoke up against his mother, "It is how I feel. You came in here yesterday and straight away you were trying to get me to go back to Gabby. I am not with Gabby anymore, and we are not getting back together. What actually hurt more is that you ignored all our communications for years, but you picked up the phone to someone that you have no relationship with." 

"I don't have to justify who I answer the phone to." Nancy retorted.

"No you don't, but like Chris said, you don't get to jump back in our lives and start dictating how we're living them." Matt returned, and Kelly mentally cheered for him. He didn't know all of Matt's past, and he doubt he ever would, but the fact Matt was standing up to his mother after all this time was a huge deal. Kelly hoped that it would ease some of the weight that was forever pulling on the blonde man's strong shoulders. 

"It's just like before isn't it. You two against your evil mother. It was always me who was wrong, always me who started the arguments. Everything that your father did and said, but I was the villain, and he was the saint." Nancy screeched, her words piercing through the apartment.

"This isn't about dad. This is about you; you don't care if you're hurting people with your actions and I am done being treated like that." Matt snapped back, and Kelly knew instantly that Matt had finally lost his patience within the argument. 

"Your so much like your father sometimes." Nancy spat, and if Kelly thought he had felt rage before, it was nothing to the feeling that crashed into his stomach at those words. He forgot himself, forgot that he was meant to stay out of the way of the conversation, and was reaching for the door ready to yank it open and lay into that vile woman with vicious words of his own when Matt's voice filled the air. 

"No. I'm not like him, I am my own man." 

"This is what we mean mum. Exactly that." Christie voice was almost a whisper in comparison to the shouts that had filtered through the apartment before. 

"Mum, if you want to flit in and out of our lives go for it. But don't expect to be met with happy smiles when you turn back up, and don't expect to have say in what we are doing. " Matt continued where Christie left off, picking up the conversation before Nancy could reply first. 

"Is that all. Well I can see when I am not wanted." The slam of the front door followed Nancy's final comment, and instantly Kelly was pulling the door to the bedroom open. Christie and Matt were standing at the front door, staring at it as if they were trying to see through it to the person on the other side. 

"I feel like she's wanting someone to chase after her" Christie whispered, her hand clutching at the silver chain around her neck, her fingers worrying the little charm.

"I'm not doing it. I can't do it anymore."

"Oh Matt." Christie turned to the blonde man with sadness in her eyes as she wrapped her arms around him, curling herself underneath his chin. Kelly slowly walked towards them, not wanting to intrude on the small moment that they were sharing. He couldn't begin to imagine how difficult it must be for them, and the rage that Nancy had forced upon him dimmed as he looked between the two siblings. It was a moment for both of them to share, and Kelly couldn't feel prouder of Matt. 

* * *

Kelly rubbed at the old scar on the back of his neck, massaging away the memory of the pain that had once been lurking there as he walked through the house. Squad had been called out just as dinner had begun to be cooked, and the silver haired man was surprised that they had managed to get back before the meal was even ready to be served. It helped that it was Clarence from Engine behind the counter today, he was a perfectionist in the kitchen, and it meant that most meal preps took over an hour before he was even ready to throw it on the stove. Most of the guys were hovering in the kitchen eagerly waiting for the food to be finished so that they could attack it like vultures, but Kelly wanted to grab five minutes of peace and give Matt a call in the meantime. 

He hadn't felt right leaving Matt after the hellish time they had together on Kelly's days off. Nancy was still a cloud that was lingering over their heads even though they hadn't heard anything from her since she had stormed out of their apartment the day before. Dawson hadn't said a word to him all shift, but Kelly swore that she had smirked at him at one point, the amusement in her eyes betraying her involvement in everything that had occurred. Kelly didn't quite believe that Nancy and Matt's words had sent their mother away, and he felt like they were due another unpleasant encounter with the woman eventually. 

Neither of them had slept particularly well that night either, both twisting and turning underneath the sheets haunted by their own thoughts. Kelly couldn't speak for what had left Matt clawing at his pillowcase as he sobbed in his sleep, but his own dreams were filled with the face of the men who had invaded the fire house. Even in sleep he could see the craziness that had filled that man's eyes when he had aimed his gun at Matt, but in his dreams, it wasn't the shoulder where the bullet pierced. Blood was spilling from Matt's back, a perfect little circle of blood that spread and stained through the blonde man's shirt. Kelly was unable to move as he watched Matt slump to the ground lifeless, the cold emptiness in his eyes staring back at him. 

After Kelly had woken up from that vivid dream, the memory of blood on his hands leaving his heart racing, he had accepted that a full night’s sleep was not going to be returning to him, and had spent the rest of the early hours dozing, balancing on the tightrope between being awake and being asleep. Kelly had contemplated grabbing a quick nap when the squad team had hit a lull in callouts in the early afternoon but as soon as that thought had dared enter his head the bells had rung once again. Walking into the bunk room this time, he wondered if he could be able to catch five minutes of shut eye in between calling Matt and the inevitable call for dinner. Kelly did a double glance around the empty room, making sure that it was definitely empty as he fished his phone out of his side pocket, his thumb already sliding the screen to unlock displaying a picture he had taken of Matt a few weeks ago. The Matt in the photo had his back to the camera, and had been unaware of the phone that was being aimed in his direction; he was shirtless, and his jeans were riding low on his hips which was extenuated further by the way the blonde man was stretching up on his tip toes to reach something in the top kitchen cupboards. His hair was messy, and Kelly remembered the heavy make-out session they had shared on the couch before the photo had been taken, he distinctively remembered curling his fingers into the soft blonde strands. It was a silly photo, but it was one of dozens that they had jokingly taken of each other. 

Pushing open his office door, Kelly was about to swipe his thumb across Matt's name in his call list until he glanced up, nearly dropping his phone in surprise. Clutching at his chest, Kelly's pulse felt like it had sudden doubled in speed as he saw the small blonde woman sat on the floor, hiding behind the sectional wall. Belatedly he realised that all the blinds to his office were closed when they had been wide open when the bells had rung earlier. "Jesus fucking christ, Brett." Kelly swore, shoving his phone back into his pocket, his chance to ring Matt fading before his eyes. 

The blonde paramedic blinked up at him with her big bambi eyes, and before she even spoke, Kelly could see the apology shining brightly across her face. "I'm so sorry! I just needed a place to hide for a few minutes. I'll leave now."

Kelly rubbed a hand over the slight stubble on his jaw, the surprise slowly ebbing away as his heart tried to return to its normal unsurprised rhythm. He watched as Brett began to scramble to her feet before Kelly raised a hand telling her to stop. He knew that the blonde paramedic wouldn't have hidden somewhere if she didn't have to, and a wave of protectiveness crashed over the squad lieutenant. "What's up?"

Brett slowly moved back to sit on the floor, her knees coming up to her chest, and her thin arms wrapping around her legs as she sighed. Kelly could see that whatever it was that was bugging the young woman, it was something she felt bad about admitting to. "It's just... I needed a few minutes without Gabby talking about Matt."

A hot flash of jealousy twisted like a knife in Kelly's gut, and he forced himself to blink away the red mist that threatened to shade his view at the thought of Dawson talking about Matt. Immediately he wanted to demand exactly what the other woman was saying about the blonde man; he needed to know, and needed to figure out what she was planning. He knew that Matt wasn't going to respond if she attempted to get back with him, but there was the possibility that Dawson had let slip some sort of dastardly plan to her fellow paramedic. "What she been saying?"

"She just keeps going on about getting him back, and I don't want to hear it anymore. Does that make me a bad friend?" Brett worried her bottom lip as she spoke softly, her anxiety showing in her voice. It dawned on Kelly as he watched how Brett curled in on herself, that she was still the youngest member of the house, in more ways than one. She was the youngest in age, but she also had the least years on the job; in comparison to him she was still practically a candidate.

"It doesn't make you a bad friend Brett. Listen stay as long as you need okay." Kelly offered with a small smile. His hand tightened around his phone, knowing that he was going to have to settle for texts instead of hearing Matt's voice. He wanted to let him know about Dawson, and he wanted to check on him and make sure the Nancy hadn't decided to make yet another reappearance. Dropping down onto the edge of the bed, he gently nudged Brett's foot with his own, hoping that the small touch would encourage her to relax and stop trying to tense up into a ball on the floor. He waited until Brett offered him a small smile that was just ever so slightly tight around the edges before she loosened her limbs, stretching her legs out on the floor, her feet disappearing underneath his bunk.

"Thank you Severide. How is Matt doing by the way?" Brett asked, offering him a wide smile. 

"He's okay. He wants to come back to work already." Kelly snorted, as he pulled his phone out of his pocket, the expanse of Matt's back flashing across his screen for a few moments before he swiped to his text screen. 

> _How are you gorgeous? Just sat with Brett at the moment so can't call :( X - K_
> 
> _I'm okay what bout you? I'm currently sat with a tub of Ben + Jerry's. X- M_

Kelly snorted at the accompanying photo that came through, Matt holding the tub of ice cream next to his cheek, his smile filling the screen. He double clicked the photo, the image hiding all their text history as he turned the phone around to show Brett the photo, her soft giggle filling the small room.

* * *

Kelly didn't know how he should feel as the days kept going by, and each day past with no more of Nancy's unpleasant arrivals. Matt hadn't received any phone calls or text messages from her and as far as they knew neither had Christie, and to top it off apart from one late night voicemail from Dawson their phones had remained quiet. The voicemail had been in the early hours of the morning one night, when both men were fast asleep too lost in the other’s arms to notice the quiet vibrations of the call. When they had found the voicemail the next morning, they had both winced and shook their heads at the drunk voice that filled their ears as they listened to Dawson rambling on about how much she missed Matt, and that she wanted him to come home. Kelly had watched as Matt deleted the message, a look of disgust crinkling at his nose as if there was a rancid smell coming from his phone. 

On shift, it was much the same, Dawson gave him a wide berth and practically sneered at him if they had to move around each other in close proximity. It was a display that Kelly knew the rest of the house were picking up on, and he had found Brett hiding in his quarters a few more times since. It didn't sit well that Dawson's toxicity was started to affect other people in the house, and Kelly was quick to notice that Boden had taken to coming into the common areas a lot more often over the last few weeks. He had seen firefighters fall out before, and he and Matt had their own spectacular showdown a few years back; but with their line of work, you couldn't allow grudges and personal problems to get in between the people you worked with. Kelly would openly acknowledge that he had a certain dislike for Dawson, but at the end of the day he was able to compartmentalise that and work with her; he didn't know if she was able to do the same. 

Matt's injuries were recovering well, and the weeks on injury rest flashed before their eyes. Ultimately the last day of his injury leave fell on a day that the rest of the second shift were working, meaning that he would have two extra days off to recover before he was due to return. Kelly knew that the blonde man had long grown bored of being at home and off work. He wanted to spoil him for the last few days that he had off before he came back to the house. He had thought about taking Matt ice skating down at Maggie Daley park; in his head he remembered their first kiss stood in the middle of the Rockefeller ice rink, but he decided against that idea. Matt was not meant to be on skates, and the last thing he wanted was for Matt to fall over and end up on further injury time. 

The shift had been slow, with more time being spent in the house than out on calls. With nothing else to do, the guys had reorganised the rigs, and cleaned them until you could practically see your face in the shiny red paint. The house hadn't looked this clean since the incident with the rat droppings, but Kelly didn't hold out much hope for it remaining in the same way by next shift. He waved off the rest of the guys as the shift ended, shrugging in response as they asked if he was going to make an appearance at Molly's that night. Cruz had been the first to realise that Kelly had stopped visiting the bar as often as he used to, but he still made a point of inviting his lieutenant even though he knew what the answer was going to be. Kelly hoped that his crew didn't think that he was flaking out on them, but a few times when they had visited over the past months the atmosphere had been frosty as soon as they stepped into the bar. Kelly had grown used to being glared at during shift, but neither of them needed them glares to follow them onto their time off-shift. 

The drive back to the apartment took him barely any time at all, and Kelly all but raised inside eager to see Matt again after another twenty-four hours without him. Killing the engine as he pulled his car into its usual space next to Matt's truck, Kelly grinned to himself as he climbed out, hauling his work bag over his shoulder as he went. The small reception area was as dingy as it ever was, the small plant in the corner wilting against the dully painted wall, and the pigeon boxes on a small shelf overflowing with junk mail, flyers, and bills. Outside he and Matt, there was only one other permanent tenant in the building, all the other units and apartments were standing empty, presumably purchased by property developers who were waiting for the value of the space to increase. Kelly gathered up his post, flicking through the crap as he slowly walked up the stairs. The two manilla envelopes hidden beneath a flyer for a pizza takeout pace were nearly dismissed as nothing more than bills until Kelly glanced at the two different names in the address line. His stomach swooped in realisation, and he froze halfway up a flight of stairs as he tore open the envelope with his name. He knew what the result would be but seeing the confirmation on paper had him wanting to whoop in delight; and his own eagerness had him taking the rest of the steps two at a time as he raced to Matt. He wanted to share in the news, and he wanted Matt to tear open his own envelope with the same enthusiasm. 

Kelly burst into his apartment, holding Matt's envelope like it was a golden ticket and he was heading to Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. Dropping his work bag at the side of the front door, Kelly threw the junk mail on top of it, not caring as the multi-coloured papers cascaded onto the floor in a written word waterfall. He jogged across the room, stopping in the open doorway to the bedroom, the sight stealing his breath. Matt was sat up in the middle of the bed, his hair sticking up in various directions and all the pillows thrown haphazardly around him. He looked so soft, and innocent and looked like he had only just woken up from the sound of Kelly's entrance, as he wiped the sleep from his eyes with the cuff of the sweater that he was wearing. Kelly noted that it was one of his old knitted sweaters which had been twisted and stretched through years of wear; it was one that was baggy on him, and because of that it practically dwarfed Matt. Crawling onto the bed, Kelly didn't care that he was still wearing shoes as he manoeuvred himself so that he was boxing the blonde man's in with his arms as he leaned forwards and stole his lips for the first kiss of the day. 

"Morning gorgeous." Kelly whispered against the corner of Matt's lips as he brushed a kiss against his cheek for the second kiss of the day. 

"Morning, I didn't realise what time it was." Matt yawned, as he nuzzled his nose against Kelly's jaw. Kelly smiled at the touch, reaching out to stroke a hand through the soft blonde hair that was begging to be touched. Twenty-four hours of not being able to see the other man left him feeling like he had to soak up every single inch of him, and confirm to himself that he was there in front of him. 

"You look so beautiful, but I have a little surprise for you." Kelly grinned, pressing the third kiss to the tip of Matt's nose before he moved his stream of kisses back down to the perfect little smile on his lips. He had abandoned the manilla envelope at the foot of the bed when he had first climbed up to meet Matt, but now Kelly sat back on his heels to retrieve it and push it into Matt's waiting hands. He watched, his cheshire smile filling his face as Matt frowned down at the envelope, slowly twisting in in his hands before pulling at the opening with trembling hands. Realisation dawned on Matt as he pulled the paper out, his breath catching in his throat as he read through his results before slowly turning it round for Kelly to see. 

"All clean." Matt announced, and immediately Kelly surged forwards, capturing Matt in another kiss. Matt's results become trapped between their chests as hands scrambled for purchase on clothing, both men trying to pull the other closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO many conversations in this chapter! So many!
> 
> But yes Matt finally stood up to Nancy in a way, and Christie knows and is a supportive big sister! Really she is the first person in their family/friends circle who they have told about their relationship and in the next chapter every is going to find out! We have finally reached the point of the big reveal! It has taken us eight months, 14 chapters and over 90000 words but we are on the cusp of this moment!
> 
> I want to know peoples ideas/ theories on how the reveal is going to happen. I want to see how many of you amazing people who have stuck with this story as it became my pride and joy have got it figure out! :D
> 
> I look forward to reading all of your ideas, and thank you all again for joining me on this affair. That was a perfect pun and I am so proud of it. By the way the story is not ending with the reveal. There will be more to come!!!


	15. Chapter 15

Matt shuddered, the aftereffects of his orgasm making his heartbeat frantically, whilst the pleasure stole his breath and placed moans in its place. Kelly dropped down on top of him, the heat of skin pressed against skin left him shivering, as he found himself pinned to the bed with the other man's weight. He had never felt anything as pure and perfect as the feeling of Kelly's cock inside of him, with nothing separating their bodies. He had never known how much sensation was lost because of the thin layer of rubber in the condom until he felt the unbelievable, raw feeling and the perfect friction of the glide of Kelly's cock. The first time they went without was the morning that Kelly had rushed into the apartment, the two envelopes in his hands. That time, as Kelly had fluttered kisses across all of Matt's body, he had nearly came from the first thrust alone, and the stutter in the silver haired man's hips and the hiss of breath told him that Kelly had been just as close. Despite the countless times they had sex since then, Matt still found himself awestruck by how amazing it felt. 

He ran his fingers through the damp strands at the back of Kelly's head, chasing a small droplet of sweat with his finger as it slid down his damp neck. The sheets were ruined beneath their bodies, but neither men had the energy in that moment to roll away from the sweat-soaked covers. Matt could tolerate the fabric starting to cling to the damp skin, leaving him feeling oddly chilled despite the previous heat of the situation. His heart was still thumping in his chest, and he could feel Kelly's own racing against him. Matt could feel the silver haired man's hot breath against his neck as Kelly shifted between open-mouther kisses and gasps for air against his skin. Kelly's cock was softening inside of him, and it was among Matt's new favourite feelings; it was one of the many things that they were now able to do since ditching the latex. Before Kelly would have to pull out after they had both come, the need to get rid of the used condom hovering over their heads and stopping them from basking in the euphoric pleasure for as long as they wished they could.

It was a feeling of being full: full of cock, full of cum and full of love for the man that was slowly pressing kisses up his neck, sucking a mark underneath his ear. Matt moaned at the sensation, his cock twitching in interest despite the orgasm which had just robbed him of the ability to speak. "Love you gorgeous," Kelly whispered as he brushed a kiss against the small bruise which Matt knew would be vibrant purple for the new few days. Matt hummed in response, reaching up to stroke line down the silver haired man's jaw, a smile twitching at the corner of his lips as Kelly twisted his head so that he could angle another kiss against the pulse point in Matt's wrist. He found himself gasping at the sensation as Kelly finally pulled out of his body, his hole clenching around nothing and the now familiar sensation of cum leaking from him accompanied it. Lips were pressed against his wrist once more before Kelly rolled them both away from the damp patch on the sheets. His arms remained wrapped tightly around Matt, holding him against his chest as they laid on their sides, their bodies pressed close.

They had just finished off a shift that had them heading into overtime as the bells rang out ten minutes before third watch were scheduled to take them off. It was part of the job, but the three extra hours on top of a sleepless night had Matt wanting to sink into the pillows even with the sweaty sheets. It had been a few hard weeks for everyone at 51, and time seemed to have flown past them since Matt had come back to work after the shooting incident. No longer having his alderman position supplementing his income, yet still having to pay the bills for his apartment had left Matt trying to crunch the numbers over plenty of long evenings over the last few weeks. He was trying to rebuild his construction gig, regaining all the reputation that faded away during his brief stint in politics. It wasn't that his reputation was damaged by the alderman role, but more from the fact that reputation was built primarily on word of mouth and recommendations, and those had faded away after not working in the industry for a period of time. Kelly had been there supplying him with cups of coffee, and singing high praise to all the guys he knew in the boat trade about him. He had even waved off Matt contributing anything to the share of the bills, but that had made Matt even more determined to get his finances balanced. His firefighter salary was good pay, and was plenty enough for someone to live on, but not when he was trying to offer his share of the bills to Kelly whilst his apartment was draining a hole in his pocket. 

He knew that he was going to have to bring the conversation up about the apartment eventually, but the atmosphere at the house was borderline toxic, in a way that it hadn't been even when Andy died. Gabby was like a tornado whenever she walked into a room nowadays, and people were starting to shy away from her in fear of the fiery temper that was timed with venomous words. He had accepted it gracefully when the anger was just being aimed at him, but now everyone seemed to be victim to her firing range, and that was not acceptable. A part of him felt like the level of her anger could no longer be justified considering the many months that had passed since they had broken up; it was an opinion that Matt knew Kelly shared, the silver haired man had long ago grown bored of the scorned act that Gabby had kept up.

It wasn't just Gabby's cloud of drama that was causing tension in the house, with Mouch and Cruz now at each other's throats over an upcoming suspension and the addition of Jason Kannell had the rest of the house walking on eggshells. Matt felt for Kannell, the loss of two members of his squad had left him with a grief that the blonde man didn't think he was going to shake for a long time. 

"What you thinking about gorgeous?" Kelly whispered, his thumb stroking over the frown on Matt's brow. Matt found his frown disappearing in place of a small smile that he turned into the pillow. 

"Just thinking that I love you." Matt whispered; his words muffled by the pillow that he said them into. He wasn't lying, his thoughts had been elsewhere but in all those thoughts Kelly was next to him offering him all the love and support that anyone could possibly ask for. The silver haired man had so easily accepted that Matt was independent, but he was there ready to offer to share the burden that weighed on his shoulders. Kelly hummed in response, pulling Matt a little tighter into his side. The blonde man felt the gently press of lips against his cheek before the bed dipped beneath him as Kelly pushed himself upright. Matt whined low in the back of his throat even as Kelly stroked a hand down the length of his side, stopping at the small curve of his hip. 

"I love you too, now come on let’s have a shower and then catch some rest." Kelly suggested, offering Matt a smirk at the shiver that ran down the blonde's spine as his thumb brushed a sensitive spot on his hip. The blonde man watched in interest as his partner jumped from the bed with energy that he should have possessed, throwing the duvet onto the floor with him. The patter of bare feet on the floor was the only sound in the room as Matt buried his head back into the pillow. He felt the hand snake around his ankle, and he allowed his body to stay limp as Kelly playfully tugged him a few inches down the bed. Matt scrambled to grab the pillow once more, as his laughter joined with Kelly's chuckles. The sound of footsteps was followed by the bed dipping once more as Kelly braced himself with one hand as he reached up to grab one of the spare pillows. Matt gasped in surprise as the pillow that Kelly grabbed was softly hit against his thighs; the mischief sparkling in the squad lieutenants bright blue eyes as he hit him with the pillow once more before crouching down and stealing a kiss.

Matt pouted as the kiss parted, chasing after the touch as he shuffled to the edge of the bed. His body ached gloriously from the long shift and the amazing fuck that had left him floating in the clouds of ecstasy, and he moaned as he stretched his arms above his head. He rolled his eyes as he felt Kelly's stare consume him, his eyes flicking up and down the length of the blonde's body. The heat in Kelly's gaze was undeniable and it left Matt feeling flushed as he pushed himself to his feet, his cock twitching with an interest that he had no energy to fulfil. Kelly held out a hand towards him, pulling him back against his chest as soon as he stood to his feet. Matt couldn't help but smile as Kelly swayed him from side to side, even dipping him before pulling him back upright. Matt brushed his nose against Kelly's cheek, inhaling the faint smell of smoke and aftershave that clung to him from the last twenty-four hours.

Kelly led them into the bathroom, keeping contact between them in some form as he shuffled them into the shower and underneath the hot spray. Hands worked together, roaming over both of their bodies as they worked shampoo into their hair, and soap across their skin. Matt ran his sudsy hands down the thick muscles of Kelly's arms, as the other man held him firmly by his hips as they traded wet kisses. Fingers traced their way past his hips, trailing along the curve of his arse before gently stroking across his hole. Matt gasped as Kelly pushed the tip of his finger into his stretched entrance.

"You're teasing." Matt stated simply, water falling down his face as he looked up at the twinkle in Kelly's eyes.

"I'm just making sure you're all clean gorgeous." Kelly smirked, as he thrust his finger deeper, the touch grazing against Matt's prostate. If it hadn't been for the hand that remained tight on his hip, Matt was sure that his legs would have given out from under him as a shock of pleasure spread like fire through his veins. His moan vibrated in the space between them, the sound bouncing off the tiled walls and the glass doors as Matt dug his fingers into Kelly's arms. It was too much and not enough, and Matt's cock was growing hard against the other man's thigh as Kelly pulled his finger free. Whimpers fell from his lips, as Matt threw his head back as two fingers were pushed inside of his hole; water ran down his face, as he arched his back, desperately trying to push back against the intrusion.

The water cascading down upon them made their skin slide smoothly together as Matt alternated between pushing back against Kelly's hand and rocking his hips forward to grind against the silver haired man's thigh. Each little thrust of his hips had his cock rubbing against the sharp line of Kelly's hips, and every thrust back had the fingers pushing against the spot inside of them that made him forget everything apart from Kelly's name.

"Fuck I love you like this gorgeous," Kelly whispered against his cheek, his stubble felt rough where his lips felt smooth as his breath heated the blonde's skin. Matt gasped in response, a whimper escaping from his throat as he felt Kelly's fingers leave him once more. The water felt chilled against his heated skin as Matt curled a hand around the back of the silver haired man's neck, tugging him into a fierce and messy kiss. Hands returned to both of his hips, fingers biting into the skin hard enough to leave bruises as Matt found himself being lifted into the air as if he weighed nothing. 

Both arms came up to wrap around Kelly's shoulders, grasping for purchase as he yelped in surprise as he was pushed back against the shower wall. The tiles were ice against his skin, and a visible shiver ran through Matt's body as his hissed at the sudden change in temperature. Kelly used the wall to anchor them both as he lifted Matt even higher in his arms; the blonde man's moans filled the small space once more as he felt the tip of Kelly's cock pressing against his entrance once more. "Kelly, come on. Do it." Matt begged.

The feeling of Kelly's cock stretching him wide had Matt throwing his head back against the tiled wall, his eyes rolling back into his head at the rush of pleasure that wash over him like a crashing wave. The press of lips against his collarbone barely registered to him, as his arse clenched around the other man's cock; Matt felt like he could feel every single part of Kelly inside of him, like there was nothing but the feeling of being filled with love. They had never had sex quite like this, and Matt found himself being slowly rocked up and down on Kelly's cock, the muscles in the silver haired man's arms pulsing with the strength that was required to hold the blonde man in place. His pace was slow, but Kelly was brushing against his prostate with every thrust. It wasn't enough and it was too much at the same time; the feeling of being stretch merged with the dull ache from their previous fucking, but every thrust had him spluttering for breath as he moaned out Kelly's name. 

He wrapped his legs even more tightly around the silver haired man's waist, Matt's thighs tensing around Kelly's waist as the soft kisses that had been littered against his collarbone turned to the scraping of teeth and the sharp bites that had Matt throwing his head back against the tiles once more. The sound of water was lost beneath their moans and the sound of skin slapping against skin. Matt clawed his fingers into the back of Kelly's neck, a hiss of pain falling from the other man's lips as his nails scratched, undoubtedly leaving red marks in place. Matt gasped as his arousal started to race through his body, building like a crescendo in the pit of his stomach as his orgasm came racing towards him. "Kel," he gasped in warning, his eyes fluttering closed as a moan followed Kelly's name. 

"Touch yourself Matt, cum for me." Kelly whispered, his voice sounding just as wrecked as Matt felt. He momentarily worried about letting go of his tight hold on the other man, but Matt felt Kelly's hands tighten on his hips. Matt unravelled a hand from the back of Kelly's neck, pushing it between the tight space between their bodies to take his cock in hand. He could barely move his first with how close their chests were, but the feeling of his hand around his throbbing cock was perfect. He knew instantly that he wouldn't be able to last much longer, and as he jerked his cock in small movements his orgasm crashed into him. 

The shower tried to wash away the evidence of his release immediately, but it couldn't hide the way that his whole body shuddered with pleasure before he felt like he lost all control of his limbs. His legs felt weightless as they stopped squeezing Kelly's hips so tightly, and the arm still wrapped around his shoulders fell limp. Matt gasped at the sensation of his orgasm as he felt his body being lifted up and down on the cock stick stretching him wide. In that moment he was a vessel for Kelly's release, as the other man continued to fuck into him as he chased his own orgasm. Kelly pulled him down, holding him so that his cock was fully seated inside of him, as he sunk his teeth against Matt's shoulder. 

Their moans gave way to catching breaths as Kelly slid from Matt's body, slowly setting him back down on the floor. The shower had begun to run tepid, no longer blasting out the steaming water that it had before. Matt hummed, brushing his lips against Kelly's forehead as the silver haired man dropped his head against Matt's shoulder. Arms wrapped around each other in a tight embrace, as they sagged together using the other to support themselves as they came down from their high. "I love you," Matt smiled, stroking a finger across the nail marks that were standing out brightly on Kelly's shoulders. 

"Love you more." Kelly replied with a soft voice as he curled his arms around Matt's waist snuggling against him. It was a feat that could have appeared comical due to the silver haired man's larger frame, but Matt accepted the embrace. He lifted his chin higher in the air, blinking away the water that fell into his eyes as Kelly crouched slightly to nuzzled underneath Matt's chin. A chuckle rumbled through Matt's throat, as Kelly blindly reached behind them to shut off the chilling water. They stood there for a moment, listening to the drip of the water falling from the shower head, neither of them finding it within themselves to move. 

"Would this have been easier if we had a bathtub?" Matt grinned up at the other man when Kelly finally pulled away from the embrace, smiling down at him now that he was once more stood up tall. What was intended as a jokey comment visibly flashed across Kelly's face as he pushed open the shower door, eyes roaming through the large bathroom before pulling two fluffy grey towels from the nearby shelf. Matt found himself being consumed by a towel as Kelly turned back to face him, wrapping one round his shoulders and wrapping it tight. 

"We could ask Capp to see if it could be done." Kelly suggested, making Matt's brow rise. He hadn't intended for the comment to be taken seriously, but now he could picture it perfectly in his mind; a bathtub that would be big enough for the both of them to lie in, low lights and Kelly's arms wrapped around him as they laid down in the hot water. 

"Can we guarantee that Capp won't end up breaking the apartment? I mean I know we joked about it being flooded when my mother showed up, but we don't actually have to follow through with it." Matt smiled as Kelly wrapped him up a little tighter with the towel, before grabbing a smaller one to dry his hair. 

"No guarantee whatsoever." Kelly grinned down at him, swiping the towel over his face before ducking down to steal a kiss. Matt allowed himself to be led out of the bathroom, a trail of steam escaping with them as they stepped into their bedroom. The sheets were still staring up at them, a reminder of the activities that they shared before their fun in the shower. They would need to be changed before they headed out in the evening, or they would never get round to it when they got back and neither man wanted to be the one to sleep on the side with dried cum and lube stains. Tugging on his underwear, Matt reluctantly let the warm towel slip from his shoulders, kicking it to the door where the sheets would be thrown in a few moments time; it was laundry day so he didn't have to go and hang it back up. 

Grabbing one of Kelly's old t-shirts which Matt had claimed as his own, he pulled it over his head deciding that he would get dressed properly before they headed out later. He was about to grab for a pair of shorts, when he found himself being cocooned in the big teddy-bear blanket that usually resided at the foot of the bed. It had been kicked to the floor earlier on before they could ruin it, but now Kelly was standing there wrapping it around his shoulders just like he had done with the towel only moments ago. "I'll sort in here; you go and relax gorgeous."

Matt opened his mouth ready to refuse and offer his assistance when he saw the look flash across Kelly's face, daring him to try and argue with his suggestion. Matt closed his mouth, a smile flashing across Kelly's face as his eyes twinkled in amusement. It felt wrong of him to walk out of their bedroom, leaving the other man to tidy up their combined mess. He pulled the blanket a little tighter around his shoulders as he curled up in one of the two armchairs laid out in front of the fireplace. It was something that he had never seen Kelly light before, however there had been logs sat ready to be burned ever since Matt had moved in. The blonde man stared into the unlit fireplace, the blanket around his shoulder offering him the warmth as he smiled at the ruffling of sheets and the gentle cursing that flowed from the bedroom. 

* * *

There was nothing quite like Chicago at evening, the city skyline shone around them, highlighted against the rainbow of colours that the sunset provided. The sun had already disappeared behind the taller building's leaving nothing but a soft glow that was fading, giving way to the dark night sky. The streets were busy, and they had a hard time finding a space to park anywhere close to Molly's; they ended up find a space that was a five-minute walk away from the bar. Matt shivered with the chill in the air before a smile filled his face as he found himself being pushed back against the side of the car. Kelly bracketed him against, his hands rested on the roof of the car, leaving Matt trapped between the door and the other man's chest. A chuckle escaped from his lips, as he watched in slow motion as Kelly leaned forwards to steal a kiss. Matt clutched at Kelly's side, keeping him pressed close as the bustle of the city carried on around them. Cars kept driving past, people kept walking and the sun continued to set above them. 

Neither man had been back to Molly's for a few weeks, deciding to spend their days off exploring other parts of the city. They had unwilling cut themselves away from seeing their friends for drinks in the evening as they previously had in an attempt to limit their interactions with Gabby outside of work. Some of the guys had noticed; Herrmann had started to point out the nights when Gabby wasn't on rota behind the bar, Cruz had begun suggesting different bars for the squad crew to visit some nights, and Boden had even offered an invitation to chat if he needed it. Matt had felt resigned to going to Molly's, accepting the invite from Kannell after their last shift. He felt awful for his old friend and he wanted to offer more than just his advice and his sympathies. He knew what it was like to lose men, and it was a feeling that he wished he would never have to endure again. It was why he didn't try to convince Kannell to meet up in a different place instead of Molly's; he didn't want to burden his friend with his own issues when he was already weighed down by so many of his own. 

"Hmm, if you keep kissing me like that we'll never get to Molly's." Matt hummed against Kelly's lips as the silver haired man ducked close once more about to steal another kiss. 

"You say that like it's a bad thing," Kelly raised an eyebrow, smirking as Matt threw his head back to let out a bellowing laugh that probably drew the attention of some passer-by's. Matt gently nudged Kelly back with a tap against his chest, his smile breaking across his face as he pushed himself away from the car. They began walking, their shoulders brushing with every step as they kept glancing across and sharing secret smiles. 

Molly's was crowded, and Matt nodded his head in passing greeting at some of the cops, and firefighters that he knew as he made his way towards one of the tables which Kannell had managed to claim for them. Kannell was peeling the label of his beer as he appeared lost in thought; Matt knew that look, it had graced his own face enough times in the past to know that the place his friend was currently inhabiting was not pleasant. He didn't know if Kannell was doing better, or just getting better at hiding the pain of loss; the number of times that he had stayed at the house after shift had been decreasing, but Matt hadn't yet figured out if the other man was feeling more comfortable being back on his own. 

"Hey Kannell," Matt nodded in greeting as he dropped down on one of the stools, fighting his grin as Kelly grabbed the one next to him. The tables were small, and with the bar already so busy it was easy to pretend that their closeness was due to that. 

"Casey, Lieutenant." Kannell greeted, nodding his head at both men. 

"Just Severide when we're not on shift, do you want another?" Kelly asked, pointing his finger at the half-empty bottle that looked like it had been nursed more than it had been drunk. Matt tried not to shiver as Kelly's hand brushed his thigh as he moved to stand up from the stool once more. Matt stared after him and enjoy the view as the silver haired man strut across the small space like he owned it, before leaning forwards against the bar, sticking his arse out slightly in the process. Matt quickly averted his eyes, remembering his friend’s presence and more crucially remembering that outside of his sister no one was yet aware of their relationship. 

* * *

They fell into an easy atmosphere when Kelly returned with the drinks, sipping beers, and watching the game on TV as they joked and chatted. A few of the guys on squad rumbled past them, stopping to join them for a spell before they headed to a different part of the bar; it was one of the things that Matt had missed about Molly's. It was the atmosphere, it was sitting in a bar and seeing familiar faces all around you, seeing the people what you worked with all the time, and the ones that you only got to see on occasion. Matt pushed himself out of his stool, huffing at the subtle brush of fingers against his hip as he stood. It was Herrmann and Otis behind the bar that evening, both men rushing back and forth between patrons with smiles permanently etched on their face. 

He nodded his head in greeting as Herrmann hustled past him, his hands full of beers which he put down in front of someone that Matt was sure he had seen at Med once. Matt forced himself to hold back the chuckle that threatened to escape him as he watched the way that Herrmann took an extra second to look down at the cash that was passed across from the customer; Matt knew that in that single second, Herrmann had quickly checked that the right amount had been passed over before the guy was fast enough to pull his hand back. It was one of the things that he had been quick to learn about Herrmann when he met the man all those years ago, he could bitch and moan about maths, but put money in front of him and he could count it in seconds. Matt had personally seen Herrmann complain because he had been short-changed the second after a server had passed his change over.

Matt was feeling light, the beers helping the feeling along. Together they had already gone through a couple of rounds, and Matt had accepted the shot of vodka that had been pushed into his hand earlier on in the evening by Burgess when she had stopped by the table to chat whilst she waited for some of the guys from intelligence to turn up. The alcohol had burned as soon as it hit his tongue, leaving him wincing at the taste to everyone else's amusement. Matt was not a shot kind of guy, and he had been quick to decline when a second was offered to him. 

"You've got some nerve coming here." A voice came from behind him, and Matt recognised the voice with a small groan as he spun around to face the speaker. Ramone was just as beady eyed as he had been every time that Matt had met him, and to quote something he had heard thrown around before, he had serious little man syndrome. He had bit back remarks and held his tongue he wanted to say something to the man when he had been with Gabby, knowing that whatever he wanted to say would never have been worth the aggravation that would occur. He didn't have to dread the inevitable arguments now, as he returned the scowl being directed at him. 

"I'm just here for a drink with my friends Ramone." Matt huffed, eyes tracking the slight sway in the other man's posture. It was clear that he wasn't the only one who had been drinking that night, and whilst Matt felt pleasantly buzzed, he wasn't the one standing there drunk. He had heard through the fire house gossip trail that he had moved in with Gabby into Matt's apartment and that sparked a flash of annoyance deep in the blonde man's gut whenever he thought about it. From over Ramone's shoulder he could see Kelly and Kannell watching the exchange, and Matt could see the way that Kelly's jaw had tightened and his fist was clenched tight on the bar table as if he was ready to push himself up any second. Matt turned back to the bar, hoping that Herrmann was ready to serve him, and knowing that if Ramone tried to act tough and throw a punch, Kelly would be there to have his back. 

"You're a disgrace," Matt growled, the annoyance in his gut flaring up to his chest with rage as Ramone spat the words at him. 

Herrmann had finished with the customer that he had been serving, and had moved towards them both, hands held out as if to mediate the situation between the two men. Matt could see the frown on his friend’s face, and he knew that it wasn't directed at him as he warned, "Ramone."

"After everything that my daughter had done for you," Ramone seemed to ignore Herrmann's sharp tone, and was oblivious to the death glare that Kelly was undoubtedly sending him. 

Matt turned back to the older man, feeling an anger that was unrivalled to anything he had ever felt before. He had never wanted to punch someone more than he did right now, not even when he had punched Griffin in the face back in the academy. He couldn't understand how deluded a person had to be, or how manipulative someone else could be to make them think that it was Gabby who had been the one sacrificing everything over the years. Relationships didn't work like that, not one lone person made all the sacrifices, and if they did it would be a toxic and unbalanced relationships which shouldn't be happening. Matt wasn't going to stand there and proclaim that Gabby was the only one who made sacrifices, but he was willing to say that he had been forced to make sacrifices of his own. He was fuming, he could feel the venomous anger pulsing in his veins as his fists tightened at his sides; he could picture the punch as well, he knew exactly where he would aim, and he could imagine Ramone hitting the floor or stumbling back against the table where Kelly was sat. Matt wouldn't be surprised if Kelly then decided to throw a punch of his own. 

He wanted to do it, but he didn't want to be that kind of man who released their anger through their fists. His evening was done here at Molly's, and ultimately this one confrontation had put a dampener on the all the good and fun moments that he had shared with his friends before it. "I don't have to listen to this," Matt growled, shouldering his way past Ramone. They had drawn the attention of a few onlookers now, and it felt like the music had gone quiet as people paused to watch the display.

"She gave up everything for you," Ramone continued, his voice echoing throughout the bar gaining the attention of those who had not yet began to watch the exchange between the two men. Matt felt the anger boil up inside of him once more as Ramone tried to make them centre stage of his own orchestrated spectacle. He didn't know what his face must look like, whether it was flushed from the anger, the beer, or the embarrassment as people he worked with, and people he knew all began to stare at him. He could see the fury burning in Kelly's eyes in the same way it did whenever Gabby made a snipe at him at work, and Matt knew that he wasn't the only one who was envisioning the punch that Ramone deserved in that second. Matt shook his head at Kelly as he saw the silver haired man begin to slowly rise from his stool. He didn't need Kelly starting a fist fight in the middle of the bar where probably a third of the patrons were cops. 

Heaving out a sigh, Matt slowly turned back around hating the smug look on Ramone's face as the older man stared up at him. Little Man syndrome, Matt mentally repeated to himself as he saw the glee in Ramones piggy eyes. "I'm done. I want you and Gabby out of my apartment."

"The smug look on Ramones face faded before Matt's eyes, replaced with a flash of fear before the man snorted. Ramone folded his arms, and puffed out his chest as he scowled up at Matt. "You can't do that."

Matt thought of the nights that he had been kept awake thinking about the numbers in his bank account which had seemed to be dropping before his very eyes. He thought of the home that he had built himself in that apartment, which now felt tainted with the past, and he thought about Kelly's apartment and how actually sometimes a home wasn't about how you decorated the place or filled it with furniture, but about the people who are there with you. "I can," Matt stated, “It's my apartment; it was me who brought it and it is only my name on the deed. Neither you or Gabby have been paying any of the bills so why should I let you stay there."

"Well if it’s your apartment, maybe you should pay the bills." Ramone spat, the venom in his voice sounding so much like his daughters that for the first time, Matt finally saw where she got it from. 

Matt didn't miss a beat, as he frowned down at the man. "I want you both out by the end of the week." He didn't wait for a response, as he turned once more back towards Kannell and Kelly. Both men were hovering half out of their seats, and glancing around the room, Matt saw more people in similar positions; Herrmann was half leaning over the bar, rage in his eyes as he glared at Ramone whilst Halstead and Burgess looked like they were wanting Ramone to try and throw a punch just so that they could throw him in a cell for the night. Turning his attention back to Kelly, Matt nodded at the silent question in the silver haired man's eyes, accepting the coat that he was passed. 

The silence followed Matt as the crowd of customers parted leaving a path towards the door to the bar. He kept his head high even as he stepped out into the cold Chicago evening, resisting the immediate urge to tighten his coat around him as the chill stole the breath from his chest. The door to the bar closed behind Kelly and Kannell as both men followed his exit, all three of them standing on the sidewalk in silence as they contemplated what had happened. Kannell was the first to break the silence that fell over them, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jacket as he offered Matt a small grin, "What a dick."

A gasp of laughter escaped from Matt's lips; his breath visible in the air. It released some of the tension in his shoulders as he nodded in agreement. "Sorry about the evening," Matt offered a small smile at his friend; they had arranged to meet up and have drinks to help Kannell feel more relaxed around the crew at 51, and sake his mind of what happened. 

"Hey man don't sweat it. I'll see you guys next shift okay. Don't go getting into any more arguments." Kannell laughed, clapping Matt on the shoulder, and offering his hand towards Kelly before he turned and began walking down the street. Matt watched after him for a moment, before sinking into the touch as Kelly brushed his hand against the small of his back. He didn't care if the door to Molly's swung open behind him, and that was how their relationship was revealed to all of their friends and peers in that instance, because all that mattered was the feeling of warmth and love that spread through his chest replacing all of the anger that had filled it. 

* * *

Matt felt the dread deep with him, his stomach doing flips as he lifted his work bag a little higher on his shoulder as he stepped into the firehouse with Kelly right by his side. He focused on the memory of the other night when they returned home after the incident at Molly's; they had curled together underneath their fresh sheets, Matt tucked underneath Kelly's arm and shivering at the feather light sensation of fingers running up and down his bicep. Kelly had held him close, whispering suggestions as to how they could get the Dawson's out of Matt's apartment, each suggestion getting more and more outlandish than the last. They chuckled, and snorted as they joked around, each laugh that graced their lips erasing some of the anger that was still burning away somewhere in their minds. Matt clung to the more ludicrous suggestions as he braced himself for the inevitable onslaught. 

It was just like standing in front of a burning building, and preparing himself for what was going to greet him as soon as he stepped inside and was met with the thick smoke and the lick of the flames, and that was how Matt described his thoughts. He knew that Gabby was going to scream at him, and he was prepared to meet that argument head on. He was done playing games, and he was through with being a puppet in her orchestra. He was finished with looking at his dwindling savings whilst she was living in his apartment not contributing anything to the mortgage or the bills. He didn't know what he was going to do with the place either, whether he should sell it or whether he should rent it out to someone, but he did know that he no longer wanted to live there himself. Matt felt the brush of a hand against his wrist as Kelly whispered softly to him as they walked through the empty bunk room. "Remember if all else fails, we'll get Ruzek or someone to go knocking on her door every hour of the day until she finally has enough."

"I thought it was going to be Trudy?" Matt smirked, as Kelly grinned at him and offered him a wink.

"Yh but Ruzek would annoy her more." Kelly explained. Matt bit his lip back to hold in the laughter as they turned the corner into the locker room. 

The locker room was just as empty as the bunk room had been, and Matt let his bag slip form his shoulder, falling to the floor with a thud as he found himself being pushed up against first locker. The metal was icy cold even through his shirt, and the gasp that fell from his lips was stolen as he Kelly's lips crashed against his in a kiss that was never going to be appropriate for the workplace. Matt's hand came up to the back of Kelly's neck, his nails scraping through the short silver hair as his gasps and a moan was swallowed out of him. The other man's body seemed to blanket him entirely as he pressed closer. He didn't want it to stop; he wanted to submit himself to the man entirely, and he didn't care if that meant he was stripped naked in the work locker room and fucked right there for anyone to see. Lips fell away from his, trailing down his jaw and towards his neck where Matt would inevitably end up with another bruise if neither man were careful. "Kel, we need to stop." Matt gasped, his knees threatening to give out from underneath him as Kelly sucked at the spot on his neck that made him nearly lose all his inhibitions. 

A small whine fell from Kelly's throat as he pulled away from the red mark that was now gracing Matt's neck, looking down at the blotch of colour with pride in his eyes. Matt went to pull the man back close, so that he could feel the familiar touch of lips against his own when the sound of the door slamming in the other room had them both jumping in surprise. The moment between them faded as footsteps echoed on the lino floor. Kelly pushed himself backwards, leaving Matt to quickly scramble towards his own locker pretending to be focused on something inside so that he didn't have to turn around. His cock was hard, the material of his work trousers doing little to disguise it as he tugged a jacket from his locker just as Mouch walked around the corner. Matt nodded his head towards the older man, keeping his hips angled towards the metal door as he offered up a 'Morning' to the man. Mouch appeared to be pre-occupied, lost in his own thoughts as he returned his own greeting a few seconds later. Matt frowned as he watched the older man head down the line to his own locker, but he chose not to dwell on the mood in that moment, chalking it down to whatever was kicking off between him and Cruz. 

Matt waited until Mouch opened his locker door to close his own, hastily turning away from the man as he willed his arousal back down inside of him. His trousers were still tight around his crotch, but the outline of his cock was significantly less obvious than it had been even with the feel of Kelly's eyes on his arse as he walked out of the locker room. The kiss had sparked something which was going to linger over their heads for the rest of the day until they could get home, and no doubt there would be clothes flying everywhere as soon as the door was closed. 

* * *

A cup of coffee was cooling on his desk, as Matt distracted himself with the paperwork pile that never seemed to diminish in size. Squad had been called out twenty minutes ago just as the smell of bacon had begun to drift from the kitchen. Matt had settled with filling a cup and throwing in a heaped spoonful of creamer instead as he tried not to laugh at the way Capp and Tony moaned as they pushed themselves up from the table. The paperwork in front of him hadn't seemed to get any smaller even as he moved another piece into his completed pile. It was just another part of the job; not everything could be fighting fires and saving lives, sometimes it was filling out little boxes and making sure that the t's were crossed. It was tedious, and Matt sighed as he glanced between his cup of coffee and the pile of messy papers; he was going to need more than just coffee to make this any better. He pulled the next page towards him, a frown filling his face as he looked at a report from a fire last week; it was a run of the mill fire, caused by someone who left a candle unattended when they went to bed one night. Matt remembered it, the woman then pulled out of the fire was perfectly okay, and apart from the living room, the rest of the house had been relatively undamaged. Matt had begun filling out the paperwork for this incident when they had come back from the call, getting halfway through before the bells rang again. 

He grew so focused to the scratching sound of his pen moving across the paper, that the creek of the office door opening had him jumping in surprise. He turned on his chair towards the door, the frown on his brow deepening at who would be entering his office without knocking first. He wasn't strict, but it was a common courtesy that everyone at the house adhered to when it was a closed door. His frown only deepened further as he saw Gabby standing in the doorway, her hands braced against it as she glared down at him. He could see the burning hatred that radiated from her eyes as she pushed herself forwards towards him. Matt knew that he shouldn't have turned away from the woman, but he didn't expect the sudden pain as she slapped him across the face. The blonde man felt like his skin was on fire from where her hand made contact as he turned back to face her. 

"You're being selfish." Gabby spat at him as she stepped into his office like she owned the place. 

Matt didn't flinch, or more to touch his burning cheek as he turned back to face her. All the anger that he had felt towards her rushing to the surface as he returned her glare, "Excuse me, who the hell do you think you are!"

"How dare you say that you want me out of our apartment." Gabby's voice carried, filling the small office, and undoubtedly filling the bunk room. Matt pushed himself to his feet, throwing his pen down on top of the paperwork as he felt all the words that he had wanted to say push their way to the front of his mind. He wanted to call her out on all the selfish things that she had done over the years, and he wanted to make her listen. 

"It is my apartment; your name is not on the deed." Matt snapped. He felt sick of this discussion already. she knew that her name was not on the deed, and it infuriated him that she would now try to suggest that it was their our apartment when she had not made any contribution to the mortgage when they had first chose the place. Matt had sold his old house and had used half the money from the sale as deposit, and the other half went into his savings. Logically he could have brought the apartment outright, but he had seen first-hand what could happen if someone's money was completely tied up in a house and something bad occurred. At the time, when his relationship with Gabby was still new, he hadn't thought of the consequences of what might happen in the future. She had put money into his account for her share of the bills, and that had been the end of it. 

"I can't believe you, where the hell is the man that loved me." Gabby shouted, raising her hands up in the air as if she was done with the conversation. Matt felt revulsion settle in his stomach, twisting with the anger that boiled at his blood; he couldn't even picture himself as the man that had feelings for her anymore, all he could see was the bitter and vindictive woman that was standing before him. 

"I'm not that man anymore. You need to be out before the end of the weeks, or I will get CPD involved." Matt replied, lowering his voice to an acceptable volume. He resisted the urge to scowl at the paramedic as she snorted derogatively at him, her hair flipping through the air as she spun on her heel. The glass in the door rattled as she slammed it closed behind her, leaving Matt staring after her through the window silently fuming. He knew that she took his threat as empty words, not believing that he would get the police involved and even if he did, Gabby probably presumed that a mention of her brother’s name would make the situation go away. Matt was determined, and he hoped that Antonio would support him when it reached the outcome. 

Matt's cheek smarted and as he watched the door to the bunk room slam closed, he lifted his hand to touch the burning flesh. He could feel the heat that was radiating from the place where she had hit him, and Matt didn't need to look in a mirror to know that he probably had a red mark to match. He felt like he was on a tipping point, and he knew that this sort of animosity couldn't keep going on in the house. It would only get worse and more heated if he had to law enforcement involved in having Gabby removed from his house. Matt debated heading to see Boden straight away, but his phone vibrating on his desk caught his attention first. 

> _Whose day is it to cook???X - K_
> 
> _Be warned, Otis is on kitchen duty. X- M_
> 
> _Nope. Fuck that. We're done on the scene, gonna grab food to bring back. X - K_
> 
> _It's McDonalds, Tony's decided. Usual? X - K_
> 
> _Yes please X. Gabby cornered me just now, slapped me and started shouting X - M_
> 
> _Are you okay?? X - K_
> 
> _I'm fine, I just wanted to let you know so you don't freak out when you get back X - M_
> 
> _Be 10 minutes X - K_

* * *

Matt abandoned his paperwork, leaving it in the messy piles of his desk as he headed out onto the apparatus floor. The space where the squad rig parked was empty as Matt dropped himself down into Kelly's chair at the squad table. Matt smirked to himself as he leaned back in the recliner that Kelly had dubbed as his years before. He ran his hands along the arm, feeling the cracks in the leather beneath his fingers as he listened to the rumbling of complaints that were echoing in from the kitchen. He could hear the faint grumbles that always occurred when it was Otis's time to cook; no one liked being subjected to the recipes that he insisted on making every time. No matter how many times the man must have made them for the house, they were still as god-awful as the first. Matt hadn't been able to eat beetroot since the first month of having Otis as a candidate all those years before. The candidate role was one that always met with the worst tasks in the house, but even he had to put a stop to putting that man on constant kitchen duties; there was only so much beetroot and cabbage a person could stand. Matt could already picture the mournful looks on the rest of the guys faces when they saw the bags of greasy food that squad would come back with. 

He didn't know how long he was sat there, listening to the bickering echoing out from the kitchen, and the sound of traffic passing by outside as he relaxed into the armchair. He had made jokes about the chair, most recently when Kannell had come to the house, but Matt understood why arguments and wars had been started over this chair. The leather was soft beneath his touch, and it seemed to smell of Kelly's aftershave, as if the smell had built up in the fabric over all the years; it left Matt feeling like he was being surrounded by the other man.

The sound of the rig pulling back into the firehouse had Matt sitting up a little bit taller in Kelly's chair, a small smile stretching across his cheeks as he waited in eager anticipation for the promised food. The smell of grease wafted over to him as soon as the doors to the rig opened and Capp climbed out brandishing a stuffed brown paper bag. Footsteps thumped on the concrete floor, and Matt found himself bracing for the moment that Kelly walked around the rig and saw the mark on his face. The pain had subsided now, and Gabby didn't have the strength in herself to leave anything more devastating than a red handprint across his face, but Matt knew that it wouldn't make a difference in the end. It wouldn't matter if it was just a red mark or a full-on black eye, Kelly was going to be seething at the paramedic regardless. He lifted his chin high in the air, as Kelly appeared from the passenger side of the rig, still donning his turnout pants as he stomped towards him like a man possessed. 

Matt looked up as Kelly stopped directly in front of him, the bag of food he was carrying being carefully placed onto the table. It was like Kelly forgot about his four men who were dropping down into their usual seats at the table, and flashed Matt a raised eyebrow before they began to tear into their own brown paper bags. Kelly reached down, gently pressing his hand underneath Matt's chin, and slowly angling his face so that he could see the red mark that remained on Matt's cheek. The touch was so personal, and so intimate and Matt felt his breath catch in his throat as he fought not to make a sound which would have led to his own embarrassment. Matt could feel the eyes of Kannell, Cruz and Tony on him as they watched Kelly slide his thumb across the bottom of the mark. Capp was too engrossed in his food to pay attention, but emitted a large yelp when one of the others must had nudged him to gain his attention. 

Kelly coughed, stepping back from Matt slowly, his eyes still trained on the blonde man's cheek as he dropped his weight into one of normal chairs surrounding the squad table. Matt did this best to keep the grin from his face as he was handed his box of fries, and had a milkshake pushed across the table towards him. He could feel the eyes of the other men trained on both himself and Kelly as if they were a new exhibit at a zoo. Matt tried not to let the scrutiny affect him, as he eagerly accepted the burger box which was the next thing to be pushed his way. 

* * *

The groan of complaint that fell from Herrmann's lips when he found Matt sitting at the squad table covered in McDonalds wrappers kept a smile on the blonde’s face for the entire drive over to the hospital. He stood back, in-between Mouch and Kidd as Herrmann greeted the victim whom they had pulled from the car fire on the previous shift. It was moments like these that really warmed Matt's heart, the things that the guys did that went above and beyond the call of duty like sweet-talking their way into Wrigley Field so that a kid could get to meet the player that he had been on his way to meet when his accident happened. Hogan was stood with Herrmann, a huge smile filling his cheeks as he chatted with the players as they walked out onto the field. Matt smiled as Kris Bryant signed Hogan's cast, and his smile grew even wider when the kid asked Herrmann to do the same. His radio crackled to life against his chest, drawing the attention of all the firefighters as they listened to the call out. "Truck 81, Factory fire."

"Time to go," Matt announced, nodding his head at the Hogan family before he turned on his heel and started up the steps, jogging back towards the rig. 

The sirens were blaring loudly around them as Otis manoeuvred the rig through the busy Chicago streets. The smell of smoke clung in the air, and rose in black puffs into the air, ruining the perfect blue sky. They caught up with squad and engine, just as they pulled into loading area outside of the building. The fire had already popped all the windows in the factory, and flames could be visible on each floor. One of the loading bay doors was open wide, showing the fire eating through whatever had been stored on the metal shelving inside leaving nothing but flames in their place. People were staggering out of the building in a state of daze, soot staining their skin and their breaths catching in their throats and escaping as coughs and gasps. 

Matt jumped from his seat, gathering his equipment as everyone around him began doing the same. The screech of tires filled the air as Boden's truck led the ambulance into the area. Heaving his oxygen tank onto his back, Matt nodded his head towards Herrmann and Mouch as all three units gathered around Boden for instructions. Matt's eyes scanned the outside of the building, taking in the colour of the smoke and the sheer amount of visible flames coming from inside. The fire had already spread across all of the internal floors if the windows were anything to go by, and he nodded in acknowledgment as Boden announced, "Quick trigger on this one, my gut is saying four minutes."

A fireball burst from one of the windows before Truck could even step forwards to follow Squad and Engine towards the open loading bay doors. They would be lucky to get the four minutes which Boden estimated, and Matt felt the adrenaline flash inside of him as he stepped inside and into the flames. Inside the fire was the one in control, and immediately there were workers that were struggling to reach the exit and get to safety. They didn't know the number of people who were potentially still trapped inside, but judging from the size of the warehouse and the number of people who had been outside upon their arrival, there could be dozens trapped. Matt orders Mouch and Herrmann to take a different route, as Otis and Kidd took another set of victims outside. Matt continued through the maze of rooms on his own, shouting to make his presence known above the roar of the fire. 

"Okay that's it. I want all firefighters to evacuate the building immediately." Boden's voice crackled over the radio, as Casey flipped a piece of furniture over as he continued to do his primary search of the room, he was in. He kept his eyes on the ground, looking for people who may have huddled behind something or may have collapses onto the floor to escape the rising smoke. His eyes caught on a foot sticking out from behind a machine. 

"Chief it's Casey. Got someone," Matt announced, dropping his halligan to the floor next to the victim. With his hands free, he pulled the victim so that he was sitting upright, placing the halligan onto the victim’s lap, he moved a hand to support the man's back as he scooped him up into his arms. He staggered underneath the man's weight, as he moved back the way he came. He needed to stay low to the ground, to protect both himself and the victim from the rising flames, and the need to adjust his height was throwing him off balance. The flames had intensified in the rooms in the minute that he had been in them last. The sound of the conversation between the others and Boden crackled out from his radio, his stomach dropping at Herrmann's call regarding Mouch. The need to help his men, and to get them home to their families settled like a weight in his gut, but he could do nothing when he had a victim in his arms. He needed to get the victim to safety first before he could go back for the men that he spent half his life with. 

"This is Casey, I'm coming out with one." Matt stated. He was getting closer to being back at the entrance, but he wasn't close to being safe yet. The sound of creaking above him, had him pause in his step, watching as the fire clawed at the ceiling, collapsing it down as the structure was no longer able to support itself against the heat. Matt pushed himself to the floor, covering the victim with his body as the ceiling gave way in front of them, leaving a pile of burning debris in its place. The sound of the crackling flames, and the sound of collapse surrounded him, as Matt curled his arm over the top of the victim's head further supporting him as larger chunks of the building's infrastructure fell around them. Lifting his head, he examined the situation, glancing at the way the exit had been and debris that was now blocking his path. The fire had attacked the new kindling, the flames growing higher and higher as they burned through everything that they could. 

Matt dragged the victim further away from the flames, back towards a wall where the fire hadn't yet touched. The fire had him trapped, with burning debris stopping him from continuing to his exit and flames now filling the doorway he had just came from. "Chief I'm trapped. Need immediate assistance."

"Severide what is your position, can you assist Casey?"

"Yh yh, we’re working on it chief, but we're blocked."

Matt's heart dropped in his chest as Kelly's reply to Boden crackled over the radio. The reality hitting him like a brick as his stomach dropped at the words being said. The sound of the explosion, the fire flashing over in a small part of the building had his heart stopping as he forgot how to breath in that second. Every firefighter had felt fear in their life, and every firefight had the jobs where they genuinely didn't think they were going to make it out alive, and Matt felt that fear. He felt the fear not just for himself but for Kelly too. 

"Herrmann entrance is blocked, put Mouch on your shoulder if you have to but you get the hell out. Casey evacuate that building anyway you can." Even through the distortion on the radio, Matt could hear the dread in Boden's voice and the fear settled deep inside of his stomach as he realised that Boden felt the same way he did. He didn't know if they were going to get out alive either.

Matt scanned the room again, trying to see if there was any spots in the flames which he could hurry through, or if the doorway he had come from was accessible once more. His halligan had dropped to the ground next to him when he had pushed both himself and the victim onto the floor when the ceiling had collapsed. Grabbing it, he rushed over to a cinderblock wall, hitting at it with the halligan in hopes that he could make an impact in the concrete and create a hole for him and the victim to escape through. Boden hadn't said Kelly's name on the radio, and he hoped that meant that Kelly had gotten out and was stood outside. He hoped that Kelly was safe. 

The halligan was doing nothing against the wall, and Matt dropped it to the floor in defeat, his eyes once more roaming around the room to try and find an alternative. He tried not to listen to the cry's over the radio as Cruz sobbed out an apology, his heart thumping in his chest. He pressed the call button on his radio as he glanced at the victim on the floor once more, before his gaze fell around the room that he was trapped in. The flames had circled him, trapping him against a wall. "Chief, Casey"

"Casey tell me you've found an exit."

Matt glanced towards the doorways, both no longer visible from the height of the flames before his eyes caught on a panelled wall next to the cinderblocks which he had tried and failed to break through. The metal panelling was starting to bubble from the heat of the flames. "Negative chief," Matt blinked as further debris fell around him, the chunks larger than the last lot. "It's heating up pretty fast, less than minute. Chief is Kelly there? Is he outside?" 

"I'm here. I'm coming to get you Matt." Kelly's voice crackled over the radio, and Matt's heart dropped further in his chest as he sunk to the floor next to his victim. The fear that had ached at his chest hit him like a wave knowing that Kelly was still inside of this factory, and knowing that the room he was in was going to be nothing but ash by the time anyone could reach him. There was no way that Kelly could get to him, and Matt couldn't allow Kelly to be killed in a fruitless attempt of a rescue.

"Kel, you know how much you meant to me right?" Matt asked over the radio, not caring that it was an open channel. He needed to say these words, and he needed to make sure that his silver haired man wasn't going to join him in being a tragedy from this fire. The flames were destroying everything around him, inching closer and closer as more debris fell into the fire, fuelling it to grow. The fear that had settled in his gut gave way to acceptance and defeat; this was how he was going to die, not as an old man in his bed, but mid-thirties whilst the man he loved risked his life trying to save him. Matt pictured Kelly's face, the way that his eyes seemed to twinkle when he was being mischievous or flirty, and he thought of the smile that filled his face when he was woken up with a kiss. Matt imagined the future that they could have had together, the potential of what their love could have been. 

"We're not doing this. Not this way." Kelly snapped at him over the radio, and Matt found himself smiling sadly at his words. 

"I want you to get out whilst you can." Matt whispered, tears falling down his cheeks as he heard the anger in his lover’s voice and the edge of fear. 

"Not without you."

"You're the best thing that ever happened to me." Matt stated firmly, his eyes following the flames as they devoured the remaining ceiling above his head. 

"You're not dying here Matt." Kelly's voice screamed at him through the radio.

Matt could feel the heat rising in the room, and the hiss of the fire as it roared around him. He knew that he only had seconds left not minutes, and he hoped and prayed that Kelly had listened to him. He hoped that whoever he was with had the sense to pull him out of the death trap and that they were able to get outside before the fire flashed over. "I love you Kelly."

"I love you too Matt. I swear to god. I'm not giving up on you."

"Emergency. Squad 3, Truck 81, Engine 51. If you can hear me, take cover anyway that you can. We're about to open up the water cannons." Matt jumped slightly at the sound of someone else's voice on the radio other than Kelly's, forgetting that it was an open channel and finding that he didn't care who had heard his and Kelly's confession. No one out there mattered, and if he was going to die today, he was going to make sure that Kelly knew just how much he loved him. "Cover yourselves."

Matt's radio buzzed with Kannell's voice, "Squads heading to the east stairwell chief," and his heart broke at Kelly's shouts that could be heard across the line, "I'm not leaving him." 

"Water cannon's go up in ten." Boden's voice returned. Matt hastily snatched his oxygen mask off his face, pressing it against the victim's as he looked around the room once more, this time not looking for an escape, but looking for something that could protect them from being boiled alive when the water hit the flames. Matt coughed as the smoke filled his lungs, and the heat hit his face. The countdown ringing in his ears forced him to focus, his eyes training on a giant metal shelfing unit just as Boden got to the final four seconds. The unit was taller than he was, and had a solid back. Matt tugged it forwards, dragging it down on top of both himself and the victim. Matt blanketed himself entirely over the victim's body, he knew that even with the cover from the unit the material was not going to help them or offer much protection from the flames or the water that was about to hit. Matt had essentially placed them in a steamer, but he hoped that between the casing and his body, he could at least protect the victim enough so that he would survive. 

"Open up the water cannon's," Boden's voice filled the small space underneath the cabinet, the sound reverberating off the metal. Matt covered the victim's head with his arms once more as he closed his eyes and resigned himself to his death. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry.....
> 
> I have been waiting to write this scene for so long! I can assure you guys that this fic is far from over, and I want to know what you guys want to see occur in this story :D
> 
> Also I need to ask to clear this up, cause I think my entire family are weird for this. Do you read books only once, or do you reread books? Literally everyone in my family apart from me and my dad will only read a book once and then give it away as soon as they are done with it. I'm intrigued, how many people do this??


	16. Chapter 16

"I'm not leaving him," Kelly shouted to everyone and to himself, as he fought valiantly against the strong arm around his waist. Kannell physically dragged him away from the machine and the wall that he knew were the only things standing in the way of getting to Matt. He needed to get to the man that was trapped between a wall of concrete and a wall of flames. Kelly wanted to ignore Boden's call for everyone still in the building to cover themselves, and he didn't care if that meant he was going to have to face the burning steam and the boiling water as the water cannon's met with the flames and created a mixture which was just as deadly. Kelly had never really estimated the strength of his squad crew until he felt Kannell's arm wrap itself around his waist and forcibly drag him away from his attempts to move the machine. No matter how hard he fought against it, he found himself being dragged further and further away until the sight of the machine faded behind the lick of flames and black smoke that filled the room.

Tears fell down his cheek, pained sobs escaping him as he pictured Matt in his mind knowing that whatever image his thoughts created would be nothing compared to the horrors the man was actually facing. Kelly found himself being pulled into a stairwell, just as Boden's countdown on the radio reached '3'. The fire had managed to creep into the stairwell, probably because of a fire-door propped open somewhere it shouldn't be, but the flames were minimal in comparison to the rest of the building. Kannell dragged them both into a corner, far away from the only visible window on their floor, curling them both into a small ball to limit the area where they may make contact with the boiling steam and water which was only moments away. A pit of anger, and deep mourning sat in his stomach; the emotions stronger than he had ever felt before. He thought he had been broken when he lost Shay; Kelly couldn't even begin to comprehend how he would feel if he lost Matt too.

He had waited years to kiss the blonde man, tell him that he loved him and hold him tight to his chest. He had also known somewhere deep in the dark depressive aspects of his mind that there was a high chance that one day he was going to die on the job like so many others had done before him. But Kelly hadn't stopped to think that Matt carried that same risk. 

Kelly knew the instant the water cannons came on even without Boden's announcement over the radio. The sound of the jet of water hitting against the external walls reiterated throughout the building, but the sound of the water meeting the fire was the noise that filled Kelly's ears. The crack of the fire turned to a deafening sizzle as water hit it, leaving boiling water and burning steam in its place. Kelly instinctively curled himself a little tighter into the corner that he and Kannell were sharing, both men ducking their heads down as the steam began spilling out into the staircase. The lack of direct flames around them meant that the steam was not as violent as it could have been, but Kelly could still feel the heat of it surrounding him like a cloud and he knew that if he had any skin visible it would be turning red before his eyes. 

The sound of the cannons were relentless, and Kelly's entire body ached with the knowledge that Matt was trapped somewhere without shelter. He could imagine the blonde man's pain, and he mind played tricks with him, as imaginary screams of pain filled his ears. Nausea settled deep in his stomach, churning it uncomfortably the longer he sat huddles in a corner with Kannell. He could feel the other man's gaze keep flicking over to him, undoubtedly taking in the tear tracks on his cheeks that Kelly couldn't wipe away without removing his mask. He could see the burning questions in the Kannell's eyes whenever Kelly caught him staring, but no words were exchanged between them. Kelly was glad, he didn't think he could find his words in that moment. All he could think about was Matt, and getting to Matt, and making sure that Matt was okay. Guilt pierced at his heart, mixing with the pain and fear that had already settled inside. Kelly felt like he had betrayed the blonde man by not staying there and trying to get to him. It felt wrong for him to be hunkered down in probably one of the few safe places in the building whilst Matt had been left surrounded by flames with nowhere to go. 

* * *

Kelly didn't know how long he spent in the stairwell waiting, and he didn't know how long he had spent trapped in his own thoughts and his own fears until he heard the water cannons be shut off. The space around them was heavy with steam and smoke, leaving the visibility so poor that Kelly couldn't make out anything past Kannell. The fog seemed to wrap itself around them, hiding everything that wasn't two feet away. Their radios crackled to life, Boden's voice sounded broken as it filled the space between them, "All units begin primary search."

Kelly pushed himself upright, his legs aching as he rose up from the stiff position, he had been perched in. He pushed himself forwards in the direction that he and Kannell had come from, a hand on his shoulder stopping him before he could reach the doorway that became visible as he moved three steps towards it. "Casey is smart lieutenant. He will have found somewhere save." Even through the thick material of his turnout coat, Kelly could feel the tight grip that the other man had, as if he were trying to anchor him with the touch. Kelly knew that the comment was meant to be reassuring but it did nothing except stir up the dread inside of him.

Stepping through the doorway, the rooms that had previously been bright with flames were now charred and damp. The smoke and steam hunk in the air, and small pockets of fire were still scattered around the rooms. Kelly paid no mind to the small flames, they would inevitable burn themselves out or someone on engine would come along with an extinguisher to kill the fires that had managed to escape from the torrents of water that had been pumped inside. The burnt shell of the building made finding one’s bearings harder than it had been when the fire was running rabid around them.

Water dripped down from blackened furniture and the areas that had collapsed from the flames. The sound of the drips were constant, and merged with their footsteps as Kelly retraced his steps back towards the areas where he had known Matt had been. Kelly carefully stepped over a pile of debris, glancing upwards at the hole in the ceiling, ensuring that there was nothing more that could potentially fall. His radio crackled to life as Boden's voice came over the radio again, "Casey, Severide, Kannell, call out!"

"Kannell and I are safe chief. Do you have eyes on Casey?" Kelly replied quickly. He felt his heart thumping in his chest, and he felt like his rapid heartbeat could be heard over the radio as he continued to push forwards towards the place where he hoped he would find Matt alive, well and safe. His hopes were dashed as he heard Boden's voice break on his next reply, "Negative."

Kelly's heart sunk as he pushed forwards, moving quicker as he stomped over the blackened rubble on the floor. He found himself in the room with the machine that he had been unable to move, the blasted thing still standing, taunting him as he moved back to it. He felt like he was back to where he was before the flames had been put out, staring at a wall, and still unable to get to the man he loved. The machine wasn't going to suddenly be able to be moved just because there were no longer flames surrounding them, leaving them having to try and find a route through the maze of debris and half collapsed floors to try and get to the blonde man. Kannell was silent behind him, following his footsteps as he moved out of the room into another blackened ruin. Kelly couldn't bring himself to care what was running through the other man's head, nor could he bring himself to care about the questions which would greet him as soon as they join another member of the house; he just had one goal. 

There were plenty of times in his life where he had been scared. Kelly had been scared of a noise that used to scrape at the front door in the dead of night when he was about five years old, only to find out when he was seven that the noise had been Benny struggling to get his key in the lock after stumbling home drunk. He had been scared when he was twelve the first time, he realised that his mother was drunk at breakfast. He was scared at sixteen when his anger at both his mother and his father for trying their relationship again had him decide to spend most of his evening sleeping rough instead of playing happy families. He had found himself being scared dozens of times during calls, but it was an adrenaline fear that never clouded his mind and never clouded his judgement. The moment he heard Boden's voice return to the radio, Kelly was terrified. "Eyes on Casey, he is unresponsive. I need paramedics in here!"

Kelly ran, uncaring about the stability of the debris underfoot. The rooms blurred together in a blackened haze as he heard the unmistaken sound of a pass-alarm which hadn't been silenced, the sound drawing him in like a signal. He froze the moment he found himself in the half-collapsed room, the sight burning itself into Kelly's eyes; he knew that whenever he tried to sleep next the sight that greeted him was going to haunt him. There were two men on the floor, one civilian and the other was Matt, but it was the civilian who was wearing Matt's breathing apparatus. Neither the civilian nor Matt was conscious, both lying lifeless on the floor as paramedics rushed into room from a different entrance point. Kelly vaguely noted that out of the four paramedics that came into the room, none of them were Dawson or Brett: his eyes barely leaving Matt's slack form. 

"Is he?" He couldn't bring himself to finish the sentence, his eyes wide as Boden looked up at him with heavy eyes that were filled with sadness. In that instant, Kelly thought he was going to be told the news that he was dreading, that there was nothing that they could do and that the man he loved was no longer with them. The grief in the other man's eyes had Kelly's knees threatening to buckle as he took two slow steps towards the scene in front of him. He couldn't get himself close to Matt as two paramedics blocked his route by crouching down in front of the two unconscious bodies. Kannell's hand clasped onto his shoulder trying to stop him from forcing his way forwards and get between the paramedics who had begun checking over Matt. His heart froze as he watched one of the paramedic's pressed his fingers into the pulse point on the blonde man's neck. He watched as the paramedic frowned at whatever he could feel beneath his fingers, so focused on watching that he didn't notice that Boden had rose until he was standing directly in front of him. 

"He's alive." Boden stated as he placed his hands-on Kelly's shoulders. Kelly found himself sagging into the touch, dropping his gaze to the floor as he gasped in relief. The fear was still controlling him, but the first of his fears was erased; Matt was alive. Kelly reached out, mimicking Boden's hold on his shoulder, as he lifted his head once more. From over the older man's shoulders, he could see that two of the paramedics had loaded the civilian victim onto a backboard and he was already being carried out by some of the guys from engine. 

"I'm going with him," Kelly demanded, not bothering to ask as he watched Matt being lifted on the backboard. He vaguely noticed the nod of acceptance he received from the chief as he let his hands drop away from the other man's shoulders. He side stepped around Boden, rushing across the room to follow the paramedics as some of the firefighters on engine lifted Matt between them. Following behind them, Kelly's heart sank as he realised how close the room had been to the main entrance; Matt would have only had to get through two more rooms to be back at the big bay doors. Without the flames blocking their way, the bright light of the outside was blinding as Kelly's heavy boots stomped over the blackened mess that now scattered the floor. 

Outside the organised chaos of the fire house was still blaring around in the loading area, the flashing blue lights were still turning on the rigs and there was a dozen ambulances which had joined the scene. The backboard that the firefighters had been carrying out of the rubble was placed onto a waiting gurney, and in the bright light Kelly saw Matt for the first time. His face was pale except for the patches of soot that were scattered across his cheeks and in his hair. Kelly moved his eyes away from Matt's face, scanning down the blonde man's body. Kelly inhaled deeply at the thick red burn that seemed to circle one of Matt's wrists, as if the heat from the flames or steam had managed to catch the small slither of skin between the cuff of his turnout coat, and the top of his glove. The blonde's chest was moving rapidly, and that became more visible as the paramedics pulled his coat open revealing the thin t-shirt that was hidden underneath. Wordlessly, the two paramedics worked as one, pulling his arms out of the heavy coat and pushing it to the side. Kelly hastily grabbed the coat before it fell off the edge of the gurney, clutching the fabric to his chest as he watched. 

"Okay let’s get him hooked up to the oxygen, get a bag of fluids in him and get him to Med now." One of the paramedics instructed, accepting the bag of fluids that his co-worker handed to him even before he was done with his order. Kelly pulled his mask off his face, letting it fall slack against his side as he stepped closer to the gurney. He felt the flash of eyes on him as the paramedics glanced up from their tasks, as he closed the short distance and reached out for Matt's hand. His hand was slack in Kelly's grip, and even as he squeezed it tightly for a few seconds he found no response. It felt alien; even in his sleep Matt was responsive to touch always seeking out warmth and curling himself up against Kelly's chest. If Kelly were to reach out and hold his hand when they were lying in bed, he knew that no matter how asleep Matt was, he would grip on, and refuse to let go. Matt's fingers slipped from his, dropping back down to his side as the paramedics nodded at each other to move. Kelly hovered at the ambulance door, waiting as the paramedics loaded the gurney into the back, hooking Matt up to the machines and hanging the bag of fluids above his head. He could feel the eyes of his fellow firefighters on his back as he climbed into the ambulance as the second paramedic jumped back out, and as soon as he sat down on the bench he reached back for Matt's lifeless hand once more. 

* * *

"What's wrong with him?" Kelly asked as the ambulance pulled away, the sirens echoing around them as the paramedic behind the wheel put his foot on the gas. The paramedic has been quick to push an oxygen mask over Matt's face, and Kelly could see the condensation from his breaths fogging the plastic. 

"He is severely dehydrated, and his heartrate is rapid. He's showing signs of heatstroke. We're going to get him to Med who will assess him further. In the meantime we are providing oxygen and fluids." The paramedic barely blinked at him as she continued connected more things to Matt. Some of them Kelly recognised from his times being on the receiving end of treatment but he didn't know what all of their purposes were; apart from the mandatory updates, it had been years since he had done his first aid course, never going for the advance paramedic level courses like he knew Matt had down. Soon the sound of Matt's rapid heartbeat filled the ambulance as the paramedic hooked him up to the ECG, and Kelly saw the frown in her eyes as she checked his blood pressure. His own frown matched hers, as he squeezed Matt's limp hand once more, feeling the cold skin against his. 

Bile rose in Kelly's throat remembering the last time he was the one in an ambulance watching over Matt's body. The memory of the blonde seizing as he bled from the head wound that had led to the memory loss and the temporary loss of the real Matt Casey. Even though Matt hadn't been his all those years ago, the feeling of being helpless had clung to him, and the sight of Matt bleeding out had haunted his nightmares for months afterwards. The sight of Matt lying on that gurney brought back that memory like a crashing wave, the emotions from all those years ago hitting him with full force. He wondered if he should mention the ancient brain injury, even though it had been years since Matt had been plagued by the symptoms that it had created. He didn't know if it made a difference if it was part of the reason why his eyes hadn't opened since they had found him. 

"Three minutes out," The paramedic driving called from the cab of the vehicle, giving the traffic a blast of the horn as they passed through an intersection. Kelly barely glanced at the sound, before turning his eyes back to Matt, watching the almost peaceful expression on his face. The sudden alarming from the ECG had both him and the paramedic swinging their heads around in attention. His heart dropped like a stone in his stomach as the paramedic rushed around the side of the gurney, forcing Kelly to let go of the blonde's hand as she pushed herself between them. 

"Step on it Craig, he's gone V-Fib." The paramedic shouted at the one in the cab, Craig, as she grabbed the defibrillator from its shelf. Kelly couldn't move; he stared at the erratic line on the screen to the ECG as it continued to sound the alarm. The paramedic was already pulling at Matt's shirt as she positioned the two electrode pads in the correct place. Kelly wasn't a doctor, nor was he a paramedic, but he knew what that erratic line meant, and he knew what the alarm on the machine meant too; Matt's heart had stopped beating. The paramedic tapped on the defibrillator, standing clear as she announced to Kelly warningly, "Shocking at 200. Clear!"

The jolt had Matt's back arching off the gurney as the current pulsed through him, Kelly's gut clenching as the rhythm on the machine remained erratic. The paramedic glanced between the machine, and front window into the cab as her finger hovered over the charge button once more, "How far out Craig?"

"30 seconds." 

"Shocking at 250. Come on you bastard, this isn't your day." The paramedic huffed again, as she glared at the offending beeping. "Clear!"

The second shock was always going to look more violent than the first due to the higher voltage, but that didn't make seeing it any better. Kelly scraped a hand down his face, his breath catching in his throat as the paramedic cursed loudly as Matt's heart refused to return to a normal rhythm. The seconds passed by him in a blur, all he could see was the image of Matt's body jolting from the shock playing on repeat in his mind and the sound of the alarm from the ECG kept ringing in his ears. 

"Shocking at 300. Clear." Kelly flinched as another shock jerked through Matt's otherwise lifeless body. The ambulance doors swung open as his lover’s body slumped back against the gurney, and Kelly found him gently being pushed backwards as doctors and nurses swarmed inside, blocking him from seeing Matt. The sound of the alarm had faded, but Kelly was pushed further backwards into the corner of the ambulance as the small space seemed to swarm with people, making him feel like sardine trapped in a tin. A hand on his chest stopped him from trying to step forwards as he heard a new voice shout an order over the chaos. "Let’s get him into room three."

The medical staff moved as one, moving the gurney out of the ambulance like a well-oiled machine. Kelly caught a glimpse of Matt's blonde hair being speedily rolled away from him as he moved to climb out after all the doctors and nurses who had rushed inside to assist. Kelly's hands shook as he grabbed his helmet off the side and Matt's turnout coat, fear and realisation setting in as he had to make himself remember how to walk. His entire body didn't feel like his own as he stumbled after the gurney on shaking legs, the sound of the alarm on the ECG still pounding through his ears. He could see the doctors pushing Matt's lifeless body a few feet in front of him, and he focused on the back of the paramedic who had been the one who administered the shocks. 

He felt heavy as he stepped through the automatic doors, ready to follow the paramedics and the doctors who were wheeling his Matt further and further ahead of him. The doctors were moving as one, nothing slowing down their limbs or making their hearts heavy in their chests as they headed past other bays and rooms before wheeling Matt into the third room. Kelly followed like a zombie after them, barely making it towards the first room before one of the doctors exited from the room where they had taken Matt too. All his fears came barrelling into him at once; the firm look in the doctor’s eyes had him seriously believing that he was about to be told the worst news of his life. "You can't be in here; you'll have to wait in the waiting area." The doctor announced firmly, his hand pressing at the centre of Kelly's chest as he took another step forward, his body resisting the doctor’s words. 

"Please, I have to be with him." Kelly begged, his heart shattering with the need to be with Matt. The doctor’s eyes offered no answer to if Matt was okay. They offered no answer to if he was still alive. They offered no understanding to just how much the blonde man meant to him. Kelly forced back the sob that was threating to escape his throat, feeling the tears prickling at the corner of his eyes as he stared up at the unwavering face of the man in front of him. It was a doctor that he hadn't seen before, and Kelly wished that he were standing in front of Clarke or April or just anyone who knew him and Matt.

"I'm sorry but you will need to wait in the waiting area." The doctor repeated, the hand on Kelly's chest applying a little bit of pressure not in a pushing sense but a firm warning not to take another step. Kelly found himself instinctively taking a step backwards, knowing that if he tried to force his way forwards, he wouldn't even be allowed to wait in the waiting area clinging to hope every time he saw a doctor walk past. "I'll arrange for Chaplin to come and be with you and your fellow firefighters."

Kelly could have heard a pin drop in the silence that seemed to fall around him as the doctor nodded his head as if Kelly's silence were an offering of understanding before turning back to walk towards the room. The Chaplin. That was the only thought that ran through Kelly's head as he turned and walked unsteadily towards the waiting area, each step feeling like a mile. The doctors didn't offer to arrange for the Chaplin to come and sit with someone unless they were certain that the patient wasn't going to make it. The memory of the electricity from the shock moving Matt's body like he was a lifeless puppet on the strings of the cruel puppeteer which was death, hit Kelly making him stagger back at the force of the images that swarmed his head. It was like he was back there in the ambulance, watching as Matt's body resisted the attempts to get his heart beating once more, to bring back the pulse that Kelly loved to feel underneath his fingertips. 

The sound of the automatic door to the waiting room closing behind him, had Kelly pause in his slow steps and turn to look through the glass door where he could see the doctors and nurses scurrying around between bays. Some of them were running, rushing in a direction which Kelly couldn’t see, leaving him unable to determine which room they may have been heading too. He hoped, and prayed to the god his mother believed in, that they weren't heading to Matt. 

It hit him suddenly, the deep dark hands of depression wrapped themselves around Kelly, clutching him in their horrible embrace. Realisation and panic rushed through him, and for the first time it truly dawned on him how close he was to losing everything he loved. The last few months had been some of the happiness times of his life, the feeling of being so loved in a relationship that was so easy and so happy, and all the moments that they had shared together. Kelly found himself remembering the bright smile that had filled Matt's face when they had been escorted to the players bench when they had watched the Blackhawks, and the moment he saw the weight finally lift off Matt's shoulders after weighing him down for so long. Kelly thought about all the sweet little kisses that they would share, noses brushing together as they fell asleep and the way that Matt pouted when he was tired and didn't have coffee. There were so many moments that they shared, and Kelly loved them all. 

A wail escaped his throat, and tears fell down his cheeks as sobs began to rattle his chest, as he realised that he may never get to bask in any of those moments ever again. The few people that were scattered around the room waiting to hear the fate of their own loved ones jumped as Kelly launched his helmet onto the floor with enough force that it bounced, the sound reverberating around the otherwise silent room. Sobs continued to leave his entire body trembling as he walked unsteadily over to where his helmet had landed, crouching down to collect it before slumping down against a wall. He had never felt this hopeless in his life, he felt like he was mourning for someone who hadn't yet been announced dead. He could picture Matt lying lifeless on the gurney, doctors and nurses surrounding him and none of them being able to do anything against a flatline. Kelly dropped his helmet down on the floor next to him, curling his body around Matt's turnout coat before he brought his knees up to his chest. His arms cradled his legs, and the silver haired man dropped his head to hide the tears that were streaming down his cheeks. His tears were hidden, but he couldn't control the harsh sobs that escaped him. 

* * *

He didn't know how long he had been sat on the cold hospital floor crying into his arms, but his sobs had quietened to small shudders as he struggled to get his breath after all the tears that had fallen. The tears still clung to his eyelashes and left stains down his cheeks, but he felt drained, like there was no tears left for him to give even despite the way his chest felt so empty. A touch on his hand had Kelly jolting his head upright; a little girl startled backwards at the sudden movement but she kept her hand on top of Kelly's offering it a little squeeze with as much strength as she could muster. Slowly Kelly blinked his teary eyes at the little girl, and then up at the woman stood behind her. Kelly turned his eyes back to the little girl, seeing for the first time a little princess bandage on her forehead and the way she held her other arm close to her chest, the bright pink cast drawing his attention. Without saying anything she stepped forward and offered Kelly an awkward little hug, as she said in a soft voice that tugged at Kelly's already tender heartstrings. "Don't cry mister firefighter, the doctors will make everything all better just like they did for me."

A sob caught in Kelly's throat, as he blinked tears up at the woman who he presumed was the mother of this precious child. The woman smiled sympathetically down at him, understanding that a little girl’s words wouldn't erase the grief and fear that had brought him to tears in the middle of a hospital waiting room. The room would have seen many tears before it had witnessed Kelly's and it would inevitably see many more. The woman leaned forward, holding out a paper cup to him with the same sad smile, "Our thoughts are with you. Thank you for all the work you do for us and this city."

Kelly gracefully accepted the offered cup, the heat warming him as soon as he wrapped his hand around it. The little girl stepped backwards, smiling brightly up at him in a way that only a child still naïve to the horrors of the world could. Kelly wished he could still have that rose-tinted view of the world; he wished he could push a smile on his face and convince himself that everything was going to be okay. "Thank you," Kelly's voice croaked; it sounded alien to his ears, scratchy and broken from all the tears that had fallen. He found himself watching as the little girl skipped back to her mother, reaching out with her uninjured hand before they walked out of the waiting area and out of the emergency room. Kelly wondered how long they must have been sat in the waiting room, bearing witness to his breakdown before they came over. The silver haired man curled both of his hands around the cup, bringing the lid to his lip and letting it sit there as he looked around the room. 

There were half a dozen people in the room, everyone so focused in their own worries that they didn't pay anyone else attention. They were all waiting just like he was to find out the fate of their loved ones; whether all the doctors and nurses were able to save them and help them. Taking a small sip of the cup, Kelly felt fresh tears filling his eyes as the unforgivably awful hospital coffee tasted like the best thing in the world all because of one person’s kindness. He hastily wiped at his eyes, knowing that his efforts would do little to hide the fact that he had been crying. He pushed himself to his feet as he saw the mass of turnout coats walking into the waiting room from the main entrance, the solemn faces turning towards him instantly as Boden led them across the room. The strong hand clapped him on the shoulder, before pulling him into a hug that made his knees want to buckle as tears fell once more. As they both pulled away from the friendly embrace, Kelly saw the sad looks that filled his fellow firefighters faces as they circled around him. "How's Casey doing?" Boden asked.

"I don't know," Kelly answered honestly, his voice breaking into a sob. "They had to shock him in the ambulance, and when we got here, they wouldn't let me stay. I can't lose him."

"You won't. Casey is strong, he will fight through this." Boden offered, his words offering encouragement as Kelly choked on another cry.

"I'm sorry we didn't tell you," Kelly whispered, knowing that his apology was not going to help the mountain of paperwork and bureaucracy that Boden was going to have to fight through because of their public declaration of their relationship. It wasn't like they were the first coupe to work in a firehouse, but there was still hoops they would need to jump through now that people were aware. Telling him before could have given them time to fill out all the paperwork, and build a portfolio of evidence that showed that both men were able to work together without their relationship interfering with their work. 

"That doesn't matter right now." Boden shook his head, as he squeezed Kelly's shoulder once more, leading him with the touch towards a bay of chairs which had been vacated. Kelly allowed himself to be steered, dropping down onto the hard-plastic seat as Boden sat down next to him, the hand on his shoulder remaining. The rest of the house looked between each other as they moved to sit around them, all of them wearing the same expressions of sadness. Kelly felt his stomach drop as he remembered that it wasn't just Matt who had been trapped in the warehouse. 

"Mouch, and Herrmann. Did they make it?" Kelly asked quietly, feeling ashamed that his own grief has made him forget that two of the men that he had known and worked with since he joined 51 were also injured and potentially in worse shape than Matt. Beside him Boden hummed, considering the answer as he offered Kelly's shoulder another squeeze. 

"Brett and Dawson brought them both in after you and Casey left. We've not had an update as of yet." Boden explained, and Kelly nodded in understanding as he buried his head in his hands once more, dropping his elbows down onto his knees. He knew that the two paramedics were probably still back there, keeping watch over the two injured men, whilst he was forced to sit out here and painstakingly wait for an update. He tried to fight the dark jealousy that moved to settle deep in his stomach; Mouch and Herrmann would have someone there for them, but Matt was left there all alone fated to wake up with no one around him other than the medical staff.

* * *

There was an uncomfortable silence that fell amongst the crew, and with people surrounding him, Kelly was left to fight back the tears that still threatened to fall. His heart dropped even further in his chest when the Chaplin joined them, offering them all a silent nod as he sat down with the crowd of firefighters. Kelly remained in his seat, thankful that no one began firing questions at him, and no one questioned his relationship with Matt. The paramedics had yet to join them as they waited to hear the fate of their injured friends, leaving everyone to sit in silence as they imagined the worst-case scenarios. Kelly's entire body ached; he didn't know how long he had been sat there waiting, but the hard-plastic chair offering no comfort for his exhausted frame. Casey's turnout coat was spread out across his lap, and Kelly found himself mournfully tracing the lettering on the back as he waited and waited for any news. Capp and Tony had collected his oxygen tanks and helmet from Kelly, depositing it in the truck before they came back to join their lieutenant. 

Some of the crew seemed to not know what to do, unable to sit still and wait for the updates regarding three of their own. Stella had fluttered around the crew, offering to grab coffee's or food before finally settling down in an empty seat between Otis and Kannell when no one took her up on her offer. Cruz had looked as defeated as Kelly felt, no doubt a mirror of his own expression; Kelly understood what that feeling of guilt was, he had felt it in the past when they were still fighting after Andy's death when Matt got even the slightest bit injured. All the hate and anger that may have been there, faded the minute the other person got hurt. Kelly knew that Cruz was not the kind of person who could live with himself if Mouch was to die thinking that Cruz hated him. Kelly didn't know what to say the grief-stricken man; he didn't know what he was meant to offer as words of encouragement when all he needed was words of his own. 

Kelly stroked his finger down the yellow lettering on Casey's jacket, frowning as his finger left track marks as he wiped away soot and grime, revealing the bright colour hiding underneath. He found himself imagining the future that was left hanging on a thread. There was a silly daydream that he had allowed himself to envision on the days that he needed cheering up most over the years. It was a dream that he rarely indulged in, but it was always one of Kelly's favourites. He imagined climbing out of the squad rig at a scene, looking over at truck and seeing Matt climbing out, but it wasn't Casey emblazoned on his coat but Severide. It was silly, but as he traced along Casey, Kelly allowed himself to indulge. After his failed engagement and his Vegas wedding, a happy marriage was something that Kelly had assumed was never going to happen to him. The last few months with Matt had reopened all the wants and desires, and for the first time Kelly had seen his silly daydream potentially becoming a reality one day. 

A soft clearing of a throat had Kelly finally tearing his red, tear stained eyes away from the turnout coat, and turning his gaze onto the doctor who hadn't let him stay. Just like last time, the doctors face gave nothing away, and offered no immediate answer as to what they all so desperately needed to know. Kelly had seen people being given bad news before, some doctors expressed it before they even said a word, with the sad eyes and the little shake of the head, whilst others remained stoic, talking in facts instead of providing immediate reassurance or sympathy. "Matthew Casey is now stable. He went into hypovolemic shock brought on by the dehydration he suffered, which caused his heart to go into ventricular fibrillation."

Kelly pushed himself to his feet, Matt's coat clutched against his chest as he took a half step forwards towards the doctor as he begged, "Is he awake? Can I see him?"

"He is still unconscious. We have him on fluid and oxygen to combat the smoke inhalation and the dehydration. Unfortunately, we can only let family in." The doctor stated blankly, unwavering even as he blinked at the look of absolute need that filled the silver haired man's face. Kelly wanted to reach out and beg the man to take him back to where his Matt was lying on his alone. He needed to be there holding his hand when he finally awoke.

"I'm his partner, and his medical proxy." Kelly stated, his voice shaking as he spoke. Even to his ears it sounded more like he was begging rather than explaining. He needed to see with his own eyes that Matt was stable, and Kelly watched as the doctor's blank façade shattered momentarily, revealing a small frown before it was quickly schooled back into blankness. The doctor unlocked the tablet that he had tucked under one arm, scrolling across the screen before pausing, his fingertips hovering over a section before he turned his cold stare back to Kelly once more.

"I'm sorry can you confirm your name please?" The doctor asked, as he looked between the tablet screen and Kelly's face.

"Kelly Severide."

"I apologise, but I haven't got that name on file." The doctor stated, barely raising an eyebrow as Kelly spluttered in disbelief.

"Then whose name is on the file!" Kelly snapped, his anger spiralling out of him in a way that it hadn't for years. He wanted to act like a child and throw his helmet to the ground once more; he wanted to snatch the tablet from the doctor’s hands and see what name was listed as Matt's emergency contact. The hand that came out from behind him to clasp at his shoulder was the only thing that stopped Kelly from taking another step forward. He didn't need to turn around to know that Boden had been the one to reach out. 

The doctor looked between Kelly and Boden only once before turning his eyes back on the silver haired man, as he stately coolly, "I'm sorry I can't provide that information."

Kelly groaned in annoyance, throwing his hands up on in the air as he argued, "We filed the paper three months ago after Matt was treated for a gunshot wound. The doctor who treated him was the only who took both of our forms." Kelly wanted to scream in frustration, and he wanted to find the doctor who had taken their forms of them so many months ago. Kelly ran a hand through his short hair, grimacing at the greasy feeling. 

"Surely there isn't a way that you can let him in?" Boden asked as he let his hand fall away from Kelly's shoulder. The squad lieutenant saw the way that the doctor’s eyes flicked over to Boden's before they switched back to him. He felt like he was being evaluated in that look, as if the doctor were considering how much hassle Kelly would be if he didn't let him in. 

"I will need to check with the office regarding that." The doctor sighed, for the first time breaking his monotone voice. 

"Please I need to see him." Kelly dropped his hand away from his hair, curling it in the fabric of Matt's turnout coat. He clutched it tightly against his chest as he watched the doctor step away from the group, and as he lost the feeling of the doctors eyes on him, he became aware of the rest of the firefighters staring at his back. Kelly watched as the doctor disappeared through the automatic doors once more, before he turned slowly round to see the mixture of frowns and sad puppy dog eyes staring back at him. Kelly wanted to collapse back into his seat, as he felt the swell of emotion bubbling up inside of him once more. Stella rose to her feet, crossing the small floor space between them, and without uttering a word she wrapped her arms tight around Kelly's waist, using all her strength to squeeze him. Kelly chuckled wetly into her messy curls, tears once more prickling at the corner of his eyes. He dropped his head down, hiding his fresh tears in his friend’s hair that fanned out across her shoulders. 

"You're good for him, and he's good for you." Stella whispered in his ear as Kelly's breath shuddered free from his chest. He never expected Stella to say that to him, or to accept his relationship so readily with Matt. He had always assumed that Stella loyalty would stay with Dawson, due to how close they seemed to be as friends. Despite her friendship with Dawson, Kelly had always known that Stella would never have held their previous relationship over their head, but to hear the confirmation had Kelly's shoulders sagging into the hug.

"I love him." Kelly whispered as he let his hands falls away from Stella, as she stepped backwards, holding him at arm’s length as she offered him a small sympathetic smile. Stella's hand barely slipped away from his shoulder when Capp stomped forwards and pulled him into one of the tightest hugs that Kelly had ever experienced. The older man held him tight enough for his ribs to ache, swaying him from side to side. Kelly found himself laughing at his friends embrace, tapping Capp on the back of the arm, silently asking him to loosen up on the grip. Capp took the social que, letting him loose of the hug after a final tight squeeze that pushed the air from his lungs. 

Kelly smiled weakly, rubbing the tears from his eyes with the back of his hand as he fell back into his vacated seat. Glancing around the room, Kelly tried not to focus on the small frown that was gracing Otis's face and he shrugged at the way some of engine broke eye contact as soon as he looked over at them. He didn't care in that moment if people weren't comfortable with him because none of them mattered. Boden was pacing just a few feet away from the crews whispering into his phone, his eyes flickering over to his firefighters ever few seconds. The phone conversation barely lasted a minute, and Kelly watched the chief’s shoulders drop as some of the weight the man carried fell away. "That was Cindy, she wanted to let everyone know that Herrmann has been treated for some burns to his neck and has been put on the ward for the night for monitoring. Mouch has also woken up, and is being monitored upstairs."

Kelly felt relief for his friends but also a dark feeling that twisted at his stomach; it was a feeling that he hated and wished would never sink its hate filled claws into him again. The dark thoughts fleeted through his head, as he found himself wondering why Mouch and Herrmann were awake and upstairs with their loved ones and Matt was still unconscious and alone. He glanced around as Cruz jumped to his feet, already stepping towards the corridor towards the main hall as he asked, "Chief?"

"Room 32," Chief nodded at Cruz, knowing instantly what the man was asking in the single word. Kelly understood why Cruz broke into a run as soon as he knew where he was going; he didn't understand the anger or the feeling of betrayal that the man must has been harbouring after he found out he was being suspended, but Kelly understood what it felt like to be stood helpless knowing that the last thing you said to someone may be the actual last thing that you said to them. The waiting room took on a different emotion all of a sudden, and it made Kelly's stomach twist as everyone began sighing in relief and joking, seeming to forget that Matt was still unconscious and alone. 

* * *

Kelly tried to sooth the dark feeling of betrayal that settled in the pit of his stomach as the small group of firefighters sat around him began dwindling away. He understood why there rose from the cold hard hospital seats, clapping him on the shoulder as they left, heading home to their families or to drink away the memory of the day where they nearly lost three of their own. Kelly wanted to stand up and scream about Matt not being out of the woods yet, but the part of his mind that was still operating rationally kept him grounded in his seat as nearly all of the engine guys left one by one. Otis was the first one from truck to leave, heading upstairs to see Mouch and Herrmann, leaving Kelly with only Stella, Boden, Kannell, Capp and Tony remaining. 

The silver haired man had grown used to people touching his shoulder, that he barely even looked up from Matt's turnout coat when he felt another hand clapping him. "I won't ask how you're holding up, cause I know you're not. I will say, this really explains what happened at the squad table this morning."

Kelly felt like he had forgotten how to laugh as the snort escaped from him, as he finally lifted his head and smiled weakly at Tony. Tony had been by his side ever since he had made squad; the man had been on the team for five years before Kelly had joined and he had always been there by his side. He and Capp were the jokey side that Kelly sometimes needed by his side to combat his normally seriousness. "I don't know what you mean," Kelly mumbled, but the small grin remained traced on his lips. 

"I mean the way you looked at him, like the way I look at my wife." Tony stated. Kelly felt his smile drop a smidge as his friend’s words played on that dream of a future with Matt that had moved just out of his grasp. He averted his eyes, turning to look around the small group who had stayed, 

"I've knew you were bi already, but Casey was a surprise," Capp piped up, shrugging his shoulders as he offered Kelly a wide grin. Kelly could feel his face morphing into an expression of surprise as he blinked at him. 

"Wait how did you know already?" Tony asked, his loud voice drawing the attention of a few civilians on the other side of the room. 

Capp shrugged once more, rubbing at a soot mark on the back of his hand as he replied, "I saw Severide at a bar years ago kissing some guy, it wasn't my business and I figured he would tell us if he wanted us to know." 

Kelly didn't know what to say to express all the gratitude that he felt for the other man. It warmed a part of his heart that had always held the small fear of being outed, a feeling that he was sure most LGBTQ people held. He was proud of himself, but it was his life and the big macho world of the fire service and the hyper masculinity that often went hand in hand with the career. Kelly knew the fear of being publicly outed had stemmed from his experiences in his first house before he came to 51, and he also found himself wondering if someone else had seen him with another man would they have kept it to themselves for all this time. "Thank you," Kelly choked out.

"Kelly Severide?"

Kelly turned away from his friends, turning towards the doctor who had come to give them an update on Matt's status previously. Kelly rose to his feet immediately, already taking a step forwards as he replied, "Yes?"

"If you could follow me, we'll take you back to Matthew Casey's room." 

* * *

His stomach felt like he had a swarm of butterflies fluttering inside as he followed after the doctor through the automatic doors and through the hectic emergency room. Kelly followed the doctor past the triage bays, and towards the private rooms located a few corridors away. Kelly knew this area of the hospital just as well as he had known the main emergency room, these were the rooms for patients which had been treated still but still needed immediate treatment before they could be released to a ward for specific monitoring. The butterflies in his stomach didn't take away from the weight around his heart, and the fear that was fogging his thoughts. 

"I apologise for not allowing you access earlier, there was a mix-up with your paperwork, and the forms were not filed correctly on our side. I can confirm that this has now been rectified, and Matthew Casey's records have now been updated." The doctor stated, his words mixing with the sounds of their footsteps against the lino floors. "His body did go into hypovolemic shock, and we are currently treating that with fluids and oxygen. He hasn't been intubated, however please be aware that he we are still monitoring his fluid levels, his oxygen stats, and his heart rate. Matthew also suffered a minor burn to his left wrist, and we have done a CT scan, and I can confirm that he has no internal injuries. We do feel that once is levels are back to normal, he should regain consciousness."

Kelly nodded along to the doctor’s words, his medical prognosis washing straight over his head as they finally stopped in front of an open doorway. "If you need anything or there is any change just press the buzzer above his bed." The doctor continued, nodding a farewell at the silver haired man before turning on the spot and walking back in the direction of the main triage space. 

Kelly didn't look back at the man as he was left alone in the corridor, his eyes never leaving the bed that sat in the centre of the room. His feet moved in tiny steps, as he slowly closed the space between them. He had seen people he cared about in hospital beds, and he had seen people unconscious and strapped to machines that beeped consistently, but seeing Matt in that position shattered Kelly. Like the doctor had said, Matt hadn't been intubated, but he had the oxygen mask over his face, pushing oxygen into his lungs. The blinding white sheets showed the soot and the dirt, and the bruises that seemed to cover Matt's perfect face, and his blonde hair looked almost black in places. The burn that he knew was on his wrist had been covered by a white bandage, showcasing how pale Matt was in that moment. The ECG was there as well; the wires disappearing underneath Matt's hospital gown, showing a steady rhythm that Kelly hoped would stay that way. The wires seemed to surround the blonde man, disappearing into different machines, and hooking onto different monitors or different cannulas. Two bags of fluid hung above Matt's head, the tubes running down into his arm. Kelly's breath shuddered free as he came to stand at the foot of the bed. It didn't look like his Matt. 

There was a chair at the side of the bed, almost as if it were waiting for him to sit and hold vigil over his lovers’ unconscious body. Kelly didn't think the doctor would have been the one to position it so, as he dropped down into it, his hands grasping for Matt's wary of the array of wires and tubes. Kelly broke as soon as he took Matt's hand in both of his, and nothing could have stopped the tears and sobs as he dropped his head down, resting his forehead on his clasped hands that clutched at limp fingers. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just going to sit here silently and wait for the comments on this one :D
> 
> Sorry for the time it took to write this, but it just didn't want to flor, but we have got there finally!


	17. Chapter 17

Waking up in a hospital bed was never like it was shown to be in movies or in tv shows. There was no peaceful awakening, where you blink your way past the bright whiteness of the room and were immediately aware of your surroundings. In reality, it was closing your eyes in one location and waking up somewhere new, with no knowledge of how you got there. Matt felt like his brain was in a fog, leaving him hazy as he tried to remember the events that happened before he woke up. The ceiling panels above him were pale grey and the colour seemed to continue through the room as he lifted his head slightly. His entire body was screaming in agony, and his head was pounding as he dropped his head back down, realising for the first time that he was lying on a thin pillow. The ominous beeping filled the room, not helping the pain that was resonating in his head. 

Matt squeezed his eyes closed, hoping that the lack of light who help the throbbing headache. The pain continued to pulse against his skull as Matt gingerly lifted one hand towards his face, fighting against the urge to grunt in pain at the simple movement. He could feel resistance as he moved his arm, and he braced himself for the pain as he eased one eye open and saw the wires and cannulas for the first time. The wires and attachments seemed to tangle together as he slowly moved his hand closer to his face, his breath coming out ragged as he fought against the lethargic mix of weakness and pain. Matt wanted to wipe his face, and hold his hand against his head as if the touch would alleviate the pain behind his eyes, but his fingers met plastic instead of skin. Clumsily, Matt tugged the plastic away, finding that it was covering his nose and his chin. 

"Hey, got to keep that on for now okay?" A voice echoed form above him as he found the plastic being carefully put back into place. Grunting, Matt blinked his eyes open as he struggled to focus on a nurse that had stood over him. The woman hovering above him was there with one blink of an eye, and was gone in the next. Matt contemplated lifting his head off the pillow to look around the room, but the pain that he had experienced last time was one of the few thoughts that he could focus on. He didn't know if time were passing around him, it could have been seconds that went by with every blink of his eyes or hours. The fog that was clutching at his brain refused to recede, leaving him in a state of confusion. Squeezing his eyes closed, Matt tried fight through the haze that surrounded him. 

* * *

Opening his eyes once more, he was met with the grey ceiling once more. He felt aware of himself, but he didn't know if he was in the same room as before. Hours could have past or mere minutes, and Matt didn't know which one it was. The ache in his body was still prominent, but the fog clouding his thoughts had finally disappeared. Matt fought to remember what happened; he could remember going into the warehouse and finding himself trapped with the civilian surrounded by fire, but after that his mind was just a blur of colour; nothing but shades of red and black. His heart caught in his throat; he had woken up in a hospital, but was the civilian as lucky. Matt fought against the pain that flashed through him as he slowly lifted his head a few centimetres off the pillow, glancing around the room for the first time. The room was exactly like all the hospital rooms that he had the pleasure of visiting before, all sterile white colours, and crisp thin sheets. The machines beeped around him; the only thing telling him that he was alive in that moment. 

The only thing that made this hospital awakening different from any of the ones that came before it was the addition of a silver haired man sat in the chair next to him. Kelly's arms were folded on the edge of the hospital bed, pillowing his head, and softening the quiet snuffles that escaped him as he slept. The silver haired man's face was turned towards him, his face almost peaceful if it wasn't for the slightest hint of a frown on the man's brow. Even exhausted and in pain, Matt found himself smiling as he realised Kelly was holding his hand in a loose grip. The grip was loose enough that Matt could easily extract himself from the touch with little resistance from the other man. He slowly eased his hand from beneath Kelly's slack fingers, fighting not to grimace at the sight of the small cannula that had been inserted into the top of his hand. The wide plastic adhesive kept the needle in place, but just the thought of it being underneath his skin had Matt's stomach clenching unpleasantly. He hated needles on a good day, on a bad day like today, the thought of being poked and prodded whilst he was unaware made his skin crawl. 

Fighting to ignore the phantom feeling of the cannula inserted into the back of his hand, Matt ground his teeth together as he forced his body to move as he wanted it to. The weakness in his body was blinding evident as he slowly lifted his arm of the bed, the small movement taking more effort than it should have. Matt could feel his body screaming in protest as he forced his arm to rise further of the bed, his entire limb shaking with exertion. His breathing increased as he pushed past the pain, slowly raising his hand high enough so that he could brush his fingers through his partner's short hair. His hand sagged, the ache remaining in his body as he clumsily teased the silver strands. Kelly's hair was one of the many things he loved about the other man; even when they first met back when they hadn’t yet reached their twenties, Kelly's hair had already started to grey slightly. The grey had spread over the years, even more rapidly over the last few but it did nothing to take away from the other man's beauty. 

"Mmm, Matt." Kelly mumbled beneath Matt's touch, leaning his head towards Matt's hand as if he were a cat begging for a fuss. Matt smiled, pressing a little bit harder to the spot just behind Kelly's ears that he knew would make the man shiver if he was awake. He didn't mean for the touch to wake him, and the blonde man felt guilt settle in his stomach as Kelly's eyes fluttered open. The bright blue stared up at him for a second, before they slid closed once more before realisation appeared to hit the silver haired man. Kelly's eyes snapped open, and Matt hissed in pain as the other man shot upright causing his hand to fall away. "Matt! Oh god I'm sorry." Kelly gasped, as he reached out to hold Matt's hand once more. 

"Hey," Matt whispered, his voice escaping him as a croak from lack of use. He contemplated lifting his hand to his face to pull the mask free once more, the faint memory of the nurse reprimanding him, and the amount of effort it had taken just to lift his hand to touch Kelly's head. The pain from the sudden movement was still running through his beings, but he tried not to let it flash across his face not wanting to alarm the other man. 

"Are you okay, do you need me to get you anything?" Kelly asked, as he rose from his chair, his grip on his hand remaining as he reached up to stroke a hand through Matt's hair, like the way that Matt had done only moments before. Matt felt his bottom lip begin to tremble as he looked up into Kelly's worried eyes, his entire body filling with the feeling of being loved so entirely. Tears threatened to spill down his cheeks as Matt realised that it was the first time that someone had ever asked him that when he had woken up in hospitals or when he had gotten injured before. Every other time that he could think of the first thing that usually got said to him was something like, 'You scared me,' or 'I was worried about you.' It was a feeling that settled in his chest, entirely separate from the feeling of being loved, and Matt didn't know how to deal with it.

Matt wished he had the strength and the pain tolerance to lift a hand towards his face, to rub at the dampness in his eyes as he blinked slowly up at Kelly, squeezing the other man's hand as hard as he could. He knew that the touch would barely register as anything more than a light squeeze with the weakness that he felt in his body, but the returning touch had a shaky breath escape from his lips. Out of the corner of his eye Matt saw the familiar lettering of his turnout coat, the heavy material thrown over the arm of the chair that Kelly had just vacated. "I love you Kel," Matt croaked out, his voice breaking even more as the tears finally fell. 

"I love you to Mattie," Kelly whispered, his hand slid down the side of his face, moving to cup his cheek as he slowly wiped away the falling tears with his thumb. Matt found himself leaning into the touch, wanting to feel himself being surrounded by all the love that Kelly offered to him so willingly and so openly. Even the small movement caused the sharp pain that pulsed achingly through his body, and Matt found himself unable to school the wince that flashed across his face. He didn't bother trying to lie to himself and suggesting that the silver-haired man didn't see the flash of pain; Kelly had always had the ability to notice when he was hurt even before they grew intimate. "Don't bother lying to me, how bad is the pain?"

"Seven?" Matt contemplated. 

"So more like a twelve?" Kelly smirked down at him, his eyes glistening with so much love that Matt wished he could stay looking at them forever. He attempted to shrug nonchalantly at the silver haired man's comment, but the movement caused his shoulders to burn and his chest to protest. Matt squeezed his eyes closed as he inhaled deeply at the pain, his seven quickly climbing to a higher rating. "I'll go get a doctor; I'll be back in two seconds gorgeous."

Matt slowly eased his eyes open, focusing on his breathing as he tried to ignore the pain and the ache. It was like the two things were combining underneath his skin, merging with his pulse, and just thrumming fresh flashes of agony with every beat of his heart. He missed the feeling of Kelly's hand against his skin; he felt like the pain was easier to ignore when he could feel Kelly touching him so softly.

* * *

Matt was sure only a few minutes had passed before Kelly walked back into the hospital room once more. Matt had distracted himself listening to the consistent beeping of the machine, and focusing on his own breathing that he found himself jolting slightly back as Kelly reappeared in the doorway closely followed by Dr Halstead. He contemplated nodding his head towards the man, but he didn't want to risk the inevitable headache that the action would cause. 

"It's good to see you awake Matt," Will greeted, as he moved over towards the bed, his gloved hands reaching out to tap one of the machines. His expression didn't waver, his calm smile remaining in place as he tapped at something on the tablet in his free hand, that he dropped back down to rest on his hip. "How are you feeling? How is the pain?"

"Constant," Matt joked dryly, turning to smile up at Kelly. He wanted to reach up and sooth the small frown that creased the silver haired man's brow at the comment, but he didn't want to show the other man just how difficult it was for him to move. Turning his gaze back to Will, Matt wasn't surprised to see the little raised eyebrow on the doctor's face at the honesty in his comment even if it was masked in dry humour.

"We'll give you something to help manage the pain, unfortunately it will take a few days before the pain will start to be less prominent. Is the pain focused around your chest?" Will asked, as he slowly peeled back the bandage that was wrapped around Matt's left wrist. Matt winced as the bandage pulled at damaged skin, as it clung to the gauze; he couldn't see what damage was hiding underneath, Will already pushing the bandage back into place before Matt could even roll his head down to try and look. 

"Did I break a rib?" Matt asked. He didn't know what possessed him to find out, as he dug his elbows into the soft bedding and tried to push himself upright with all the remaining strength he had. He wasn't expecting it, even with Will's question about the pain in his chest. Matt had bruised his ribs before, and he had broken ribs before, but nothing compared to the sudden pain that ripped through his entire body the second he tried to push himself upright. The scream ripped from his dry throat, and Matt found his arms giving out from beneath him causing him to fall back the inch or, so he was able to rise. His body felt like it had been engulfed in pain, like there was nothing inside of him except for the hurt and the agony. 

Tears were streaming down his face, and he didn't know how long Kelly had been holding his face and whispering soothing words that Matt only just began to hear as the pulse in his ears started to fade. Matt didn't realise how tightly he had squeezed his eyes closed until he slowly opened them, looking up into Kelly's scared face that was hovering just a few inches above his. He could feel the man's words warm against his skin as Kelly brushed his lips against his forehead. Matt's arm felt like it was being burned from the inside out, and even as Kelly brushed another kiss against his clammy skin, he turned his head slightly to look down at his arm. 

"Just a little something for the pain," Will explained as he pulled a needle out of the canula that was attached to his left hand just next to the bright bandage. Matt fought against his instinctual urge to blanche at the needle that was held in the air for a second, before the doctor reached for a second one. "This is just saline to wash the meds through," He explained as he syringed the next needle into the canula. The same feeling of his veins being burned from the inside washed through him, leaving Matt grimacing as Kelly kissed his forehead for a third time. "Just try to relax, let the medication do its work. Unfortunately, that is what I meant about the pain going to take a few days before it begins to fade. It is completely normal, "

"What happened?" Matt gasped, gasping in relief when he felt Kelly slide his hands down his body to grip his hand tight once more. Matt offered the weak little squeeze of his own, as he clung to his lover. 

"Matt, when you were being transported to the hospital, your heart stopped. We had to administer shocks to bring you back into a steady rhythm."

"Shocks?" Matt whispered as if the word was foreign on his tongue. He could feel the truth in the pain of his breath, and in the way his chest ached with every inhale and exhale. He could see it in the painful expression that clouded Kelly's eyes, and in the way that the silver haired man touched him, squeezing his hand tight with one hand and stroking Matt's grimy hair with the other. Matt wished he could do something to take the look of defeat and heartbreak that seemed to radiate from Kelly's eyes as he blinked up at him seemingly lost in a memory. Matt didn't need to be told; he knew. He knew that Kelly must have witnessed as the paramedics administered the shocks, and he must have seen the exact moment his heart decided it wasn't going to beat normally. 

"Your body went into hypovolemic shock, due to drop in blood levels brought on by dehydration, and excessive sweating. You were exposed to incredible heat, which fast-tracked the dehydration. Once we got your heart back in rhythm, we've administered fluid treatment and oxygen to bring your levels up. Your blood volume did not decrease to a level where we would have required a transfusion, however you will find that you are going to be very weak for the next week or so." Will explained, pausing briefly as he picked up the tablet from the bed. Matt realised he must had placed it there when he had to administer the pain relief. He wasn't willing to risk moving again just yet, not even to test if the meds were doing their job correctly. "We're going to continue monitoring your fluid levels and your stats for the next few days."

Matt could feel the way Kelly's grip seemed to tighten even more around his hand, and he wished he could have the strength to squeeze back or the strength to push himself forwards so that he could touch and hold the silver haired man. He could see the fear and the worry in his lover’s eyes, and Matt felt the same wash of fear flood through his chest as a question flew to the tip of his tongue as he remembered that he wasn't alone in the fiery room. "How is the man that I was with. Did he make it?"

It was just one of the many questions that Matt wanted the answered to, but in that moment as Will looked to be ready to step away from his bedside, it was the only one that Matt desperately needed an answer too. He could bare to wait to hear about his recovery time, or the extent of the rest of his injuries. He would dread every second, but he could even make himself wait to find out if he were going to be able to return to duty once he was recovered. Matt needed to know about his victim. He couldn't remember anything apart from the fire surrounding him, and staggering under the weight of the unconscious man. There was fire and walking with the man he was trying to rescue and then there was nothing until he woke up in the hospital. Matt didn't know what happened, and nausea twisted in his stomach at the small blank space in his memory. 

"He's doing well. You saved his life, and if not for what you did, he wouldn't have made it." Will stated, reaching down to squeeze Matt's knee gently through the thin sheets. "Do you have any questions? I won't be the doctor assigned to you; I'm just covering a shift for one of my colleagues."

"It's not that dick who kicked me out of the ER is it?" Kelly asked, the scowl temporarily replacing the look of defeat that Matt feared was permanently etched into the silver haired man's face. 

"Dr Taylor," Will chuckled slightly at the name, leaving Matt to wonder what had inspired such anger to fill Kelly's eyes, "No, Matt's primary doctor will be Dr Pitch, she will be back on shift in a few hours and she will be glad to know that you are awake. Try and get some rest, both of you." Matt nodded slightly at the doctor as he turned away from them, inching the door closed on his way out offering them a vague impression of privacy. 

  
  


Matt listened to the beep of the machine, as he struggled to find the words that he wanted to air, and the words he wanted Kelly to hear. There were so many things that were hanging between them, and Matt could see the way that Kelly was struggling to hide the sadness and the grief that filled his eyes. "I'm sorry," Matt whispered eventually, his words though quiet, filled the room. 

"Hey no saying sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for." Kelly soothed, rising back to his feet as he moved back towards the head of the bed. Matt wanted to reach up and hold the back of the other man's neck, tugging him closer so that there was no space left between them, but he was only able to lift his hand a few inches before it began to shake from the effort. "You are an incredible selfless man, and I am so proud of you. I love you, gorgeous."

"You stayed," Matt's breath shuddered, as his bottom lip trembled in a way that he was sure hadn't happened since he was a scared child. 

"I was exactly where I needed to be," Kelly whispered, his hands stroking down Matt's cheek, "Get some sleep, I'll be here when you wake up."

* * *

Matt didn't know when he fell back to sleep, maybe the pain medication engulfed him entirely and dragged him into a world of dreamless sleep. When he opened his eyes, the dark shadows that hung in the corners of the hospital room had disappeared as the bright light sneaked in through the blinds adorning the windows. A surge of love filled his body as he saw Kelly curled up in the hospital chair, his head pillow in his arms once more. Matt wanted to reach out, and stroke his hand through the short silver strands, but there was a peaceful look on Kelly's face that Matt didn't want to disturb. 

He glanced around the room, hoping that there would be a clock or anything that would let him know what time of day it was. Even with the door to his room closed, he could hear the faint sound of the typical hustle of the hospital. It was one of the things that matt had used to pass the time on his previous hospital stays, watching as all the different doctors, nurses and medical personal walked up and down the halls. Matt watched as a nurse walked past the window that looked into his hospital room before she knocked quietly on the door before she stepped inside. 

"Oh is he still here. This one of yours is a keeper. We tried to get to him to go home last night, but he didn't want to leave you." The nurse greeted, smiling brightly at him as she walked across the room. She radiated light and hope as if she was made of sunlight. Everything about her glowed, from her wide smile to her vibrant red curls that were pulled back into a messy bun. Matt opened his mouth, but his throat closed before he could even begin to form a word. His mouth felt dry, as he had been sleeping in a dessert instead of in a hospital bed. The nurse seemed to notice as he licked his lips, "Oh let me get you some water, and I'll go let the lovely Dr Pitch know you're awake."

Matt could do nothing but mouth his thank you at the woman as she left the room once more, leaving him with only the sun to brighten the room. Some people had that natural light and bounce to them; Matt used to be envious of them when he was growing up, the shadows already standing too close behind him to ever allow him to shine with such honest happiness. Shay and Andy used to radiate with the jolly brightness, but nobody shone like Kelly did. He felt like he had extinguished some of the other man's flame, and Matt hoped that when he woke up some of the grief in the other man's eyes had lifted. 

"I'm back! Now Dr Pitch is just grabbing her paperwork and she will be right with you," The nurse announced in a sing-song voice as she pushed her happiness back into the room. Matt eyed the jug of water she carried in desperation, his tongue darting out to wet his dry lips as she poured it slowly into a small plastic cup. She added the straw with a flourish and a wink that Matt was sure could make even the sourest patients chuckle, as she carefully removed his oxygen mask and brought the cup and straw towards his lips without prompting him to try and sit up. She must have looked at his notes or been told about the pain as she placed the tip of the straw perfectly level with his lips. Matt eagerly clasped the straw between his lips, sucking up the water in deep gulps, the liquid soothing at his scratchy throat. "Small sips now, trust me it won't feel good if it comes back up."

Matt groaned around the straw, wanting to empty the cup of water in one go. Reluctantly he let the straw fall from his lips, listening to the nurse’s advice. "Thank you," he gasped, his words still sounding throaty and alien. 

"Let me go get my darling wife to hurry up, I'll leave you to wake up your handsome guardian here." The nurse winked at him as he set the water jug down on a large tray table which had pushed against the wall out of the way. Matt found himself fighting the little giggle that threatened to escape as the vibrant woman practically skipped out of the room. He found himself turning his eyes to Kelly as soon as the last flash of bright orange scrubs disappeared around the corner of the door; he still didn't want to disturb the peacefulness that Kelly had found in his sleep. It felt sinful to wake him up, and Matt bit his lip in grimace as he slowly lifted his hand off the cool sheets. The painful ache burned through him as he reached forwards, his arm shaking by the time he finally swiped his fingers down the stubble on the silver-haired man's cheek. 

Kelly was always such a light sleeper, and instantly his brow creased, and his eyelids fluttered. Matt grinned as he continued to stroke his fingers along the rough hairs, watching the way that Kelly's mouth twisted into a pout as he blinked awake. "Hey Kel," Matt whispered, his heart filling with warmth at the small smile that the silver haired man offered as he turned his head to brush his lips against Matt's wrist. 

"Hey gorgeous," Kelly returned, his voice crackly and rich from sleep in a way that made Matt wish he weren’t in agony and confined to a hospital bed. 

"The doctors gonna be in soon," Matt whispered, not wanting to ruin the gently moment between them but also not wanting to be interrupted. Memories from the middle of the night came back to him, and Matt found himself flushed as he remembered the way that Kelly had so openly touched and kissed him in front of Will Halstead. "Does everyone know about us?"

"What can you remember Matt?" Kelly asked as he slowly pushed himself upright, clasping Matt's hand in his as he moved. Kelly's hand was warm as it curled around his, but Matt could only concentrate on the fog that was still clouding his thoughts. He tried to push through the haze, trying to remember anything that happened past the fire. He couldn't remember how he had managed to survive, the flash of fire dropping debris around him, and a heat that was so much hotter than Kelly's hands. 

"I remember the exit getting blocked, and then I woke up." Matt admitted offering the other man's hand a little squeeze of reassurance, "I'm not ashamed of us Kelly, I love you."

"I love you too, and I never thought that for a second Matt, I promise. When the doctor comes in, we'll ask and make sure it’s not something that they need to get checked out." Kelly reassured, as he rose from the small plastic chair, leaving over Matt to brush his lips against his forehead. Matt found his eyes fluttering closed at the touch, and a gasp fell from his lips as he felt Kelly's lips against his own. The kiss was chaste, and Matt found himself giggling against the silver haired man's lips. 

"We need to brush our teeth," Matt grinned up at Kelly as the other man pulled back. The smile that spread across the silver haired man's lips made Matt forget about morning breath, as he bathed in the brightness of the perfect grin. Matt was helpless against the smile that spread across his cheeks as he admired the twinkle of mischief in Kelly's eyes as the other man dipped his head close once more.

"Don't stop on my account boys," a heart chuckle from behind them had them both jerking back slightly and finally breaking the bubble that surrounded them. The smile on Matt's face felt like it was now a permanent addition to his face as the woman in the doorway wiggled her eyebrows at them both as she strode into the room with a wave of confidence, her white coat flaring slightly behind her. "One more kiss like that and I'd have had to go take a cold shower."

"Dr Pitch?" Matt asked, taking in the woman's vibrant pink hair and the laughter lines that framed her eyes. 

She was nothing like any other doctor that he had ever met, and the was only cemented as she held her arms out to the sides and twirled on the spot for them, her white coat whipping through the air as she grinned at them as she did a full 360. "The one and only, and isn't it good to see you awake and with a bit of colour in your cheeks," Dr Pitch winked at him, before turning her gaze onto Kelly, "and you must be the man who was pissing off my medical intern yesterday."

"He was pissing me off," Kelly grouched. Matt turned to the silver haired man, offering him a quick smirk as he saw the small scowl that had formed on his lover’s face. He wanted to know what this guy must have done to piss off his hot-tempered fire-fighter. 

"Yh, Taylors a bit of an asshole, but he is a good doctor. Now let’s have a look at you," Dr Pitch agreed with Kelly, before she turned her attention back towards Matt, tapping at the machines and examining her tablet. "Your oxygen stats are back to normal, so no need to throw that mask back on." She grinned nodding pointedly down at the mask that was still hooked around his neck from where the nurse had removed it to let him take a drink. "Your fluid levels have improved too, so we can look into having both your IV and the catheter removed if you feel like you can manage. Remember it's not good to exert yourself, so if you're going to be in agony just from walking to the bathroom its staying in."

Matt flushed, his cheeks warming at the thought of all the different procedures and things that were done to him as he slept. He didn't know what made him feel more uncomfortable the fact someone would have had to strip him out of his turnout gear or the fact someone had inserted a catheter whilst he was unconscious. He knew that the medical professionals did it for a reason, but it left him feeling uncomfortable at the thought. He would willingly subject himself to all the pain that he had felt last night if it meant that he could have that tube removed; he didn't even care if it took him twenty agonising minutes to walk to the bathroom. As if she could read his mind, Dr Pitch arched a brow at him, "How's the pain?"

"I haven't tried to really move yet." Matt admitted, fighting the urge to wince at the mere thought of the pain from the night before. He knew the next question that was going to come out the doctor’s mouth before a word was uttered, and Matt found himself clenching his jaw tight at the inevitable pain that was about to cause himself. 

"Do you feel up for trying? Me and your silver fox will be here to help you as well, and if it's bad I'll have a shot of the good stuff all ready for you?" Dr Pitch asked. The frown at the thought of sitting up, disappeared at the silly nickname that she gave Kelly. Matt nodded, gritting his teeth in preparation as he felt hands fall on both of his shoulders. It was just as bad as the night before, but Matt knew what to expect as the pain flashed through his body, as he slowly pushed himself up. The hands on his shoulders helped him, both Kelly and the doctor supporting his weight and stopping him from slumping backwards in defeat. The pain was horrendous, but it was the weakness that made it so much more difficult. Matt knew that if it weren’t for the hands on his shoulders and the hands on his back he would have crashed back down against the mattress after only a few inches. 

His breath came out in little ragged gasps, as he pushed himself up further; his stomach muscles screaming in protest, and his arms trembled as he transferred his weight from his forearms onto his hands. Sweat was beading on his forehead from the effort, and Matt could feel his body wanting to give out on him. He couldn't describe the exhaustion that was controlling his body, and making such a simple task so difficult. He could hear soft coos of encouragement coming from both Dr Pitch and from Kelly, but his pulse in his ears was deafening in comparison. Matt squeezed his eyes tight, focusing on his own harsh breaths and the firm hands on his back that were supporting him, and offering gentle pushes that assisted him in sitting up. 

Matt huffed as he finally sat upright, his chest slumping forwards as his breath shuddered through his chest. He wanted to curl up into a ball, hoping that it would alleviate some of the pain that was shooting through his body. He felt the support leaving him on the side Dr Pitch was on, hands falling away from his shoulder and his back, but as he let his eyes open once more, he felt Kelly gently guiding him backwards. His back only moved back a few inches before it was sinking back into the mattress, and Matt let his head drop back against the pillow that Dr Pitch had positioned at his neck.

"There you go, this will help you feel a little bit better, and it will make it easier when you feel up to moving about a bit more." Dr Pitch grinned as she moved the remote for the next to Matt's hand. Matt nodded at the doctor’s words, already sinking back into the mattress; she was right it felt like there was so much less stress in his chest now that he was sat upright. Kelly's hands fell from his shoulders, snaking down his arm until he entwined their fingers together. "Now have you got any questions?"

"How is this going to affect my work?" Matt asked. He sucked his bottom lip between his teeth as he watched the way the doctor visibly considered her answer before she replied. He knew that it meant that she couldn’t give him a direct response, and that worried him in that moment. 

"We're still waiting for some text results back from our cardiologist, so it will depend on what the tests say, but if everything is clear it shouldn't affect your job, and you should be able to return to service after a set recover time." Dr Pitch offered, her voice taking on a more serious tone for the first time in their conversation.

"How long?" 

"You're looking at probably six to eight weeks." Matt resisted the urge to groan at the doctor’s words. There was instantly a thousand different thoughts racing in his head, demanding his attention. He couldn't stand the thought of being out of the fire house for that long when he had only been back for a few weeks after being shot. It was like some sick joke that the universe was playing on him, as if it were a new routine, off work for four weeks, return to work for 8 weeks, and now take another 8 weeks off. The second most pressing thought was money, and that made Matt's heart sink even lower into his stomach. He had still been working on rebuilding the reputation for his construction gigs, and now whatever jobs he had managed to line up were going to disappear now that he was back on injury leave. The need to get his apartment off his back and freeing up his bank account was now an even bigger requirement. He wondered absentmindedly if Gabby was going to listen to him and move out like he told her too. 

"Hey, I know what you're thinking, and we'll sort it." Kelly whispered, and Matt instantly turned to the silver haired man. The firm and loving look in the man's blue eyes made Matt want to curl himself around him and just hold Kelly tightly and never let him go. He felt like Kelly had this ability to see into his soul, and find the exact thoughts and feelings that were spiralling inside of him, and just reassure him perfectly every time. Matt wanted to lean forwards and steal another kiss, but the thought of moving had him wincing even before he tried; he settled for squeezing the other man's hand as tightly as he could manage, and hoping that all his love and appreciation was able to be interpreted.

"There's one more thing. I can't remember what happened in the fire, is that normal? I mean I had a head injury a few years ago and-" Matt began, his voice cracking as he spoke.

"And that was the second thing we checked you for, your head is absolutely fine, and shows no sign of any injury. Temporary amnesia is common in these situations, and you might find it comes back to you slowly or it might come back to you all at once." Dr Pitch cut him off, her voice dropping away from her serious tone ever so slightly. A sigh of relief fell from more than just one pair of lips, and Matt turned to smile at Kelly, he found himself being met with a kiss that was pressed against his forehead. Matt's eyes fluttered close as he leaned into the touch, and the hand that came to rest on his cheek as Kelly kept his lips still for a few moments as if he needed the touch just as much as Matt did. 

"Now it's natural for your mind to not remember traumatic experiences, it’s your minds way of protecting you from the memories. You may find yourself having dreams or nightmares about it, as your sub-conscious brings things to the surface, both of you might." Dr Pitch continued as she smiled down at them. Matt turned back towards her as Kelly brushed a parting kiss against his forehead, his hand moving from his cheek to play with the short hair at the base of his neck. Matt offered the hand he was still holding a small squeeze as he nodded along to the doctor’s words. "I'll arrange for you to meet with one of our therapists, it will help you understand your thoughts. It's standard procedure for anyone who has gone through a traumatic or near-death experience. Mr Severide, I think you would also benefit from this, so if it's alright with yourself I would like to refer you also. "

"I'd appreciate that." Kelly accepted, and Matt found himself nodding once again. It was something that both men had been offered after Andy had died, and Matt didn't know about Kelly, but he wished he had accepted the offer back then instead of shaking his head and struggling with his conscience. 

"Okay I will go ahead and get that all sorted for you both, now let me go get Nat to come back in and she'll start unhooking you from all the crap you don't need anymore." Dr Pitch grinned, and Matt figured that Nat must have been the nurse who had come in earlier. "If you need anything just hit the button on the bed remote and it will alert the nurses station."

* * *

Matt felt more alive the moment the nurse removed all the machines and cannula's which were deemed no longer necessary. Even empty, his stomach had still churned uncomfortably as the IV was removed from his arm and his cheeks had burned crimson when it was time to remove the catheter. The nurse, Nat, had been professional and had even asked if he wanted Kelly to leave the room but Matt had shaken his head firmly as she gently pulled back the sheets. Kelly had seen all of him before, but it still left him feeling embarrassed as the nurse methodically removed the blasted thing as quickly as she could. The blush remained on Matt's cheeks even after she had pulled his gown back down to cover him and tucked the sheets back up around his waist. He wanted his clothes, or just anything other than a thin gown. 

"Do you want me to get someone to stop by our apartment and pick up some clothes?" Kelly asked, as if he sensed Matt's discomfort. Matt nodded immediately, relief settling in his chest as he realised that Kelly never suggested that he was going to leave him to get them even though it looked like he wasn't the only one who could do with a spare change of clothes. Warmth flooded through him, and burned as he forced his arm upwards to stroke the stubble along Kelly's jaw, even though his arm shook from exertion. The press of lips against his wrist and the way Kelly's hand moved to cradle his was worth the pain and effort. 

"Please," Matt whispered as she shuffled uncomfortably. The nurse had given him a hit of codeine before she left, and the buzz from the drug had helped to keep at least part of the pain away. The drugs allowed him to wiggle or make small movements without his body screaming in protest; the only negative was that the small movements reminded him of the course material of the hospital gown and the sheets. Matt felt selfish, but he didn't want Kelly to leave him just yet. 

"Okay," Kelly confirmed, pressing another kiss to the soft skin on the inside of Matt's wrist. Matt wondered how bad the burn was on his other arm, the nurse had reapplied the bandage around his other wrist with such speed that Matt had barely seen anything before the fresh bandage was applied. "I'll give Christie a call, and ask her to grab us some clothes before she comes up."

Matt grinned, letting his head drop back against the pillow behind his neck; Kelly had already explained that he had called Christie after they had let him back before Matt woke up. She hadn't been able to leave Violet, and said that she would be over as soon as Kelly called her in the morning. He was so glad that Kelly had thought to call her; she had been so upset the last time he was in hospital when it took a few days before Gabby had thought to let her know. Looking back that was probably one of the starting points as to why Christie had never liked the paramedic; one of many. 

Kelly gently moved his hand away from his cheek, resting it back on the sheets with a final parting squeeze as he rose from the small plastic chair. He was still dressed in his turnout gear, but the braces had long since been pushed off his shoulders revealing the crumbled and sweaty shirt underneath. They were both a state, and Matt desperately wanted to make use of the shower unit in the en-suite bathroom. It was nothing like the shower back home, and was more like a wet room with a drain on the floor and a rubber curtain that separated the toilet and sink from the shower hose and a plastic chair. "I'll be back in a second okay gorgeous," Kelly whispered, squeezing Matt's hands once more before he stepped out of the room for the first time since Matt had woken up. 

* * *

"Oh god Matt," Christie cried, one of hands coming up to her mouth as she stepped into the hospital room. Kelly stepped in after her, a big duffle bag hooked over one of his shoulders as he carried in another chair. Kelly had returned after he had called Christie, staying by his side until his phone buzzed once more to inform them both that his sister had arrived at the hospital. Matt was glad that Kelly had given her one of the spare keys to the apartment just in case of emergencies back when their mother reared her head before disappearing back into silence. 

"Hey Chris," Matt offered a small smile as he pulled the sheets a little tighter around him. He knew that there was nothing visible, but he didn't want to accidently flash his sister, or show of any inch of flesh that she didn't need to see. 

"You look like shit, how are you feeling?" Christie joked before she sincerely asked. Matt watched as she moved closer to him, stealing the side that Kelly had been holding vigil over, and clutching his uninjured hand in hers. Matt grinned at the silver haired man as he carefully placed the duffle bag on one of the cabinets lining the room, leafing through the contents. 

"I feel the same way I look," Matt admitted with a chuckle as Christie gently squeezed his forearm. 

"Well you'll feel better once you have some clean clothes on and have a shower," Christie joked, as she reached up to stroke a few stray hairs away from his forehead. He tried not to laugh at the small grimace that crossed his sisters face as she pulled her hand back from the greasy feeling of his hair. "I didn't know what you guys needed so I just took a wild guess and grabbed a couple of things from your wardrobe and your drawers, honestly the things in your drawers Kelly could make anyone blush."

Matt felt his eyebrows rise and even from across the room he could hear Kelly's sharp inhale of breath. His curiosity peaked, and Matt prayed there wasn't a cat in the room, as he turned to look at the mischievous expression that filled his older sisters face. In that moment they weren't two people in their thirties and forties, but they were two kids who hadn't been jaded by the world. In his head he was trying to figure out what drawer she meant, and what could possibly have been inside to make someone blush. The only things that they had were lube and probably a stray condom which hadn't been used before they had found out their test results, and even then, the lube sat on the bedside table most of the time. Was there a secret sex toy stash that Kelly hadn't yet introduced him too?

Turning his head towards Kelly, Matt found his curiosity growing as he caught the silver haired man bringing a finger to his lips, an action he quickly tried to hide by pretending to scratch at his cheek. "What are you hiding?" Matt grinned, as he caught the tip of his tongue between his teeth. 

"I'm sure he'll show you one day, but until then you might want to find a new hiding spot." Christie teased, her laughter filling the room in a way that was contagious and left Matt feeling lightheaded as he joined in. His laughter only increased as Kelly launched a rolled up a pair of rolled up socks at his sister, the offending object missing her by over a foot. The intrigue stayed at the back of his mind even as the topic of conversation moved away from the mystery hiding in Kelly's drawers and onto subjects such as how Violet was doing in school, and the cruddy date that Christie had gone on the week before. 

Matt didn't know how long Christie stayed with them, but the drugs were starting to wear off when she rose to her feet and pressed a kiss to the top of his greasy hair. "I'll come and see you tomorrow, let me know if you need anything else bringing."

"I will, thank you Chris." Matt whispered, inhaling the sweet smell of her perfume as she messed his hair, leaving it sticking up in haphazard angles. He contemplated reaching up and smoothing it down, but he decided against the action; he didn't think he had the strength remaining to even raise his hand high enough to touch his head, let alone try and look presentable. Thankfully, there were no mirrors in the room, so Matt didn't have to see just how bad he looked in that moment. It was bad enough feeling like crap, without the confirmation that you looked like crap also. He knew that Christie had only meant it half-jokingly when she had said it, but the sliver of truth was still in her words. 

"Now step getting hurt, you're gonna make me have grey hairs." Christie whispered, as she turned on the puppy-dog eyes. Matt snorted at his sister, gently poking her side, his grin widening as she yelped. 

"That's what the bleach is for." Matt chirped in response, trying not to laugh at the snort that escaped Kelly. The silver haired man seemed to be returning to his usual self, after disappearing for ten minutes whilst Christie had played mother hen. He had darted into the room’s bathroom, the sound of the shower echoing through to them. Kelly had returned dressed in fresh clothes, and looking more awake than he had in the last twenty-four hours, his turnout gear bundled up underneath one arm. 

"Rude. Get some rest, both of you. I'll see you soon okay." 

Matt nodded at his sister's words, his head dropping back against the pillow as she rose from her chair. He felt his exhaustion finally blowing out the last steam, and his love for Kelly surged up in his chest once more as he saw Kelly begin to push himself out of his own seat, "Thank you Christie, let me show you out."

"Don't be stupid Kelly, sit back down before you fall down. Right see you both later." Christie shot back at Kelly, with a simple raised eyebrow as she watched the man slide back down into his seat. Matt lifted his hand feebly off the bed, waving at his sister as she turned to walk out of the door leaving a silence to fall over the room. Matt knew that he wasn't the only one exhausted, and he suspected Kelly was probably aching nearly as bad as he was from sleeping in the ridiculously small hospital chair all night. 

"Fuck I'm so tired," Matt moaned, his eyes drooping closed as he yawned. He felt like horrible for hoping that no one else decided to pay a visit today; he didn't think he could stand to keep his eyes open any longer. A hand came down, cupping at his jaw, and Kelly's thumb stroked softly over his bottom lip. If he had been less tired, Matt may have pressed a kiss to the digit, or sucked the tip into his mouth so that he could suck on at in a way that he hoped would be seductive, but sex was the furthest thing from his mind. He was tired, his body ached, and Matt doubted he could even get it up.

"Get some sleep okay, can I stay with you for a little longer, I don't want to face going home without you just yet." Kelly whispered, as he moved to press his lips against Matt's forehead as he continued to stroke his thumb along his bottom lip. 

"You never have to ask Kel," Matt whispered, inhaling the smell of Kelly's aftershave and deodorant; he wondered if that was one of the many things that Christie had brought with her. He could probably do with a shower himself, as he inhaled the smell that was so distinctively Kelly Severide, even though it was mixed with and artificial lemon smell of whatever shower gel the hospital stocked. Matt sighed, clinging to smell of Kelly as he searched blindly for the hand that wasn't caressing his cheek, "I love you." 

"I love you too," Kelly replied, "Let me do one thing before you go to sleep okay?"

Matt didn't have to even think as he nodded in response. He trusted Kelly, and even if he weren’t exhausted, he wouldn't have questioned what was happening as Kelly stepped backwards, and his hand fell away from his face. Matt arched an eyebrow as he watched Kelly walking across the room and pushing the door closed before turning the blinds down. A blush crept onto his cheeks, as even though the slightest movement had the potential to cause him pain, his brain supplied a variety of different scenarios that could have occurred if he weren’t so hurt. Matt watched as Kelly quickly grabbed something out of the duffle bag that sat on the other side of the room before slowly moving back over to his side. 

Kelly clutched at the top of the sheets which were so tightly bunched up at Matt's waist, gently pulling them back. The blush on Matt's cheeks seemed to grow in intensity as Kelly paused making sure that the hospital gown was covering his groin even though no one was in the room before he pulled the sheets back completely letting them fall to the bottom of the bed. "Put your hands on my shoulders gorgeous," Kelly whispered, as he pressed a quick kiss against the stubble growing on Matt's cheek. His hands shook as he raised them, a sigh falling from his lips as Kelly held his forearms, aiding him in what should have been a simple task. "Okay, now just brace yourself against me, and just let me do this for you."

Matt nodded, his arms shaking as he leaned his weight onto the other man as Kelly gently manoeuvred him. Matt tried to follow the movements as Kelly guided his legs off the bed, but his body felt like it didn't want to co-operate with his brain. His attempts at moving his legs ended up being little feeble kicks that only served to push the sheets onto the floor. "Let me," Kelly soothed as he rested one hand on Matt's side, whilst the other curled around his knee. He should have felt like a puppet on a string as Kelly gently eased him so that he was sat on the edge of the bed, his bare feet brushing against the cold tile floor. 

Matt braced his weight against Kelly's shoulders as the silver haired man crouched down on the floor in-between his spread legs. Matt suddenly wished that he could have the silver haired man in this position at another time, he could picture it so clearly. Kelly would tease the sensitive skin on his inner thighs, running his fingers in feather-light strokes up and down his legs before he even reached out to touch his cock. There was nothing sexual about this touch, even though Kelly's hands seemed to caress him from his knee down to his ankle. The shift of fabric being looped around his ankle had Matt blinking down in confusion as Kelly's hands trailed slowly back up his leg. Matt asked as he brushed his lips against the top of Kelly's head, "What are you doing?" 

"I just want you to feel comfortable," Kelly replied, as Matt felt a hand circle his other ankle, gently lifting it from the floor. "I know you don't feel comfortable without underwear so let me do this for you."

Matt could do nothing but squeeze Kelly's shoulders, his arms shaking for the effort of holding himself up as Kelly slowly pulled the fabric up his legs, and over his knees. He moved further forwards, his hips lifting off the bed with a hiss of pain. Kelly was quick, pulling the underwear up over his thighs and over the curve of his arse. Matt found himself falling backwards against the bed, Kelly's hand stretching forwards to grip onto his hips to steady him. The feeling of being covered, was something Matt didn't realise he took for granted until he found himself dressed in nothing but a hospital gown. The soft fabric made him feel like he was slipping away into heaven, as Kelly carefully moved him back onto the bed, leaning him against the raised mattress as he lifted his legs back up onto the mattress. Matt found himself sinking back into the hospital bed, his eyes closing as his head hit the pillow; he vaguely felt the rough blanket being pulled back up over his body before he sunk into sleep.

* * *

Matt vaguely remembered waking up a few times, the first was when one of the porters came in to bring him food, but he found himself disappearing back into dreams that were made up of nothing but colours. The next time he woke up, the room was dark once more, with only the light from the corridor seeping into the empty room. For the first time since he had woken up, Kelly wasn't there curled up by his bedside. The hours of sleep did nothing to take away from his exhaustion, and Matt found himself falling back asleep before he could even concentrate on the missing figure that he wanted to be sat at his side. 

It was a hand brushing through his sweaty, dirty hair that woke him up again; fingers scraping through the strands clumping them together. Blinking awake, Matt hummed, leaning into the touch, chasing the feeling of the fingers that there massing his scalp. He focused on the soothing touch, as he stretched, breathing through the flash of pain. The pain wasn't as bad as it had been the day before, but it was still capable of stealing the breath from his lungs. Matt had learned what movements affected him the worst yesterday when Christie had been side-eyeing him every time he winced. 

"Morning gorgeous. Do you want me to go get the nurse?" Kelly asked, his hands stilling in their movement. Matt shook his head underneath the other man's hand, the rustle of the pillow filling his ears. Kelly was sat back in his little hospital chair, but he had pulled it so that it was as close to the bed as possible. Matt smiled, only wincing slightly as he dipped his shoulder and pushed his body towards the edge of the bed, and closer to the other man. 

"I'm okay. Where'd you go last night?" Matt asked as he reached out towards Kelly. He frowned as the fatigue continued to cling to his body despite the amount of sleep that he had gotten. He felt like he had slept for three hours instead of the sixteen or so that he must have got. He didn't know the exact time, but he could only presume that it was after eight in the morning. The hospital typically didn't let family in to visit until after that time unless it was an emergency, or the patient was deteriorating. 

"They kicked me out around eleven. Said that you were sleeping, and told me to do the same?" Kelly smiled, as he let his hands slide free from Matt's hair.

"Did you get any?" Matt asked, frowning at the shadows that looked like they were tattooed underneath the silver haired man's eyes. He focused on the small sag in his shoulders and the way his eyes seemed to shine less than they normally did. 

"No, it felt wrong to be at home without you." Kelly admitted shyly, making Matt want to reach out and curl his arms around the other man, even if it meant enduring all the pain that his body could generate. Matt tried to push himself upright, and tried to move closer to the other man, but Kelly leaned forwards before Matt could make his body move. The press of lips against his had Matt sighing, as he lifted a shaky hand to clutch at the back of Kelly's neck holding him close even as the kiss ended. "51 wants to come and visit later, do you feel up for it?"

Matt nodded, leaning his forehead against Kelly's. "Can I have a shower before they get here?"

"Of course, do you want me to get you some breakfast first or after?" Kelly asked, gently tugging on Matt's ear lobe before reaching back to tug on the short hairs at the back of his neck. 

"After please," Matt replied, his stomach twisting at the thought of food. He had only managed to pick at the lunch that he got provided the day before when Christie was with them, and even then, it was only because of his sister and Kelly's glaring eyes. Even the nurse had chastised him when she had come into collect the tray, reminding him that although it was uncomfortable to eat, he needed to do it to get his strength back. Matt hoped that whatever food got served today was slightly easier to digest than the sandwich that had made him feel like he as chewing on cement. The thought of food made his stomach twist, but the thought of a shower sounded like a piece of heaven. "Can you help me? With the shower?"

"Of course I will gorgeous." Kelly whispered, brushing another kiss against the corner of Matt's lips as he carefully pulled back the sheets on the bed. Gentle hands held onto Matt's forearms, acting as a support as Matt ground his teeth and forced his body to move. His body groaned and protested, and Matt had to hold back the moan that threatened to fall from his lips. It took his strength just to pull his upper body up from the mattress, as the bed had been lowered for him to sleep, and by the time he managed to pull his legs over the edge of the bed, his breath was coming out in little huffs like he had just finished a run. "You're doing brilliant, just take it at your own pace. No one is rushing you okay gorgeous."

Matt nodded, even as breaths rasped through him. Kelly rose from his chair, kicking it out of the way of them both as he directed himself to stand in between Matt's legs. He could feel Kelly's hands tighten around his arms, and Matt twisted his hands so that he could clasp at Kelly's wrists in return. Matt pushed himself forwards, his feet falling to the floor leaving him stumbling slightly into Kelly's hold. His feet twisted beneath him, as if they weren't prepared to support his weight; Matt was thankful for Kelly's body being pressed so close and the way the silver haired man seemed to be prepared to take his weight as if he had expected Matt to fall into him. 

Matt squeezed Kelly's wrists, as he dropped his head down against the other man's chest, letting his shaky breaths hide in the folds of his t-shirt. His feet felt like they had gone numb, and he was dragging them lifelessly along the cold floor; his knees shook underneath him, and his thighs burned, but Matt forced himself to take a step forwards. He regretted it the moment he lifted his head from Kelly's shirt, the room spinning around him leaving the silver-haired man the only thing that he could focus on. Matt could feel his body threatening to stumble from the fatigue and the sudden dizziness. 

He felt like he was using Kelly like a human walking frame as he took slow tiny steps towards the en-suite bathroom. He knew that if he didn't have Kelly, he would have hit the floor the moment he pushed himself out of the bed. Matt leaned heavily into Kelly's side as the silver haired man guided him into the bathroom. If Matt hadn't been exhausted, he may have flushed as Kelly arms snaked around his stomach holding him upright as he quickly relieved himself at the toilet before Kelly walked him to the other side of the shower curtain. "I'm just gonna sit you down, and then once we're undressed, we can get the shower going gorgeous."

Matt nodded, slumping into the seat despite how carefully Kelly eased him down. The walk had taken it out of him, and Matt could feel his weakness like he was dragging a lead ball behind him. Matt watched as Kelly stripped out of his clothes, tugging his shirt over his head in one smooth move. Even exhausted, Matt couldn't help but watch as his lover pushed his jeans to the floor, kicking them in the same direction as his thrown shirt. It was both normal and strange to see Kelly stripping without it being a prelude to something more; it was just like they were back in the locker room at work before they became something more, back when it was just two guys changing out. Matt didn't think there had been a single point in the last few months where they hadn't gotten changed in front of each other without sending flirtatious looks and winks when they thought no one else was looking. Even without the sexual context, Matt loved seeing Kelly standing naked in front of him. Once nude, Kelly walked back towards him gently untying the clasp of the hospital gown with a parting caress to the neck, before easing it down his shoulders. Matt lifted his hips in assistance as Kelly hooked his fingers in the waistband of his underwear, pulling the tight fabric down his thighs and leaving them pooled on the floor. 

"Do you want to stay in the chair, or do you want to stand?" Kelly asked as he reached forwards to cup Matt's cheek. 

"Stand." Matt said determinedly, even though he didn't trust his own body to hold him up. Kelly nodded, his hands once more circling Matt's arms as they moved as together to pull him back upright. Matt circled his arms around Kelly's waist as the silver hared man turned on the shower, blindly pulling the rubber curtain closed around them so that that didn't spread the water all over the wet room. The water came out cold initially, making Matt shrink away from the spray, curling himself tighter into Kelly as if to steal the warmth that the man radiated. 

The warm water came slowly, pattering down around them as they turned into the spray. Matt moaned as the water fell onto his back, and he tipped his head back catching his hair underneath the weak spray. It felt like heaven and despite how crappy the shower was, in his eyes it was suddenly the best shower in the world. Kelly swayed them underneath the spray, letting them soak under the water as it fell upon them. Matt allowed himself to be held, only vaguely holding his own body weight up as Kelly help him close.

Matt didn't know how Kelly was able to both hold his body weight up, but also rub the hospital issue shampoo through his greasy hair. The scent of artificial lemon filled the bathroom, and hung in the air as Matt found himself being carefully placed back on the chair with a parting kiss to his now clean hair. "I'll go get you some clean clothes, unless you'd prefer the hospital gown to go back on?"

"Not a chance," Matt whispered, his eyes falling closed as he let his head rest against the tiled wall behind the chair. The tiles were cold against his heated skin, and Matt gasped at the temperature change. Kelly's snort of laughter stayed in the room, even when he stepped outside, letting the steam escape with him. 

* * *

Matt was dressed in clean clothes, even if they were just a pair of shorts he typically wore to bed and one of Kelly's old t-shirts when the gang turned up, filling the hospital room with their presence. Matt was feeling the best he had felt since he woke up; the combination of a shower, proper clothes, a new dose of codeine and a bowl of porridge which he had annihilated bringing a wide smile to his face. When Boden first knocked on the door announcing their presence, Kelly had been sat next to Matt on the bed, their sides touching from shoulder to toe as they squeezed close. The sight of their chief had brought a moment of panic to flash through Matt's body, before he remembered Kelly telling him that Boden and the rest of the house were aware of their relationship; he just wished he could remember how they found out. The memory of the fire was still missing, and other than the occasional orange and red that flashed in his mind when he closed his eyes, Matt could only remember the entrance being blocked. Instead of succumbing to the moment of uncertainty, Matt curled his hand in Kelly's, bringing their joined hands to rest on top of his thigh. 

Boden's eyes flicked down to their joined hands before he smiled widely at them as he pushed the door open further as he stepped into the room. The line of people that followed had Matt's smile growing as he dropped his head down against Kelly's shoulder. Nearly everyone on truck 81 and squad pushed their way into a room which was far too small for all of them. Herrmann stepped in behind Boden, a wide bandage covering his neck, but his injury did nothing to keep the smile from his face, followed by Brett and Kidd who both clutched boxes of what looked to be cookies and brownies. Capp, Tony and Kannell were the next to walk in, all three men trying to be the first through the door, gently elbowing the others out of the way in the bid to be the first inside, leaving Otis and Cruz to bring up the rear of the group. Matt tried not to concentrate on the way that both Otis and Cruz looked like they would rather be somewhere else, as he smiled at all his friends in turn. The only people that were missing were Mouch, who Kelly had explained was up on the ward still, and Gabby. 

"Am I glad to see you up. How are you feeling?" Boden asked, as he stood at the foot of the bed grinning broadly down at them.

"I'm good chief," Matt smiled, and for the first time he believed his own words. He wasn't going to be standing up and walking across the room again anytime soon, but he was comfortable and feeling a little bit more human. 

"Good I'm glad to hear," Boden replied, leading way to a haze of different comments as everyone began to speak simultaneously, their comments all blending together. 

"You had us worried lieutenant."

"Good to see you lieutenant."

"Yh you scared us big time Casey."

"I'm glad you’re okay."

"And here I thought I was finally gonna be made lieutenant." Herrmann grinned down at him as he clapped him on his leg, leaving Matt to snort and shake his head at his friend; it was part of the older man's charm and personality, and part of the reason his mouth got him into so much trouble. 

"I'll be sure to put it in my will that Kidd should be the next lieutenant after me." Matt retorted, flashing a wide grin at his friend. Laughter fell from his lips as the shout of "Blasphemy", filled the small hospital room. Smiles seemed to fill nearly everyone's face, and Matt tried to think back to the last time everyone was so comfortable in each other’s company. He knew that he hadn't been the only one who had grown tense under Gabby's anger, and it felt like a breath of fresh air had blown in with his colleagues and friends. He wasn't going to kid himself and say that everyone looked happy, because he saw the way that Otis lurked towards the back of the room. he had joined in with the greetings alongside the others, but Matt couldn't help but focus on the lack of smile as everyone else laughed and joked. 

Matt found his thoughts being moved away from Otis, as Kidd carefully patted him on the hand before wrapping an arm around his neck in a surprise hug. He appreciated Kidd as a colleague, and a friend, but he had always considered her to be more of Gabby and Kelly's friend than his own. Matt didn't know where her allegiances would lie in regards to her opinion on his and Kelly's relationship; whether they would lie with the paramedic, or if she would feel betrayed for whatever past feelings she had for Kelly. That was why he found himself speechless as she whispered close to his ear in a voice that was clearly only meant for him, "You're good for him, and I'm glad you have someone who can be good for you."

As Kidd pulled back, Matt found himself being wrapped in another set of arms, as Brett stepped forwards next, her voice stern underneath the usual softness. "You better listen to what the doctors tell you, or we'll get Severide to tie you to the bed."

"Don't give them ideas!" The room filled with laughter once more from Capp's playful shout, and the resulting hand gesture that Kelly offered in response. 

The guys stayed with him for a few hours, chatting and joking, but together ignoring the questions that everyone seemed to want to ask. Matt could see it in the way their gaze seemed to focus whenever either he or Kelly moved, or brushed against each other. He felt like he was an exhibit at a zoo, and everyone was pressed against the glass wondering what they were going to do next. Otis and Cruz had bowed out of the room first, only staying for fifteen minutes before making an excuse about going to update Mouch on Matt's condition. Matt found himself only believing one of the men with their decision; he could see the regret and the need for forgiveness radiating from Cruz, but there was a different kind of emotion which Otis gave off. 

* * *

Matt was so ready to leave the hospital and get home, even if his strength hadn't been fully regained yet. The same four bland walls seemed to have closed further and further in on him with every passing day, leaving him wanting to gush a hundred thank you's on Dr Pitch when she finally announced that she was going to let him leave. The four days that he spent in the hospital after he awoke, felt elongated, and made Matt feel like he had been trapped for weeks instead of days. Kelly had been there by his side from morning until they kicked him out at night every single day; he had been granted leave by Boden, and Matt felt selfish for being so grateful. The shadows still clung underneath the silver haired man's eyes, and Kelly acted like Matt didn't notice when his kisses lingers against his forehead for longer than they used to. It was like Kelly was trying to remind himself that Matt was still there in front of him, and that he wasn't still lost and trapped behind flames. 

He was so excited to finally leave the hospital and feel fresh air against his face, that Matt didn't even open his mouth to complain when the nurse pushed a wheelchair towards him and told him to get in with nothing more than a look. He wasn't going to complain, his body still harboured exhaustion, and he found himself swaying when he rose too quickly. Matt had been open with Dr Pitch regarding his symptoms, and she had soothed both his and Kelly's concerns; she had explained that both the exhaustion and the dizziness were to be expected from his shock, and that he would recover from both within the next fortnight and if they persisted after that point to contact her straight away.

Matt grinned brightly as the handles to the wheelchair were surrendered to Kelly, the silver haired man slowly leading him to his freedom. He thought his smile was going to be a new permanent addition to his face as he felt the cold Chicago breeze against his skin as he was wheeled out of the hospital doors. The winter months were starting to creep in on them, and although for the rest of the country it was still early fall, there was a frigidness to Chicago that Matt always loved. The breeze was always there ready to sweep off the lake and through the city, and Matt could feel the chill in the air today as he raised his head to the clear sky overhead, letting the sunshine down on him in its hopeless attempt to warm him despite the wind. 

"Ready to go home?" Kelly asked from behind him as he slowly wheeled them towards the carpark.

"More ready than you will ever know." Matt admitted. He wanted to relax, and sleep in his own bed, and be able to fall asleep with Kelly's arms wrapped around him without knowing that he was going to wake up in the middle of the night alone. Matt leaned his head back as far as it could go, looking up at Kelly towering behind him, his tongue caught between his teeth as he smiled. Kelly leaned forwards, curling over him as he kissed at his smile. He missed these moments too, the moments where they didn't have to worry about what may cause pain, and simply embrace the need to touch and love each other. 

"I've brought your truck, I felt it would be easier for you to get in and out of instead of my car." Kelly commented as they broke apart, already resuming pushing him through the car park. Matt felt his eyebrows rise, as his heart flipped and practically danced with joy inside of his chest. It as the small things, like thinking about how Matt was going to get in and out of a car, that just cemented how perfect and loving Kelly was, and Matt fell more in love with him each day. 

* * *

It was like he was seeing the city for the first time as Kelly drove him home. The buildings were the same, the streets were the same, and there was the usual mix of residents and tourists that filled the sidewalks, but Matt found himself wanting to look at it all. He blamed being stuck with nothing but four grey walls, but the brightness of the city screamed for his attention. It felt like it was too soon by the time Kelly pulled up in front of their apartment building, the brick façade looking like the gateway to paradise. Matt supported himself against the car door, his hands shaking as he pulled himself out of the truck. He barely had time to take a step before Kelly was at his side, one arm snaking around his waist and gently tugging him against his side offering himself as a walking frame. 

They walked slowly, but Matt felt his breath threatening to leave him by the time they made it to the entrance way. He could feel Kelly's hand tightening its grip on his waist as they stepped into the smalls pace, and Matt couldn't help but notice that the small flurry of leaflets that so often littered the floor had been cleared away. He remembered the dozen or so colourful papers that had been on the ground the day they left for shift, and to see the grubby tiles clear made Matt smile. He knew without asking that it was just another thing that Kelly had done for him, clearing away the rubbish so that Matt didn't potentially lose his unsteady footing. 

Matt didn't know what possessed him to try to climb the stairs on his own when the fatigue was already snapping at his heels just form the short walk from the truck to the entrance way. He clung with both hands to the railing, Kelly's arm remaining pressed against his side as he slowly lifted one foot after the after. Every stair felt like a mountain, and glancing up from the floor to look at the landing a dozen steps in front of him made Matt feel like he was trying to scale Everest. He could feel his hands shaking, and the sweat on his palms as he pulled himself forwards using the stair railing, dragging his feet up one more step. Matt's chest rattled with the sharp breaths that were falling from his lips as he stumbled forwards, his foot missing the next step but his body still continuing to move forwards. Kelly's clutched him tighter, supporting both their weight as they moved together as one to make another attempt at the next step. 

Matt felt like he was seconds from falling over and collapsing onto the hard concrete stairs, and he felt a sob escape him as he finally reached the small landing point in between floors. He clung to the railing, his head dipping against the wall as tears dripped down his cheeks and sweat blossomed along his hairline. He felt like his lungs were trying to escape past his lips, and he was sure his stomach would be the next to follow. But nothing compared to the pit of irrational fear that screamed past the tiredness, shouting that he wasn't well enough to be out of the hospital, and he would never recover enough to be a firefighter again. 

"You're doing great, do you need a break, or would you like some help?" Kelly cooed soft encouragements, his voice so gentle as he rubbed up and down Matt's arm with the hand that wasn't supporting most of the blonde's weight. 

"Please help," Matt gasped, fighting against the urge to throw up as his fully body trembled beneath him. 

"Wrap your arms around my neck Matt," Kelly whispered, readjusting the strap of the duffle bag one handed so that the weight was sat on his back instead of his hip. Matt didn't need to be told twice; as he lifted his arms into place, Matt felt the arm around his waist move to support his lower back. Matt had lifted people like this many times over his life, both in his job and in his personal life but he had never been the one pulled up into someone else's arms. He wrapped his arms tighter around Kelly's neck as the silver haired man adjusted his grip, supporting him at the back and underneath his knees, before taking the first stair as if Matt were weightless in his arms. 

Matt didn't know how Kelly manged to carry him up all the stairs, and keep his breathing even throughout. Matt rested his head against the crook of Kelly's neck, fighting to get his breath by focusing on the smell of the silver haired man's aftershave. His eyes drooped close before they even reached the front door of their apartment. 

* * *

Matt arched his back, his fingers twisting in the familiar sheets that he had missed so much, and moaned at the sunlight that still poured in through the window and landed on him. The fatigue that had claimed him was still lurking, but the sleep had restored some of his energy reserves, enough for him to push himself slowly upright. The duvet fell away from his chest, bunching at his waist, and Matt ran his fingers over the dark blue fabric, knowing that now only had Kelly carried him up the stairs and into the apartment, but he had also meticulously tucked him into bed. He hoped that one day he could show Kelly just how much he meant to him, and repay all the love and cherishment that the silver haired man gave so freely. 

Slow was his new set speed, as Matt pushed the covers down to the foot of the bed and eased his tired legs onto the hard floor. It took more effort than usual to push himself upright, his arms threatening to shudder as he pressed them down against the mattress. Thankfully, the dizziness didn't choose that moment to strike, leaving him to stumble on jelly legs to around the edge of the bed and towards the open doorway separating the bedroom from the living space. He knew that Kelly wouldn't judge him as he leaned his weight against the doorframe, smiling to himself as he saw Kelly crouched down in front of the fireplace that he had never seen being used. Kelly's wide shoulders blocked the sight, but the crackle of the fire popping against the logs filled the room, and Matt wanted to reach out and curl his arms around his lover and bathe in the warmth. Taking small tentative steps forwards, the view of the fire stopped being blocked by Kelly's frame, and whatever ideas Matt had disappeared as he stared into the twisting flames and lost the ability to focus on anything but red and orange. 

It was like a tap had been opened and the memories were flooding into his head. The crackle of a wood fire turned into a roar of a blazing fire, drowning out all other noises other than the sound of the radio and his own laboured breath. He was trapped and without an exit, he couldn't move forward, and he couldn't move back. The fire was caging him in, and the debris was falling around him like he was being trapped behind bars. It wasn't the fear of the fire that was filling him, but the fear of never seeing Kelly again. He had finally found true happiness, the kind that he could only hope to achieve; it was the kind of love that he thought had only existed in Disney films. Everything that he had finally found had faded away like a dying ember the moment the fire claimed his only way out of the building. 

> "Casey evacuate that building anyway you can."
> 
> The fire was growing, and so was his panic. He tried to carve a hole through the wall just like he had down with the fire extinguisher when he got stuck in the warehouse a few months ago, but his halligan wasn't making an impact in the cinderblocks. 
> 
> "Casey tell me you've found an exit."
> 
> "Negative chief, it’s heating up pretty fast, less than minute. Chief is Kelly there? Is he outside?"
> 
> "I'm here. I'm coming to get you Matt." 
> 
> Kelly was inside the factory still, and Matt knew already that he couldn’t get out, just like he knew that Kelly wouldn't leave as long as Matt was still inside. 
> 
> "Kel, you know how much you meant to me right?" 
> 
> "We're not doing this. Not this way." 
> 
> Matt could hear the anger in his voice, and it just fuelled the sadness that was clenching at his heart. 
> 
> "I want you to get out whilst you can." 
> 
> "Not without you."
> 
> "You're the best thing that ever happened to me." 
> 
> "You're not dying here Matt." 
> 
> But he was, Matt knew that much. The fire was hissing, roaring around him and the heat was rising too fast. it was going to flash over, and it was going to leave him as nothing more than a burned corpse in turnout gear.
> 
> "I love you Kelly."
> 
> "I love you too Matt. I swear to god. I'm not giving up on you."
> 
> "Cover yourselves."
> 
> "I'm not leaving him." 
> 
> Matt knew that he was leaving Kelly though, and the protests rang in his ears as it was screeched through the radio.
> 
> "Water cannon's go up in ten." 
> 
> Matt knew that he was going to die, but he had the potential to save one life before he did. He removed his oxygen mask, pushing it on the fact of the victim before dragging the only thing he could find on top of them. The cabinet wasn't going to be their saving grace, but his body could protect the victim. 
> 
> "Open up the water cannon's," 
> 
> The fire roared around them, and debris and water fell on top of the cabinet. 
> 
> Boden's voice filled the small space underneath the cabinet, the sound reverberating off the metal, and the only thought that went through his head was if this was death, he hoped Kelly wasn't going to join him in it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fucking chapter nearlly killed me. 15,000 words!!!
> 
> I didn't bloody realise how many different ways you could write a hospital scene until i made this monster! But we have Matt having a poor flashback and both of these two going to be going to therapy. 
> 
> Let me know what you guys thought of this chapter


	18. Chapter 18

The cold months that always haunted Chicago were rolling in, and the threat of snowfall was hanging over the city despite the bright sunshine that still brightened the sky outside. Their apartment building was an old one, and although it has been converted into apartments it was always going to be a former shell of a factory building. Kelly knew that the heating was sufficient, but there were moments where the chill outside was able to creep through the brickwork. His mind was wondering away from him, leaving him fighting the urge to watch over Matt as he slept. The fear from nearly losing Matt was a feeling that he knew wasn't going to leave him for a long time, and Kelly knew that he was going to have to learn to live with the memories. 

Matt was exhausted; his energy lost from just walking up a single flight of stairs. Kelly knew that this was just one of the many things that would temporarily change with their lives, but he would rather have a tired Matt than a dead one. The image of Matt lying on the trolley in the back of the ambulance, his entire body jolting at the shock of electricity that was pushed through his limp body, haunted Kelly whenever he closed his eyes. In the silence of their apartment, Kelly was quickly able to lose himself in the memories that he had pushed to the back of his mind. Standing in the doorway of their bedroom, Kelly felt like a teenage vampire as he watched Matt snuggled into the pillows and duvet. The sight did nothing to stop himself from reliving what could of have been their last conversation. If Kelly closed his eyes, he could have believed that he was back in that warehouse surrounding by the hissing and crackling of a raging fire, and the distorted sound of Matt's voice through his radio telling him that he was the best thing that ever happened to him. 

Kelly pushed himself away from the doorframe, reluctantly tearing his eyes away from Matt. There was so many things that he had neglected since the incident, and he suddenly needed something menial to lose himself in, in the hopes that the tasks would stop him from getting lost in his own thoughts. There was over a week’s worth of washing that needed doing; the basket had already been threatening to overflow before the fire. There was probably an entire shelves worth of food in the fridge that by now belonged in the bin, and depending on his own desperateness to make himself forget, Kelly was even willing to scrub the bathroom until it was glistening. 

* * *

The fridge was clear of anything that needed to be binned and the last lot of clothes had been deposited in the dryer; the sound of the machine muffled by the laundry room door. Kelly had also swept the floor of the living room, and had made sure to clear anything off the floor that could be a potential trip hazard. The morning had slipped away from him as he had worked through the long list of chores, but the afternoon seemed to bring a fresher chill that seemed to want to pierce its way into the apartment. Kelly had already turned the thermostat up high, but the wind outside was strong enough to be heard. It was one of the things he loved about this city in the Winter; the wind coming in off the lake, the low clouds that were so often filled with snow, and the bite in the air that left you wanting to curl up inside in front of a fire. 

Kelly wanted that, he wanted Matt to wake up as rested as he could be and for them to spend the rest of the day curled up in front of the fireplace. The blonde man was doing miles better since the first day he woke up in the hospital, but there was still a marathon in front of them. There was still dry logs in the hearth, and Kelly had a metal basket full of kindling to the side ready for lighting. It didn't take long for him to get the first spark from a lighter to morph into a comforting fire; the room filling with the scent of wood smoke and cinnamon. It was one of the things he had picked up over the years, that placing different things in with the logs could create a different aroma; placing cinnamon sticks in with the kindling was one of his favourites, and it created a sweetness that clung to the air and stayed long after the fire burned out. 

The fire crackled as he carefully placed a new long on top of the pile, the flames licking at the new object in its path. Kelly was so focused on stoking the fire, and getting it to claim the new log that he didn't notice he wasn't alone in the room until he heard the sharp inhale of breath from behind him. His heart dropped in his chest, as he rose hastily to his feet, his legs aching from how long he has been crouched in the same position. His legs didn't matter to him in that second, and they could have been falling off for all Kelly cared; the only thing that mattered was the distanced look that was filling Matt's eyes as the blonde man collapsed against the doorway to the bedroom. 

It was a look that Kelly had seen many times before, but never on someone he cared about. It was the look of someone who was lost inside their minds and caught in flashbacks. The silver-haired man pushed himself forward, Matt's name a chant on his tongue as he moved to stand in front of him. He wanted to reach out and touch the blonde man, securing him in the room but he knew that touch could have the opposite effect when someone was locked up so tightly in their memories. The last thing he wanted to do was scare Matt even more, and the shudders that were running through his lovers’ body was breaking Kelly's heart as he felt helpless all over again. The sight of tears streaming down the blonde man's face was the final resolve that broke inside of Kelly, and the thing that made him reach out and wrap his arms tightly around the other man. Matt sunk into his embrace, hands wrapping around him to claw at the back of Kelly's t-shirt holding him in place. Kelly felt tears in his own eyes as Matt's soaked the fabric of his t-shirt, his body shaking with sobs.

"Come on gorgeous, let’s get you out of here." Kelly whispered, stroking a hand through Matt's hair; the strands sticking up in various directions from his earlier attempts to bury himself into the pillows. It was like he was manoeuvring one of the drag dummies at the academy, the way that Matt went limp in his grip. The sobs were still rattling through Matt's body, as Kelly eased him back into the bedroom, hooking his foot around the door and kicking it closed behind them. The smell of wood-smoke and the sweetness from the cinnamon still tainted the air as Kelly carefully eased them both onto the bed, the pair of them falling into the rumpled sheets. 

"I was so scared, I thought I was going to die, but I was so scared you were going to stay and get hurt too." Matt whimpered; his voice broken by sobs. "I couldn't get out, I tried boring a hole in the wall with my halligan, but it wasn't breaking. And I remember the heat and the water hitting that fucking container and I just thought that was it, that was my ending. I accepted that I wasn't going to grow old with you, and that we wouldn't end up in a house somewhere, going out fishing on our days off." 

Kelly felt his own tears fall down his cheeks as he squeezed Matt a little tighter against him as he recalled his own fear that day. He hadn't lost control like that for years, and a part of him wondered if he was going to be able to stand there and do nothing the next time, they were in such an extreme situation. For the first time he realised why in-house relationships were looked down on by the CFD; he couldn't stand up and say that he wouldn't disobey direct orders and run back into a raging fire if Matt was trapped inside. 

"I'm here and you're here. Matt, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me too." Kelly whispered, his lips brushing against Matt's forehead. He blinked at the tears that were still rolling down his cheeks, as Matt buried himself closer into Kelly's chest. He could feel the change as the sobs lessened in intensity, and the blonde man began hiccupping though his tears instead. 

The tears lessened and the grip on the back of his shirt loosened enough for Kelly to quickly dart out of Matt's grip with a parting kiss on the cheek. The fire in the fireplace was still crackling away, but after being left unattended it was simmering down into embers; Kelly rushed about using the poker to spread the remaining logs flat before hastily spraying at the remaining flames with the spray bottle of water. Kelly could hear a dozen angry voices in his mind as he left the ashes glowing, each one reminding him that this was not the way to put out a flame, but all he could think about was the man curled on the other side of the wall. Matt was still curled on his side, more or less in the same position that Kelly had left him; his knees were bunched towards his chest, and Kelly tried not to feel guilty as he watched Matt gently stroke over the bandage hiding the burn on his wrist. 

Kelly gently pulled down his jeans, leaving him dressed in nothing but his underwear and the t-shirt as he crawled back onto the bed, dragging a blanket up over the top of them. The duvet was still half-trapped beneath them, and Kelly could see in the way that Matt remained so still that it was pointless to try and dig the thing out. He had barely settled down into the pillows when Matt slowly nudged towards him, not stopping until they were pressed together. 

"I love you," Matt whispered, the breath teasing at Kelly's neck, sending a shiver down his spine. 

"I love you too, gorgeous."

* * *

They stayed in bed, the day giving way to night, and the sky filling with the low clouds as snowflakes fluttered past their window. They alternated between talking, and working their way through Matt's resurfaced memories and simply basking in the others embrace. Kelly didn't realise he had drifted asleep until he woke suddenly, the memories of flames and the cruel images his dreams created jolting him back into consciousness. His heart raced in his chest as the dream of finding Matt's body etched itself into his mind; the panic rising as he realised that he was alone in the bed. Kelly kicked the blankets free, grunting as his foot caught in the mismatch of blankets and duvet in his rush. He needed to chase away the dream that clung to him like the smell of smoke, and he needed to find Matt and confirm to himself that it was just a bad dream. 

"Matt!" Kelly called, the fear creeping into his voice as he jumped from the bed, eyes scanning the room, before darting between the door to the living room and the door to the bathroom. 

"In here." Matt's voice called out, and Kelly instantly turned and ran towards the noise. 

The living room was pretty much the same as how he had left it earlier on, except for the small fire that was burning once more in the fireplace. Matt was curled up in one of the armchairs watching the flames dance around the fresh wood; the old damp logs sitting in a neat pile outside of the hearth. A mixture of emotion swelled inside Kelly's chest as he paused in the doorway, his short run freezing at the threshold of the room. There was the panic that was still distinguishable above all the other emotions, but there was an inch trepidation now joining it; Kelly was scared that Matt was going to have the same reaction to the sight of the flames as he'd had earlier. Kelly resisted the urges to run across the room and scoop the other man into his arms, forcing himself to take steady steps until he finally crouched down in front of the armchair. Matt had draped a blanket over his legs, tucking his knees up to his chest as he curled himself into the chair, leaving Kelly to wonder just how long he had been sat out here. 

"Everything okay?" Kelly asked, resting his hands over the blonde man's blanket covered knees; a smile poking at the corners of his lips as Matt automatically moved to place his own hands over the top. 

"I'm all good, I just wanted to enjoy what you tried to do for me earlier. Thank you," Matt soothed, his voice calm and steady as he leaned forwards to steal a kiss. Kelly willing allowed the theft, his smile growing wider at the quick peck. Kelly pushed himself forward, chasing the lips that left his, and encouraging Matt into a second kiss, longer than the first. He could taste the freshness of mint on the other man's tongue, leaving Kelly to wonder once more just how long Matt had been sat left in his own thoughts. 

Matt sighed in contentment against his lips as they broke apart for a second time, the blonde man nudging his nose against Kelly's cheek as they separated. Kelly's voice broke, cracking like the logs on the fire as he whispered, "I'd do everything I can for you Matt. Is the fire -"

"I promise that the fire hasn't made me have any more flashbacks, I think it was just the sight the first time that made it happen." Matt cut him off before he could even voice the panic and fear that still curled in the pit of Kelly's stomach. Kelly didn't know any other way which he could voice the thoughts that had sneaked into his head as he slept. The sight of Matt freezing in front of a fire was something that Kelly had never witnessed in the other man before; they were both firefighters through and through, their instincts were to run into fires instead of running away from them. The anxious stomaching churning fear was there, but Kelly realised that Matt had needed to prove to himself that he was okay, and that he wasn't now facing a fear that would rob him of his passion and his career. 

One of Matt's hands came up, tugging at the short strands on the back of Kelly's head, drawing his attention back to the present. "Honestly, I'm okay Kel. I promise."

Kelly nodded, turning his lead so that his lips could brush over the space where the bandage on Matt's wrist ended and pale skin showed. "I know you are. I guess I'm still a little bit freaked out too." The admittance did nothing to alleviate the weight that was still sitting heavy on his shoulders, and Kelly didn't know if the fear was ever going to leave him fully. Every night he had come home from the hospital, and he had found himself jolting awake as if he had been the one who had been shocked. Now that he had experienced nearly losing the man he loved, Kelly knew that the fear of losing Matt would now always be lurking in the back of his mind.

"We'll get through this together," Matt whispered. 

They sat watching the fire dim down to glowing embers; a bright contrast to the whirling snowflakes that were storming past their windows. Kelly sat on the floor, his back pressed against the armchair, and one arm raised and looped over the top of Matt's knees. In contrast, Matt kept up his slow massage, his fingers teasing at Kelly's hair, and stroking the back of his ears and the top of his neck. Words were barely exchanged as they relaxed into the others presence, the silence breaking once or twice as one of them recalled old memories. Neither man was feeling up to cooking properly, and the weather outside had them reluctant to call out for takeout; in the end Kelly threw two frozen pizza's in the oven for them, and after migrated to the couch they spent the evening watching a Blackhawks game. It was like a normal evening for them, as they laughed, chatted, and exchanged many more kisses and soft touches. 

The only difference, which brought back a startling reminder was the wince of pain as Matt pushed himself off the sofa when the hockey game ended, and the way he had to pause and lean against the wall to catch his breath as they decided to have a shower to erase the remaining feeling of hospital from them both. Kelly was happy to support Matt as they stood in an embrace in the shower, the water pounding down on their shoulders, but he remembered the last time they were both stood in this shower together when he had lifted the blonde man off the floor as he pounded into his loose hole. Back then he had suggested having Capp come and fit them a bathtub in the room; they had the space to do so, and if it meant that Matt got to relax instead of his body screaming in exhaustion, Kelly was all for it. Before they curled around each other in bed for the second time that day, Kelly fired a quick text before he wrapped his arms tightly around the blonde man. 

* * *

In retrospect, Kelly should have set some form of an alarm that night. The banging on their apartment door jolted them both awake the next morning, forcing Kelly out of dreams that were not plagued with death and fire. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, Kelly blinked in confusion as he reached behind him, stumbling for his phone. The knocking on the door was growing more impatient, and Matt whined low in his throat as he tried to bury his face into his pillow. Kelly's hand finally landed on his phone, blinking at the time displayed before he pushed himself quickly off the bed, trying not to disturb Matt as he moved.

It was past eleven in the morning, and there were a dozen missed calls from Capp, and a half-dozen more from Christie, all timed one after the other. Kelly hastily pulled a pair of pyjama pants over his legs, before leaning back over the bed and pressing a kiss against Matt's cheek. The blonde man had been woken by the banging on the door also, but was doing his best to ignore the noise that was still radiating through their apartment. "Morning gorgeous, Christie's and Capp are here."

Kelly smirked at the whine that he received in response, and his smirk turned to a chuckle as Matt pushed himself upright with a huge pout. Kelly couldn't help but admire how adorable Matt looked in that moment, with his hair sticking up at angles, and one of Kelly's old t-shirt's hanging baggy around his shoulders. The two people banging on their front door could wait a second longer, as he leaned across the bed to steal a kiss from Matt's pouting lips. As soon as their lips touched, the banging on the door picked up once more, causing them to jolt apart. "I'm coming," Kelly leaned back and shouted in the direction of the door. Matt snorted as he pushed the covers down the rest of the bed. 

Kelly rubbed the sleep from his eyes as he rushed towards the front door, repeating his shout as he worked to unlock the door. Capp and Christie were stood in the hallway, both sporting matching looks of amusement when Kelly finally swung the door open to greet them. "Coming, were you?" Capp jested, eyebrows wiggling at his own innuendo. 

"Not like that. Thanks' for this by the way Capp. Christie it’s great to see you again, let me help you with your bags." Kelly greeted, already crouching down to collect some of the grocery bags that were scattered at the blonde woman's feet. He was about to jokingly chastise Capp about not helping Christie with the bags when he noticed the other man was carrying a toolbox and a platter of cookies. A wave of affection went through him at the gesture, as he led the duo inside. This was more than just coming round to measure up for a job, and more than just family stopping by to visit; the cookies in Capp's hand looked handmade, and the bags that Christie was depositing on their kitchen counters looked to be several weeks’ worth of food. 

"So how big you wanting?" Capp asked as he placed the cookies down amongst the bags of food, before reaching to take two more bags from Christie's hands. 

"How big can you go?" Matt's voice chimed from the doorway to the bedroom. Kelly spun around, his eyes raking over the way his shirt looked on the blonde, and the pair of sweatpants which looked like they were slightly too big on Matt's frame. He tried not to focus on the way that Matt was holding onto the edge of the doorway, although he was not quite leaning his full weight on it. 

"For you Casey, as big as you want." Capp retorted with a grin.

"Okay this is sounding more and more homo-erotic as the conversation goes on, so who's for bacon sandwiches?" Christie giggled, as she pulled out a fresh packet of bacon from one of the many shopping bags scattered around the kitchen. Kelly instantly wanted to hug the woman, and find the words to express just how thankful he was for all the things she had done for him and Matt over the last few days. It was more than just coming over with food, or going to get Matt some clothes when he was in the hospital; she had left Kelly trays of food to be reheated, collected the car from the firehouse and even came to pick Kelly up from the hospital to take him home the first time.

"That sounds amazing Christie, let me know what I owe you for all of this," Kelly asked, gesturing to all the bags and food that were now crowding the kitchen. He knew before Christie even replied that she wouldn't accept any money that he tried to give her for the expense, and in the back of his mind he was already trying to figure out how to sneak a few bills into her bag to cover for the cost. Kelly wasn't going to kid himself and say that he wasn't immediately going to be found out as soon as she saw the notes, but he couldn't not pay her back. 

"Don't be stupid, now you boys go play with tape measures of whatever the hell you're doing." Christie waved them off with a mischievous grin, and a wink that Kelly swore was aimed at Capp. 

Kelly had Matt sit down on top of the closed toilet as Capp measured the space in the bathroom; the man initially whistling in amazement at the amount of space in the room, stating 'This room's the size of my kitchen'. Kelly had simply shrugged at the comment, he knew that the apartment was double the size of most in the city, just another perk of the building’s history. Kelly had helped Capp moved the things currently occupying the space: a fake house plant that did nothing more than gather dust in the corner, a laundry basket and a shelfing rack that housed his towels and bedding. Kelly hadn't realised just how much space they had to play with until he was staring at the cleared area. 

Kelly was teasing his fingers through Matt's hair, leaning against the wall next to the blonde man as they watched Capp work. The man wielded a tape measure like he was possessed, and Kelly couldn't help but chuckle at the look of concentration on Capp's face. "Hey Severide, do me favour. Come lie down on the floor just here."

"Here?" Kelly asked as he moved towards the spot that Capp was pointing at, frowning in confusion as he sank to the floor without questions. Capp stepped away from him as he laid down, his back stiff as if he were in a store testing the firmness of a mattress. 

"Now Casey."

"He's not lying on the floor Capp." Kelly snapped upright, pushing himself up on his forearms to level a glare at the man for his suggestion. Matt was doing better, but that didn't mean Kelly wanted him to have to push himself up off the cold tiled floor. From the corner of his eye he could see Matt's smile as Capp froze like a dear in the headlights, his hands raised in the air in surrender. 

"I just need you both to lay on the floor together where you want the tub while I measure around you guys. I mean you have the space for a double tub, and if you want, I can even install a small drain in the floor just in case you end up splashing." Capp insisted, his tone rushed and tinged with just the hint of laughter that Kelly had known for far too many years. This was part of Capp's bizarre sense of humour, and it was one of the many things that he liked about his firefighter. 

Matt's giggle filled the room, bouncing off the walls and filling Kelly with happiness at the wide smile on the blonde man's lips. The laughter was intoxicating, spreading through Kelly like a wave as he watched Matt clutch at his sides as his giggles shook through him. "What do you think we are planning on doing in the bath Capp?" Matt giggled, as he thought to get his words out just Christie appeared in the bathroom doorway with a loud proclaimation of 'Food's ready!'

"The same as what you do in the shower?" Capp stared blankly at Matt, but the hint of a smile was tugging at the firefighter’s lips. Kelly knew that Capp knew exactly what he was suggesting, and he couldn't even bring himself to try and lie to the other man. The sound of a double tub intrigued Kelly, and already he could picture all the different ways they could put the addition to use. Kelly could pamper Matt, and have him leaning back against his chest as they soaked and slowly soaped every inch of each other’s body; and he could have Matt in his lap, feeling the water rushing and splashing around them as the blonde sunk down onto his cock. Kelly's thoughts hastily diverted away from the filthy path they were threatening to fall down as Capp turned to Christie with a blinding grin, "Oh Christie, perfect. Can you live down here next to Severide?"

"You want me to lie down on the floor? Shouldn't you buy me dinner first," Christie replied with a raised brow and her arms crossed as she levelled her gaze at Capp. Kelly had to hastily bite his lip to stop the threatening snort from escaping as he caught Matt's eye, as both men waited to see how this conversation was going to play out between the new acquaintances. From the small time that he known Christie and from what he had been told about her previously by Matt, he felt the same pride well up inside of him that he had for his own sister. Matt had told him about Christie's now ex-husband, and Kelly could see just how strong she had become since then.

"Is that a suggestion?"

"How's steak?" Christie grinned, leaving more than just one man in the room gobsmacked. Matt's mouth had dropped in astonishment as he watched his sister being so bold, whilst Capp's seemed to be lost for words for one of the first times that Kelly had met him. Capp always had a comment ready to go, and he was infamous around the house for his one-liners. To see him so silent was incredible for Kelly to witness. 

"Um, still lying on the floor here Capp." Kelly waved his hands in an attempt to get his friends attention, and to save Matt from the blush that was threatening to darken his cheeks. 

* * *

The next two weeks passed in a blur, and Kelly found himself wondering where the time had run away too; Kelly couldn't thank Boden enough for providing him the lieu time to stay with Matt for those two weeks, especially when he had no requirement to do so. It felt like they had more visitors in the past two weeks than Kelly had ever had over at his apartment before; nearly everyone from the firehouse had descended on them at one point or another, but thankfully not all at once. Boden and Donna, and Herrmann and Cindy had both visited several times, each coming laden with more food than Matt and Kelly could ever eat. Teamed with the fresh groceries that Christie had supplied, their fridge and freezer were both bursting at the seams with food. Kelly didn't need to be a mind-reader to see Matt was nerved by the people who hadn't showed up at their apartment; both men were glad that Gabby had not darkened their doorway, but Kelly could tell that Matt was slightly upset that he hadn't heard anything from Mouch or Otis. Even Cruz, who Kelly had found out was holding some weird vigil over Mouch had text Matt a few times, and had popped into see them for a brief visit. 

Capp had scheduled them in to fit the new tub, but he had been apologetic when he told them it would take a month or two before he could due to having to wait for the arrival of the base. Kelly had waved off the apology, knowing that the other man couldn't get it any quicker and he was installing it at a friend rate as well. The squad firefighter had been enthusiastic to tell them both all he could about the date that he had taken Christie on. Kelly had always heard opposites attract, but he was glad to hear that Christie and Capp had hit it off, and had shared coffee a few more times since the initial steak dinner. Matt had been almost squeamish as Capp regaled them about his date, as if he feared hearing details that he never needed to know about his sister. Thankfully, the details didn't extend to anything past where they had been on the dates, but Kelly could see the flash of surprise on Matt's face as Capp revealed he had been introduced to Violet. 

They had ventured outside of their apartment, even if it was only going for a small walk up and down the stairs and out onto the street, just to help Matt slowly regain his strength, which was coming back slowly but surely. He had improved drastically when Kelly compared him to the exhausted man that had been wheeled out of the hospital, and looked as good as new if it wasn't got the small wheeze that remained if he walked for too long. 

It was in the first week, just a few days after Matt had left the hospital when they had their first therapy appointment. Kelly drove them both to the therapist’s office that Dr Pitch had referred them too. The building looked like a normal three-story building in Wicker Park; Kelly didn't know what he had been expecting, but he had envisioned a dark looming building where dark secrets came to light. Kelly was quite relieved that the building did not meet his expectations, as Matt slid an arm around his waist. Matt had told him of his past experiences with therapists, and how he had felt like he was being psychoanalysed to see if he had purposefully left the key out on the counter as if to arrange or encourage his mother to murder his father. Kelly had wanted to cocoon the blonde man in the safety of his arms, and stay by his side for the session but Dr Pitch had arranged for them both to see separate therapists based at the same office. He may not like it, but he understood why she had arranged it in that manner. He wanted to offer Matt all the comfort in the world, but there was a point where you couldn't simply rely on another support to overcome a trauma. 

The therapist that was assigned to Kelly was a middle-aged man that reminded the squad lieutenant of Boden in the way he held himself. The walls behind his desk were decorated with medals of honour and the occasional photograph that showed desert and army fatigues, but the man chose not to sit behind the desk, and had taken one of the three armchairs that sat in a small semi-circle on the other side of the room. Even before the man had said a single word, Kelly could tell that this was a man who knew what he was doing not from books alone, but from living through his own struggles. 

As soon as he began speaking, Kelly didn't think he could stop. The therapist had been honest from the start, foregoing the pleasantries and the small talk that always seemed sickly sweet and forced, and simply stating, "I'm not going to waste twenty minutes of either of our times discussing how much we love the Blackhawks but there playing shit, so how about we cut to the chase and I'll ask how the nightmares are?"

Kelly hadn't even tried to play coy, by retorting with 'what nightmares,' choosing to answer honestly. The nightmares were haunting, and no matter how tightly he held Matt against him as they fell asleep, he still found himself jolting awake after dreaming that Matt had been stolen from his grasps by the cruelty of death. He revealed all the thoughts that were still spiralling around in his head, the fears and the worries falling freely from his lips as the therapist offered probing questions that encouraged Kelly to elaborate further. "Are you worried that Matt will get injured again?"

"Yes"

"Why? Do you think he is not fit for the job?"

"No, Matt is the best firefighter I have ever had the pleasure of working with. He is more than just an amazing firefighter; he is dedicated to the job and to the people in his team. He's got the potential to go to the very top if that's what he wants to do." Kelly gushed proudly, before coughing in embarrassment as the therapist smirked and nodded at him in response. He felt like he had been baited into the answer that he had gave, but every word was honest and how he felt about Matt. It allowed Kelly to see the truth that had been hidden behind the fear. He didn't think he would ever not face a fire and fear for Matt's life, but he had to remember that Matt was a firefighter, and he would always try to make it out.

The therapy session helped Kelly, and he felt lighter as he stepped back into the reception area. Matt was walking out his own room, twisting a small card between his fingers as he left. His brow was furrowed, and Kelly wanted to lift the frown and replace it with one of the many smiles that he loved the most. Kelly simply opened his arms wide as he stepped forwards towards the blonde man, his lips brushing against Matt's soft hair as they embraced. He could feel the tension in Matt's shoulders as he stroked a hand along his back, before moving it to rest against his side. "You okay?" Kelly ducked his head down to whisper against Matt's ear as the other man clung a little bit tighter.

"Yh, I just really needed a hug." Matt mumbled, as he squeezed Kelly a little tighter before letting him go. Kelly nodded in response, brushing his lips against the other man's cheek as he led them out of the therapist’s office. Outside the winter was still rolling in towards the city, and fresh snow was once more falling from the skies in small flakes that melted as soon as they touched the ground. Kelly hunched his shoulders a little tighter, as he adjusted from the warmth of the office to the chill in the air. It was one of the best days that they had had all week, and the snow that had fallen over the previous days had already been trodden down to slush or had been swept to the side of the road. 

"Do you want to go grab some coffee, and just walk for a little while?" Kelly offered. He could see the far-away look that still lingered in Matt's gaze, and the way the blonde man tugged his coat a little closer around himself and not because of the cold. He knew the last thing Matt needed was to go back to their apartment and loose himself in his own head, especially not when it was obvious his therapist had poked at wounds that were not yet healed. Matt nodded, entwining their fingers as they slowly navigated the city streets, wondering aimlessly knowing that wherever they ended up there would be a café or a branch of Starbucks close enough. 

Silence fell upon them as they walked a few blocks and Kelly waited patiently for Matt o find the words that he wanted to mull over before airing to the world. The breeze was picking up around them, swirling the tiny snowflakes that still refused to settle. "I think I'm going to go continue going," Matt finally said, "We worked on how I was feeling after everything, but he made some good points, and I feel like there is more I still need to figure out about myself."

"Okay," Kelly nodded in acceptance; he knew that this was what Matt felt like he needed, and he was never going to turn around and till him that he shouldn't do something that he felt was right. That was not how relationships worked, and Kelly couldn't help but notice the way Matt exhaled in relief, his breath hanging visible in the air. Kelly stopped walking, not caring if they were in the way of other pedestrians, as he turned his body towards Matt's. The snow had left water droplets hanging from the strands of his blonde hair, and his cheeks were red from the breeze, whilst his nose was a dusty pink from the cold, but he was still the most gorgeous thing Kelly had ever seen. A giggle escaped from Matt's lips, as Kelly kissed the tip of his nose before moving south and pressing their lips together in the chaste kiss that still managed to heat them both. 

"You’re still the best thing that's ever happened to me." Matt whispered against his lips, before pulling back with a small grin. Kelly allowed himself to be pulled along as they continued walking, eventually finding themselves in a small café. Not even the coffee that burned at their fingers could warm Kelly up as much as the love that radiated from the blonde man. 

* * *

"It's going to be weird being here alone all day," Matt mumbled as he buried himself further into the duvet burrowing himself deeper into the warmth. Kelly rolled his eyes affectionately at the sight, grazing his hand over the top of the duvet where he knew Matt's thigh was; it felt strange to him too, going off to work and knowing that he wouldn't see Matt there for the next twenty-four hours. The two weeks had been a blessing, and it had soothed a lot of his anxieties watching as Matt recovered; he was no longer getting out of breath just from walking up the stairs and was so close to being back to his normal strength and health. He was still on recovery time, and it would be another four weeks before his follow up appointment at the hospital when he could be considered for return to active duty. Kelly knew that Matt would be signed off, but it was now just a matter of waiting for that tick and the signature on the dotted line. 

"Tell me about it," Kelly fought back a sigh. As much as he would have loved to stay curled up in bed with his lover, he had to face the reality. Boden had been good to him to allow him the time off that he'd had. He had been lucky to get two weeks, there was never going to be a reality where he could have had the full six weeks off with Matt, not unless they used up all their furlough for the year. "If you need me, just call me though."

"I will, but I promise the only thing that's going to happen is I'll die off boredom." Matt grumbled, and Kelly watched the duvet shift as Matt popped his head from the covers once more. Kelly launched himself forwards with a playful mischief, bracketing the duvet covered shape in his arms as brushed his lips against the stubble gracing Matt's jawline before stealing the last kiss for the next twenty-four hours. 

"Well we can't have that," Kelly chuckled, nipping at the sharp line of the blonde man's jaw as his lips trailed towards his cheek. He grinned to himself at the sharp inhale of breath and the little shiver that ran through Matt's body at the touch. Kelly needed to move if he wanted to get to the house in time for the shift, but he wasn't quite ready to leave the warmth of their bed. The snow was once more falling outside, and when Kelly had glanced outside as he was dressing, he had groaned in defeat to see that this time it was settling on the roads once more. Even though snow was always going to occur every year, people always seemed to forget how to drive in it. 

"Be safe,” Matt mumbled as he buried his head once more underneath the duvet covers.

"I promise gorgeous."

The drive to the firehouse was always going to be a journey that would be forever ingrained into Kelly's mind, it was as natural as driving to his apartment. He knew nothing had changed with the house, but something had changed with the house dynamics. He had spoken to most of the guys on the shift at least once over the last two weeks, but that didn't change the bubble of curiosity that formed in the pit of his stomach as he pulled into his usual parking spot. Kelly wondered what people's true feelings and opinion were about his and Matt's relationship revelation, especially for those who hadn't reached out to them in their absence. He would be the first one to have to face Dawson and her toxic tongue, and Kelly was glad that this time she wouldn't be able to direct that straight at Matt. He wasn't going to play nice, especially if the paramedic continued with the vile attitude that she had been showing in the weeks before the fire.

Kelly braced himself for the inevitable argument that he knew was going to happen at some point today, as he climbed from the car. He nodded in passing to some of the guys from first shift who were already making their way out of the house trying to ignore the raised eyebrows that he received in return. He knew that his and Matt's news would travel far beyond the second shift, but he had hoped that the fellow firefighters would not stare so openly at him as he walked past. He prided himself in not feeling any glare on his back as he walked through the bay doors back into reality. 

It was like nothing had changed in the firehouse; everything was still the same. The same old reliable trucks, the same equipment that was stacked around the apparatus floor and the same old squad table that currently sat empty waiting for its occupants. Kelly felt a sigh of relief building in his chest as he saw the ambulance was missing from its parking spot. Shouldering his bag, he headed through the house towards the locker room, his head raised high as he trod down the familiar corridors. The bunk room was empty, and the locker room was eerily quiet as Kelly dropped his bag on the bench and changed into his uniform; his chest filling with old pride as he saw the familiar logo on his chest once more. He had never quite gotten over the pride and glee that he first got when he became a firefighter, and Kelly hoped that the feeling would remain with him until he finally hung up his shirt for good. 

"I mean come on Herrmann don't you think it’s a little weird?" The sound of the bunk room door swinging open drew Kelly's attention before he hear Otis's voice carry through the room and across to where he currently stood hidden from view until they rounded the corner. 

"Not really." Herrmann's voice followed next, and Kelly didn't have to wonder to long about what the conversation must be about as he slowly closed his locker door trying to make as little noise as possible. Call him curious, but Kelly wondered just how many of these conversations had happened in his absence. It was expected, he had after all never told anyone that he was bisexual and had been discrete with his male hook-ups.

"But I mean there was the two Renee's, that fling he had with Lindsey, and that woman he married in Vegas, not to mention all the hook-ups." Otis continued, either oblivious or ignoring Herrmann's attempt at dismissing the conversation. Kelly could hear their footsteps getting closer to the locker room, and he half contemplated just leaning his back against his locker to greet them as soon as they rounded the corner. His intrigue had morphed into a fresh burst of irritation which he had hoped wouldn't have happened until a little later in the shift. 

"It's really none of our business. He's happy, let him be happy." 

"But Herrmann-"

Whatever Otis was about to say next fell silent as the pair finally rounded the corner and saw Kelly standing in the middle of the locker room. Kelly nodded in greeting at Herrmann before levelling his glare at the Russian man, rejoicing in the wide-eyed look that graced his face. "If you've got something to say to me, say it." Kelly snapped, folding his arm across his chest as he waited impatiently for Otis to find the words that seconds ago, he was so eager to say. The silence hung in the room, interrupted only by Herrmann opening his locker and pointedly ignoring the stand-off between the two other men. Kelly waited a few seconds longer, before deciding that Otis was not yet ready to find his tongue, before storming out of the locker room without a backwards glance. 

He was met with a small choir of greetings and good to have you back, as he walked into the kitchen, and Kelly forced his frown away as he smiled and returned the welcomes smiling at the guys on squad as he took his breakfast plate over to them. They had a floater with them covering for Cruz's absence from the suspension and Kelly lost himself in the chatter as Capp started to chatter about the relief lieutenant who had covered Kelly's shifts for the previous few weeks. Kelly lost himself to the hum of his friends as he listened to Tony and Capp bantering at each other over their bacon and eggs just like they had any other shift; it was the familiarity that he needed

* * *

Kelly winced as he stepped into his office and saw the pile of paperwork waiting for him on the top of his desk. He groaned low in his throat as he saw the half-scribbled forms that were verging on being unreadable, knowing that he was going to end up spending the next week trying to fight his way through the chaos that was waiting for him. He couldn't blame the relief lieutenant for the entire pile either; Kelly had already had a pile nearly two inches high before the call that had injured Matt. His stomach twisted at the thought of having to write up that call, knowing that regardless of the help the therapist had provided in his session, he would still find himself hurting having to face the memory with the cool professionalism that the report would require. The bunk room was empty as Kelly dropped down behind his desk; the glass windows would have left him feeling like an animal being gawked at in the zoo otherwise. Squad had treated him like nothing had changed, and Kidd had hugged him, whilst Herrmann had slapped him on the shoulder as he had left the kitchen. The ambulance was still yet to return, leaving him a little longer before he was inevitably faced with the paramedics. They hadn't heard from Dawson at all in the two weeks since the incident, but Kelly had heard through the grapevine that she had taken on a whole new level of rage and aggression. 

Kelly grimaced his way through the first few sheets, frowning as he tried to read the messy scribbles which were not his own. His attention was stolen from the paperwork when his phone buzzed in his pocket; even after just a few pages he was happy for the distraction, his frown being replaced with a wide smile as he saw Matt's name on the top of his screen. His pen dropped onto the pile, unlocking his phone eagerly. 

Hey Kel, you on your own? X - M

I am, what's up? Missing you by the way. X - K

Look what's decided to make a reappearance ;) X - M

Kelly's breath caught in his chest as his phone screen was filled with the photo that Matt had sent him. He was glad that he was on his own, because he nearly choked on his own spit as he took in all the glorious details that greeted him. The photo was angled down, showing the muscles of Matt's stomach, and his hand grasping his hard cock. Kelly could see the water droplets that had been running down Matt's thighs as the photo had been taken and he could picture the blonde man jumping out of the shower in excitement when his cock had swelled to attention. Sex had been non-existent between them as Matt recovered, his body was too busy repairing itself to send blood down to his cock even first thing in the morning. This was the first time since that day that Matt had been able to get physically aroused, and Kelly was missing it. Their relationship was not built around sex, but Kelly felt his own cock growing in his trousers as he hit the icon on his screen and brought his phone up to his ear.

"Hey, did you like what you saw?"

"More than you could ever imagine, fucking gorgeous." Kelly groaned, as he glanced through the windows to make sure that he was still alone in his solitude. The outline of his cock was visible through the thin material of his work trousers, and even with the way the fabric bunched as he sat down there was no mistaking his current predicament. 

"I'm glad you called," Matt gasped down the line his breath catching over the smallest of moans that had Kelly reaching down to adjust himself. In his head he could see the image perfectly, Matt standing there, the shower still on behind him as he leisurely moved his hand up and down his cock. Kelly could hear the faint sound of skin against skin behind the soft breathes that teased him even through the phone. 

"How could I not when you sent me that beautiful picture." Kelly whispered as he shamelessly palmed himself through his trousers as he lost himself in the hum of a moan that echoed down the line. This was something so erotic to listening to the man he loved pleasuring himself, and Kelly wished he could be in the room sat watching as if it was his own personal show. He wanted to see with his own eyes Matt coming undone by his own hand, begging for Kelly to reach forwards and touch him. 

"Wanted to show you," Matt moaned throatily. 

"Want to hear you," Kelly encouraged. His cock was throbbing beneath his hand, but there was no way he could get away with popping the zipper when he was sat in his office with all the blinds up, and it would only appear strange if someone walked in and saw them all lowered. Matt's next moan came louder down the line, and Kelly couldn't wait till he got home so that he could make those sweet sounds fill the apartment. 

"I need to cum," Matt begged, his voice pitching higher as he mewled down the line. Kelly's breath hitched as he heard the need in the blonde man's voice. 

"Do it gorgeous, cum for me now, and know that I am going to make you cum so hard as soon as I get home." Kelly promised as he squeezed his hard cock through his trousers as he listened to the loud moans of his lover miles away in their apartment. Matt's words were replaced with moans, and a final gut-wrenching cry as he reached a climax which was two weeks in the waiting. He listened to the blonde man's breath echoing down the line as he came down from what Kelly could only imagine was a powerful orgasm based on the delicious sounds that graced his ears. 

"I love you," Matt whispered, and Kelly found himself shivering as if he had felt the ghost of Matt's lips against his ear. 

"I love you too, you great tease. I'm gonna probably spend the rest of the day hard as a rock." 

"Oh think of all those lucky people you rescue today." Kelly snorted at Matt's words, picture it clearly. There had been plenty of times over the years when an old pensioner had gotten a little touchy-feely with a firefighter during a rescue even if their kitchens were now smoky messes; it would probably make an old girl's day.

"It's all for you gorgeous," Kelly laughed, his gut swooping as if he was on a rollercoaster as Matt giggled down the line at his own joke. 

"I'll let you get back to work, see you tomorrow Kel. Love you."

"I love you too," Kelly smiled to himself as he ended the call, the paperwork pile suddenly feeling less daunting even if his cock was still begging for more attention than a tight squeeze. 

* * *

He knew that he wouldn't have been able to squirrel himself from the inevitable argument forever. Kelly felt lucky to have been allowed the peace that fate had allowed him as he walked back into the kitchen to claim a fresh cup of coffee; he had timed it so perfectly that if there was a god, he was sure they were laughing down at him in that moment. Kelly could feel everyone's eyes turn on him as he stood with his hand on the coffee pot, as Dawson stormed in the room her glare piercing him as soon as her gaze landed. Kelly huffed in annoyance, his hand tightening around the handle of his cup involuntarily. 

"So what you decided that you'd slept your way through the entire female population of Chicago, so you go after Matt." Dawson spat at him from across the room. Kelly's jaw tightened as he considered how much trouble he would get in if he threw his half full cup at her. He knew that this argument would have occurred at some point today, but he had hoped that it wouldn't have happened in the middle of the kitchen with the eyes of half the house on them as if they were the best entertainment.

"You don't know what you’re going on about Dawson." Kelly sighed, forcibly pushing the coffee-pot back onto the hot plate before turning away from the furious paramedic, and walking back through the meeting room door and towards the bunk room. He was planning on trying to cut back on caffeine anyway, he decided. 

"Oh really, so you're not sleeping with my fiancé." Dawson's voice carried after him, as he walked into the meeting room, the door barely swinging closed before it was pushing open once more with enough force for it to slam back against the concrete wall. Kelly didn't even pause as he continued to walk away, not willing to give her a response by turning to look back at her. He knew that not paying her attention by turning into the argument would only infuriate the woman more, and the dark part of him gleefully celebrated. 

"Your ex-fiancé, you two split up months ago, and you have been a bitch to him ever since." Kelly stated matter of factly, forcing a small bounce into his voice as if they were discussing a sports game. 

"And I wonder who gave him that idea." Dawson retorted with a sneer that finally made Kelly turn to face her. The venom in her eyes was more deadly than it had been for months, and Kelly confirmed his suspicions of just how bitter this woman was. This was more than just a spurned ex; this was someone who was refusing to accept the truth and wanting to make her ex miserable for finding happiness whilst she was still wallowing in her own self-pity. He could see the house watching trying to be discreet as they peered through the windows separating the kitchen and the meeting room, and he knew that the walls would do nothing to dampen the sound of the argument. 

"I didn't tell Matt to break up with you, that was all you." Kelly pointed out as he placed his cup down on the edge of the table, and folded his arms across his chest as he matched Dawson's glare with one of his own.

"Were you that desperate, you had to go after your best friend who was in a happy relationship and raising a child!" Dawson screeched like a banshee, her voice echoing around the room and probably through half of the firehouse. 

"He wasn't happy! You're just so fucking blind to anyone else's opinions and emotions that you could never see it." Kelly felt his own voice raising, nowhere near reaching the high-pitched screeches of the paramedics, but no longer remaining steady as his anger exploded in his chest. He couldn't stand there and listen to her claiming that Matt had been happy when he had seen the blonde man's sad eyes and seen his shoulder sink with a sigh far too often. He loved Matt, genuinely and deeply and he was not going to stand there and listen to someone spouting shit. Dawson could make claims about him all she wanted, she could call him a slut and she could call him desperate, but Kelly drew the line at her saying anything about Matt. 

"How fucking long have you been fucking around!"

"Do you know what, fine I admit it. We started before you two broke up, is that what you wanted to hear? Or how about we talk about how selfish you are, and how you only care about yourself? You go on about having a happy relationship, but you never could see all the times Matt was fucking miserable, and you say you were raising a child together? Louie spent more time with the sitter than he did with you, yet you still tried to claim custody away from the boy's actual father." Kelly felt his resolve snap, and all his anger boiled to the surface and spouted out of his mouth with his own venomous words.

"You know nothing, absolutely fucking nothing!" Dawson shouted as she clenched her fists tightly at her side as she stomped closer to him until they were just a few feet apart. 

"I know that I love him, and Matt loves me." Kelly stated, his voice returning to normal, but his glare remained unfazed as he saw the flash of hate cross the paramedic's face. He knew that he was poking at an angry bear, but he didn't care; he wanted Dawson to hear the truth. He saw her hand rear up, and he snapped forward catching her wrist as she begun to swing her hand towards his face. 

"Gabriella Dawson, my office." Both Kelly and Dawson turned towards the main entrance to the meeting room, their eyes falling on Boden standing there in the open doorway. Kelly loosened his grip on the paramedic's wrist, watching as it dropped lifelessly back to her side before she regained herself and stormed towards the chief, and out of the room. Boden stepped aside, indicating with a single look that Dawson was to go ahead of him, before turning to look back at Kelly. The silver haired man knew that it would be his turn to be grilled eventually, but he pushed the residual anger out as he returned the small nod Boden offered him before the chief followed the paramedic down the halls. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for how long this took to write! Like genuinely i didn't think it had been nearly two months since the last update.
> 
> I mean hopefully I will be updating regularly again - I have finished one coursework so I will just have my degree to focus on outside of writing. But I am also applying for a promotion in my office so no guarantee I will be less busy if I am successful. 
> 
> There is also going to be a M-preg fic I will be starting working on for these two, and I can't wait to get into that one. I probably won't properly start it until this one is finished, (not happening any-time soon don't worry) just because I'd rather have one finished story and one WIP as opposed to two WIP's which aren't getting updated regularly.
> 
> But yes, I really hope you enjoy this update which was long overdue! Let me know

**Author's Note:**

> I have not written a Matt/Kelly ever before and I am so excited to dip my toes in this just to distract some of my focus from my hockey-darlings. 
> 
> I have loved Chicago Fire since it came out years ago, but one of the things that has always bothered me about the show is that they are awful at writing female characters. They have improved over the years, but I have always disliked Gabby's characterisation. I do apologise in advance but I am going to point out all the moments of her being selfish, or shallow in this story, as it will run in aspects to the shows storyline. 
> 
> This is end-game Matt/Kelly so power through the sneaking around as these two idiots try and figure out what they want.


End file.
